What Is A Woman’s “Deepest Hope…Greatest Fear?”
Posted by Michelle Moquin on August 17th, 2013
Good morning!
Happy Saturday Everyone!! I HOPE it is a beautiful day wherever you are.
Sometimes on Saturdays I post something wonderful about women and what they’re doing in this world to bring about good change. This is a write that I found on Think Progress which isn’t in that vein. However, the write is about congressman Tom Cotton. Is he promoting women? Oh, yes he is…in his own way. He somehow thinks that “A woman’s hope in life, is being a good wife and mother.” He claims that he has been asking women two questions and that is the answer to one of them.
Here’s the write, and it gets even better:
Congressman Tom Cotton in 1997: A Woman’s ‘Deepest Hope In Life’ Is ‘Being a Good Wife And Mother’
A woman’s “greatest fear in life” is losing a man’s support, and they desire nothing more than to marry “a man who worships me and whom I worship.” At least, that’s what Rep. Tom Cotton (R-AR) said in 1997 in a column published by the Harvard Crimson:
I have been asking women two questions. My first question was “What is your greatest fear in life?” Uniformity characterized the responses. (Yes, these are actual responses from Cliffies; I did not fabricate them.) “Watching my husband walk out on me.” “Losing my lover.” “Getting a divorce.”
My second question was very similar: “What is your deepest hope in life?” Again, the responses were uniform. “Finding and holding onto the love of my life.” “Being a good wife and mother.” “Marrying a man who worships me and whom I worship.”
Really?
My sample is admittedly small and perhaps unrepresentative. If it is representative-I tend to think it is-then maybe men can unlock the secret to a woman’s heart and soul.
“Cliffies” in this context refers to Radcliffe College, an elite women’s college that began to merge with Harvard in the 1960s. So Cotton is claiming that women at one of the the most famous and selective universities in the world live in terror of someday finding themselves without a man.
The remainder of his column envisions a struggle between Christian right groups like the Promise Keepers, a men’s organization that rose to prominence in the 1990s, and “feminists,” who he criticizes for wanting the right to seek a divorce. As an alternative to this scourge of couples who have the legal right to end unhappy marriages, Cotton points to so-called “covenant marriage.”
Covenant marriage is an arrangement, originally proposed by former Louisiana state Rep. Tony Perkins (R), that allows couples to effectively sign away their right to a no-fault divorce. Couples who sign up for this relationship, Cotton explains, “can divorce only with fault, defined as abandonment, physical abuse, adultery or conviction of a capital crime.” So a couple that is merely miserable together must remain married. Forever.
In the sixteen years since Cotton wrote his column, covenant marriage hasn’t exactly taken off. Just three states, Louisiana, Arkansas and Arizona, have some form of covenant marriage law. In Perkins’ home state of Louisiana, fewer than 5 percent of couples opt for a covenant marriage. (Perkins now leads the Family Research Council, a conservative advocacy group which believes that gay people harm “society at large” and that unmarried people should be punished if they have sex.)
Yet, despite covenant marriage’s failure to thrive, Cotton viewed such efforts to force couples to remain together as America’s great hope. “Few men,” he wrote in 1997, see the danger presented by divorce — and “women are quite lucky to hook” one of these men. Ultimately, Cotton concluded, women must “defend these men against feminism.”
*******
Readers: Ok – Well, I think that being a “good wife and mother” is a good thing. I mean who wants to be a “bad wife or mother?” But is it a woman’s “deepest hope in life?” Perhaps for some and no judgement if it is for any of you women out there. But I wouldn’t say for all. I mean, look at me, I decided not to have children, So it is certainly not my “deepest hope.”
However, I was married and while I was married, I did want to be a good wife, in whatever the definition of “being a good wife” meant to me and my husband at the time - but was it my “deepest hope” to be a good wife? My deepest desire? No, not for me. Again, no judgement, if it is or was your “deepest hope.” I just don’t think that we can make such a blanket statement about a woman as Cotton has.
And, like the writer of this write, I question too Cotton’s “research” claiming “…that women at one of the the most famous and selective universities in the world live in terror of someday finding themselves without a man.” I don’t buy it.
Oh…I am out of time. There is plenty more to say here so I will leave it up to you. Thoughts? Blog me.
Peace & Love…
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
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michelle
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August 17th, 2013 at 11:26 am
I can’t stop laughing long enough to comment on this. Of course I like to do whatever I do to the best of my ability. I think his whole rap is a mans oversimplification view of a complex set of ‘wishes’ and ‘deepest hopes’ luv, Zen Lill
August 17th, 2013 at 12:00 pm
There are plenty of people who want children but these questions seem off, skewed to match what R’s want to push on their agenda of female psychological neediness…it works so well fr the male ego need. They really need a new set of questions these are old school caca. -ZL
August 19th, 2013 at 6:54 am
Must be nice Zen Lill to be able to get in whenever you like Zen Lill. I don’t know if this will make it but I’ve been trying to get in all day.
August 19th, 2013 at 6:55 am
I agree with you Zen Lill. They do need a whole new set of questions.
August 19th, 2013 at 6:56 am
My deepest hope is for assholes like that to get voted out of office.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:00 am
In the sixteen years since Cotton wrote his column, covenant marriage hasn’t exactly taken off. Just three states, Louisiana, Arkansas and Arizona, have some form of covenant marriage law. In Perkins’ home state of Louisiana, fewer than 5 percent of couples opt for a covenant marriage.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:01 am
Being a mother has never been on my list of high hopes and “losing” a man doesn’t register as a fear factor for me and other of confident, accomplished women.
It seems this man is only comfortable with women who are needy, dependent, and lacking.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:02 am
He didn’t ask me or any of my female friends!
His statement just makes me sick.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:03 am
Essentially we know that there are idiots out there that think they know all there is to know about a woman based on a survey of a small, select group of young women in a posh college 16 years ago.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:04 am
Personally I would think that the fact that there are fewer men, the lesbian community will take a large degree of stress off that issue. Then there are those women that really don’t choose to marry, who are happy and fulfilled with a satisfying career and simply don’t want to lose the ability of making their own decisions by tying themselves into a marriage with children.
Then there are those like me that have been married and are marital amputees that just don’t need another bad marriage to screw up what life we have left (I know a couple of those).
Young women, 16 years ago were still thinking like romantic young women. For a real picture, let’s try the women over 30. There just may be a significant change in the fears and hopes.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:06 am
Who are the idiots that believe this idiot? So Cotton is claiming that women at one of the the most famous and selective universities in the world live in terror of someday finding themselves without a man.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:08 am
My sample is admittedly small and perhaps unrepresentative. If it is representative-I tend to think it is-then maybe men can unlock the secret to a woman’s heart and soul.
“Cliffies” in this context refers to Radcliffe College, an elite women’s college thatbegan to merge with Harvard in the 1960s.
August 19th, 2013 at 7:11 am
Perkins#6, are you aware that Perkins now leads the Family Research Council, a conservative advocacy group which believes that gay people harm “society at large” and that unmarried people should be punished if they have sex.)
This is another fucked up group of tiny dicks that want to force women into a situation that makes it easy for inadequate men like them to prey on.