Good morning!

When I first heard about Elliot Rodgers and his murderous rampage in Isla Vista, I couldn’t read about it….I just didn’t want to. I felt so sickened by the misogyny of yet another twisted man/boy.  I felt so sickened by the blatant hate and disrespect for women. I felt disgusted that a man, whose reason for being born is because of a his mother, a woman, could be so cruel to women.

And then once I gathered my thoughts, I knew that I couldn’t ignore all that was happening and I began to read and read and read. And of course, what I read just made me more disgusted and infuriated.

Here’s one write just in case you have no idea what I am talking about:

Santa Barbara Killer Began By Stabbing 3 in His Home

The gunman who killed six people in a furious shooting rampage near the University of California, Santa Barbara began the spree by stabbing to death three people in his home, police said tonight.

The shooter was identified as Elliot Rodger, 22, a man who videotaped his rage over his rejection by women and vowed “retribution” just hours before the killing began.

He was also identified as the killer by a lawyer for his father Peter Rodger, who was the assistant director for one of the “Hunger Games” films.

Elliot Rodger’s Trail of Carnage Step-by-Step

The murderous spree ended when Elliot Rodger crashed his car with a bicyclist he had struck on his car windshield. He was found with a gunshot to his head. Sheriff Bill Brown said, “It would appear he took his own life.”

Dylan Fontillas was in the I V Mart when Rodger began firing, killing Christopher Martinez.

Fontillas, 20, said he looked the suspect straight in the eyes during the shooting and said “he almost kind of had a smirk like he was excited about it or he was happy about it. It’s pretty scary. It’s pretty disturbing.”

Fontillas said he hit the floor when the shooting began. He grabbed his cell phone and called his mother because he thought he was going to be killed.

Police said three guns were recovered from Rodger’s car. Police said he had more than 400 rounds of ammunition.

“All were legally purchased from federally licensed dealers and all were registered to the suspect,” the sheriff said.

Santa Barbara Shooter Called His Loneliness a “Darkest Hell”

Brown said cops have had three previous contacts with Rodger before Friday’s shooting, including when a member of Rodger’s family asked police to check on him because of alarm over his behavior and videos. Brown said the cops found no reason to take further action on Rodger.

One of the other incidents occurred in January when he made a citizen’s arrest of his roommate for allegedly stealing three candles, and again in July 2013 when he claimed he had been assaulted. Police determined that Rodger may have been the aggressor, Brown said.

Rodger was being treated by multiple therapists and was a student at Santa Barbara City College, said family lawyer Alan Schifman.

The lawyer said that Rodger’s family was “devastated.”

“They want to send the deepest condolences to all the victims’ families involved at this time,” he said.

Seven people – including Elliot Rodger – were killed and another 13 people were injured in the shooting in the Isla Vista neighborhood Friday, said Santa Barbara County Sheriff Bill Brown, who repeatedly referred to the shooting as a planned mass murder.

“It’s just unfortunate that these kinds of circumstances occur,” said Brown.

Concerns Over Rodger’s Well Being Reported

Schifman said in recent weeks that Rodger’s parents were concerned for their son’s well being and reported his disturbing YouTube videos to police, which lead to an investigation. According to Schifman, police interviewed Rodger and found him to be “polite and kind.” He did not specify which law enforcement division conducted the interview.

A social worker also contacted police about Rodger last week, said Schifman.

In a YouTube video titled “Elliot Rodger’s Retribution,” Elliot Rodger sits in the driver’s seat of a car as he promises “retribution” and discusses his “loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desires.”

“Girls gave their affection and sex and love to other men but never to me,” he said in the video. He added that it would be his last video.

Schifman said Rodger was diagnosed as being a high-functioning patient with Asperger syndrome and had trouble making friends.

“There was an incident probably a year and a half ago where he was…he fell from a balcony at a party or was thrown off of it. I think he was probably a victim from my understanding of bullying throughout his life… I’m sure that had played a role in the terrible consequences from last night,” the lawyer said.

Witness Call Shooting Chaotic and Surreal

Witnesses described the shooting to ABC affiliate KEYT-TV as chaotic and surreal, with many in the crowd mistaking the gunfire for fireworks. One man said that he saw shots fired from a BMW, fatally hitting one woman and critically injuring another woman.

“I heard shots, scream, pain,” Michael Vitak said. “All emotions. I hope she is going to be fine.”

Sierra Swartz told KEYT-TV that the suspect fired at her and that she initially thought the pistol was an air gun.

“Before I started walking the other way he just lifted it up and … he shot and I felt like I just felt the wind pass right by my face,” she said. “I went to a random person’s house and I just ran inside and I was like ‘Honestly, like someone just shot at me.’”

*****

Now, check this out from Think Progress.

#YesAllWomen

Understanding The Culture Of Violence Towards Women

In the wake of the mass shooting at UC Santa Barbara, the hashtag #YesAllWomen (a response to the “not all men” meme) became a venue on Twitter and beyond for women to share personal stories and experiences about misogyny, domestic violence, and violence toward women. One quote from Margaret Atwood that reverberated throughout the conversation summed up women’s worst fear: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

Our colleagues at Think Progress put together this infographic that paints a grim picture:

CREDIT: ADAM PECK/THINKPROGRESS

BOTTOM LINE: More than one in three women will experience rape, violence, and/or stalking at the hands of an intimate partner in their lifetimes. #YesAllWomen has started a serious and vital conversation about misogyny and violence against women, issues that too often are either ignored or treated unseriously in our society.

*****

Readers: The bottom line is scary. You would think that with stats as bad as this, something more would be done for women. But no. As stated, it is either ignored or is not treated seriously in our society. Abuse and rape has become “normalized.” Sickening.

My rage today escalated as I read story after story on Rodgers. Was I pissed off at men…boys? How could one not be? They were doing all of this horrific stuff to women…abuse, rape, murder…as if women didn’t matter. at. all….As if women were just sexual play toys to use as they pleased, and then tossed to the curb when they were done. And then onto the next….and then onto the next….If they had the opportunity. And if they didn’t, like Rodgers…well, then they just killed the women they couldn’t have, and anyone else that got in their way.

And what is being done to prevent it?

All I kept thinking was “How can men be so cruel?” What is wrong with the men on this planet? I blamed the men. After all, they are the perpetrators right?

But when I calmed down and put aside my emotions, looked at the facts and put on my logical cap, I came to the conclusion that it is really women who are to blame. Yes, you read that right.

Yes, it is the men that are the perpetrators, but it is the women who are allowing the men to get away with doing what they do. We can keep blaming the perps but the reality is, in my opinion, in the big picture of how our country is run, women are the ones to blame. It’s hard for me to write this but in my opinion, my reasoning is logical and sane.

As I have learned from my own personal experiences, and the experiences that I read from the stories of other women who post here and on other blogs, I have come to the conclusion: No matter how much we bitch about the things men do…no matter how much we point out the atrocities…no matter how much we are shocked by the horrific stories…no matter how much we beg for it to stop and for other men, good men,  to jump in and do something in support, it is a waste of time and effort…Men are just not going to change.

And why should they?

• They don’t need to when women won’t even stick up for other women.
• They don’t need to when women who have more than 50% of the vote, won’t support other women and vote women into office.
• They don’t need to when mothers of sons who rape, support their son, and blame the woman.
• They don’t need to when mothers of daughters will turn a blind eye and allow their husband to rape their daughters.
• They don’t need to when mothers leave their property and money in charge, to their son instead of their daughter.
• They don’t need to when women don’t have any respect for another woman’s husband, and has an affair with him.
• They don’t need to when a woman won’t even tell her BFF that her husband has been hitting on her because she’s flattered by it.
• They don’t need to when they know if they flirt or try to hit on their girlfriend’s or wife’s BFF, the woman will get the blame and not him.
• They don’t need to when they know women will hand the power and choices and decisions over their bodies to men.
• They don’t need to when they know women will continue to vote men into office and on the bench, giving up their power to men.
• They don’t need to when they know women will give them deference that they won’t give to their fellow sisters.
• They don’t need to when they know women will side with men, by blaming women, and throwing each other under the bus for men.
• They don’t need to when they know women won’t fight for equal rights and equal pay for each other.
• They don’t need to when they know there are women who think women should get paid less in order to get a man.
• They don’t need to when they know women don’t value themselves and will fuck on the first date for the price of a meal.
• They don’t need to when they know they can get away with, rape over and over and over again.
• They don’t need to when they know women will blame other women for being raped because they dressed too sexy, and asked for it.
• They don’t need to because they know women think that men will do a better job than women at_____________(You fill in the blank.)

Ouch! It hurts to hear the truth, doesn’t it? But ladies, the big ouch is that we are living it. Sadly, I could list more but no doubt you get the point.

As you know I am not speaking about ALL women.

But until ALL women come together in large enough numbers to be able to force the men to change, by voting enough women into office that will support women and pass laws and policies that will protect women from the atrocities that men commit, men won’t change.

Until ALL women come together and make a plan to take over Congress, and vote out these sick men who only want to control us, keep us down, barefoot and pregnant, we won’t have the power to make strict laws and enforce them, so that men will think twice before hitting us, raping us, and murdering us.

Until ALL women come together in support of each other, and create laws that give women equal pay, equal medical care, equal job opportunities, etc., men will continue to take action to keep treating us like the second class citizens that we are.

We can HOPE that men will change, and help us to reach equality, but HOPEing will get us nowhere. We can try and get men to understand our point of view, our fears, but so far that hasn’t created any big change. We can try and convince men how much better life would be if women had the same choices as men…how we would make the world a much better place for all…blah…blah…blah…

Men don’t give a shit.

So I say, “Fuck trying to get the men to see our side of it and walk in our shoes.” Its intentions are good, but it’s not working. All of our time and effort needs to go toward women supporting women. We have to demand our equality and take it boldly and unapologetically. And if men don’t want to support us, fuck ‘em, we’ll leave them behind as they have left us so many times, and move forward. It is the women…and it is only the women that can be the agents of change for women. Fuck the men. Because really that is what they are saying to us every. fucking. day. All you have to do is pick up a paper or watch the news.

When I think of all of the people coming up with ways to bring awareness about the abuse, rape and murder of women to light, I want to shout, “Screw awareness!” In today’s world, with all of the technology at your fingertips, if you aren’t “aware” of what women have to endure on a daily basis, you are either living under a rock, or you just don’t give a damn. If you are anywhere in the real world, you really cannot be blind to what is happening to women.

As I said, “Men don’t give a shit.” Don’t be fooled into thinking they do. And don’t count on them to change, come around and care, and do something. Because if they truly did, they would have done something by now. I’m not waiting any longer for men to get it together. The abuse is escalating, and the support from men isn’t. Sorry guys, even if you are a decent good man, and I know there are some out there, it’s not enough.

So…Yes, we need awareness. Of course we do. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop blogging about it because stories do need to be told. Women do need to get angry enough so that they’ll say “Enough! I won’t put up with this anymore,” and move into action in support of each other.

I’ll say it again because it needs to be said. “We can no longer blame the men. The men are not going to change. (Read the above list over if you think they have reason to.) Women are the ones to blame. Women need to come together and support each other. And I mean really support each other.”

From Mothers teaching their young daughters to stick up for their female friends…and create a sisterhood of support, to mothers advising their daughters about young men, and to give value to what’s between their legs…and not give it up for at least 90 days.

To women going to the polls and voting in women leaders who are going to legislate laws and policies that protect women and give women the right to chose with respect to their bodies, and anything else that women have stupidly handed over to men.

To women paving the way for other women by hiring more women and putting more women in leadership and executive positions, and seed money to start their own businesses.

To uplifting and inspiring our sisters everyday in small and big ways.

To everyday support of women by not turning a blind eye or making up excuses for men, when they (women) themselves or their sisters are putting up with blatant misogynistic remarks or the small nuanced sexist hits that are spoken so comfortably under the breath by men, and can be easily missed if one is not paying attention.

We need to pay attention. We need to call men on their shit no matter how big or small, in private or public, and do something in support of our sisters. In my opinion, the only way we can bring about change is if us women come together and stick together no matter what. If we have anything to learn from the boys, that is how they get shit done.

Ladies: It is work. But it is work that must be done daily…and we must be tenacious if we women are to pave a better world for women and girls. I am not the only one with suggestions. I read the comments on my blog, and I am very aware of the many intelligent women who write in.  You are amazing. What else can we do to support our sisters? Blog me.

Peace & so much Love to all of you Ladies. We are so full with so much to give…let’s give it to each other …to our sisters, and change the world. 

Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.

Gratefully your blog host,

michelle

Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)

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