Wonderful Burning Woman Of The World
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 21st, 2014
Good morning!
From the NY Times:
Burning Woman
Sandra Tsing Loh’s ‘Madwoman in the Volvo’
When Sandra Tsing Loh started her book “The Madwoman in the Volvo,” her aim was to capture the experience of what she calls the “triple-M generation:” the menopausal, middle-aged mother.
If menopause just made you want to kill someone, it wouldn’t be so bad. The problem is, it makes you want to kill someone you love. And then it makes you want to love someone who’s a complete and utter moron. And there you have it: the story of half the divorces in America.
This is the story of Sandra Tsing Loh’s “change,” or, as I think of it, the Year of Bleeding Dangerously. “The Madwoman in the Volvo” is not the first book on the subject. In fact, one of the little-known side effects of menopause appears to be writing books, if the number of titles is any measure (5,115 listed on Amazon, but that was last month). Certainly, though, Loh’s ranks among the most horrifyingly amusing. The title evokes “The Madwoman in the Attic,” Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar’s classic look at “monstrous” women in 19th-century literature, and well it should: After reading this brave and witty memoir and realizing the extent to which we are at the mercy of estrogen, one can’t help wondering if Bertha Mason could have gotten out of that attic if she’d had a little hormone therapy.
This phase of Loh’s life begins as it does for so many of us, with the niggling suspicion we’re losing our minds. At 47, this performer, radio commentator and author-essayist-memoirist (“Mother on Fire” et al.) thought her midlife crisis was behind her. She had already blown up her life by having an affair and leaving her husband. (And perhaps in a further sign of her unbalance, writing about it in The Atlantic.) Here she is, two years later, in a seemingly all’s-well-that-ends-well relationship with her bashert. Only all is not right, not at all. Now she’s doing things like pulling off the road and sobbing uncontrollably about the death of her kids’ hamster. Hammy did not even live with her. Oh, Life’s cruelty.
This was the tip-off that something was amiss, and the hamster incident catapults Loh into a frenzy of self-improvement familiar to all of us who’ve heard the siren song of Eckhart Tolle. Loh is determined to get her groove back. Joining her similarly estrogen-deprived friends, she attempts “happiness projects” and extreme couponing and cruising the aisles of Crate & Barrel and playing computer solitaire “like some addicted lab rat.” Then there is the fanatical dieting and working out to lose the midlife spare tire. She finds a trainer so overzealous she fantasizes about paying Equinox a second fee to make her go away. She joins Loseit.com, and when she and her friend admit that they, like every other woman on the planet, are failing to note their liquor consumption accurately, they consider forming an online support group for cheaters, drunkfatfriends.com. “It’s all we can do to watch HGTV until noon and not overdose on antidepressants, and that itself is sad. Because are we not still women? Do we not still roar? Do we perhaps need our own female version of a Fight Club?”
Soon Loh’s irritation at her own emotional incontinence turns into something more frightening. She begins to resent Mr. Y, her new love, finding fault with him when he dares to have a life that does not entirely revolve around her. How long, she wonders, before she votes him off the island? She eventually concludes that no one husband can ever really suffice: “Your first husband is the provider; your second husband is the one who talks to you; my third husband will be a cat. If I am lucky.”
Worse still, she sees echoes of her mother’s behavior in her own behavior toward her children. At first she wildly overreacts to any perceived slight: When one tween daughter is teased online, she stations herself outside the culprit’s class, preparing to pounce, an avenging angel in a fanny pack. Eventually, over the course of the year, she finds it hard to listen to her two daughters, just as her loving and dutiful mother, during menopause, could not bear to hear young Loh prattle on. Loh becomes convinced she no longer loves her children, even as they begin to protect and make excuses for their increasingly fragile mother. She is miserable.
And then, she is saved. Not by God or psychotherapy or even the love of her very good man, but by a dab of topical estrogen cream on her wrists. Better living through chemistry.
Throughout the haze of loss and anxiety, Loh sees two larger truths. First, there’s the issue of timing: Women turning 50 right now are doing something a little different, and arguably nuts. Our mothers lost their parents earlier, and had children earlier too. We are living longer, and having children later. This means that at 50, many of us have parents who are still alive and need our care. (Loh is appalled to discover her 89-year-old diapered father is now demanding Viagra, and apparently availing himself of an at-home service that offers “healing hands.” Not the Church of Christ ministry; something else. I know. Ew.) At the same time we waited to have children, and while they’re going through their own bodily upheaval, drowning in a tsunami of hormones, we’re chasing the fumes. So we are living through what is one of the most physically and emotionally trying times just at the moment when everyone around us seems to need us most. No wonder there’s a lot of crying and throwing Thanksgiving dinner down the garbage chute.
And then there’s the issue of what menopause does. Common wisdom says it makes us crazy, and historically treatment for “hysterical” women going through the change ranged from opium to ovary removal. Far from being seen as a natural event, it’s seen as a disease of deficiency. And in some ways of course it is. But just as Oliver Sacks perceived the ability in disability, so Loh describes the gains we make when we are no longer floating on a cotton candy cloud of estrogen, the body chemical that makes women “want to help people and serve people and cut up their sandwiches into ever-tinier squares.” Seeing the world more clearly is not always a good thing; we are, for a time, rawer than we once were, less able to skate on the surface. On the other side of it all, though, is wisdom; we can and do have more freedom, see more clearly, think more clearly, get things done. Hillary Clinton may have had the brains to be president at 35, but somehow I feel more comfortable, indeed delighted, with nuclear capability in the hands of a 70-year-old woman.
The book ends with Loh’s 50th-birthday party, “the one last event in your life, after your wedding . . . where friends, family and acquaintances can be guilted into showing up, and they can be guilted into bringing a gift, even if it’s a joke gift.” Predictably she pingpongs between sheer joy as she concocts her dance-mix playlists (it’s all about “Brick House”) and dread that there will be only a few awkward guests, and crickets. The party is rocking, and one friend toasts Loh with words that deeply move her, if only because she prays they are true: “Instead of running from fear, she moves toward pleasure.”
Wouldn’t we all like that written on our tombstones? The ending may seem a little forced — one can hear an editor pleading with the sardonic Loh, For the love of God, leave ’em with a little hope — but I’m buying it anyway. “The only event like a 50th birthday — the only event that celebrates and commemorates you as a grown-up, with a full, adult life, will be your funeral. So let this celebration of your fully golden self happen when you are alive. And have some cake, for God’s sake.”
Thanks. Make mine chocolate. And while you’re at it, splash on the rum and light it on fire.
*****
Readers, especially the Ladies: Want to say something here? :) Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
If you love my blog and my writes, please make a donation via PayPal, credit card, or e-check, please click the “Donate” button below. (Please only donations from those readers within the United States. – International readers please see my “Donate” page)
Or if you would like to send a check via snail mail, please make checks payable to “Michelle Moquin”, and send to:
Michelle Moquin PO Box 29235 San Francisco, Ca. 94129
Thank you for your loyal support!
All content on this site are property of Michelle Moquin © copyright 2008-2014
“Though she be but little, she be fierce.” – William Shakespeare Midsummer Night’s Dream
" Politics, god, Life, News, Music, Family, Personal, Travel, Random, Photography, Religion, Aliens, Art, Entertainment, Food, Books, Thoughts, Media, Culture, Love, Sex, Poetry, Prose, Friends, Technology, Humor, Health, Writing, Events, Movies, Sports, Video, Christianity, Atheist, Blogging, History, Work, Education, Business, Fashion, Barack Obama, People, Internet, Relationships, Faith, Photos, Videos, Hillary Clinton, School, Reviews, God, TV, Philosophy, Fun, Science, Environment, Design, The Page, Rants, Pictures, Church, Blog, Nature, Marketing, Television, Democrats, Parenting, Miscellaneous, Current Events, Film, Spirituality, Obama, Musings, Home, Human Rights, Society, Comedy, Me, Random Thoughts, Research, Government, Election 2008, Baseball, Opinion, Recipes, Children, Iraq, Funny, Women, Economics, America, Misc, Commentary, John McCain, Reflections, All, Celebrities, Inspiration, Lifestyle, Theology, Linux, Kids, Games, World, India, Literature, China, Ramblings, Fitness, Money, Review, War, Articles, Economy, Journal, Quotes, NBA, Crime, Anime, Islam, 2008, Stories, Prayer, Diary, Jesus, Buddha, Muslim, Israel, Europe, Links, Marriage, Fiction, American Idol, Software, Leadership, Pop culture, Rants, Video Games, Republicans, Updates, Political, Football, Healing, Blogs, Shopping, USA, Class, Matrix, Course, Work, Web 2.0, My Life, Psychology, Gay, Happiness, Advertising, Field Hockey, Hip-hop, sex, fucking, ass, Soccer, sox"
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:03 am
Menopause is a completely natural process – it is nothing to fear. I had a few weird hormonal fluctuations in the years leading up to it – one hot flash, one event that I can only describe as an odd anxiety attack (and I’ve never had one before or since…) — and that was it.
“The change” occurred slowly and as a process, and without much fuss. My skin looks better than it ever has, I feel more energetic and active than ever, and having no periods any more is a complete blessing – I actually love menopause!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:04 am
Forget about the women’s chemical stuff, hey Sandra, how about getting a scurfy critter from the pound and naming it VARMINT, and letting it lick your face on camera, maybe then these brain dead objects would flock to you, Oxygen problem!! (I may think you say “I hope not”), that’s fine too!!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:07 am
Sorry but I am very SICK of being told how SICK I will become (evidence of drug industry success) of those who promote menopause as “the change,” a diseased state of being!
Not true! Finally in a woman’s life her hormones become balanced. Finally a calming peace after decades of fluctuating hormone horrors while suffering through monthly hormone highs and lows!
If anything men-opause is in fact a disorder of male aging… lowering of testosterone and “non-adventurous male” (put it mildly), while drug industry is his hope to cope with impotency.
Women have NO diseased state as her hormones regulate to normalcy at middle
age.
It will be a GREAT day when women are NOT told how damaged she will become during the very best years of leveling hormones to the place she knew prior to her purpose for procreation!
Mother Nature is saving women from the diseases and disorders caused by raging hormones!
Sounds to me that Sandra Tsing Loh’s problems have to do with a messed up
personal life and NOT the actual hormonal calming at mid-age when women
who have an “opportunity” to age gracefully and enjoy life to the max!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:11 am
If it would be some somebody talking about nail polish, or boys, or what girls do when they are drunk in the kitchen, there would be ten zillion comments posted, on this thing.
I have been reading this blog, for over 4 years, and it’s been all good!
I guess most of us don’t care about things that are deep and substantial.
Shame on yo asses!!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:12 am
Gabrielle#3, Some women aren’t as fortunate as you. You are assuming that your experience is the only one that is valid.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:14 am
“fluctuating hormone horrors while suffering through monthly hormone highs and lows!”, my foot, a woman is a woman until she dies, come around, and you’ll see, what a dish I have.
At 52, she is finer than when I met her at 28.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:15 am
I love Sandra’s madness. She makes lemonade out of her mid-life lemons.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:19 am
If you or someone you live with is due for the menopause soon, I suggest you wait to read this book. Sandra Tsing Loh has not written a book to ease your mind or commiserate. She is focused on telling the most entertaining story possible of her experiences, and exaggeration is a key element.
At least I hope it is, because if not, well, just imagine the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil on a bad day and you’ll have an inkling of what she experienced in the years as she approached fifty.
The Madwoman in the Volvo is not just about Loh’s looming menopause — it also touches on raising two girls approaching their teens, on Loh’s failing marriage and aftermath, on caring for aging parents, on losing a parent, and on upper middle class suburban life in Southern California.
It’s been a few years since I last checked in with Loh. I remembered her as a funny and sarcastic writer. As a writer and entertainer, she’s fearless — she doesn’t mind being the one in the crowd who’s talking a little bit too loud or swearing in front of the kids.
If she were in your social circle, she’d be the one who embarrasses the rest of you in a restaurant, but it’s worth it because she’s so funny and honest.
In The Madwoman in the Volvo, she ratchets it up a few notches, at the risk of losing a few fans, I expect. It helps that she mentions in her acknowledgments that some of the characters she writes about are composites and although she does have a sister who is important in her life, the sister she writes about is a partially fictional one.
I hope (and suspect) that the Sandra Tsing Loh she writes about is also partially fictional.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:20 am
This book gets four stars for making me laugh out loud at the adventures of one of my favorite “This American Life” storytellers, Sandra Tsing Loh.
However, I also thought her adventures in menopause revealed a strangely childlike attitude toward marriage, a life partner, and Loh as the diva of her own life. It really surprised me, not necessarily in a good way.
But if you’ve had a mom who went through menopause, or if you are starting to go through it yourself, this is a great book with not only laughs, but some actual great information.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:22 am
Michelle, I read the book. I knew I hated it by the 30th page. There was some sick fascination, though, wondering what more Loh could say to make me shudder.
Her tone is alternately arch and whiny, and much of her suffering can be laid at her own doorstep, in my opinion.
I can’t get inside her head, I can’t understand who she is, or what her value system is comprised of. I found her, as you might guess, thoroughly unlikeable.
I’m still looking for a menopause memoir I can stomach. This certainly wasn’t it.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:25 am
Michelle, I read Sandra’s book about 2 months ago. Having reached the age where the word menopause comes up in conversations with friends, Sandra Tsing Loh’s memoir The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones caught my eye.
I think there’s much more than menopause driving Sandra Tsing Loh’s year of raging hormones. While she explores menopause with some actual references to science and respected authors on the subject, Loh’s life just seemed to go off the rails as she turns fifty. And menopause was along for the ride.
I felt her mood swings, anger and depression had roots in ‘pre-existing conditions’, if you will. Her affair (Mr.Y) and the dissolution of her marriage (Mr. X) seem to take top billing for much of the book.
She also explores her relationships with her children, her aging father, her sibling, friends with seeming candor, but admits, ” Like with my middle-aged Volvo, I don’t have a temperature or emotional thermostat that actually works.”
Although the book is only 288 pages, I had to take a break from the book a few times and return later. Loh’s intensity and selfish me, me, me attitude was tiring and quite frankly, grew boring.
I must admit, I had not heard of Loh before picking up this book – she is a broadcaster, writer and performer. But, I was actually quite disappointed (and felt manipulated as a reader) when I reached the end of the book and read the disclaimer….
“Except where noted in the acknowledgments, the characters appearing in this book are composites who are not intended to refer to specific people. While inspired by true events, the actions, scenes, and dialogue in this book have been chosen to illuminate the changes states of mind of the narrator, and are of story-making purposes only.”
Fans of Loh will probably enjoy the book
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:30 am
Michelle, I don’t know if you have read the book, but I found it very interesting in a different sort of way. I will say though fans of Sandra Tsing Loh will LOVE “The Madwoman in the Volvo”.
Her quintessential ‘Loh’ humor runs throughout the first few chapters as the reader joins Loh on the travails of Peri-menopause. Never mind hot flashes, poor Loh is trying to manage the wild mood swings, flashes of anger and overwhelming sadness that seem to be plaguing her mysteriously and mercilessly.
How she manages (Friends, The Wisdom of Menopause by Chrstine Northrup, Drugs, Herbal Remedies, kids thrusting motherhood upon her, reconciling her relationship with her mother) makes up the rest of the book.
This took me a while to get into and I wasn’t sure if it was Loh’s humor of that I am not in menopause yet …something kept me reading.
In the end as Loh became more ‘real’ and less Sandra Loh the comedian, and started digging deeper is where the book took a turn for me. I expect that many people will find this book refreshing and relate’able, particularly if they are looking to find the laughing side of menopause.
I should add that there was one piece of info that she noted that sort of blew my mind but you will have to read it yourself to see if there is something for you too
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:32 am
People you have to read this book. It doesn’t matter that you are male or female menopausal or not. It’s a rollicking ride through the crises that make up our lives as “women of a certain age”: dealing with the men in our lives, coping with domestic arrangements, caring for our aging parents, managing our weight (when it used to manage itself, dammitall), and keeping our depressions from eating us alive.
Loh makes it all funny and human. She turns herself into a bit of a monster for comic effect, of course.
The account is fictionalized enough for us to know that not *everything* in it is strictly true, though it is clearly based on her real-world experiences.
Clever bits of veiling are employed to hide details about those near and dear to her. Loh is courageous enough to present herself–this fictionalized version of herself, anyway–as deeply flawed, prey to the weaknesses all human beings share, and perhaps a few more.
She is, after all, telling a story that could, in places, read as a cautionary tale.
A fun beach read for the summer.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:36 am
This is a very, very sad and disturbing story. Hormone fluctuations don’t cause people to cheat on their spouse – being a selfish mother does….
In fact, this entire story reeks of selfishness on the mom’s part. I was disgusted at this article’s title and the photograph of the mom with her 2 preteen daughters. Who would do this to their children (write this expose article with a photograph, write a book, etc… about cheating on their father and her sexual exploits)…????!!!
So, you put your career first – have a marriage and children later….then, after you have your children, instead of taking care of your family that you chose to create – you run off to a burning man festival with your coworkers (including male coworkers) and then sleep with Mr. Y? And now, you are forcing your children to LIVE with Mr. Y while you are shacking up with him????!!!!
I don’t care what kind of menopause symptoms you are having – if you love your kids and put any importance on motherhood – then you wouldn’t be doing this to them. And I bet your poor ex-husband has to pay child support – when really the kids should be living full time with their more stable parent and you should be the one paying child support.
Do what’s right for your kids – give them to their father to raise and stop involving them in your disgusting writing career and your shack up love life… that would be the first step in you becoming a good mother.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:37 am
Sandra Tsing Loh’s “Madwoman” might be everywoman who has ever been perimenopausal and, I might add, perimenopausal with teenagers in residence.
Sooner or later it will happen to all of us women so here’s a suggestion: find somewhere you are comfortable and relaxed and sit back to enjoy the hilarity of Loh’s very fine and meaningful narrative.
You might not go to Burning Man and ditch your husband of many years for your best friend and business partner, but you will still appreciate the veracity of her experiences and the depth of her insights.
It’s the 21st century and the experience of going through “the change” is universal, even though, 75 years or so ago more women died before the living chaos of leaving fertility behind.
No spoilers here, you’ll have to read it for yourself to know. And remember, knowledge is power.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:38 am
This took me a day to read. For most of the book, I followed a bit grudgingly along as Tsing Loh describes her messed up life. Then on p. 214 she made me cry describing how her 9 and 11 year old daughters started caring for her when was feeling like she didn’t want to care for them.
I took a hard look at how I treat my children. Overall, I thought this book was uneven. The NYTimes review of it pretty much provides all you need to know.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:43 am
Jana#14, While I do get your point, and have to agree with you regarding the affair, I have to ask….are you as critical of men going through their mid life crisis?
You sound like Zen Lill during her early years on this blog before she started accepting that women are judged by a different standard.
Men are worst when it comes to ditching their family obligations when they start feeling the effects of age. You know the ones that are 50 or so and decide to bonk the secretary after buying their cute sports car?
And that’s after already spending years largely ignoring the family they “chose” to create in favor of their career?
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:44 am
A fascinating look at one woman’s menopausal experience. I heard her speaking about this book on NPR. The interviewer said, with surprise in his voice, “Sandra, you had a happy or seemingly happy marriage and suddenly you had an affair and blew up your life.
What happened?” The writing is excellent. She has a great sense of humor. An excellent book to read if you are entering (or have finished) this stage of your life.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:45 am
I think Sandra Tsing Loh is so witty, and I imagine that she’s great to listen to in person. This book, which chronicles the year before she turns 50, starts off with a bang. She’s entering menopause, and she feels like she’s going crazy. Her relationships are a mess. She is a mess.
But after about 30 pages, I grew weary of all the confession. I think this book is best read in little pieces — like tiny chocolate squares.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:46 am
TB#17, I’m curious how many men that cheat on their partners then get to keep the kids, the home, etc? I’m also unsure how many men get to claim menopause as an excuse? Because I know when men cheat on their wives, society does not go celebrating them for it… just ask Tiger Woods.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:48 am
Michelle, I read this book it was funny and I found that I recognized myself on many of the pages. Loh has a talent for putting into words some of the bizarre moments of life and making the reader know they are not alone and they are not crazy.
In fact, lots of people have acted the same way. Not only was the humor refreshing, I actually learned some medical information. There is a reason I do what I do. Bruhhahahaha! I very much enjoyed the time spent with this book!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:53 am
Michelle, I LOVED Sandra’s book. Sandra Tsing Loh really seems to speak to those women in our mid to late 40s who are, intelligent, strong, creative and funny but who sometimes find kids, hormones, keeping house and husbands to be a challenge.
She bares her soul with much wit and insight. She’s not perfect and gives us all permission to be totally imperfect along with her on this crazy ride called life!
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:54 am
Mark#20, men called it “mid-life crises” … at least we know with women it is genuinely hormones … men, according to men, they don’t suffer from hormones.
So “mid-life crises” was society’s way of giving the man a pass to act crazy … leave his wife and children, buy a sport car and bang his 20 something secretary.
I actually know of two men that kept the home and the kids and the wives became homeless. Those are the stories they never write about.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:55 am
I wish Sandra Tsing Louh would come out to New York for a visit as I suspect she could be my new best friend. Her book just made me laugh out loud which hardly ever happens when reading. So many things in this book resonated with me albeit in a slightly horrifying way. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
June 22nd, 2014 at 8:58 am
I’ve read the negatives here about Sandra’s book. I thoroughly disagree. This is a funny, poignant, riveting read. I felt embarrassed at times at Sandra Loh’s honesty…only because I’ve been there and wondered out loud if I could ever share that much! Didn’t expect her experiences to mirror mine with Alzheimer’s and Dementia in the mix for her parents. You’ll laugh, you’ll flinch, you’ll cry. What more could you ask for?
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:00 am
Sonja#23, “So “mid-life crises” was society’s way of giving the man a pass to act crazy”
Except it doesn’t give men a pass. Men who act crazy are shamed for their mid life crisis, assuming they don’t lose everything in the process.
The fact you would attempt to make that assertion while ignoring the questions I asked which demonstrate that men DON’T get a pass shows a clear confirmation bias on your part.
“leave his wife and children, buy a sport car and bang his 20 something secretary. ”
And be shamed for being irresponsible, not to mention being required to compensate the wife with alimony and child support and losing his children.
As noted in the article, this mother than went crazy still ended up with the children. The man had his wife cheat on him and leave him and he STILL lost his children.
“I actually know of two men that kept the home and the kids and the wives became homeless.”
I find that incredibly hard to believe, not to mention it is demonstrably not consistent with modern outcomes in custody and social shaming.
“Those are the stories they never write about.”
If those stories were true, we would be hearing demands from feminists to institute equality measures in custod. We don’t, we actually hear them advocating to maintain the status quo.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:01 am
Ah, yes, the menopause memoir…or as the medical profession is quick to remind us, most of us with the mood swings and the bad behavior are actually in perimenopause.
Once ‘it’s’ over, then we can say we are in menopause. Guess many women are in menopause for the rest of their lives? Ugh. Enjoyable, fun to read book but not for the faint of heart!
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:01 am
Michelle, I’m a longtime fan of Sandra Tsing Loh and saw her read her work at UC Santa Cruz years ago. In this memoir, Loh speaks with humor about going through The Change while being a mother, daughter, and wife. This is not your mother’s menopause story.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:02 am
People this is a funny laugh out loud book about perimenopause and menopause that is a perfect beach read.
However, I soon became tired of her riff and hunkered for something more serious. Much is intentionally exaggerated for comic effect but i found overdone.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:03 am
Ladies fuck the silly men, there is some truth to be found in this book. I finally understand my love of staying by myself in nice hotels and my new addiction to candy crush. :) She is a funny writer with a keen insight into human foibles.
flag
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:07 am
Mark#26, give it up. Men have no medical excuse for cheating on their spouse and what they get isn’t nearly what they really deserve.
And you need to get your grammar in check. We all make mistakes but read this passage out loud it sounds so bad It can’t be correct. “As noted in the article, this mother than went crazy still ended up with the children.”
Try “then” and it will sound right because it is.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:20 am
Mark#26, “I actually know of two men that kept the home and the kids and the wives became homeless.”
My Ex didn’t want to be responsible for her two, a 5 and 7 year old, So I ended up with full custody of the 7 year old by default, who I was told was mine.
Many years later I learned that one wasn’t mine, after a Paternity test.
Both men and women can be irresponsible, but men in most cases are required to pay for that “lifestyle” choice of the “gone crazy” wife. NO such thing as “gone crazy” signs were there even in the teens years, and I was warned by the mother in-law.
I just didn’t listen, for I was the younger one out of that relationship.
Lessons learned? No more blind trust, make better choices, and I’ll never marry again. Divorced in 1987, and “living” in the modern ages.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:22 am
TB#17, Absolutely! However… Men who are working hard at their careers to support their families should not be penalized for that.
Men are providers – and sometimes their careers take them away from their families (i.e., working weekends, nights, etc…). It’s very difficult for men to support their families with our economy the way it is – and any man that is not out boozing and having affairs – but is busy working to ensure their family’s future should not be penalized for working long hours.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:23 am
Michelle, I liked the cover, so I read her book about menopause. Weird, I know. I like biographies. I appreciated how honest she was. But at times, I was shocked at how awful she could be.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:25 am
Sandra Tsing Loh, oh my God, I am not going crazy….losing my mind and temper….thank goodness this was a humorous diagnosis….thanks for helping me laugh at myself!
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:27 am
Jana#33, OMG! You didn’t just say that a man has excuse to cheat because he’s working “hard” to support his family?? Such BS!!
You are worst than the early Zen Lill ever was when she was sucking up to men on this blog.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:28 am
I found her book to be very funny, relevant(!) and entertaining.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:29 am
I really thought I was going to enjoy this book a lot more than I did, especially after hearing Sandra Tsing Loh on NPR, and reading an excerpt of the book in AARP’s magazine.
It’s not that wasn’t well written, because it was, but eventually it proved to be not something I was really interested in reading. I guess I thought it would be funnier, and believe me, menopause needs all the humor it can get.
Unfortunately, I don’t think menopause was the only thing driving Tsing Loh’s depression and rage.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 am
Bree#36, Nobody is saying that.
I believe Jana said the man should not be penalized because he has to work “long hours”. A woman ALSO should not be penalized if she has to work long hours.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:31 am
Michelle, after reading your blog, I ran out yesterday and read it. it started out funny and got kind of sad. Had some funny elements and some good stories. Not exactly what I was expecting.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:32 am
Spike#39, You know it’s ok for women to enjoy working long hours, too. We don’t just “have” to.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:33 am
Spike#39, Depends if her husband is working part-time or staying at home with the kids. The kids need a parent to parent them – and usually the parent is the mother (as women have evolved to be better child nurturers over thousands and thousands of years).
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:34 am
Bree#36, Jana was clearly referring to the comment of a man “choosing” his career over his family; not the cheating part.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:37 am
Jana#42, I often wanted to ask this of Zen Lill during those early years when she was always trying to see the man’s side, but I didn’t.
I won’t let that opportunity pass again. What century were you born in?
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:37 am
Bridget#43, that’s not clear at all. which is why I asked.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:39 am
Jana, TB spoke about the men that ignore their wives using work as an excuse. It’s completely possible to work hard to provide and not completely ignore your wife.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:39 am
Bree#45, Clear to me.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:40 am
Bree, it was Incredibly Clear to me.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:41 am
Samuel#46, Agreed as well as the reverse (women working and not ignoring their familial relationships). I feel that this woman was making an excuse for bad decisions. That being said, menopause is a bear….many apologies along that path.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:42 am
Jana#42, Ummm, ok. You do realize that in most families, BOTH work to support the family right? So that makes BOTH the providers. As I said before, something makes me think you have a rather lopsided view of what is acceptable.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:43 am
Come on people, She’s a comedian. Take what she says with a grain of salt.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:45 am
Jana#43, I tend to agree about the selfish part in tearing apart the family, especially when there were other options available to her (hormone replacement) that would have alleviated her symptoms of craziness.
She may not have known what was happening to her at the time. Many women have PMS so bad that it makes them crazy one week out of every month and few realize it’s the PMS making them act that way until a friend points it out to them.
Bottom line, not much was ever said to me about being in the throes of menopause so when it happened to me I thought I was going crazy.
I have to applaud her for at least writing this book and telling her story, because women out there need to be educated on what they might expect so they can take action before they turn their lives upside down like she did.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:46 am
Clara#51, The only sensible comment here, I was thinking the same thing.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:48 am
Bill#4, care to rethink that comment you made earlier. Next time shut the fuck up. You got these bitches on a never ending tirade.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:49 am
David#53, Cheers to that. While I’m not going to say I think running off to burning man and having an affair is an applaudable choice, who hasn’t made some irrationally stupid decision in their life? She just happens to be publicly sharing how she found the humor in it.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:50 am
Marie#52, PMS and hormone fluctuations do not cause bad parenting, mental instability, immorality and selfish behavior – all of which she still seems to be exhibiting…
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:53 am
Howard#54, eat shit and die. Men like you are only happy when you get a hot dick shoved up you asses because then you can pretend you were forced to be gay.
I’m not saying gay men are misogynists but some of those in denial are so hateful of women because they secretly want to be one.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:53 am
Lydia#55, It’s not very funny when there are children involved.
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:55 am
Marie#52, It amazes me how often women claim other women don’t know enough about their own basic biological functions to know how it may affect them?
Do women seriously need to be forced to learn about their own body by other, outside people?
Are women so irresponsible they can’t google menopause to know what they should expect from something that WILL happen (or are women so clueless as to not realize PMS and menopause happens to all women?).
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:56 am
To continue – Marie, Comments like yours often make me wonder if women can really be that clueless, or if it’s all just an act in order to absolve themselves of responsibility?
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:57 am
Jana#56, So agree with all – and, too, I feel very sorry for this woman who had the nerve to include her daughters in this picture. She is even hiding behind them as if to say she is a child herself!
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:57 am
What does being a mother have to do with cheating?
June 22nd, 2014 at 9:58 am
Jana#58, Oh Geesh, why are you missing the point of this story? Do you think these kids are abused? Probably not. As sad as it is MOST children will endure divorce in some way shape or form.
As horrid as it is, it’s a norm that is becoming more and more normal. If you would like to save some children, google street kids.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:00 am
I would bet that her ex Husband is one happy camper. He got rid of this Whore without him being the bad guy. She is a low down person, and I hope that she makes no money.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:01 am
Menopause is not a mental illness. The experts already know that women who take hormones and use diet chemicals (in food or as pills) experience crazies.
This does not mean this is what happens to all women approaching or in their menopause years. Then there are other women like the one this story is written about who just want to find a scapegoat for all their immature actions.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:03 am
Randy#64, “I can’t believe pretty soon I will get a monthly paycheck for doing nothing. What’s not awesome about that?”
…I don’t know, that sounds like post affair/divorce alimony+child support to me, but it could have just meant social security…
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:05 am
Ditto Bill#57, Some men are just pathetic.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:06 am
Howard#54, Bill nailed you. Come to me I’ll be your Huckleberry and fuck you silly.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:08 am
Randy#64, I had a long term girlfriend dump me after menopause hit. She turned from a sweet girl into a totally self absorbed sociopath. Not the worst thing though.
She had become pretty miserable to be around. I’m much happier coming home to be alone than to have that black hole in my life.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:10 am
John#65, Actually it can cause mental illness to surface in varying degrees.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:12 am
Mitchell#70, Bullshit.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:13 am
Mitchell#70, menopause does not now nor ever will cause mental illness. You are confusing the additional mental stress on a woman who already has mental illness. M
enopause is a doctor generated phrase to use to gauge a woman’s age. that is all.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:14 am
John#72, Tell that to the awful PMDD I suffered for years. Yes, hormone fluctuations can indeed cause some mental illness.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:15 am
Samuel#73, PMDD is not menopause.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:17 am
John#74, What is a mental illness if not a chemical imbalance?
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:18 am
Mellisa#75, menopause is not an illness.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:18 am
Mellisa#75, when you can test & measure the chemical imbalance I’ll believe you… Until then it is just selfish people saying me, look at me, me… me… me…
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:19 am
Sounds like a lame excuse for being a terrible person.
June 22nd, 2014 at 10:23 am
Howard#54, and some of you other men on this blog today, you know who you are. I am a proud gay man who as Bill#57 does, senses some hidden closet issues.
I just want to let you know that I am available. On very short notice I can lay a yard of pipe up those “virgin” asses that are so wanting they have to dis women.
Come boys, eh ladies, let me be your Huckle Berry.