Unsupportive Relationship? You may be better off alone
Posted by Michelle Moquin on May 6th, 2013
Good Monday morning!
How was the weekend? I don’t know about you, but I am having a tough time this Monday morning. I am blogging in bed but all I want to do is put my computer aside and put my head back on my pillow and rack out for a bit more.
And I don’t know if this is happening to you but every time I get onto my blog, the video from 3 days ago about the 5-year old who shot his sister starts up automatically. What’s the deal? A tad bit bothersome right? If it is happening to you too, you can be rest assured I have fixed the issue. The video is out of here. Ba-bye.
Speaking of saying ba-bye…
Relationship Study Finds Link Between Depression And Unsupportive Spouses
When it comes to your mental health, it’s true that being alone is better than being in bad company, according to a new study from the University of Michigan.
Psychiatrist Dr. Alan Teo, who led the study, found that people with unsupportive or critical spouses were significantly more likely to be depressed than people who were not in a “steady, marriage-like relationship.”
“The quality of your relationships matters more than quantity when it comes to depression,” he told NPR.
Researchers surveyed 4,642 American adults between the ages of 25 and 75 in the 1990s and then again 10 years later. Participants were asked questions intended to measure their partner’s level of support, such as “How much can you rely on him or her for help if you have a serious problem?” and “How much can you open up to him or her if you need to talk about your worries?” They were also asked questions to gauge how strained their relationships were, such as ““How often does he or she criticize you?” and “How often does he or she let you down when you are counting on him or her?”
The study also examined the effects of other non-marital relationships with friends and family on depression, but found them to be less predictive than spousal relationships.
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Readers: Click on the title heading to link you to original article which shows a slideshow of 10 of the most interesting divorce-related research findings of the last year.
Without getting too personal about my last relationship, since I am obviously not anonymous in my tellings, I will at least confess to you that for me, it is better to be alone. That is all I will say.
Except I will add that I did click over to slideshow and the first thing I thought when I read it was, “Here we go again – Blame it on the woman.” I could be wrong, but I’m not sure I believe the validity of the first finding:
Divorce could be in a woman’s genes. In February 2012, Swedish scientists released a study suggesting that a specific gene may explain why some women have a hard time committing, or staying committed, should they marry.
The researchers found that women who possessed a variation of the oxytocin receptor gene known as A-allele were less likely to get married due to difficulty bonding with other people. Those with the gene who did marry were 50 percent more likely to report “marital crisis or threat of divorce.”
As far as having a hard time committing, I know quite a few single girlfriends who have been proposed to more than once, and have tuned the men down. Not because they had a difficult time bonding or making a commitment but because they didn’t want to settle. The didn’t feel that the men they were with were true partners. They enjoying the man and the relationship, but not enough to commit to the seriousness of marriage.
I also know quite a few married women who wanted out because their husbands turned out to be not who they thought they were. They felt like they were in the relationship alone – he wasn’t a team player. The word “narcissist” was not an uncommon word in the conversation. I think many women are just sick of the things many men (not all) do and won’t do, and either don’t feel their needs are met to make the commitment or are tired of not getting their needs met in the relationship and want out.
Although I don’t expect any relationship to be perfect, I know for me, the things I now look for and expect in a relationship are far different than they were 20 years ago. As far as the rest of the findings with respect to my divorce, I found some of them interesting. Very interesting.
Are you better off without your spouse? Did any of these findings apply to you in your divorce? Blog me.
Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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May 6th, 2013 at 10:28 am
This headline shows that american whites vote color, or that it is certainly true that there is nothing dumber on the planet than an american white woman.
Sanford, Colbert Busch Poll Shows South Carolina Candidates In Tight Race
May 6th, 2013 at 10:37 am
Count on SC to do the wrong thing and put goofy Sanford in. If they do, they deserve to be laughed at….
May 6th, 2013 at 11:18 am
Is That Bug Spray Worth Your Health?
by Dr. David Williams
Earth Day has become such an incredible movement over the past several decades that it’s hard not to feel motivated to make small changes in our lives that could leave a big positive impact on our planet.
Most people recycle, which is a great start. And far more people than ever are attempting to use their cars less by walking, biking, or using public transportation whenever possible.
But there’s one area that I believe more people should think about—the massive impact that pesticide use can have on the planet, not to mention our health.
Pesticides are neurotoxins that increase the risk of neurological problems in humans, including Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and ALS (better known as Lou Gehrig’s disease).
They also cause a host of acute symptoms like include chronic fatigue, insomnia, depression, brain fog, numbness, burning or tingling sensations, poor memory, muscle spasms, and migrating pains.
Organophosphates, one of the main types of pesticides out there, destroy acetylcholine. If you want to see what a case of Alzheimer’s disease or Parkinson’s disease looks like in fast motion, watch a bug after spraying it with pesticide.
These chemicals are nerve agents that irreversibly inactivate acetylcholinesterase, which is essential to the production of the acetylcholine needed for nerve function in humans, animals, and insects.
Pesticides and these other organophosphate-containing products kill by attacking the nervous system of insects—and of humans as well.
In addition, many pesticides are petroleum-based and oil soluble. When fish or animals ingest these pollutants, their bodies have no specific mechanisms for detoxifying them.
As such, these oil- or fat-soluble compounds become embedded in fatty tissues. These harmful toxins gradually move up the food chain and eventually show up in humans.
There are many natural techniques to keep insects from coming into your home, such as sprinkling cayenne pepper around the edge of the house to repel ants. Nontoxic pesticides made from natural oils like clove and orange are also available.
Neem is another option. It works as an insect repellent and pesticide.
Neem contains a compound called salannin which biting insects hate. It is more effective at repelling biting insects than the synthetic chemical DEET, which has become the main ingredient of many consumer insect repellents.
As an insecticide, concentrations of less than one-tenth of a part per million have been shown to work just as well as synthetic preparations like DDT, Malathion, Dieldrin, or Diazinon. Neem’s mode of action, however, is totally different.
Generally, neem extracts don’t instantly kill pests. The extracts contain compounds with the same shape and structure as insect hormones. The insects absorb these compounds, which block their endocrine systems and disrupt their reproductive cycle.
Even though the entire elimination process may take a week or two the end result, is more preferable. No harmful residues are left to contaminate the environment and the insects don’t develop a resistance to the insecticide.
Finally, more and more organic professional pest control companies are cropping up all over the place. If you don’t want to take organic pest control into your own hands, then I recommend calling one of these companies.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:23 am
Thanks for fixing that problem Michelle. It is a fixture of Huff post to force its readers to hear the video they feature in an article.
It really sucks and many are upset with HP for this policy. You did what is the only solution to HP’s arrogance.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:34 am
Thank God you printed this article Michelle. I have had so many of my relatives and friends imply that I am so worst off for dumping my husband of 19 years.
What they don’t get is how much happier I am now that I don’t have to pretend to respect a creep that basically took advantage of the opportunities that being married to me brought him.
He and his family, friends or relatives brought shit to our relationship. He got all his opportunities from my connections.
He made his first million from getting my friends to invest in a career that I put him into. Has he ever thanked me or mentioned how he got started. No!
When he got my father to come to his rescue after he fucked up the contracts he made with some investors. If not for my father’s legal assistance, he would be broke or in jail.
He had the nerve to contest my half of the income during the divorce. I have since told my friends to treat him as a pariah. My mother is his biggest defender. She is always implying that I will miss the creep.
Let’s see how he fairs without my connections.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:45 am
I totally agree, having been to divorce court twice. In fact, I would rather travel in a time machine and do another tour of duty in Vietnam rather than go trough the living hell of my first marriage. They should have seen my first wife to Vietnam, She wouldn’t have had that war over in a week.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:47 am
New research finds that some people are better off not having a spouse than being in a poor relationship. Duh?
May 6th, 2013 at 11:52 am
Frankly, I didn’t know how much better off I was until I got my divorce. It took about 2 weeks before I realized I was so much more happier.
It took 2 weeks because everyone around me was acting as if my world had come to an end because I my husband of 21 years had decided to ask me for a divorce.
I gave it to him instantly because I wanted it secretly for 11 years and was too afraid to ask for one.
I am so much happier, it is insane.
May 6th, 2013 at 11:56 am
This article will attract a number of single people who will espouse in postings what they perceived as the merits of being single. I wonder how many of them truly feel that way or whether their posts are merely an attempt to cover for anguish over being single? What motivates them to pontificate about the merits of being single?
May 6th, 2013 at 11:57 am
There’s being single, being a couple and being a couple who has children. Each has it’s advantages. Once a person is actually ready to not have the world solely revolve around them, then the next indicated step is to socialize with others, and acquire a mate, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get to that place.
I’ve been in relationships and after 3 or so years wanted out. Now that I’m single again I wan’t a partner, I can be happy either way, having someone is more fulfilling and more work, Loneliness is sad and empty, so I give it to God and take the pressure and the outcome out of my own hands and give it to him.
May 6th, 2013 at 5:35 pm
I’m going to echo Helen on this one: duh?! they needed research to tell you that one? Just ask anyone with half a brain.
I love how all researchers always agree that relationships ‘take work’ and the only one doing the work of the upkeep of the relationship as far as I can see is women, not always but usually. Women ask those types of relationship q’s not men in my experience.
I think research on marriage will tell you that it’s undergoing big change as are just plain old long term with a primary partner relationship, bc no one person can be all that we’ve come to ‘expect’ from our ONE partner. It’s challenging to be in a relationship more then 3+ years, Brian, bc that’s where the uncertainty that we actually thrive on (usually is the end of of infatuation, too, that’s lasts months to aprox 3 years) and the depth of ‘uh-oh it’s love, now what?’ kicks in and suddenly your either deeply ensconced in a live-in relationship or a marriage that you may or may not want. Or you find you chased that uncertain feeling simply bc that’s what felt so great, not her/him. It’s an exquisite upside down kind of hit of dopamine thing that’s going on there…
…& then suddenly the hankering for either escape or another party (to take a mini escape) comes in, (though I would suggest that one of the best ways to find out a lot about yourself is to be in a relationship) and I wish I could give you more personal details also, but we all know I’m public enough here (not going to disclose my man status detes, too : )
Luv, Zen Lill
May 6th, 2013 at 10:21 pm
Zen Lill, I checked to see if you had posted a picture. But no such luck.
When, is the question of the day.
May 7th, 2013 at 7:14 am
Julian, sorry to disappoint, though my life this past weekend included an all day and night party I forgot about, it was awesome but no time for posing…and I’m a tiny bit of a procrastinator, too : ) I’ll get to it, thanks for checking in though…ZL