Avoiding First Date Faux Pas
Posted by Michelle Moquin on April 29th, 2013
Good morning!
I went on a GNO this past Saturday night with a group of amazing women. And of course the topic of dating came up in a few conversations. With one of my girlfriends, the book - “Act like a Lady, Think Like a man,” came up - she brought it up – not me. To make a long story short, she read it, pretty much followed the advice, and is now marrying the man that she wanted to marry, and is very delighted and excited.
With the topic of dating still on my mind, I read this, this morning, and I liked it. Perhaps I should post this on a Friday as a reminder, since that is when many dates occur but it is on my radar this morning so here it is. There is nothing here that hasn’t been said before, but as I have said before, sometimes common sense isn’t so common. So perhaps a reminder is worth a blog write? These are simple, sensible, common sense tips to a first date. Not much – Just a few – Take ‘em or leave ‘em.
From the Huff Po:
Avoiding First Date Faux Pas (Part 1): What Never To Do On A First Date
If you are reading this article, it means that on some level, you are thinking about venturing back out into the world of dating after a loss, a divorce or a break up. Whether you realize it or not, this is a huge step forward and unfortunately, not enough people (possibly including you) recognize this as one of the “big moments” that it really is. You need to be very proud of yourself.
However, returning to dating (especially if you have been out of the “field” for awhile) carries with it a potential minefield of pitfalls that you will want to make sure to avoid. The following are common faux pas, blunders and missteps that many make and that you will want to steer clear of, particularly when you are in the early stages of dating someone new:
Don’t dress overly provocatively on the first date. I personally love to push fashion envelopes and take every opportunity to do so, but only at the appropriate time — and when I was dating, that “appropriate time” would not be on the very first date. When choosing that super-important outfit for a first date, ask yourself,“What kind of message do I want to send?” Wearing something cute and on-trend that shows you off in a flattering way will get you sincere compliments; wearing something that reveals too much can get you into a sincere wrestling match. In other words, don’t work the sexy too soon.
Guys, I am going to share a secret with you: Women truly appreciate a man who knows how to dress. It shows that you care about what she thinks and that you care about the impression that you want to make. I realize that many of you prefer to be casual, but you do not want to be too casual. Now, you obviously do not have to wear a suit to a coffee date at the beach, but nice jeans and a shirt on a movie date will be appreciated far more than shorts and flip-flops. Consider the venue that you are going to and use your good judgment — we really are paying attention.
Don’t go anywhere too “romantic”: Restaurants lit only by candlelight, servers in tuxedos and strolling violinists are great — for the tenth date. For a first date? That is way too much pressure on both you and your wallets. Keep the first date “light” — a coffee date, a lunch date or a casual dinner are all great ideas.
Don’t talk about yourself too much: There should be a comfortable conversation going on and conversing takes two people. If you feel like you are talking too much, your date likely feels the same way. Segue by saying, “That’s enough about me, let’s talk more about you…” and then follow with a question about them.
Don’t over-imbibe: Aside from obvious drinking-and-driving concerns, too much alcohol lowers inhibitions and pretty much eliminates common sense. You don’t want to say — or do — something that you will regret the following day. Limit yourself to two cocktails and then switch to non-alcoholic drinks.
No matter how attracted you are to someone; no matter how great the date is going or how beautifully you are getting along — do not have sex on the first date. Moreover, if someone is trying to pressure you into a sexual situation after knowing you all of two hours…run out the door (and think twice before ever going out with them again!). The only thing that a wonderful first date should lead to is a second date…not breakfast in bed the following morning.
Be sure to check back next week for “Avoiding First Date Faux Pas Part 2: What Never to Talk About on a First Date”.
*******
Thoughts? Blog me.
Happy Monday. I HOPE this is the beginning of a great week for all of you!
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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April 29th, 2013 at 9:08 am
Hi Misch,
I’m sure I don’t know your friend though if a remarriage is what she was looking for, more power to her and congrats. I’m leery of this above stated book (although the first date faux pas would seem to be common sense so if someone needs to read Steve Harvey’s book to understand that, it’s cool, and I’m not being facetious or judgmental) and/or books like ‘the rules’ and etc…bc it feels like a an end game run (marriage) and I’m on a different path, not big into marriage but am big into creating a cool connection that takes both parties where they want to go for however long that it’s mutually life enhancing (and this can be done well without a piece of legal paper), the altar, legal and religious, feel very contrived (to me : ) and I’m not sure I want to ever commit to living out the rest of my life with any one person, have I lost the belief in the ‘one’ – I guess, yes, bc the truth is there are many ‘the ones’ out there, it’s a matter of timing and mutual interest in whatever that end game you both want is…maybe I’ll change my mind but that’d be one rare male.
Luv, Zen Lill
April 29th, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Great advice Zen Lill.
April 29th, 2013 at 3:59 pm
Good advice to a woman not to dress overly provocative on a first date. It makes me feel awkward when I date a woman for the first time and she leaves very little to my imagination clothes wise.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:02 pm
Oh, my god! I love that one about men who dress too casual. I can’t stand men who pick me up looking like he was on his way to a game with the guys.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:02 pm
Ditto Zen Lill. nicely said.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
True, True, True, the biggest mistake I ever made was to fuck my husband on our first date.
We have been divorced for about 6 years. We have become friends again. He took me out and tried to fuck me I said no.
Three days later when we were talking, he said he had a respect for me he never had during our marriage. He said he was disappointed about not getting laid but he was so proud that I had become a much more decent woman.
I didn’t say anything because I am the mother of three of his children and I didn’t want to upset our friendship.
But when I told my sister, she smiled and say “See!” I said see what? She said a man thinks that if you fucked him on the first date that’s the kind of standard you have. You would fuck anyone.
After she left, I thought about it. And no matter what I choose to appease myself with, I have no answer as to why I would go to bed with a person I knew so little about.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:16 pm
Thank you Michelle, for this article. I had an argument with my sister about sleeping with men she met on a first date. She said she wanted to know if he was worth continuing the date him so she checked out his bedroom skills right away.
I asked her if she would recommend that her daughters went to bed on the first date. She was appalled. She said before she could catch herself, “my daughters are not sluts.”
I walked out of the room.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:17 pm
The women who let me fuck them on a first date. I know are either stupid or sluts.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:21 pm
My wife allowed me to fuck her on our first date. I almost didn’t marry her because of that. But she was so hot and she made way more money than I did at the time.
Later when that thing evened up, I discovered a woman that made me wait 8 months before she would sleep with me. I didn’t divorce my wife because she is a killer lawyer and would fleece me. So my mistress eventually left me because she knew I would not leave my wife.
But to this day I can’t see my wife on the same plain with her. She was a lady. My wife is okay, but I have never felt special being her choice. They way I see it is my dick charmed her, but hey, she was not all that selective.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:22 pm
I would never trust a woman who fucked me on the first date. C’on who would. At best she is not that selective. At worst she is a slut.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:24 pm
I have had many women fuck me on the first date. None I would take home to Mom. I mean what would you say later on.
There is no mystery if the slut fucks you on the first date. I mean if the woman gives you access to her body on the first date what does she hold sacred?
April 29th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
Whores will be whores. They all have a reason as to why they will fuck a guy they meet for the first time and probably only to fuck them.
I mean think about it ladies if a man tries to fuck you on the first date that is because that is what he does or he sees in you an easy lay.
Otherwise he would be respectful. There are no other alternatives.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
Contrary to the belief of women most men will not attempt to fuck a woman on the first date unless she is intoxicated or she looks or acts cheap.
That’s right cheap. Fucking a man on a first date makes him think you are cheap. That is it. Sure you may say he is cheap too because he fucked you. But to a man if he can get a cheap release from some good looking slut all the better.
But that still makes you the one who fucked him easily. You couldn’t possibly be thinking that he thinks you are something special. He is not rating himself cheap.
You are the whore that put out. Sure he may get to know you better and he may even marry you, but in the back of his mind is the fact if not for luck that night you would have met someone else and fuck him.
BECAUSE you are not selective, you are easy, you are a slut.
April 29th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
#9. Ditto fanned and fav.
April 29th, 2013 at 6:52 pm
I’m amazed at how many of you even thought about or did fuck on a first date, holy shit : )
I don’t care how well I’ve ever gotten along with anyone, it’s not even come up – Pun fully intended!!
Of course, there’s been a few massive make out sessions, but good kissing is one thing, fucking is sharing bodily fluids, condoms or no condoms, you just don’t.know.him.at.all…
(the only peeps I know who have done this drank too much…so 2 drink rule is probably a good one if you’re known for heavy drinking, which is a whole ‘nother subject altogether, there’s no need for much more alcohol for me, 2′s great and about it!)
Great stories though, really appreciate the sharing here, no judging, just amazing stuff…!
Luv, Zen Lill
April 29th, 2013 at 9:00 pm
Zen Lill, I would never expect you to be a woman who would allow a man to bed you on the first date. It takes a dimwit to spread her legs that easily. And you are no dimwit.
April 29th, 2013 at 10:33 pm
Hey, just caught the comments from the other day, and while jealousy and trust issues (forgetting names/#’s sorry) was thrown in there I only wrote that bc I know a few men and women who seriously think every move their partner makes is suspect, that’s a horrible way to live, otherwise I stand by my prior statement. ‘If you think they’re cheating it’s likely they are’ – so, do it at your own risk.
RE: SA, you can twist my words anyway you like and I already said that if SA wanted to remain uncivilized (wasn’t derogatory, I meant commerce ready, thriving financially or just progressing in a manner they regard as appropriate, no matter who is at the helm) and I meant that as prior to white boys showing up on the shores, it is a major hub area, you cannot ignore that, and so it was bound to be territory someone would want to glom onto (wasn’t purporting taht that was okay either merely a reality, form a strategic maneuvering trade stand point, don’t get so caught up in being right about whites – you are – that you don’t see obvious strategies for stronghold positions in this world, that’d be ignoring the lay of the land and shipping routes, etc…things that make the world go round. If not the Brits and Dutch I’m sure some other white culture would’ve moved in on it, not saying any of that is right. You can argue human nature (or really 3 above chimp life) if you like…and short of killing every white man and starting over, hmm…
Listen,
If you don’t want to address the questions of – now that it has been arranged to get the territory back in Zulu rule, what’s your best suggestion about how it could prosper and be worthy for the rightful owners of the land, then don’t. I never said it was right or made sense…so, again, if you don’t want to address the question, it’s cool. I posted the link and googled most of the content and it reflects accurately in the financial aspects regardless of what the jobs were and are (slavery as it is still exists in many places and whether I indulge in having a domestic servant or not is irrelevant to the economy the people who are doing those jobs are from, I’m not responsible for a countries economy but I could employ a person from a certain country and they would make money, is that enslavement, maybe but better than no job to the person, I think…women from the Philipines looked at me soulfully hoping to be picked as my maid in Singapore, did I oppress her or liberate that one ‘her,’ I say: I did neither, it was circumstance of economy, if US had a bad economy it might’ve been me desperate for that domestic job…none of it is right, it still is what it is though), and back to SA – the rape is out of control there, everyone knows that…
…and if me asking and being white is an issue for you, then don’t bother either, maybe I don’t like why the facts are as they are either. Though how about discussing things like: dysfunctional farms – that’s true, maybe Zulu’s never wanted farming, okay but that doesn’t mean that those farms weren’t thriving before with brit/dutch farmer and now they are not. You can make that about being white but it was just a question, why didn’t they work the farms if they went and snagged their lands back? It’s just a q…
And really making comparisons about men raping women to show them more sexually, really…c’mon now…you all can do better than that. I thought I’d get intelligent discourse on how things could’ve gone had they always had and maintained rule, or why it didn’t work after asshole white males did what they did. Instead I hear about definitions of civilized as who taught who ass wiping? Please…
NO need for more responses unless they are on topic about what did the zulus want before they were overrun by whites and what do they want now that they have the helm again, if it is thriving despite the link posting ‘facts’ please fill me in…I love how your loved here until you say one thing that gets all kinds of odd comparisons, and then it’s Zen Lill, wtf? Well, sorry but now it’s my turn, wtf? Ass wiping, deciding how I defined ‘civilized’ and all that other unrelated poop…really, wtf…
- ZL
April 29th, 2013 at 10:34 pm
Jerry, thank you, no no dimwit here regardless of commentary from yesterday re: SA : ) – ZL
April 30th, 2013 at 6:37 am
Zen Lill just a clue. A slave is not a “domestic servant,” a slave is a slave. White people forcing their way into South Africa then forcing segregation upon the true inhabitants and degradations of immeasurable degrees upon those people removes any claims they may have to developing economic advancements in that country.
April 30th, 2013 at 6:49 am
Try understanding this Zen Lill. If I invade your home and property take it over and make min so I can use it to its most profitable advantage because you didn’t see the possibility, will you and your family be okay with that.
If so I would like to come out and see if there are some economic uses you have failed to see. If you find this unacceptable, then shut the fuck up about excusing just that same thing by those white exploiters of South Africans.
That would include any others who might have seen the same “opportunity.” Don’t you get it. What you are talking about is THEFT. The conversion of another’s property without the permission of the owner is theft.
Only the thief would argue, he saw an unused economic opportunity. If I steal your iphone and use it better than you do, that is THEFT.
You won’t give a shit that I am putting it to a better economic use. Are you Blond?
April 30th, 2013 at 7:02 am
Michelle, Some people are so dumb. I was talking to a person the yesterday about this discussion of Zen Lill and her failure to understand that taking someone else’s country can not be justified by claiming they saw a great economic opportunity to use the resources of that country.
When I mentioned it was South Africa, the person said they didn’t know that there were any blacks in South Africa they thought it was a white country because Charlize Theron is from there.
I think my jaw dropped. I was about to comment, when it occurred to me that perhaps that was Zen Lill’s initial thought.
I’m white, but I am beginning to understand Alycedale’s anger. I don’t condone her solution to what my race did to hers in South Africa, but I can see the point.
Whites born in South Africa don’t deserve the right to call themselves South Africans. They are not. They are merely the spawn of criminals. If they were born to parents in prison, it wouldn’t make the members of the prison staff. So why should they be considered citizens of South Africa.
Children born in prison are the children of the relatives of the prisoner and are sent to them. So should whites born to the criminals that took over and terrorized the citizens of South Africa.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:05 am
I am a feminist, but to me a woman that shares her body with a man on a first date is an idiot or someone who feels she has nothing else to offer to win a man or woman.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:06 am
I have had my share of sluts that fucked me on the first date. It never fails to amaze me how many of them got upset when I dumped them for respectable women.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:13 am
This is a great topic Michelle. I was married to a woman who I slept with on our first date. I never thought too much about it then. We have been divorced for about 4 years.
I got back into the dating game. I had no experience because for the 10 years of my marriage I was totally faithful to her.
It was a pleasant surprise to discover that decent or thoughtful women won’t do that. I was told by one of them when I confessed that my wife who I caught in bed with my cousin had slept with me on our first date, that I should have suspected that if a woman would sleep with me on the first date she would never have the values needed to say no to sexual opportunities presented to her during a marriage.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:15 am
I slept with my husband on our first date. Frankly, it never occurred to me that it was wrong to do that. We have been married for 23 years. I have never cheated on him.
Sometimes it was just a mistake. People don’t be so harsh or judgmental.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:17 am
Ditto Troy. I had the same experience. I caught my wife in our bed with her boss.
Once a slut aways a slut.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:25 am
I agree with you Kelly. It turns my stomach whenever I hear some white person say they are South African. I mean when we took Guam back from the Japanese after they held it for four years, we didn’t allow any Japanese children born on the island to remain as citizens.
Those whites and their children should have been expelled from South Africa.
Only we white colonists(nice white word for exploiting thieves, murders, rapists and terrorist who happen to be white) get to leave our heirs as owners of property we have stolen from the inhabitants of those countries.
Great scam if you can get it. I mean you get to leave a healthy legacy of your criminal behavior and it proves that crime pays. Now your heirs get to use the economic power you left them to continue the exploitation of the legal inhabitants of the country.
I guess it is okay because the Zen Lills of the planet see it as benefiting from an economic opportunity that the legal occupants didn’t see.
Yeah, she’s a blond.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:28 am
I’m sorry Gwen, but you are truly the exception. A woman who fucks a man on the first date is a slut.
One should not expect her to change her sexual habits. Any man who foolishly marries such a harlot, shouldn’t be surprised when she fools around.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:29 am
This time I have to agree with the men. A woman with such loose morals, will probably not change because a man puts a ring on her finger.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:35 am
My sister did that with her husband. She said that she was modern and not beholden to the Greek standards for a woman’s behavior.
That was her stand 7 years ago when she married a very good man. She constantly complains that he doesn’t trust her. I showed her this dialogue and she has been crying ever since.
She says she hopes he doesn’t feel this way about her. I told her that her devotion to him, their marriage and their children probably has lessened any bad feelings he may have.
But I don’t see why she felt he wouldn’t have cause to suspect her. I mean what decent woman would allow a man she just met to be that familiar with her on a first date?
April 30th, 2013 at 7:41 am
When my brother told me that the girl he planned to marry had fucked him after he met her at a bar, I told him to forget it.
He countered that they had been dating now for 4 years and he loved her. I told him she was a woman who had demonstrated loose morals. He hit me and didn’t invite me to the wedding.
Nine years of marriage later, they had 4 children, only one proved to be his after a DNA check. During the divorce he had to give her 31 million dollars and the children still are listed as his.
He has apologized to me so many times. Once a slut always a slut.
April 30th, 2013 at 7:49 am
The power whites hold in the world entitles whites in south africa to lay claims to the stuff their relatives stole from my people.
If we could have killed them, we would have Alycedale. But Mandela knew that whites in power the world over would have descended on our poor country and attacked us. We would have been isolated from the world community as Cuba has been.
Many in my country have the sentiments you have. We are forced to accept the bacteria of the infection of our country as a conscience of a disease we did not deserve.
April 30th, 2013 at 8:03 am
No one is claiming you are a complete Dimwit Zen Lill, but on this topic concerning you seeing economic opportunity for white people to take advantage of on property that doesn’t belong to them, you are most certainly a dimwit.
I live in Atlanta Georgia. I have a a lot of property. It may not be being put to its most profitable economic use, but I’ll shoot any asshole who thinks he can come on my property, take control of it, and put it to some better economic use.
Did you give a thought to what you were accepting as okay by those articles? Haven’t you learnt anything from the Robert,RT and Anonz’s on this blog?
Check the motives of those who purport to offer claims or excuses to atone for the criminal behavior of others.
This was a report by whites to justify the usurping of the property rights of South Africans by whites. Duh?
Need I say that Africa is a black continent. Even the arabs and jew from the continent are non as semites. That means they are semi(half)black and something else, be it white or asian.
April 30th, 2013 at 8:07 am
Thank you Michelle for proving you are fair. This article has given us men an opportunity to express our side.
Women who demonstrate such loose moral values should not be surprised when men don’t treat them like ladies.
Nor should they expect to be treated equally to women who have demonstrated to have better values or commonsense.