Sunday Rap
Posted by Michelle Moquin on January 19th, 2014
Good morning!
Well, I had it in my calendar to wish FLOTUS, Michelle Obama, a very Happy 50th Birthday, but with all that has been going on with my blog, I got a bit sidetracked and forgot to mention it here this past Friday. However, considering it is her birthday weekend, and no doubt the partying is still going on strong, it is never too late to send good wishes to our fave first lady! Happy Birthday Michelle!! No doubt our beloved president is making your 50th memorable!
Lois: :) When I first heard this, I thought this girl is right on.
Brittany: My pleasure. Thanks so much for your suggestion that I print the text from Fabello’s video. I love the written word because it allow me to pause and ponder at points that I want to think about more deeply.
So for those of you who enjoy that too, here are “the words.”
Video Blog: Party Girl Pop – Empowerment Or Sexism?
[TEXT: Melissa A. Fabello; Philadelphia, PA, USA] So, after my three-part mini-series on the relationship between men and the media – which, by the way, was super successful (thanks, Upworthy!) – I’d like to come back to talking about the media’s influence on women with a vengeance by discussing the girliest contemporary trend in popular music right now. And no, I’m not talking about really adorable, simple lyrics thrown against ridiculously catchy melodies [TEXT: See: Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” and Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together”]. I’m talking about party girl pop music — the anthems to pre-gaming and morning regret – and more specifically, analyzing the façades of empowerment and liberation that they put forth and whether or not they’re legitimate — or just sexism presented in a different package.
[GRAPHICS. Melissa for Miss Representation. Party Girl Pop Music: Empowerment or Sexism?]
Disclaimer: I am not opposed to the listening to and enjoyment of vapid pop music. It’s entertaining. That’s what it’s supposed to be. Anything that makes me want to sing and dance in the car (to the amusement of the other people waiting at the stop light) is, in my opinion, awesome music. I love the stuff. I own Ke$ha underwear, for God’s sake. What I am opposed to is not using your all-powerful critical thinking skills to analyze what you’re enjoying and what effect it might have on society, as well as what effect society might have on the music industry.
[GRAPHICS. Media Literacy: What It Is – And What It Isn’t]
Let’s review. “Media literacy” is not a scary concept. Contrary to the beliefs of some of my beloved YouTube video commenters – [black and white] “You are a socialist, Marxist drone, and feminism is ruining everyone’s lives” – media literacy isn’t about telling people that what they’re consuming sucks and that they need to be more intellectual in their choices. And it’s not about banning and outlawing any- and everything that upholds patriarchal ideals. Media literacy advocates – like myself! – are not trying to create a warped, feminist version of Fahrenheit 451 – censorship, what!? – but instead, are trying to educate the masses about what it means to think about what you’re consuming. [TEXT: Media literacy is a repertoire of competences that enable people to analyze, evaluate, and create messages in a wide variety of media modes, genres, and forms (Media Literacy).] Think of media literacy as reading nutritional information on a box of packaged food. When you see things like “high fructose corn syrup” and “[word that can’t be pronounced],” you – as an educated individual – know that putting that product into your body is probably not the best idea, that there are better, more nourishing choices out there. But hey. If you know it and want to eat it anyway, more power to you! The important thing is looking, understanding, and making informed decisions. Similarly, when you consume your media diet, you should ask yourself: “What is the content of this product? Is it really selling what it’s advertising? Who made this? And why do they want me to consume it?” Then, proceed accordingly. [eating] Mmm. Delicious.
[GRAPHICS. A Lesson in Faux Empowerment]
In her 2005 book Female Chauvinist Pigs, Ariel Levy writes that “women’s liberation and empowerment are terms feminists started using to talk about casting off the limitations imposed upon women and demanding equality” and suggests that we have since “perverted these words” by applying them to contexts that are undeserving of them (p. 44). That is, because we (as a society) believe on a whole that women have gained equality with men, we’ve started calling things “empowering” when really, they’re actually very limiting. But because we’ve been conditioned to think of them in terms of liberation, rather than sexism, we’re unlikely to analyze them. A simple way to exemplify this is to look at strippers. Many of them (as well as other women in the adult entertainment industry) claim that what they’re doing gives them a sense of empowerment. Now, I’m not saying that they’re wrong or that I whole-heartedly disagree with them. But the question to ask is: Are they really being empowered if they’re subscribing to what’s still a patriarchal ideal, a new-and-not-so-much-improved script for what a woman should be? There is no right or wrong answer here. It’s just something to think about.
Take, for instance, The Spice Girls. In her 2010 book Enlightened Sexism, Douglas discusses a cultural phenomenon (which she dubs “enlightened sexism”) which The Spice Girls (and, God, I love The Spice Girls) manifest: “feminist in its outward appearance (of course you can be or do anything you want), but sexist in its intent (hold on, girls, only up to a certain point, and not in any way that discomforts men or pushes feminist goals one more centimeter forward)” (p. 10). Outwardly, The Spice Girls were all about “girl power,” spreading the idea that women could be anything that they want to be – sporty, posh, scary? – and kick ass doing it. But what my twelve-year-old self didn’t take into consideration was that The Spice Girls were, in and of themselves, caricatures of themselves, each of them representing a “type” of woman, falling into stereotypes themselves. And they did everything in short skirts and hot pants. Not that short skirts and hot pants can’t be feminist, but—[eyebrow]. “Thus, enlightened sexism takes the gains of the women’s movement as a given,” with the media suggesting to and convincing us that internalized misogyny [TEXT: “Internalized misogyny” is defined as misogynistic behavior committed by women (internalized misogyny).] can’t exist, since sexism is irrelevant in 2012, “and then uses them as permission to resurrect retrograde images of girls and women as sex objects” (p. 10). And in the words of Jessica Valenti (2007), “[s]elling a commercialized sexuality to women…as a way to be ‘liberated’ is pretty lame” (p. 42).
[GRAPHICS. Who Owns the Media – And Why Does It Matter?]
“Many producers insist that the mass media are simply mirrors,” Douglas explains, “reflecting reality, whatever that is, back to the public. Whenever you hear this mirror metaphor, I urge you to smash it. Because if the media are mirrors, they are fun house mirrors” (p. 19). The media often claim that they’re giving us what we want, that they are allowing art to imitate life the way that we expect and want them to.
Now, the easiest way to dismantle this myth is to take into consideration that 97% of decision-making clout positions in the media are held by men (Pugh Yi & Dearfield, 2012). Ninety-seven percent. That means that the media that are produced – yes, even (if not especially) the ones that feature representations of women – are produced by people who have no personal stake in making sure that women are represented well. If anything, [TEXT: “Men” as an institution, not necessarily as individuals.] men actually benefit from the misrepresentation, objectification, and sexualization of women: it asserts their position of power. Because if you convince women, by way of manipulating the media, that what’s normal, average, ideal behavior is to drink enough to lower inhibitions and then become a sex machine, who benefits?
So if we take a song like Katy Perry’s 2011 hit “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” and consider the lyrics “There’s a stranger in my bed / There’s a pounding in my head” combined with “It’s a black-out blur, but I’m pretty sure it ruled,” we also have to take into consideration that she didn’t write that song. Just like Ke$ha doesn’t write her songs. Or Dev, her songs. Or Rihanna, her songs. And on and on and on. The people who are writing those songs? Who are producing those videos? Who are scouting, signing, and representing these artists? Are men. And so it’s men, in turn, as representatives of the media at large, who are also selling us the idea that this is what we want to see, that this stuff is relatable, that this is what’s ideal. That’s a lot of power to have over society.
[GRAPHIC. Party Girl Pop and the Politics of Empowerment]
If you look closely at this new musical trend – which includes young, pretty, mostly white women singing the praises of drunken debauchery and questionable sex acts [TEXT: “Questionable” because of the circumstances surrounding them, not because of the acts themselves.] –what you notice is that the “empowerment” that it is selling (that women have gained sexual equality with men) might not be so empowering if women actually have nothing to gain from it. Although the media try to convince us that party girl pop is a simple reflection of art imitating life, it might really be just a fantasy of power.
“[The media] assure girls and women, repeatedly, that women’s liberation is a fait accompli and that we are stronger, more successful, more sexually in control, more fearless, and more held in awe than we actually are” (Douglas, 2010, p. 5). Think about it: a social stigma still exists that says that promiscuous women (or, really, just any woman who is control of her sexuality) shouldn’t be respected and shouldn’t be trusted, whereas (ohh, double standards) promiscuous men are generally considered to be—well—just men being men. Where’s the equality in that? Where’s the liberation in that? There isn’t any. Women aren’t sexually liberated in a societal sense. We’re sexually oppressed. And pretending otherwise, by buying into this bullshit, bubblegum notion of empowerment, is kind of irresponsible. Valenti posits that perhaps “the joke is on us, and that we’re really just fooling ourselves” (p. 47).
[GRAPHIC. Implications]
Now, I’m not saying that female empowerment and liberation don’t exist. I’m not even saying that they don’t exist in the very songs and genre that I just ripped apart. It’s not that sex can’t be empowering, or that adhering to these new “party girl” social norms can’t be liberating. The problem is when we assume that we actually came to these conclusions on our own, without the influence of the media telling us what we should believe and accept as truth. And that’s what media literacy is all about – reading between the lines (or, in this case, the lyrics) to find what’s there for us – and what isn’t.
In Douglas’ words, “Something’s out of whack here. If you immerse yourself in the media fare of the past ten to fifteen years, what you see is a rather large gap between how the vast majority of girls and women live their lives, the choices they are forced to make, and what they see – and don’t see – in the media” (p. 4). And I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that what we’re being shown in the media about women is a sort of faux empowerment revolving around a freedom to express our sexuality. Because we’re not being shown how to have healthy sexual relationships, how to make sure that we’re experiencing pleasure, how to love and accept our bodies – hell, even how to make sober decisions when it comes to sex. And all of that? Would be liberating. Would be empowering. Instead, we’re being thrown the same old boring stereotypes and contradictions about the relationship between sex and power. Levy asks, “How is resurrecting every stereotype of female sexuality that feminism endeavored to banish good for women?” (p. 4). And maybe it’s about time that we actually stop and think about it.
So, do I think that this nonsense is the devil, that it should be avoided entirely, or that we’re brainless drones with no ability to think for ourselves? No. Not at all. What I think is that it’s important for us to use our powerful critical thinking skills to analyze something really worthwhile – ourselves. And while I don’t agree with everything that Levy or Douglas says about their respective theories, I do think that it’s food for thought. So the next time that Ke$ha comes on the radio, should you shut it off? No. But you should listen responsibly.
[GRAPHIC: Connect with Melissa. Twitter @rev_melissa. Tumblr fuckyeahmelissafabello.]
*****
Jenny: So sorry about your husband, and happy to hear that you have “resolved not to compromise.” Yes, it does only benefit the man when you give in too easily and quickly. Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are. Keep persisting and good luck!
Helen: I agree with ‘Olina- So true. Loved the way you expressed it.
Thanks to all the girls who posted lyrics from your favorite empowerment songs, and shared your stories too. I am familiar with some and some, not so. I really enjoyed your comments.
Victor: Thanks for sharing yours from a guy’s point of view too.
Ellen: Like, you I am in the dating scene myself, and I am really enjoying just dating – whatever happened to the romance of courting? I am loving this part. Before I give myself up to him I want to know all about him…including, is he worthy of me? What qualities does he have that I want in a man? So many questions need to be answered. And…Does he value me or does he just want to get under my skirt like most men?
To me it is a game of discovery, and I love being the woman in this game. Unfortunately I haven’t gotten much past the first date with very many men. But when I do, I get to discover a lot about the man, including if he feels I am worth it to wait? I can tell you one thing, if he doesn’t, it means nothing to me, and I have lost nothing. In my opinion, it is his loss and my gain. Just like if I sleep with him before 90 days, it is my loss and his gain, because most likely, my giving in too early means my value, in his mind, has just been diminished drastically.
To me the dating process is pretty simple, and can be very illuminating. The words that I said to Jenny, I echo to you. :) I wish you the best of luck in finding your mate.
Shannon: That’s a hard lesson to learn. I wish all women felt the same way. Men would not be able to cheat on their wives if it were not for the women who said yes to them. Please don’t continue to beat yourself up though. Be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes and it seems you are making up for it in so many ways that are supporting women. Thanks for all you do. And for being here with me for 4 years.
Steffi: :) I don’t have one fave song (see below), but I am certainly learning about a few more that I am liking. Thanks for sharing yours.
Jane: I have no idea who you are but I want to say thanks for all you do in the political world. I wanted to give a special shout out to you for posting your fave. – “Shaking the Tree” - amazing song – it is one of my faves too that I had forgotten about till you brought it up. Thank you!
Thana: That’s a good one. I’ve always liked the lyrics.
Social Butterfly: Thank you! I was in SF yesterday and was loving it!! I HOPE you are enjoying your Sunday as well.
Happy Sunday to everyone else too! I am not a huge football fan but I do want to say to those that are, “GO NINERS!”
Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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January 20th, 2014 at 8:56 am
I love the advice you gave to Jenny, Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are. Keep persisting and good luck!”
I have made it into a poster. It now resides on my bedroom wall.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:03 am
Michelle, you are very much welcome. I have long admired your blog and you for the way you handle yourself in difficult situations. I also truly respect the way you make a sincere apology with reservations or excuses for the action that required the apology.
In politics it is rare that one has that quality. I have resolved that if the time comes that an apology is required of me I will follow your example regardless of the political consequences. You are my idol.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:06 am
Michelle, I made your quote, “Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are. Keep persisting and good luck!” into business cards.
I’m a psychiatrist who works with abused women. You have nailed it. So many women believe that what’s between their legs is much more valuable than what’s between their ears.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:09 am
Michelle, Wow! When you decide to write, you have a way with words. “Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are. ” should be required reading for every young girl.
Talk about lyrics that inspire and should be passed on. I say SING it to the heavens!
January 20th, 2014 at 9:11 am
Thanks for you kind comments Michelle. I feel that it is you who have been here for us. But I will be here as long as you have a blog. I recommend it to my associates, friends and clients.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:14 am
Michelle, I too admire the way you handle yourself on this blog. You speak your mind clearly without attempting to take both sides of an issue. And if it is wrong or you find that it should have been better stated you step up with the big girl panties on and admit it.
I would love to be your friend and I would value it immensely.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:19 am
Michelle, I can’t tell you how many times I have had the unpleasant experience of waking up in a strange man’s bed or he in mine. I need to grow the fuck up. I’m a one drink and them I’m toasted girl.
Lois has opened my eyes, I have been fooling myself. This is not fun. Thank you so much for the article and the direct way you presented the “Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are.” line.
Words to live by.
Emily
January 20th, 2014 at 9:39 am
Michelle, I had a friend, Wayne who used to quote Thomas Paine. He would smile at me when he came over and saw me hurrying to hide the events of the night before and say. Thomas Paine used to say, “the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap we esteem too lightly”
I would most times finish the quote for him and then he would say “you know that quote means those men who you are giving that precious pussy to so cheaply don’t esteem it as highly as they should.” I’d tell him to stay out of my romantic business and we would go to breakfast or lunch.
Wayne got married 4 years ago, I cried because I realized that I loved him more than I knew. We stayed friends even though his wife hated me. I confessed three years ago to him that I loved him so much that it hurt when he got married.
He confessed to me that he was always in love with me, but couldn’t find the courage to tell me. I asked him why he got married. He said he thought he finally found a woman with my brains, beauty, and personality but without the lack of self-esteem I seemed to have.
I burst into tears and hugged him. He said maybe you will start to value you and look for a man who will feel the same way. I never gave myself away so cheaply again.
Today, almost 3 years to the day we had that talk I found and married the man of my dreams. He is 52, once married for 4 years and no children. He was my gynecologist for 21 years. I’m 41.
Now, Debbie, Wayne’s wife is my best friend(my husband has been her GYNO for 18 years). We do so many things together as a couple.
When I read your “Be proud of that pretty, precious, pussy between your legs. It is a coveted gift that should not be given so easily to any man or they will most likely not see the great value that you are.” I just had to write in and tell my story.
I have been a fan for 2 plus years, if I had been here earlier, perhaps I would seen the light sooner. That you for being so open and honest.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:43 am
OMG! Michelle when I read this, “To me it is a game of discovery, and I love being the woman in this game.” all I could say was OMG! She stole my line. I’m always saying that to my BFFs. I have been calling them and telling them to check it out.
OMG!
January 20th, 2014 at 9:57 am
Michelle, I spend so much time alone. When I go out with my girls cruising, I never have to buy a drink, the bartender or male customers keep my glass full. My twin brother used to tell me about all the girls he was “jamming.” Most of them were my friends and they all thought they were the ones he loved.
I dated a lot, but I was wary of what the guys would say if I slept with them so I didn’t. I have had many(well a few lays(7)) since I left high school. I am 24. It is just so hard finding a man who will wait that 90 days.
Sometimes I think I should try the Zen Lill approach. She doesn’t seem to be a fan of the 90 days, but then how long should I wait? I asked my brother if 90 days is too long. He said “if I hung around for 90 days, then I would probably think about marrying the chick.”
So, I’m back waiting 90 days. The one guy who got it after 39, hung around for about a year then he admitted that he had cheated on me with my coworker that I had introduced him to at my company party. I dumped him right after he told me.
Frankly, if I hadn’t been going through an especially lonely period when we met, I would have discovered he was a creep because I introduced him to that co-worker around 60 days into what would have been a 90 day wait. He fucked her a little more than a week after that.
Yeah, if I had waited 90 days I would have discovered he was a cad BEFORE he got a piece of me. Live and learn.
January 20th, 2014 at 9:59 am
Michelle, great advice, women are always being lied to by men so they can gain an early entrance into our panties.
January 20th, 2014 at 10:07 am
Kelly#10, Has it occurred to you that if you had waited and he went to bed with you co-worker he would have used the excuse that he did it because you were making him wait so long? That happened to me. I almost bought it.
I had forgiven him and I called my best friend and told her what happened. She came right over and we talked about it. She advised me to have a private dick service that checks out romantic partners check him out. I was reluctant but since she was paying I couldn’t see any harm in doing it before I slept with him.
Turns out he had lied to me about never having been married. His ex wife filed for divorce and named two other women that he admitted he had slept with. They also had been in counseling for his previous episodes of infidelity before she married him.
I’m so back to my 90 day wait. Dating is so much fun when you know the lines they give you won’t work unless they back it up with those 90 days.