It’s difficult for healthy people to fully understand what depression feels like. It’s more than feeling “down.” People with depression don’t experience normal emotions.

They blame themselves for things that aren’t their fault…or get angry for trivial reasons…or misinterpret disagreement as rejection and increasingly withdraw from normal interactions.

Important:
Don’t expect someone with depression to “snap out of it.” It is a disease. You can’t solve depressed people’s problems, but you can help them get the help they need. What to do…

Don’t take it personally.
It’s easy for your feelings to be hurt when you’re dealing with someone who is depressed. His/her communication skills may be impaired, and he will find it difficult to give the expressions of support that are normal in healthy relationships.

Remind yourself that it’s not about you.
When you are helping someone who is depressed, try to be objective and keep your emotions out of it.

Point out recent changes.
Denial is one of the main defense mechanisms of depressed people. They often don’t recognize—or choose not to recognize—that they’re depressed.
Without being judgmental, explain what you’ve noticed. Stick to the facts. Maybe he sleeps all the time or is less active than he used to be.
He might have given up activities that he used to enjoy. He probably spends more time alone—watching TV, using the Internet, etc. He might be overly sensitive or get angry easily.

You can suggest (but not insist) that the changes might be due to depression. Encourage him to get professional help.

Important:
Don’t expect that one conversation will change things. You might have to bring it up repeatedly. Also, men and women tend to react differently when people bring up their depression. Men are more likely to get angry and defensive…while women tend to feel hurt.

Explain why he needs help.
A depressed person is highly vulnerable to criticism. Try not to give the impression that you’re blaming or judging. Do help him understand that his behavior is affecting his loved ones.

Example: You might point out that some behaviors, such as a hair-trigger temper, are frightening. Simply saying, “You’re different than you used to be,” might encourage him to get help.

Encourage exercise.
Studies have shown that people with mild-to-moderate depression who exercise three or more times a week for about 30 minutes each time improve about as much as those taking antidepressants.

Those who continue to exercise are less likely to have future episodes of depression than those who rely on medications alone.

Any form of exercise is likely to be helpful, but aerobic exercise—swimming, biking, fast walking—is probably superior to other types of workouts. It increases brain levels of endorphins, the so-called “happy hormones.” It also boosts confidence.

Join him in social activities. Social isolation is one of the hallmarks of depression. But people with depression want human contact even when they’re too insecure or withdrawn to seek it out.

You can help him overcome his reluctance by introducing him to safe social settings without a lot of pressure. You could, for example, accept a dinner invitation from close friends, those with whom your loved one won’t feel as though he has to perform.

Or you could go to an art opening or other social event where you will be around other people but your loved one won’t have to engage unless he wants to.

Keep at it. Start conversations. Ask about his day. Make plans to meet for lunch or dinner. You’ll probably get a lot of rejection, but keep trying.

Important:
Being around someone with depression is draining. Allow yourself to back away when you feel that you can’t cope with it anymore. Take a break, and take care of yourself. Then, when you’re feeling strong, reach out again.

Ask about suicide. It’s an uncomfortable topic, but it is essential to talk about. Up to 15% of those with serious depression will end their lives by suicide.

If you’ve talked to your loved one about depression and he admits that it’s a problem, follow up by asking something such as, “Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself? Have you thought about suicide?”

Few people will admit to having these thoughts unless they’re asked—the majority of suicides come as a complete surprise to loved ones. People who are depressed are ashamed of having these thoughts, and they don’t want to put a burden on their loved ones.

Bringing up the subject gives him permission to talk about it. If he is having suicidal thoughts, you will know that the depression is serious and that it is urgent that he get immediate help.

Source: Richard O’Connor, PhD, a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Canaan, Connecticut, and New York City. He is former executive director of the Northwest Center for Family Service and Mental Health and author of Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You (Berkley Trade). http://www.UndoingDepression.com

It was not something that white men wanted to do or most even practiced once the law was passed. It was passed to convince the outside world that white america could be trusted by the OTW countries that the Russians were courting.

The white man never intended to really give OTW equality or the vote. Your moralizing to these women is shameful. You have not experience any deprivation unless the loss of your race’s special status as America’s Affirmative Action Beneficiaries pisses you off.

If you need a ticket to get your sermonizing ass to Palestine, I will send you there first class on the first plane smoking.

I hope you women of Palestine know that black America supports you in whatever you try to accomplish to rid yourself of your oppressors.

Robert, RT

It is the PRISON of Palestine women!

Hear that over your need to pontificate about how we should support our men and country. Nothing happens if you wait for your oppressors to find it in their hearts to set you free from their tyranny.

I do not care who sets us free. If our liberators have to walk over the bodies of every male, including our sons, in Palestine to give me one moment of freedom from fear that a male will think I have violated some honor or his and torture or kill me, I would move heaven and earth to support them.

Kill them all, If Michelle would set Madaline free to do it I would worship the ground she walks on. If she would make me a Girlz and allow me to do it, I would cut the throats of the little male beasts with pleasure.

If you are an American, I would love to have the men you so ignorantly proclaim understanding and support for to get their hands on you.

They would teach you the meaning of fear. In only a few minutes you would hate them while you whinnied and begged for them to kill you to spare the pain they would so expertly put to you.

You hypocrites can spout that “lets all get along” because you are safe thousands of miles away from the terror, fear and harm.

But you are the first to cry for vengeance, if it is you who is harmed. It is only to others you suggest the nobility of waiting.

Come to Gaza. I dare you.

Why would I care what happens to some beast that holds life and death over her person because he is a male? Son or not, he is nothing but a source of fear and dread to me.

If the jews, americans or anyone kills him, I will have one less master to fear. That would not occur to you because as your other white male country men you are so filled with your own perceptions of the world that the sufferings of others caused by your actions doesn’t occur to you.

Only a white male would give advice to a woman oppressed by a male system of government that terrorizes women to “support your sons.” How fatherly of you.

You must be a white man because only one would so easily spout that black men got the vote. Wake up you self centered privileged white boy. The black man still doesn’t have the vote.

The white man takes it back whenever he wants to. The only difference is he uses his law to make it legal.

How would you like me to lock your preaching ass up and tell you one day I will remove the dog collar from your neck or the neck of the neck generation of your kind?

You would be screaming for god to help because your kind is quick with the advice and short on tolerance for pain when it is you experiencing it.

As for supporting it. Remember your history. The black man never supported waiting for the white man to give him what was his he used his mind to take it from the inferior white boy.

We women wait only for circumstances to present itself as it did for black America so that we can grab equality. If that means aligning ourselves with the Israel or any other country that recognizes our needs, then so be it.

Dahab