The Muslim Women speak out…they are a voice for millions.
Posted by michellemoquin on August 16th, 2008
Hey Doug: I don’t know how a family can reach this point. The Koran does not authorize honor killings however, It is legal to beat your wife: Quran 4:34 :‘Instructs men to beat disobedient wives and send them to sleep in separate beds.’ If beating is acceptable, ‘beating’ someone to death is not far behind, and obviously is acceptable in the minds of the perpetrators. The apologists try to convince us that these acts are simple domestic violence acts similar to those that take place in all communities. Not so; they are specific to the Muslim religion and culture…it is said, ‘A man’s ‘shame’ at the prospect of a woman’s sullied ‘honor’ must be avoided at all costs.’
Hi Taras: Hmm…I really don’t think so. My article about the Democratic State of Georgia was not pronouncing Russians as barbarians. I felt that I was just giving the facts and more than anything asking a ton of questions. Earthlings in general are very barbaric, it is not a term that is saved for the Russians, nor did I imply that they were. War is barbaric and those fighting become so too.
As far as McCain’s adviser being a paid lobbyist: It is something I will have to research. But my question is, ‘If you know so much about this why don’t you blog it and enlighten us?’ I would appreciate hearing your take from a Russians viewpoint. I am curious too…Do you live in America or Russia? I welcome and look forward to your response.
Hello Aswaq: I am sorry that your friends have been trying to write in and have had no success. I do not have control over whose comments get in and whose do not. However I am please that you were able to.
From your comment I can see that there are many sides to the way that the women of Islam see themselves. How could you not? You have many pressures pulling you in many directions as well as your own desires. Just in the example that you gave between your mother and your brothers, it is obvious that everyone has expectations that may or may not be what you want. Your mother accepts; sees nothing wrong with the way women are viewed or treated and obviously your brothers are not complaining. Why would they? Your brothers could and will never know what it is like to live in your skin. They get to do as they please. You on the other hand are handed a card that you may not want to play.
I can’t imagine one wanting to live one way and having the pressures to adhere to what society, tradition, or religion is asking of you. Yes, we American women have pressures like all women worldwide, but none that would end in a fatal beating by our families.
It reminds me of the pressure that I went through in my family; really only with my mother, to become pregnant….to give her a grandchild. The pressure was by no means even close to what Muslim women go through but it was a very difficult time for me. It weighed on me heavily and I felt that if I didn’t have a baby I was going to be a big disappointment to my mother and to my family. It got to the point where it had an effect on me so much that I dreaded seeing my mother knowing that the ‘baby’ subject would arise. It definitely put distance between us even if she never felt it, I knew it was there. The things that came out of her mouth left me driving home in tears many times. This went on for years before she finally accepted that a child was not in the plan. I know that it is still a disappointment for her but it is my life.
And it is your life too. You should be able to live how you please just as your brothers do. I don’t believe that Allah intended for his female children to be abused in any manner. Any abuse by any male or otherwise is unacceptable.
You are very welcome. As much as I am appalled myself about these ‘murders’, I am grateful that I have a captive audience to get the word out on such important issues.
Hi Baseema: I was just about to post when I decided to check one last time for any more comments, and of course I saw yours.
Your comment is so disturbing, I really don’t know what to say. The life of what so many Muslim women live on a daily basis is so drastically different from my own, it is far beyond what my mind can comprehend. And I know that what you write is probably tame compared to what you go through every day.
To put it mildly, because I can’t articulate how I am feeling presently, ‘the men want to have their cake and eat it too’ and they do. They can rape continuously and then expect to marry a virgin, and if you aren’t one then what? You are killed because of their own needs in the first place? To them women are just objects to control, to use, and abuse.
I don’t know how to answer your question and I am frustrated because I can’t. Again I am grateful that I am able to give attention to those that need to be heard. Thanks to you and Aswaq for being a voice for milllions.
Readers: Well it happened again…more comments just came in as I was about to post. I’m going to leave it up to you readers to discuss amongst yourselves and I will address those that I missed this morning, tomorrow.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle ?
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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August 16th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Michelle,
WOW! Great topics lately, and I do hope that this blog audience can continue to write in to discuss these global concerns. Questions and concerns like this should be heard from those women that are within this environment for us all in the rest of the world to find the truth. We get information that is filtered through the corporate global news agencies, similar to how many countries only get one side of their stories from their news agencies. In order for the world to get to the truth on so many of these delicate issues this forum can be a beacon of truth for those.
I appreciate all of you who have the courage to stand and deliver your truth knowing of the dangers you might face if you are found. It is a courage that is difficult to understand for those of us that are not in such a delicate position.
Thank you for your voices.
Be safe!
August 16th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Baseema
You have my prayers. I am in the US. We came here when i was three. I have been fighting every day of my life since I entered the seventh grade to get the same rights my fellow American sisters have. The men here too try to continue the oppression that you are experiencing where you are.
I have given up looking to Islam for help. As soon as I graduate from college( I am in the 11th grade) I will switch religions and swear off this malfunctioning family forever. My two sisters are fed up with arab men too. They have sworn that once they get away they will never return to this life. My two brothers love it. They are so macho about their arab heritage. Little do they know that we secretly hope that they do go to Pastine and learn what its like to have to live what they scream about everyday.
They can only see the world through their eyes. i don’t expect them to be able to live with other races because they can not live with their own women without constantly crying they are not getting the respect of their women. Who could respect these selfish men? They can only feel for themselves. They treat their animals better than they do their women. We are people too. They can not or wont see us as human beings with the same needs as they have.
This may be useless. But I suggest that you try to get to some other country and then swear those men and that cult off forever.
Baysan
August 16th, 2008 at 11:04 am
How to Haggle Like a Pro… Even if You Hate Haggling
Max Edison
Haggling is the secret to paying less for goods and services. Haggling isn’t just unseemly horse trading, it’s a form of negotiation — and it’s perfectly respectable. What you need to know to haggle successfully…
PREPARATION PAYS
There is room for negotiation in virtually every purchase, even at large department stores where you can get a discount if you can point out a defect in a product.
Important: Good hagglers always carefully inspect items that they’re interested in.
Biggest mistake made by hagglers: Lack of preparation. A seller who is aware that you are guessing or bluffing will be unlikely to give an inch.
The most important thing you need to know: What constitutes a fair price for what you want to buy. When making a major purchase, it’s a good idea to go to several places first to make price comparisons…
For items such as appliances, electronics and jewelry, visit several stores. Also, since prices are lower on the Internet, check on-line to see what comparable merchandise sells for — that’s the price you want to beat.
If you are house hunting, learn the prices paid recently for comparable houses in similar neighborhoods. To get this information, ask a real estate agent or visit your county tax office and look at sales records.
For automobiles, find out how much the dealer paid for the vehicle., including how true market value (TMV) is calculated.
Second-biggest mistake made by hagglers: Not knowing the tricks used by salespeople. Since you can’t avoid a salesperson’s negotiating ploys, your best defense is to recognize what he/she is doing. You then have the chance to use some of those tactics yourself. Examples…
A car salesman says, “I’d love to make this deal with you, but my manager says no way.” Counter that with, “Let me speak with the manager.”
When offering you a loan, a banker says, “You’ve got to take this insurance policy for death or disability for us to approve the loan.” Counter that with, “I know that I don’t have to have insurance for you to make the loan.”
HOW TO HAGGLE
Haggling can be courteous and even friendly, but it’s essentially psychological warfare. Helpful…
Play hard to get. If a seller can tell that you’re in love with an item, he knows that he will be able to get top price. Pretend to be only mildly interested and don’t go back too many times to look at the item.
If you make an offer, let it stand. If you make an offer and it’s accepted, the deal is done. If a counteroffer is made, you can then make another offer. This is how the game is played. If the seller accepts your offer and you say that you’ll be back next week, you may not have a deal the next week.
If you and the seller can’t agree on the price of an item, ask the seller if he’s got anything that he can throw in on the deal.
Examples: Ask automobile dealers to throw in floor mats, a bicycle rack or free service for six months… with computer and stereo equipment, ask the seller for free cables and free installation… with VCR or DVD players, ask for free movies.
Never tip your hand. If you are willing to pay $100 for an item, offer $80 or even $60. You never know — the other guy might take it. Even if he passes or counteroffers, he’ll feel like some progress is being made.
Nail down early whether or not sales tax is included. Why go through 20 minutes of haggling only to start over when it comes to sales tax?
Ask for the cash price, if you are able to pay cash for an item.
Background: Merchants lose about 2% when a credit card is used, so they may be willing to take a 2% bite if you pay cash.
Take advantage of a seller’s weaknesses. Examples…
Politely point out any flaws in the merchandise. If the item is outdated in any way, let him know that. This works best with digital cameras, flat-screen televisions and computers where new models are introduced seemingly every day.
Be aware that people will be more or less willing to haggle under different circumstances. The two main factors are time and attachment to the object. A home owner who is having a two-day garage sale knows that whatever doesn’t sell is going back to the attic or to the dumpster. On the other hand, there may be an emotional attachment (this was Grandma’s dresser!). If someone won’t part with his stuff for a reasonable price, look elsewhere. Seasonal merchandise, such as patio furniture and fur coats, can be bought at huge savings for buyers who can think (and haggle) months ahead.
WHO BEST TO HAGGLE WITH
You can haggle with just about every seller, but you may find the greatest success with…
Small-town merchants or stores that are independently owned. Their owners are much more likely to dicker than a large outlet like Best Buy or Home Depot. Make sure that you talk to a decision-maker, such as the owner or at least the store manager. Many times, a mom-and-pop store will try to match its larger competitor’s sale prices.
Jewelry stores. These retailers have markups that are usually 300% to 400% above wholesale, so they have lots of room to haggle.
Car dealers. Haggling with car dealers works best when bad weather keeps other customers away, near the end of the month (when their sales quotas are due) and from August to September (when the new models are coming out).
Banks. They will argue over percentage points on loans, services such as free checking and even fees from bounced checks. Always ask to have fees waived. Go up the chain of command until you find someone who has the power to say yes.
Chains and discount stores will cut prices under the right circumstances, such as buying a display model, an item with very slight damage or an air conditioner in October.
Individuals who place ads in the paper using the words “best offer” or “OBO” (or best offer). These people expect a counteroffer to the price they’re asking — and they’re doing you the favor of saying so!
August 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Wow, Mischa, look what happens while I’m on holiday…
I mentioned this phenomena back when I did the Pakistani Spectator interview, I think the q was ‘what is your perception of Pakistan’ and my answer spoke about sisters around the world suffering daily due to religion and at the hands of bad men claiming to uphold family honor, and about those insane yet accepted acid disfiguring incidences, of which there are far too many in Paki and other Islamic nations. Horrible, horrific and just how do we help stop it?
It’s a helpless feeling I have…and we’ve all that happening in Islamic countries plus we’ve got sisters in Africa suffering and sometimes dying from infections caused by genital mutilation. Mavis Leno is very involved with the site link you posted I believe, (I think that’s the same org) but it seems that making headway on any of these causes is difficult due to cultural/religious/tribal ‘traditions’ (is that the word for male barriers tp civilized treatment of women?) and who’s willing to clash with all that male cultural baggage to save women (?), who are apparently, expendable in those parts of the world…sad sad sigh…
I have no answers, sorry, I wish I did…it bothers me mucho though, any suggestions, Mischa, women of Islam?
On another note, M, I’m sorry you had to go through that phase with your mother, Misch, it’s disappointing when you’re not accepted as is. I went through that briefly until I totally sold them on my never getting married and the ZPG rap, been telling both since I was 17, then I did both, much to everyone’s surprise/amazement, hahaha, I keep people guessing, mmmm, not sure they always appreciate it though : )
I’m suddenly very excited to be a woman born in the USA, I have much freedom and while I never take it for granted I’m sitting here stunned at what the daily lives of some women of the world must endure. It’s frustrating not to know how exactly to be more helpful.
What the heck ever happened to Al??? Howie, is Al alright?
A pleasant Saturday to everyone.
- Zen
August 17th, 2008 at 2:46 am
How Not to Run out of Money
Kathy Stepp, CPA, CFP
Stepp & Rothwell, Inc.
While you’re working, “retirement planning” includes building up as big an investment portfolio as you can. But planning takes a different turn after retirement or after you stop working full-time.
Needed: A blueprint for how much of your investments to tap each year.
ENOUGH BUT NOT TOO MUCH
Long-term, stocks have returned about 10.4% a year, including dividends, on average, while long-term government bonds have returned around 5.5%. A blended portfolio might earn around 7% to 8% over the course of your retirement.
Trap: If you withdraw, say, 7% of your investment portfolio each year, your withdrawals in dollars will move up and down — perhaps sharply — with market movements. Given human nature, you probably won’t cut back on retirement spending in years when the market is down.
Example: A hypothetical Alan Smith retired in 1998 with a $1 million investment portfolio. He withdrew $70,000 (7%) in 1999.
In 2000, 2001 and 2002, the bear market in stocks reduced his portfolio each year. Nevertheless, Alan was newly retired and very much wanted to travel, so he kept withdrawing $70,000 per year. Upon withdrawing $210,000 over three years and suffering $200,000 in market losses, Alan would have seen his portfolio fall below $600,000 — a 40% drop — and only three years into retirement! If he continued to withdraw $70,000 per year (which would have represented almost 12% of his portfolio by Year Four), he probably would deplete his investments during his lifetime.
Better: Start your retirement with a more modest withdrawal percentage, then increase the amount withdrawn each year to keep up with inflation.
Key: Decide on a wise withdrawal percentage in Year One. Assuming your portfolio is invested 60/40 between stocks and bonds, a 4% initial withdrawal gives you a very good chance of never running out of money.
Example: In Year One of his retirement, Alan Smith might withdraw $40,000 — 4% of his $1 million nest egg. If inflation is 3%, he could withdraw $41,200 in Year Two to preserve his spending power. And so on.
Result: Assuming an average return of 7% per year, an initial withdrawal of 4% and annual inflation adjustments of 3%, a portfolio would likely last for 35 years — a comfortable cushion in case the market or inflation worsens.
Tactic: If you are willing to take more risk of running out of money (or if you have other assets such as real estate that you can tap), you might increase your first-year withdrawal to 5%. The same 5% initial withdrawal might be prudent if you are retiring after age 70, so you expect to have fewer years of living off your portfolio. Substituting a 5% withdrawal rate in the scenario above, a portfolio would probably be safe for 20 years.
PICKING THE RIGHT POCKET
Saying that you should take $40,000 from a $1 million portfolio is one thing. But most people will have money in taxable as well as tax-deferred accounts.
Strategy: Generally it’s best to tap your taxable accounts first. That will allow more time for tax deferral in your IRA and other tax-deferred plans.
There’s another reason to keep your money in your IRA, at least until you’re age 59½. Before that age, withdrawals usually are subject to a 10% penalty as well as regular income tax.
Exception: It might pay to take money from your IRA after age 59½ but before you have exhausted your taxable accounts to take advantage of low tax rates.
Example: Bob and Carol Jones, both age 60, expect their taxable income this year to be around $50,000. They can take about $11,000 from their IRAs this year and owe only 15% to the IRS.
Taking out money at 15% now may turn out to be a good deal. Required distributions or changes in tax law might cause future IRA withdrawals to be taxed more highly.
If you don’t need the spending money, you might want to move some money from a traditional IRA to a Roth IRA, if you qualify, while paying tax at a 15% rate. After five years, Roth IRA withdrawals will be tax free.
KEEP THE CASH FLOWING
Now you must determine what part of your portfolio the money will come from.
Strategy: Before you retire, aim to accumulate at least one year’s worth of portfolio withdrawals in cash reserves.
Alan Smith, in the example, kept $40,000 in a money market fund.
Advantage: This money can be used for spending so you won’t be forced to sell other stocks when their values are down, or bonds in which you have no appreciation.
As you spend down your cash reserve each year, you’ll need a plan for replenishing it. Possible tactics…
Rely on investment income. Interest, dividends and mutual fund distributions might go into your cash reserve. This will enable you to keep your investment principal intact.
Start with your bonds. Your investment income might not be enough to fully refill your cash account. Say that you expect the annual shortfall to be $25,000. You might sell $25,000 worth of bonds and/or bond fund shares each year and use the proceeds to restore your cash account.
Advantage: Bonds and bond funds are not as volatile as stocks. Chances are, each year you’ll be able to find $25,000 worth of bonds or bond fund shares in your portfolio that are trading near what you paid.
Tactic 1: Sell the bonds or shares that will generate the smallest loss of principal or the smallest taxable gain to minimize your tax bill.
Tactic 2: If you hold individual bonds, invest in issues that will mature periodically, as you go through retirement, say, in 2007, 2008, 2009, etc. The redemption proceeds can go into your cash reserve.
Stick with your stocks. By using your bonds to replace your cash, you extend the time you hold on to your stocks and stock funds. Historically, stocks held for the long term have outperformed bonds or cash.
Therefore, a hold-onto-stocks strategy is likely to boost your investment returns during a lengthy retirement.
Caution: By selling bonds while holding stocks, your portfolio eventually will tilt more toward stocks. As your time horizon shrinks, you may not want a stock-heavy portfolio.
Reason: Just as stocks have performed the best over the long term, they also have generated the sharpest short-term losses. You might not want to bear such risk as you grow older.
Strategy: Review your porfolio each year to see if you are comfortable with your current allocation. If you would like less risk, sell some of your stocks or shares of stock funds.
Those proceeds can be reinvested in bonds, if interest rates are appealing, or cash, if you need liquidity.
Set up a credit line. Before going into retirement, make sure you have a home-equity line of credit. You can tap it for unexpected cash needs without being forced to liquidate assets when markets are down. Then, pay off the debt when a bond matures or you rebalance your portfolio.
August 17th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Arab men are useless whiners who see the world through their own separate desires. They don’t see the pathos, suffering or grief of others. This is evident in how they treat their female population.
We arab women are not alone. Our sisters of Islam are with us in being treated like property worth less than their animals and cars. We women are loyal our countries, but not to the men and the system that keeps us in a constant state of terror.
I am a Saudi citizen who represents some of the very few educated women. We are like Zen lill. We have no idea what to do. The rest of the world is too afraid to take on this caricature of Islam. The Koran literally is an authorization for devious men to use to keep women from ever seeing a glimpse of equality.
I can not see a way out of this hell in my life time. I do appreciate all the efforts by Michelle to bring some light to our plight. I hope that those of us outside the reach of these evil men will hit them hard. We have to call this what it is. Islam is not a true religion. It is a propaganda tool used by men intent on controlling one half of their country’s population by using a book they claim is sacred to avoid being criticized by outsiders.
An educated forced to be Islamic woman