A Gentleman’s Guide To Rape Culture
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 3rd, 2014
Good morning!
A Girl says: Yes, many men do look the other way when a man is abusing a woman. And yes, there are exceptions, but, as I stated, I am not counting on men changing. I am counting on the women to step up and woman up.
That being said, since you posted about this rock star, Aaron Lewis, being an exception, (Bravo to Lewis for standing up and calling out the sick pieces of shit) I’m going to run with what you said about men only listen to other men, and post this write that I found the other day while surfing the net, written by Zaron Burnett, and HOPE that men will read and heed this man’s advice.
A Gentleman’s Guide To Rape Culture
by Zaron Burnett
If you are a man, you are part of rape culture. I know … that sounds rough. You’re not a rapist, necessarily. But you do perpetuate the attitudes and behaviors commonly referred to as rape culture.
You may be thinking, “Now, hold up, Zaron! You don’t know me, homey! I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you say I’m some sorta fan of rape. That’s not me, man!”
I totally know how you feel. That was pretty much exactly my response when someone told me I was a part of rape culture. It sounds horrible. But just imagine moving through the world, always afraid you could be raped. That’s even worse! Rape culture sucks for everyone involved. But don’t get hung up on the terminology. Don’t concentrate on the words that offend you and ignore what they’re pointing to — the words “rape culture” aren’t the problem. The reality they describe is the problem.
Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.
Rape isn’t exclusively committed by men. Women aren’t the only victims — men rape men, women rape men — but what makes rape a men’s problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.
How are you part of rape culture? Well, I hate to say it, but it’s because you’re a man.
When I cross a parking lot at night and see a woman ahead of me, I do whatever I feel is appropriate to make her aware of me so that a) I don’t startle her b) she has time to make herself feel safe/comfortable and c) if it’s possible, I can approach in a way that’s clearly friendly, in order to let her know I’m not a threat. I do this because I’m a man.
Basically, I acknowledge every woman I meet on the street, or in an elevator, or in a stairway, or wherever, in a way that indicates she’s safe. I want her to feel just as comfortable as if I weren’t there. I accept that any woman I encounter in public doesn’t know me, and thus, all she sees is a man — one who is suddenly near her. I have to keep in mind her sense of space and that my presence might make her feel vulnerable. That’s the key factor — vulnerability.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much of my life feeling vulnerable. I’ve come to learn that women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability. Stop and think about that. Imagine always feeling like you could be at risk, like you were living with glass skin.
As modern men we must seek out danger. We choose adventures and extreme sports in order to feel like we’re in jeopardy. We make games of our vulnerability. That’s how differently men see the world from women. (Obviously, stated with full acknowledgment that there’s a vibrant community of extreme athletes that are women, who regularly risk their safety as well. However, women don’t need to engage in adrenalin sports to feel at-risk.)
Now, I stand about a finger of tequila under six feet. I work out and would say I’m in decent shape, which means when I’m out alone at night, I rarely ever fear for my safety. Many men know exactly what I mean. Most women have no idea what that feels like — to go wherever you want in the world, at any time of day or night, and feel you won’t have a problem. In fact, many women have the exact opposite experience.
A woman must consider where she is going, what time of day it is, what time she will arrive at her destination and what time she will leave her destination, what day of the week is it, if she will be left alone at any point … the considerations go on and on because they are far more numerous than you or I can imagine. Honestly, I can’t conceive of having to think that much about what I need to do to protect myself at any given moment in my life. I relish the freedom of getting up and going, day or night, rain or shine, Westside or downtown. As men we can enjoy this particular extreme luxury of movement and freedom of choice. In order to understand rape culture, remember this is a freedom that at least half the population doesn’t enjoy.
That’s why I go out of my way to use clear body language and act in a way that helps minimize a woman’s fear and any related feelings. I recommend you do the same. It’s seriously, like, the least any man can do in public to make women feel more comfortable in the world we share. Just be considerate of her and her space.
You may think it’s unfair that we have to counteract and adjust ourselves for the ill behavior of other men. You know what? You’re right. It is unfair. Is that the fault of women? Or is it the fault of the men who act abysmally and make the rest of us look bad? If issues of fairness bother you, get mad at the men who make you and your actions appear questionable.
Because when it comes to assessing a man, whatever one man is capable of, a woman must presume you are capable of. Unfortunately, that means all men must be judged by our worst example. If you think that sort of stereotyping is bullshit, how do you treat a snake you come across in the wild?
…You treat it like a snake, right? Well, that’s not stereotyping, that’s acknowledging an animal for what it’s capable of doing and the harm it can inflict. Simple rules of the jungle, man. Since you are a man, women must treat you as such.
The completely reasonable and understandable fear of men is your responsibility. You didn’t create it. But you also didn’t build the freeways either. Some of the things you inherit from society are cool and some of them are rape culture.
Since no woman can accurately judge you or your intentions on sight, you are assumed to be like all other men. 73% of the time a woman knows her rapist. Now, if she can’t trust and accurately assess the intentions of men she knows, how can you expect her to ever feel that she can accurately assess you, a complete stranger? Rape prevention is not just about women teaching women how not to get raped — it’s about men not committing rape.
Rape prevention is about the fact that a man must understand that saying “no” doesn’t mean “yes,” that when a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond that doesn’t mean “yes,” that being in a relationship doesn’t mean “yes.” Rather than focus on how women can avoid rape, or how rape culture makes an innocent man feel suspect, our focus should be: how do we, as men, stop rapes from occurring, and how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?
Since you are a part of it, you ought to know what rape culture is.
According to Marshall University’s Women’s Center website:
Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.
When a woman first told me I was part of rape culture, I wanted to disagree for obvious reasons. Like many of you I wanted to say, “Whoa, that ain’t me.” Instead, I listened. Later, I approached a writer I respect. I asked her to write an article with me, wherein she’d explain rape culture to me and to male readers. She stopped returning my emails.
At first, I was annoyed. Then as it became clear she wasn’t going to respond at all, I actually got mad. Luckily, I’ve learned one shouldn’t immediately respond when they feel flashes of anger. Thunder is impressive but it’s the rain that nourishes life. So I let that storm pass and thought about it. I took a walk. They seem to jangle my best thoughts loose.
Blocks from my house, in front of a car wash it dawned on me. If rape culture is so important to me I needed to find out for my self what it is. No woman owes me her time just because I want to know about something she inherently understands. No woman should feel she has to explain rape culture to me just because I want to know what it is. No woman owes me shit. I saw how my desire for a woman to satisfy me ran deep. Even my curiosity, a trait that always made me proud, was marred with the same sort of male-centric presumption that fuels rape culture. I expected to be satisfied. That attitude is the problem. I started reading and kept reading until I understood rape culture and my part in it.
Here’s a bullet-point list of examples of rape culture.
· Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
· Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
· Tolerance of sexual harassment
· Inflating false rape report statistics
· Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
· Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
· Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
· Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
· Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
· Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
· Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
· Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
· Teaching women to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape
You’ll quickly find that rape culture plays a central role in all the social dynamics of our time. It’s at the heart of all our personal interactions. It’s part of all our social, societal and environmental struggles. Rape culture is not just about sex. It is the product of a generalized attitude of male supremacy. Sexual violence is one expression of that attitude. Again, don’t let the terminology spook you. Don’t get hung up on the term “male supremacy.” The term isn’t the problem. The problem is that rape culture hurts everyone involved. Antiquated patriarchal notions of society make it difficult for men to come forward as rape victims just as much as they foster a desire for a man to be seen as powerful and sexually aggressive. Men shouldn’t feel threatened or attacked when women point out rape culture — they’re telling us about our common enemy. We ought to listen.
Now that you know what it is, what can you do about rape culture?
· Avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women
· Speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or trivializing rape
· If a friend says she has been raped, take her seriously and be supportive
· Think critically about the media’s messages about women, men, relationships, and violence
· Be respectful of others’ physical space even in casual situations
· Always communicate with sexual partners and do not assume consent
· Define your own manhood or womanhood. Do not let stereotypes shape your actions.
What else can you do about rape culture when you experience it IRL?
No one is suggesting violence. In fact, that’s what we’re looking to avoid. But sometimes, a man needs to confront another man or a group of men in a situation. When I’m out in public and I see a man hassling a woman, I stop for a moment. I make sure the woman sees me. I want her to know I’m fully aware of what’s happening. I wait for a moment for a clear indication from her of whether she needs help. Sometimes, the couple will continue right on fighting like I’m just a hickory tree. Other times, the woman will make it clear she’d like backup and I approach the situation. I’ve never had to get violent. Usually, my presence alone makes the guy leave if he’s a stranger, or explain himself if they’re familiar. It changes the dynamic. That’s why I always stop when I see a woman getting hassled in public. For any reason. I make sure any woman, in what could become a violent situation, one I may or may not be correctly assessing, feels that she has the opportunity to signal to me if she needs assistance. I’m a big brother to a sister so that response is practically instinctual.
But, I don’t limit this to women. I’ve also done this for two men who were clearly in a lovers’ spat. Whenever you see a situation spiraling out of control, and especially if someone is crying for help or being attacked, you should confront the situation. You don’t need to “break it up.” But engage, get involved, take down pertinent information, alert authorities, call the police. Do something.
If you hear a guy say some jacked-up slurs in front of you and there’s no one from that particular community around to be offended, you can still say something. This is also true when you hear misogynistic language. Speak up. Tell your friend or co-worker that rape jokes are bullshit and you won’t tolerate them.
Trust me you won’t lose your “man card.” If you’re older than nineteen and you’re still worried about your man card, you don’t understand what respectable masculinity is about, anyway. It’s not about cultish approval from others — it’s about being “your own man” and doing the right thing. You might be surprised by how many other men will respect you for doing what they wanted to but didn’t. I’ve heard it plenty. I’m not some social justice cop, but I have and will argue with whole roomfuls of men. Later on, some dudes will approach me and say how much they respected what I did. I always tell them it gets easier to speak up every time you do it. I promise you that’s true.
No one is suggesting you go around policing everybody. I don’t make it my business to make sure everyone live by my yardstick. No one needs you telling them what you think about every little thing they say and whether it meets your criteria for social awareness. But when some dude says some foul shit, and you know it — we all hear those jokes — you can let the dude know his rape joke or his “she’s a whore” analogy didn’t play.
3. Men can make other men STFU.
Let’s say, you’re in a group of men, and one of your friends starts hollering at a girl — tell him to knock it the fuck off. You won’t be a punk for speaking up for the woman. As long as you don’t try to score points with her for “defending her,” you won’t be white-knighting it either. You’re just doing the right thing. No one needs some sexist clown hollering at her because the dude popped a mental woody. Cat-calling is one of the worst advertisements for male sexuality there is. Those assholes make us all look like complete tools. You get that, right? We need to cut that shit out.
Working construction is when I learned to speak up to a group of men. You have to do it. Mostly, you do it because you want to respect yourself. Otherwise, you’re another pathetic man that allows a guy to mistreat a woman in your presence. When a guy cat-calls a woman and you don’t say something, he just treated her like a cheaply degraded sex object for his satisfaction and he turned you into the punk-ass that’s willing to allow him to mistreat a woman in your presence … while you say nothing.
What would your grandfather think if he saw you in that moment? Would he be proud of you? Are you proud of yourself? Male pride is good for something — use it to be your better self. Don’t be that silent punk that goes along with the crowd to get along with the crowd. Speak up when someone cat-calls a woman in front of you. Tell them to shut the fuck up. As a man, you have power. Use it. Men respect conviction.
4. It’s our job to have standards for ourselves, and thus, for all men.
You may think, “Zaron, man, lighten up, brother. Cat-calling is not that big a deal. Aren’t we making a mountain out of a molehill? Some women like it.” You may be right. Maybe some women do like it. That doesn’t matter. I like to speed. My cousin likes to smoke pot in public. Neither of us gets to do what we like. That’s just how it goes sometimes when you’re a member of a society. If you find that woman who likes to be cat-called, go for it, just do it behind closed doors. When you’re in public, respect the physical and mental space of others.
Don’t limit yourself to being a man. Be a mensch. Be a human being.
When something like #YesAllWomen occurs in our cultural conversation and women the world over are out there sharing their experiences, their trauma, their stories and their personal views, as men, we don’t need to enter that conversation. In that moment, all we need to do is listen, and reflect, and let their words change our perspective. Our job is to ask ourselves how we can do better.
*****
Readers: What do you think? Will Burnett’s words inspire men? Blog me.
PS: It is Primary Election Voting day. I’m counting on all of you getting out there and doing your duty.
Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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June 3rd, 2014 at 11:42 am
Bravo Michelle! Thank you for posting.
June 3rd, 2014 at 2:37 pm
Now thazzz what I’m taking about! Thanks and cheers to you on this write, it’s perfect!
June 4th, 2014 at 9:06 am
[…] A Girl Says, Anonymous: Happy you liked it. I thought it was a good read too. Now…let’s see if it has any legs. […]
June 4th, 2014 at 9:51 am
“women rape men ” That is pure bullshit. Unless a woman is raping a man with a foreign object she CAN NOT rape a man.
The only way a man can penetrate a woman is if he is hard enough to do so. If he gets hard he wants to have sex with the woman. I know some of you will bring up statutory rape.
But let’s be honest, no male has been hurt in the process of having sex with an older woman. He can’t get pregnant and their is no societal stigma resulting from the encounter.
Statutory of a male is just another way for males to stick it to a woman.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:07 am
This Is An Excellent Piece
It deserves to be widely read. It is pitch-perfect in tone, and in quality of observation.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:09 am
Well worth taking a look at the whole thing, which is quite long.
I’ll quote just once sentence:
“Don’t limit yourself to being a man. Be a mensch. Be a human being.”
As a 70 year old woman, I think more and more often we are really all giving ourselves a lot of suffering by putting our gender before our humanity. The culture seems to be making it more and more difficult to live within that shared humanity. The culture seems to promote all out war.
When I was young I thought the then-current concept of “the war between the sexes” was some sort of archaic and idiotic notion that would die out with my grandparents’ generation. Looking back now, it seems in much of our society the situation is even worse, more violent, more explicit, and more dangerous than it was back then. Who benefits from promoting this state of affairs?
Surely the best, the most interesting, the sexiest, part of life happens when we operate as humans interacting in our shared human reality.
Rape culture is an extreme manifestation of denial of that shared reality. Again, who is benefiting from this?
June 4th, 2014 at 10:14 am
Putting our gender before our humanity.
This is such a good post. I like you, Engrid#6 put it out, as you did. i think you are right.
Who benefits most…? those still needing/wanting/desiring the patriarchy. that is what you post brings to me. and those that need the patriarchy is not one sex.
i kinda see the same in those that hold tight onto Christianity. it is the christianity from the bible. the need the rules, the guidelines, the outside authority guiding them.
Then from the new testament, Christ within, you have those that do not need outside authority so much because they have confidence in self identifying guideline.
Interesting.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:17 am
Engrid#6, the only people who benefit, I guess would be marketers. But
more than that, I think it’s also got a lot to do with decay of respect. The easy route–going with base impulses.
Personally, I think that there is a connection to human overpopulation; more people than can get their needs met. Needs include the intellectual, emotional and physical.
Society becomes further debauched as more people compete among each other for gratifications which are harder to get. Superficial, immediate satisfactions, anger, greed, power struggles become the focus for larger numbers of people. …. Animalistic behavior…..when that becomes the norm, it takes focused effort by individuals determined to step out of the status quo.
…how it seems to me, anyway.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:18 am
Thanks for posting this Michelle. My wish is it will be widely read and taken to heart.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:19 am
Perfectly stated. I just spread this a bit more on FB and twitter
Thank you.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:19 am
I finally had a chance to read the article in full. **BRAVO** to that guy!!!!!!
Dear men who are interested in feminism–whether as allies or as hecklers–
This is one of the best I’ve seen. If you are open to using your mind like a parachute (functions best when open), if you want to or are at least willing to practice introspection, this is one of the best I’ve seen.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:21 am
Well said.
Nothing I haven’t seen before, and sadly (as usual) it’s more well received by males when other males say it.
Oh, and this:
According to Marshall University’s Women’s Center website:
Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.
Three things that are desperately defended, right here on “A day in the life of…”
June 4th, 2014 at 10:22 am
“If you are a man, you are part of rape culture.”
Perhaps.
Of course, I don’t give a fuck, so there’s always that.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:23 am
It seems like the world has become extra, extra screwy in the last couple years. I never saw such widespread propagation of rape culture, white privilege, and other loopy BS, being pushed so hard.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:24 am
John#13, I was really hoping someone was going to post the “Lebowski”/”That’s like, your opinion, Man…” graphic.
But that works too…
June 4th, 2014 at 10:25 am
John#13, that was just stupid.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:25 am
Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.”
Damn right I am. Best keep it in mind when you run that yapper.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:26 am
“Sooner or later, you have to stand your ground. Whether anyone else does or not.” – Michael Badnarik
June 4th, 2014 at 10:28 am
“Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.”
Holy Projection, Batman!
That guy is seriously fucked up.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:29 am
Michelle, here’s the way I see that article. Rape culture happens when the crazies can’t find something to be offended about and they make up their own brand of batshit insane theory.
The author of that article, Michelle, it just fucked up.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:32 am
Now Michelle for the alpha male’s response to that pussy.
“Since they can’t possibly perform even the most mediocre self analysis, they simply resort to blaming others for their own shortcomings. They’re like the FSA of relationships.” -Naamah
=======================
OP, can you please pass the following on to your friend and his people? Thanks.
I like, walk around terrified of half the humans in the world. I even have to carry around yucky guns. You evil white oppressors owe me reparations. And a gun, ammo and training stipend.
Plus I want you to pay for my running shoes, I keep wearing them out from running away from y’all. I’d say thank you, but I’m entitled to all that. It’s just what I’m owed, be grateful I don’t ask for more on behalf of my female ancestors.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:34 am
Fucking A, Michelle. I’ve always wanted to be part of something. Now I am cultured even. When are the next rape meetings?
June 4th, 2014 at 10:35 am
This relates to the #yesallwomen project, which is a bunch of suburban white teenage girls tweeting about how oppressed they are, and how evil men are, while in the back of their parent’s lexus, being driven to starbucks, and this is happening in a world where women are ACTUALLY BEING OPPRESSED in countries in the middle east, africa, ect.
If you look at a map that documents where the #yesallwomen hashtag is most popular, you’ll see that unsurprisingly, 99 percent of the tweets are coming from the US and UK.
Man am i glad i had a son. Teenage girls sometimes…
June 4th, 2014 at 10:37 am
Like you said Michelle, women have to women up because these men will retain their attitude as long as they think they can get away with it.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:40 am
Michelle, that article is one of the most dangerous things you can push onto a mainstream audience.
You start to see all men as dangerous and will rape you under the right conditions.
Its like this guy is projecting to all women (the stupid ones at least) that all men wake up and think; “hmm I think I will rape today”.
Just another example of the poisonous minority using social media outlets to push a dangerous agenda onto others. Why are these people allowed to do this?
June 4th, 2014 at 10:42 am
The fact that I’m seeing essays and articles like this shared on my newsfeed is troubling to say the least. Women is it too much of a stretch to say that this sort of propaganda inciting fear by half the population of the other half is bordering on irresponsible scaremongering?
Typical leftist tactic. Anyone here that owns black rifles knows that we get painted as crazed right wing gun nuts who are always on the verge of loosing it and shooting up people over minor disagreements.
Meanwhile, the actual mass shooters almost always have links to the left. Setting aside any political leanings, these mass shooters represent far less than 1% of the nearly 100 million gun owners in this country, similar to how rapists represent far less than 1% of men.
Michelle, this kind of demonization is straight from Saul Alinksky’s Rules for Radicals. Though I think it’s a bit foolhardy to try and go after half the population, which is why it’s not a mainstream feminist position, but it does provide an insightful glimpse into their agenda and thought process
June 4th, 2014 at 10:45 am
“Other times, the woman will make it clear she’d like backup and I approach the situation. I’ve never had to get violent. Usually, my presence alone makes the guy leave if he’s a stranger, or explain himself if they’re familiar. It changes the dynamic. That’s why I always stop when I see a woman getting hassled in public. For any reason. I make sure any woman, in what could become a violent situation, one I may or may not be correctly assessing, feels that she has the opportunity to signal to me if she needs assistance. I’m a big brother to a sister so that response is practically instinctual.”
—————————-
Sounds like he is going to end up the next Elliot Rodger, would bet $1000 he has never had a girlfriend. My wife thinks he sounds like a fool.
He’d be leaving in a wheelchair if he ever approached my wife and I when I was putting the bitch in her place and attempted some shit like that.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:47 am
Michelle, A woman is tested with money. A man is tested with a woman.
All that article you pubished achieves if brought to it’s logical conclusion is a paranoid and divided society where everyone sits solitary walled in in his booby trapped house and walks out only in night armed to teeth to find some scraps of food. In short – devolution to animal life.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:55 am
Fred#27, you are right in more ways than you said. I attempted to stop a man from beating up on his wife. He had her pinned on the grown with his knee in her chest and was just pummeling her.
I and another guy pulled him off her. We were attacked by both the male and the female. The police showed up and the wife accused us of starting the fight.
A woman who filmed it on her iphone showed about 4 minutes of the wife’s husband beating the shit out of her and our subsequent intervention.
The arrested them both. The mad was charged with assault and the wife with filing a false report to the police.
So gentlemen take becoming a white knight into advisement when you see a man whipping some bitch’s ass.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:55 am
Michelle, How about we blame all women for the “abortion culture” because its a woman’s choice to get an abortion at the end of the day.
There’s ~180,000 abortions every year in the UK.
See everyone can play the blame game.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:57 am
Michelle some of these comments go to what you said in your monologue. Women have to stand up for themselves because the majority of men are like these animals.
June 4th, 2014 at 10:59 am
Quote:
When I cross a parking lot at night and see a woman ahead of me, I do whatever I feel is appropriate to make her aware of me so that a) I don’t startle her b) she has time to make herself feel safe/comfortable and c) if it’s possible, I can approach in a way that’s clearly friendly, in order to let her know I’m not a threat. I do this because I’m a man.
============================
Women that feel “safe” never get the Gina Tingles. Maybe that’s why you don’t get laid.
What is a woman doing alone in a parking lot at night? Could she be a hooker maybe?
June 4th, 2014 at 11:00 am
Perhaps if women resisted being slaves to their hypergamous programming and stopped only going for the top 5 – 10% of men, getting laid wouldn’t be so much of a problem, and we wouldn’t have to take pussy.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:03 am
Frankly Michelle, I don’t feel any guilt. It’s got nothing to do with me. When I hear about a man raping a woman I think he was Just another nutjob who felt he had to take the pussy.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:05 am
Good find, Michelle. Allows me to sound off on a pet topic, too.
One of the big reasons this article was written — and the #notallwomen hashtag and phrase “rape culture” have appeared — is because incidences of rape have reportedly plummeted since around 2000.
They need to create hysteria to keep the money rolling into all those rape crisis centers, women’s studies departments, etc.
It’s a similar situation with racism. Racism does occur, but only marginally compared to how it was 30-40 years ago. So they need to amp up every crisis to keep jobs relevant for the people whose livelihoods depend on it.
And, I should add, people who work for THE MEDIA, are included in both groups. Their jobs depend on crisis. No bad news = no one tunes in and no Web clicks. So you get things like the Duke Rape Hoax.
Here are some sources from both the left and right sides of the political aisle regarding rape stats:
http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/every…_rape.html
http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_campus_rape.html
http://communityvoices.post-gazette.com/…enty-seven
June 4th, 2014 at 11:07 am
Michelle, did you think your selection would bring out all this rancor and venom from these sick men. Just more evidence that if women don’t change their situation, it won’t happen.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:07 am
Michelle, I’m just stunned from what I am reading from these men. It is so frightening to think that some of them are my friends, associates and relatives.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:08 am
I think this is funny. This white knight unconsciously thinks women will want to fuck him if he writes this shit. Wrong. Women & White Knights in general have this impression that they are tough and confident. Wrong.
Why get worked up over this shit when you can laugh at people instead? It is healthier and you know that you can do what you like because you are a confident and realistic man. So do as you like and FUTW.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:09 am
Dexter#35, don’t forget, in addition to drumming up hysteria they are working on expanding the definition of rape.
All violent crime, including rape, is at the lowest point it’s been in 50 years or so. Yet, interestingly enough, women supposedly feel less safe. I’m not quite sure what to make of it.
edit: could it be that women judge their perceived safety based on the “protectors” (ie. men) that are around them, and not on the actual evidence of violence? So if the provider betas are weaker and more supplicating, and it’s harder to tie down an alpha, she’ll feel that her protector isn’t fit for the task of defending her against the outside world even though the outside world is generally a much safer place than it used to be.
I’m sure that the media and feminists hyping up violence every chance it gets has some role to play, but I wonder if there’s an evo psych angle as well.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:12 am
I am a republican and these rape tales come out during every election. Oh rape sells stories as long as you have a population that feeds on sensationalist issues. Even if you thought it was just the rank and file that could be sated by True Crime™, so can it be wrapped in ‘analyses’ of prevention and motives as soundbytes to hook in the more intellectual of the masses.
An ongoing bacillus is one of the best means of followship at the disposal of the M̶i̶n̶i̶s̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ Obama ̶T̶r̶u̶t̶h̶….ooops I mean the mainstream media. Especially if they have a lobby they can curry favour from in the process.
Dare I say it; I’m starting to wonder whether Elliott Rodger is doing a far better job of converting me to the red pill than RVF ever could dream of….
June 4th, 2014 at 11:12 am
Great. First we have white guilt. Now we have male guilt. I call bullshit.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:14 am
Fuck this shit Michelle, I will never raise a son up in this society. These zeta males can weed themselves out of existence by this apology for living attitude, but when they start trying to legislate it and push this propaganda on to everyone else, then it becomes a problem.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:15 am
C’on Michelle, The name of the guy who wrote this article is Zaron. His mother took all sense from him before the poor bastard was born.
To learn who rules over you, notice who you cannot criticize.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:18 am
What’s ridiculous in all this is more men are raped than women every year in US prisons. I also know male on male rape is common for control by dominant inmates all over South America and Africa. A few other places too.
Notice feminists won’t touch that issue though. It always has to be about them.
I’m also so incredibly sick and tired of this PC culture where you’re not even supposed to joke about anything anymore. And why do these feminists only bring up joking about male on female rape, without including the jokes about male on male prison rape, which is considered funny by many?
Their attitude? Men, just suck it up and deal with it, no one cares if you get gang raped in the big house even if you’re just in for tax fraud or a DUI. But some slut drinks so much that she can’t control herself, puts herself in a bad situation, then wakes up the next morning crying rape and we’re supposed to baby them?
True rape is terrible. If anyone had a mother or sister or GF or neighbor who was truly raped, they’d feel terrible and likely want revenge. But as always with feminists, their stance is both exaggerated and bias.
BTW, I think promoting the idea it’s ok for women to be fat and we should love them for looking like wildebeests, why’ll also loving them when they dress more masculine than EE/Russian girls ever would consider, increases the chances of rape.
It limits the pool. It limits options. It puts all the sexual attention on the top 5-10%. Add the “princess” attitude, mixed with what the average American woman feels “entitled” too, and more women will be taken advantage of.
I also think a problem, at least as far as American women go is they’re so dependent on their social network and their groups of gf’s, they can’t think or handle themselves as well when they’re in a situation without them.
Independent thinkers and women who are used to being able to stand on their own two feet usually handle potential bad situations much better than the sheltered American girls who don’t spend a day in their young lives thinking for themselves and rely heavily on “group approval”.
They have less street smarts. They’re always seeking approval. That puts them in bad situations with the wrong men, or alpha men who don’t like cock teasers, especially when you add binge drinking to the equation.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:20 am
“Basically, the concept of rape culture is misandrist, and it does not allow for the fact that women are sometimes perpetrators of sexual assault, and men are sometimes on the receiving end.”
This misses the point. It isn’t that men, sometimes, are on the receiving end. It’s that men – overwhelmingly – are not rapists.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:20 am
“Rape culture” is a fake culture; feminism is a hate culture.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:21 am
I think rape culture goes hand in hand with slut culture. It isn’t about rape as a criminal act at all. It’s about women acting like whores and then being unable to process that designation and looking for someone to blame.
Guess who they blame?
There are no mirrors in Rape Culture Land.
You weren’t raped. You’re a whore…
http://judgybitch.com/2012/10/…
June 4th, 2014 at 11:21 am
I think rape culture is central to feminism because it is related with the source of feminist power: reproductive control of women over men.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:23 am
Raymond#44, FYI – In the hard-scrabble society of prison justice/heirarchy pedophiles are the absolute lowest, then Rapists (of women), then snitches.
Murderers actually have quite a bit of “convict cred” going in, whereas Rapists must be kept segregated.
In Rape Culture, rape of a woman is worse than murder of a man. Rape Culture is so engrained that we don’t even know its there, kinda like Patriarchal Oppression.
That’s the idea. It’s so mysterious and elusive that they can’t even properly explain it themselves. But the sisterhood clings to their Faith none the less.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:25 am
I really think that the reason feminists cling so tenaciously to rape culture is due to, by their own ludicrous legal definition, it’s the one thing that they can claim that only men are guilty of. Note that in most countries a female sexually assaulting a male with traditional intercourse is defined as “other sexual offences” not “rape”.
In an age where most other feminist mythologies are falling to pieces under the cold light of reality, this one holds true but only by their very biased definition. It’s also the one I’d expect them to get most hysterical about if any measure of true equality was applied to it.
IE changing it so that PIV forced on a male is rape. I would expect that would upset the sisterhood more than anything else because under the current legal definition its holding up better than their other fallacies even if nowhere near the ridiculous concocted statistics they throw into it.
In an organisation dedicated to destroying men this is the gold mine.
The other sad reality as pointed out by other posters, whereas in the old days I would automatically feel very sympathetic to a rape victim, now with ridiculously new definitions of rape I honestly never know whether to feel guilty for the person raped or the alleged offender.
I mean if the rape is due to her changing her mind days after giving and maintaining consent throughout intercouse, then I very much have sympathy for the alleged offender not the victim. He will most likely be raped in a very real way. She was never raped.
Legitimate rape victims should be outraged at these ludicrous definitions. Does it not offend them that the suffering they’ve had to endure has been trivialized so heavily by these sorts of predatory women being given the same label? If I was a legitimate victim I’d be outraged I think.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:26 am
Yes Don#48, which is why they’re going to get their world turned upside down when the male birth control pill arrives.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:27 am
I like the term ‘raper’ more than rapist. And not just as a Game of Thrones reference. Raper sounds like one who rapes, rapist more sounds like a philosophical distinction; the practice of rapism. Maybe that’s why they love it as a term, it fits into their rape culture structural model so well.
I find the hysteria and the ‘rape is worse than assault’ stuff to fit in the general anti-sex, Victorian infantilized model that feminists cling to. Feminism has managed to demonize sex and sexual desire better than religion or conservatism ever could.
There are sex positive feminists I can agree with, but just like equity feminists, they are being overran by their counterparts.
But I suppose that will only result in more getting fed up and ‘jumping ship’ like Elly Tams.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:28 am
Rape has been defined (and re-defined) in such a broad way that *I don’t even care anymore when someone says they were raped.*
It includes so many normal things as rape that the word has lost all meaning. It might not even be rape at the time that the ‘event’ occurs, but if she decides a month later that she isn’t interested in you anymore, it then becomes rape.
My normal response when someone starts ranting about rape is to tune out, I honestly don’t care. Wolf has been cried so many times, for such stupid shit, that I’m not even sure if most people claiming rape even know what it is.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:28 am
Do female marxists ever — even once in their oh-so-oppressed lives — have a conversation that is not about the topic of sexual intercourse?
June 4th, 2014 at 11:30 am
The problem most aren’t getting is that America does indeed have a Rape Culture problem. America loves it when men, young men and little boy’s are raped!
-
Rhetoric aside, we need to hijack this meme. Take every words a smug conservative or liberal POS said about hoping men get raped in jail, every word some white knight monster said about little boy’s being lucky for being raped by older women, and put a magnifying glass to it all.
We have to make America’s Churches, Universities, Newspapers choke on their own indifference, and in that order.
—
What I mean is, we must target Churches that support the raping of men in prison via indifference and support of politicians, Judges, Prison Wardens that enable such a climate of rape in prisons. In reality, the Churches are the most sensitive vein of American political power to us.
Heck it is obvious they pay attention to our websites and to all facets of male online culture(they try to manipulate it all to their benefit). In reality, the Churches can be easily shamed into offering physical support. The main problems the MRM has atm is the lack of physical infrastructure.
The main problems of all the Churches and Synagogues, from Christianity to Judaism is the lack of male involvement. This vantage point is the one that offers us the most immediate access to strength.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:35 am
MIchelle this is the rape culture you were talking about. As long as it exist women have no chance of getting justice from being raped or having men’s attitudes about it changed.
The best that women can do is to stick together and vote women into offices that can make an impact upon the laws that seek to prevent rape.
Men will justify their advantage in whatever way they can to include hijacking the concept “rape culture” and making it about male angst. White males have been very successful in doing this to OTWs when they complain about racism.
Women if you want justice, you will have to do what blacks did in the 60′s, take it.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:36 am
Feminists are like racist blacks or racist whites, who somehow always blame a secret cabal of Jews (or whites, when it comes to blacks) for all of their real and imagined hardships.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:38 am
Interestingly enough, the original word for “rape” meant “abduction” or “kidnapping,” as in taking someone against their will. That’s what they meant when they said Zeus “raped” her: he kidnapped her. Then they wound up having sex.
Modern definitions have mutated that into “penetrating against the other person’s will,” which also, conveniently, renders all other forms of sexual violation to “something else,” maybe something funny, at least if it happens to a post-pubescent male. That’s how the modern law in the US, which according to some is now “more inclusive,” actually marginalizes men and manufactures more female victims; the only way a woman can “rape” is by using a dildo or other object, under the law.
Anything else, including straddling a young man who has an erection while drunk unconscious, is of no significance under the law that I can tell. Now that’s “rape culture” for you, just not the one they want us to recognize. Because it would force us to think hard about an emotional subject.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:40 am
Ah Rape culture, where a Modern Western Civilization enables rape through the use of Rape schools, and Rape tests, and Rape teachers, and law requiring people Rape each other, where our fellow citizens talk about who they Raped over the weekend and internet forums with ‘.gov’ are used to discuss different ways people can Rape each other, you can purchase the board game ‘Rape; fun for the whole family’ and every sports event is followed with a spirited round of crowd Raping…
Wait… rape is a crime? Pretty tough to build a culture around a criminal act don’t you think?
June 4th, 2014 at 11:41 am
Dean#58, I’ve noticed that if you really stop to consider how rape is handled in America and then apply that knowledge to the concept of rape culture, you get a wildly different image.
Men, not women, would be the victims. Men are the ones who can’t get help, they’re the ones who are told that they wanted it, deserved it, should be grateful it happened.
They’re the ones mocked, ridiculed and treated as less than for being a victim. It’s so bad that many victims will only speak up while anonymous. Feminism enforces this with it’s mantra of Man Bad, Woman Good.
It makes me wonder if all the feminist screeching about rape culture is a bluff designed to hide this.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:42 am
Yes Dean#58, that’s the point, to keep Feminist Inc. in business by spinning narratives that can’t possibly be refuted or even analyzed. It just IS, and therefore action against IT must be taken.
It’s like “Gun Culture” is the problem.
OK – now what?
June 4th, 2014 at 11:42 am
Agreeing with the other points above already, so time to make another observation:
“I believe that by focusing on the centrality of rape in our culture, feminists are actually making it more difficult for all of us to campaign against all forms of gendered violence in society.”
There is no such thing as “gendered violence”. Even violence predominantly perpetrated by one gender, is not “gendered violence”. “Gendered violence” means that the violence is not only uniquely committed by one gender (of which violence using proxy agents seems to be about the only one in existence, and women are the perpetrators of that) but that the violence is an inherent part of the normal interactions of that gender, and inherently directed at the other gender.
There is no such thing.
There isn’t even speciest violence; violence is an inherent part of all fauna, it’s a consequence of a survival of the fittest evolution, ruthless, merciless, indifferent nature of the universe.
There is only violence; it’s a problem for all of us, we all have the ability to do violence inside of us. The problem is how and where individual’s morals and ethics fail to live up to our society’s morals and ethics, why this is so, and how to diminish the times this happens, and how to deal with the people with with this happens.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:46 am
The most typical defense of feminism nowadays is how feminist are supposingly trying to prevent discrimination of gender (such as rape). Whether this is true or not I am skeptical, since we see sexist feminist jumping around and no “moderate” feminist draw distance from these. Yet even if we assume feminism are pro-equality, one must ask whether they are capable of doing so in the first place. As we can see a lot of violence such as rape, are not only done with the intention of sexism, but also under different contexts of economical, political reasons. Yet when ever feminist try to “prevent” such crime, all they are doing is using their simplistic linguistic framework to make all these complex things seems like fairy tale of evil man vs good woman under the evil culture that every man are programmed to rape, then try to do the using man shaming.
How will this view actually stop rape? Are there any practical outcome when all they are doing are rephrasing what has happened in the world in a retarded language? I don’t think they know (or care).
Since all they want is to make people believe there is a “feminist” problem, and feminist like them, who see such problem through a feminist language, are the only one that can solve it.
As long as people keep treating them as a solution of the complex problem. Feminist will continue to have power in academic.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:47 am
They are correct about some aspects of what they call “rape culture” and mras make similar arguments, for example when they point out that there is a problem there when people automatically blame a woman’s abuse of a man, on his own behaviour. I’d say this “victim blaming” probably affects men more than it does women these days, in the west at least.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:49 am
I’m thinking Zen Lill will agree with men on this one, rape culture is a myth.
I too don’t care for using the term gendered violence for the same reasons.
I think the rabbit hole of feminists’ use of the term rape goes a bit deeper. The way they use it is utterly one dimensional as though it’s some sacrosanct holiest of crimes which is kind of ridiculous. That’s because I think of it this way – rape is basically the use of someone’s body against their will.
Now when we strip it back to such basics we are free of feminist blinkers to see that many, many people get their bodies used against their will. Indeed whole generations of men have been shamed into being cannon fodder by sexist laws and customs such as the White feather campaign, and today masses of men are still under shaming pressure to ‘man up’ – in other words to be disposable appliances.
Not as obvious and direct as a physical rape. Yet in a way more deadly as it’s conniving psychological manipulation which leaves no splashes of DNA, bruises or cuts directly and obviously linked to the crime, and leads to an earlier than necessary, and all too often painful death.
Don’t even get me started on the millions of helpless male infants who get their penises mutilated against their will for ‘hygeine’ or because it ‘looks better’ without a foreskin, let alone the 28 million Sub-Saharan men Hillary Butcher Clinton wants to brainwash into being genitally sliced to save poooooor wimmin from AIDS. You know the kinds of foreskins for Oprah Winfrey’s anti-aging creme suppliers.
Oh wait a moment.
I just realized, we’re talking about male genitals being exploited!
Just another in the myriad of ways in which feminists arrogantly overlook males’ experience in their rush to hate.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:50 am
I think there is such a thing as gendered violence; women who are specifically angry at men or a specific man and who enact violence because of it, and vice-versa.
I also think that, though there are overlaps of course between the sexes, there are differences in how female violence expresses itself versus how male violence expresses itself. I found Erin Pizzey’s observations on that most insightful and to match much of my own experience in that regard.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:54 am
If anyone out there is interested in addressing domestic abuse in a Christian context, you might like to check out cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com.
We support all survivors of domestic abuse and are calling the evangelical church to awaken to the evils of domestic violence and abuse in its midst. Most survivors who comment on our blog are female, but a few are male. We do not publish comment by perpetrators.
Thanks Michelle for this article. It is encouraging when men speak up and take a stand about the epidemic of male violence against women.
June 4th, 2014 at 11:55 am
Michelle despite this deluge of sick men pretending that men are the victims, there are decent men out there. First Man Standing is a campaign by Restored to engage Christian men in making a stand to end violence against women. It’s a global campaign. You can join in here http://www.restoredrelationships.org/FirstManStanding
June 4th, 2014 at 11:56 am
Maybe we need to take a broader view and ask men (and women) to take a stand against violence. We need to reject the idea of violence as a solution. I don’t think what we are seeing is just a matter of violence against women.
Sometimes when tackling a complex issue, a good start is to ask — where is the money, who profits from this. Follow the money and maybe we find that the seeming increase in violence against women and children has the unspoken blessings of those who profit by violence.
Then we need to ask what we can do to stem the tide. I think everyone has responsibility and an interest in the outcome but everyone must be made to understand thier part in it.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:01 pm
What I find the most interesting about this article is who has responded positively in the comments to Aaron Lewis’s call: it is Women.
Why is this? To me it only draws more evidence to what he is asserting: that men have dropped the ball when it comes to validating and promoting women. I can understand this in the context of a sinful world, but in the church?
I have been blessed to be raised by a strong and talented single-mother, alongside 3 uniquely gifted and intelligent sisters. Many of my friends are women who are professionals: an art manager, a lawyer, a business owner, video director, pastor – all in roles directing and advising both men and women, daily.
I have also been blessed to marry a PhD (who has 10 more years of education than I do), whose mother is a counselor with a master’s degree. My baby, 8 month old daughter will grow up in a home where her father has all of these mutually equal, valuable relationships with women.
More to the importance of this article, my 4 year old son will grow up in this environment as well. He can’t help but to soak up his father’s ideas about women, why? Because his dad has conversations with women right in front of him. Conversations where his dad continues to ask questions about life and their perspective of it. Conversations where his father continues to learn from the women he is speaking with all while looking them in the eyes with open ears, listening.
My son will respect his mother because she is the educator of our family, the intellectual, the researcher who actually knows what she is talking about and whom Daddy goes to for knowledge, wisdom and understanding on a daily basis.
My son will respect and honor his grandmothers because both mine and my wife’s mothers were single moms for a time while raising their children. Without their boldness and bravery to continue providing for us when we were most vulnerable, my son would most likely not even be here.
I hope one day my son reads this post and realizes what he is up against not only in the world but in the church as Christian men seem to demoralize and objectify women just as harshly as the rest of the world.
I hope he understands that his father felt no shame and decided to stand with his mothers, grandmothers, sisters and daughters in such a time as this.
When he finally arrives I hope that all of you would be proud to call him your son.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:19 pm
Well said, Jason. And having been an acquaintance, I can attest to the truth of your living out what you have said here. Blessings to you.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:19 pm
Thank you, Aaron and Jason. We need men to stand up for what in right and fix what is wrong. As long as boys grow up thinking that raping and beating up women is somehow thier right, nothing women do will ever stop this behaviour.
We all need to expect more and better from boys and men. And women must never put up with demeaning, threatening and abusive behavior. I am appalled when I see women endorsing such behavior.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:21 pm
Thank you, Aaron Lewis, for writing this article, and Zen Lill for calling the men out. For 30 years I have been telling men that men need to speak up to the abusers and help make them accountable.
Everything about Steubenville’s rape case is horrific and I myself have wondered where the men are in this case. For not one teenager to have brains to put a stop to the rape, nor to report it to a parent (that we know of), is a travesty. God bless you for writing this article.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:24 pm
Thank you Mr. Lewis! Where are the men? What are they teaching their sons? And it’s not just violence against women; it’s violence in general. It’s sickening.
Where was the father of the animal who shot and killed a baby in Georgia because his mother wouldn’t give him money? Where did he learn that it’s okay to shoot babies? I was heartbroken listening to this story on CNN the other day. So sad.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:24 pm
I think that boys learn how to treat girls by watching how their fathers treat their mothers. Actions speak louder than words.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:27 pm
Sally#72, when have you seen women endorsing such behavior? Give me an example.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:29 pm
It’s sad that this needs to be said, but yet so refreshing to read…thank you!
June 4th, 2014 at 12:29 pm
Amen! And, please, let the Church say, “Amen!”
June 4th, 2014 at 12:31 pm
It’s very common for older men of low character to get off kicking younger men around. Aaron Lewis is demonstrating that with absolutely no self-awareness or shame. Men, other than him, are bad. Women are wonderful.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:33 pm
Jon — Women endorse such behaviour when they excuse it — oh, he’s just had a bad day. They endorse it when they spend their money on entertainment that demeans women. They endorse it when they fail to correct such behaviour in their sons.
They endorse when thier expectations of men have become so low that they laugh at sexist insulting jokes. And when they start using demeaning language about other women — ie: “ho”. And when they actively participate in the behavior.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:52 pm
Jon, Aaron Lewis is not getting off kicking men around. He is calling ALL men and boys to take a more proactive stand to prevent male violence against women.
June 4th, 2014 at 12:56 pm
I’ve seen it too many times and been too close to it to pretend. He’s a pathetic male suck-up who, for some reason, wants women to talk about what a wonderful person he is more than anything else.
If he were interested in solving/decreasing social problems he’d make logical, fair arguments. His opening paragraph is as childish and idiotic as they get. He’s citing an “avalanche” of scary situations a woman could find herself in as evidence.
Good grief. Violence against women is no worse than violence against men and the majority of victims of violent crime are men. The thing that annoys me the most I think is that there’s this strong implication that men in general are out abusing women because there is some sort of cultural problem.
It’s nonsense. It has nothing to do with dignity, equality or respect for women any more than it does for men.
June 4th, 2014 at 1:15 pm
Jon#82, So what is your theory about why so many women are getting beaten up by the men in their lives as well as strangers?
Or are you saying it’s not really that big a deal?
June 5th, 2014 at 9:02 am
[…] Donna: Thanks for being the one to bring this up. That was the one area that I was not in agreement with, with the writer Zaron Burnett. I was HOPEing a man would say it, (yeah right.) but leave it up to a woman to broach the topic. […]