If the answer to all four questions is “yes,” then assert yourself by telling the person…

Exactly what he is doing.

How it makes you feel.

What, specifically, you would like him to do differently.

Keep your voice fairly quiet and your tone neutral. Describe behavior, not motives or personal characteristics.

Example: My wife used this technique when I came home in a bad mood at the end of a tough day. Virginia was preparing dinner.

On the kitchen counter was a big stack of mail-order catalogs that she had promised to look through a few days earlier. I snapped, “What are these damn catalogs doing here?”

Virginia didn’t say a word for about 20 seconds. Then she replied calmly, “Redford, you just walked into the kitchen and said, ‘What are these damn catalogs doing here?’’

(She told me what I had done.) I came home early to make dinner, and now, I am feeling hurt, unappreciated and, frankly, angry at you. (She told me how it made her feel.) Would it be possible for you to come home at the end of the day and not have the first words out of your mouth be something critical?” (What she would like me to do.)

I turned around, walked out of the kitchen, came back in and said, “Mmm, smells good. What’s for supper?”

When I first arrived home, Virginia could have fueled an argument by snapping back, “What’s the matter with you, coming home and criticizing me?” Instead, during those 20 seconds of silence, she asked herself the four questions. Then she made a specific observation and a request for change.

If you need to respond to an angry outburst in a setting where expressing personal feelings is not appropriate — for example, at work — use a results-oriented word, such as “helpful.”

Example: “Bill, you just told me that my marketing idea for the new product is the stupidest thing you ever heard.

I need to let you know that calling my suggestion stupid isn’t helpful. If you could give me some of the reasons you think it won’t work, I’d appreciate it.”

If your answer to any of the four I AM WORTH IT questions gets a “no” — focus on controlling your reaction. Don’t say anything to the person.

Instead, if the situation isn’t important or can’t be changed, say to yourself, “Hey, it’s not that important,” or “There’s nothing I can do to change this guy.”

If requesting change isn’t appropriate or worth it, you can distract yourself by thinking about something pleasant or doing something else… or by taking a few deep breaths and thinking the word “calm” as you inhale and “down” as you exhale.

This is not the same as passively giving in. You are evaluating the situation and making a rational decision.

Personal interviewed Redford Williams, MD, director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina.

Here’s a News Flash. Can you believe that Gum’s Attorney General Office has no means to track the cost of the cases they prosecute?

It is ludicrous. That they have a blank check from the tax payers to spend without accountability. Let’s get this fixed.

Peter

You are always so concerned about the welfare of this planet. You show that the people, animal, and plants on it matter to you, every day. I read your articles and cry sometimes.

I know that you feel for the men and women we sent into harms way so I felt that I should do my part to honor them. I knew you wouldn’t mind my taking up space on your blog to do it because are committed to peace.

Maybe our presence in Afghanistan will better the lives of the women there,

Love

Connie

The data collection, to begin in October, aims to gather baseline information to develop protocols for studying oral pre-cancerous lesions and other health risks among betel nut users in Micronesia.

A co-leader of the research, Dr Yvette Paulino, from the University of Guam, says the World Health Organisation has discovered betel nut chewing can be carcenogenic.

She says the study will compare different methods of betel nut chewing to identify any patterns relating to the risk of oral cancer.

“Some of the things we want to do would be to collect information on areca nut or betel quid use among the study purchase events as well as other family members, which would also include children. So a betel nut history on them. We’ll be doing some oral screeing; we have dental staff on our team.”

Dr Yvette Paulino says the three-year project will involved 300 participants from Guam and Saipan.
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It is always best to know what the possibilities of our actions are or could be.

Hafa Adai

Anna