Monday Madness
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 17th, 2013
Good morning!
First of all, my apologies to all the fathers out there for not wishing you a happy father’s day yesterday. My father is out of the country so of course I didn’t celebrate him yesterday. The day began to slipped by like any other Sunday, until I got a call from my cousin who flew up from LA to be with his father, my fave uncle, inviting me to meet them for a walk in the Redwoods. Aha! Yes, it is Father’s Day! It was delightful. I HOPE those of you that celebrated with your father had a delightful day as well!
Once again the victim, a woman, is blamed for something a man has done. Here’s the write from ThinkProgress:
California Teacher Fired For Being A Victim Of Domestic Abuse
California teacher Carie Charlesworth was fired for the “crime” of being a victim of domestic violence, according to letters obtained by NBC San Diego.
The firing was prompted by Charlesworth’s abusive ex-husband Martin Charlesworth, who invaded the Holy Trinity School parking lot after a weekend where Carie had called the police on him three times, sending the school into lockdown.
Martin was sent to prison, but Carie herself was also punished. On April 11th, the school sent a letter to her informing her of her dismissal. The grounds? Her husband was dangerous:
We know from the most recent incident involving you and Mrs. Wright (the principal) while you were still physically at Holy Trinity School, that the temporary restraining order in effect were not a deterrent to him. Although we understand he is current incarcerated, we have no way of knowing how long or short a time he will actually serve and we understand from court files that he may be released as early as next fall. In the interest of the safety of the students, faculty and parents at Holy Trinity School, we simply cannot allow you to return to work there, or, unfortunately, at any other school in the Diocese.
Charlesworth cited the decision as an example of the pervasive stigma domestic violence victims face on top of the abuse itself. “That’s why women of domestic violence don’t come forward,” she told NBC. “They’re afraid of the way people are going to see them, view them, perceive them, treat them.”
Though a recent federal study of gendered violence found that over a third of American women experience intimate partner violence over the course of their lives, the fear Charlesworth describes deters reporting of these crimes with depressing frequency. According to one survey of the relevant data, “because of the stigma associated with intimate partner violence, the fact that it is an illegal activity, and the very real fear of potential retribution from a violent partner, respondents perpetrating or being victimized are less likely to answer questions about intimate partner violence than those who are not.” What goes for answering survey questions goes double for reporting a crime.
Victims can even face legal consequences for calling the police. If a victim generates enough nuisance citations (as defined by the local nuisance ordinance), calling in the ostensibly-protective authorities will often lead to the victim’s eviction. A study of one such ordinance in Milwaukee found that roughly a third of nuisance citations were responses to domestic violence incidents, and the most common landlord remedy was to evict the battered woman.
Charlesworth is planning to challenge her dismissal in court, but the school appears to have the upper legal hand as a consequence of a broadly worded religious exemption.
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Readers: Because of the man, the woman potentially loses all around. The woman has been abused. She divorces him and gets a retraining order to protect herself. She is the victim. And yet, she loses her job because her ex-husband won’t stop harassing her, even though he is now in jail. Will she ever be rid of this man and live a happy normal life with her children, without her ex-husband affecting her life in some way, when her ex is out?
He has ruined her life. Her 4 children are affected by his bad behavior. His actions have gotten her fired from her job, and she has no idea how she is going to care for her children. Who knows what else may happen when he gets out of jail soon and seeks her out again.
Why isn’t more being done to the man to protect the woman? Obviously a restraining order isn’t enough, and doesn’t really work. We have enough evidence that shows that men don’t pay any attention to restraining orders. There obviously needs to be laws put into place that makes it more difficult for men – like he needs to be dropped off to live two states away - something.
How it is now is not working. The man should be inconvenienced. A mother and her children, the victims, should not be the ones who suffer from any more pain or inconvenience to their lives from his abusive actions. The mother and children should be able to live a normal life without fear.
This man is like a disease that has no cure. And she, the victim gets blamed and she and her children suffer the consequences. In my opinion, she would have been better of if she had killed him in self-defense when he was abusing her. Listen to Robert, RT – Get a gun ladies, and level the playing field or you may suffer at the hands of your ex for many years to come, if you even make it away from him alive.
Sound harsh or extreme? What can I say, I read too many horrific stories where the ending is too tragic.
Thoughts? Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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June 17th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
Just who did that protect? From now on women won’t tell anyone in a catholic school that they are being stalked to keep their jobs. So will that stop the stalker? No, it will only prevent the school from being prepared.
June 17th, 2013 at 1:02 pm
The romp rustlers should know a bit about stalking.
June 17th, 2013 at 9:47 pm
Well, that’s an ugly situation…for her, and her coworkers were at risk of his lunacy also, and so she should get herself an attorney and make them pay her for the privilege of forcing her to live in exile. I would think that Gloria Allred would already be reaching out to her on this one.
Luv, Zen Lill
PS you could shoot your man, Misch, but you had better make it look very ‘self defense’ (and make sure he’s dead in one shot) otherwise your kids are off to social services/foster care and that’s exactly why many women don’t just shoot the man. It sounds simple in theory, but life is always much more complex than ‘ladies, get a gun and know how to use it’ bc…if you’re going to carry you better be prepared to use, and many people simply cannot shoot another under any circumstances. I know how to shoot and I say that bc I know when push comes to shove, and ‘it’s hasta la vista!’ time, you have to be calm and collected for the shot to be good, being freaked out and wielding a gun doesn’t work so swell…and if you miss, or screw up that shot, heaven help you bc the system won’t…
September 22nd, 2014 at 8:24 am
Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images on this blog loading?
I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or
if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.