Flap Your Lips Friday
Posted by Michelle Moquin on December 31st, 2010
Good morning!
Suzanne: I apologize. In my haste yesterday, I neglected to respond to your suggestion of us getting together. I am quite busy these days, but yes, we do need to get together. :)
So in my haste let me make it up to you…this writes for you. Isn’t it fitting that today is “Friday”…and today’s post is about ”flapping your lips”.
Butch/Femme/Top/Bottom – Gender within a Gender?
As I have had the pleasure of watching the extremely funny and interesting Vlogs and interviews here in AfterEllen, one recurring issue has gotten me to wonder something that I have noticed in the lesbian-bisexual-community in general.
A while back I was watching a hilarious Celesbian interviews by Julie and Kate and I saw Julie make jokes about Butch-on-Butch crime. I know she was kind of joking, but something I have seen a lot lately, is lesbians or bisexuals having the opinion that there should be a butch and a femme in a relationship and that it is somehow weird to have two femmes or two butches (not that I could even draw a line between those two groups of people).
Don’t get me wrong, I totally support the fact that people express their gender identity in a variety of ways, and the right to do so is one of the things that the LGBT-community has been fighting for. It’s just the idea that in order to be “right”, there needs to be one feminine and one tomboy-kind of lesbian in a relationship, that I find difficult to understand.
For me that just seems like we take the very gender roles that exist in the hetero-world and plant them into same-sex world and thus devide the lesbian community into two “genders inside a gender”. And I wonder if this is so that we could take the roles of “normal” people that might be easier to be accepted by the rest of the world ? And I don’t mean that there is anything wrong in the butch-femme relationships, just with the idea of that having to be the norm.
This butch/femme debate is connected quite closely to the fact that a lot of Vloggers declare themselves as a “top” (I have yet to see an AE -lesbian claiming to be a bottom). And again, yes, I understand that they are mostly joking, but very often they really seem to mean it. I always thought that the top/bottom-issue was for gay men and even then just a stereotype like the whole anal-fixation by the straight world.
In my mind, sex is always unique between two people, the sex I have with one person is not the same as with another. Do you see what I mean? Like, in my mind sex between two people is created by those two people and doesn’t exist without those people or with other people. Therefore I can’t understand how you could have a static role (like gender for opposite-sex couples) that you carry from one relationship to another.
The question I would like to see discussion on, is do you think there needs to be a “top” in a relationship?
And I am extremely interested to find out how people who identify themselves as either or, deal with that in their life. How does that work? If you are a top, can you only date bottoms? What if you meet a girl and she is hot, but turns out to be top, do you stop dating her?
I don’t think there are right or wrong answers or opinions on this topic and the point in writing this post was not to say that there would be anything wrong with having the idea of wanting to date a femme/butch/top/bottom, I am just really really interested how you guys view this issue!
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Readers: Like I said, it’s Friday…Blog this BABE.
Zen Lill: Happy to hear that the drama is over and you made it through to the other side unscathed. May you have a Happy New Year too!
Readers: I want to wish Ruth, Evelyn, Harris, Anna, Peter, and all of my overseas friends a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! And to everyone else a safe, fun and joyous New Year’s Eve Celebration!
It’s been an entertaining, enlightening, depressing, interesting, inspiring, caring, troubling, communicating, self-analyzing, unyielding, loving, frustrating, encouraging, hating, revealing, being, motivating, emoting, admiring, judging, understanding, listening, disparaging, appreciating, observing, dedicating, year.
Goodbye 2010…
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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December 31st, 2010 at 9:57 am
Hi Mischa, thanks and I am fine now : ) I’m actually just trying to keep my ego in check bc part of me wants to exact some serious revenge and the knowing that I can without even being detected makes it very very enticing…but you know, that would not be fitting with the ZL way.
Tony, thank you so much for saying that, there’ve been so many various comments I was thinking maybe it’s my time to stay away since I don’t do or want to do political comments anymore and I’m clear on white/OTW battlegrounds but now I’ll stay : )
Ida, your comment made me sweat, and in the New Year I may just have to have a woman to woman (and I don’t care who’s top/bottom, I tend to go with the ‘it depends on who it is and how we like to mix it up together’ theory. It’s never formulaic with me…ever…even with the same male person) my friends cannot believe I never have…they believe I kiss/make out with women in a 3some setting bc I like get my sex from men, whatevs…maybe it’s just time to add a new experience in.
On another note, several males who have hit on me in the past year have asked me to celebrate the new year by going out with them, hahaha, I think that’s cute, you gotta love email and texting, it allows a boldness one often doesn’t display in person or on the phone (except in the stalker’ situation).
women of the MM blog, have fun tonight, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and that leaves out little ; ) and in this past year I found one more way to lose 8 lbs in 8 days, get a stalker :( uh yeah, let’s stick with other methods, shall we?
Much luv, Zen Lill
December 31st, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Tops, bottoms dicks, fingers, or lips, just please me good.
December 31st, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Happy New Year to You too Michelle.
Hafa Adai
Anna
December 31st, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Thanks for the article Michelle, or should I thank Suzanne?
I’m a lesbian who has never been with any other race but asian. I would love to have a relationship with a white or black American.
I am moving from Taiwan to San Bruno, California in February. I hope to meet the lesbian community out there.
Please write in and tell me what to expect. Is being gay a thing to be very secretive about as it is here?
Lan
December 31st, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Michelle:
Thanks so much for thinking of us. We have been so busy with the babies(we are expecting twins) and all.
I have been flying(as secretively as possible) from one location to another because I thought I was having complications with the baby.
It turns out that I am having twins.
13 + 2 that makes 15 babies for mom to look after. Harris is sitting and reading along as I write this. He is never far from my side now.
You need to help me make him understand a girl needs her space every now and then.
He uses the babies safety as an excuse to smother me. I love the guy, but please, some breathing room, hello.
Other than that life is wonderful. I had to quit my job. My employer said that the groupies were making it too difficult for the rest of the employees.
My friends were amazed to discover that I was Michelle’s Evelyn. You have a loooooot of fans in England!
Harris wants me to thank you again and remind you that we will still have that second wedding as soon as the babies are born. He hopes you will still be coming as he is anxious to meet you and Doug.
Probably because I bring up you or something you have said in your column whenever we have a difference of opinion on something.
If I know Harris, he probably wants to get you alone and try to secure your loyalty to him. He can be so controlling at times.
It is cute because as soon as I threaten to walk he backs down and swears he was only scared for the babies.
I keep telling him that they are my babies and I’m his baby, damn it!
See alls not well once the princess rides off into the sunset with the prince. Thank god he’s royalty rich!
Speaking of which, I, We are both intrigued and excited about that Royal Prince and Princess thing.
I especially like the part about the Princess having to love the smuck when she’s fucking him or his goose is cooked when he suckles to that Crown of vampires.
Has anyone said how they do that?
Which brings me to mind Howie. He used to pipe in with the 411 on all that alien shit. So where is the wisdom pipeline when we need him?
What happened did CARR dump him? Or did he leave with the TAO?
As you can see between hiding from the groupies and pushing Harris to a respectful distance, I am starved for some real gossip.
HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody from
Evelyn and Harris
December 31st, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Happy New Year Michelle and Doug
I just wanted to add my salutations since miss “I’m the one suffering with twins because you just had to load my c**t with all that thick humongous white boy cum.” is so busy pushing me away.
To think when we were courting she was the one that always said that she felt un whole when I was out of her sight for even a few minutes. Now she claims she can go whole days without seeing me.
We are married and live together, how does she expect to pull that off especially when she is pregnant with twins.
Which she says better be a boy and a girl because she is not having any more.
Michelle, you may have to come way before we get married again to help us stay married the first time.
She refuses to take the proper precautions to prevent a miscarriage. I mean why not let the servants do their job?
I hope I will be able to convince you to come out much earlier. I know she will be delighted. Every other word out of her mouth is something you said or what she said you would do.
Great story that Royal thing. If I were in the states I would be interested in the movie rights.
Harris
December 31st, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Harris,
You job is done at this point and things are in bake mode and the knob is turned to AUTO. Your job now is to simply be there to fluff pillows, and not be there when desired or perhaps to take that time to go get more pickles…oh, and to play Chopin and Mozart through the headphones as the phones are place over the belly…subwoofer is optional…logic plays NO part in the bake mode.
We should definitely discuss those rights and your position, as it is in full swing screenplay mode as we speak. Get me your private info and we can discuss this, if you are indeed serious about participating in that venture. I have already opened the discussion at Summit and New Line for production.
Happy New Year to you both!
December 31st, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Michelle:
Sorry, I haven’t been back to you but these girls are a hand full. Evelyn made it difficult for us to travel incognito like we are used to. So many people come up to her and ask if she is the Evelyn on your blog.
The girls are getting the big head. They don’t yet know, I think, who you are but they are aware of the celebrity status you have given to Evelyn even here in France.
LongStoryShort, we are on one of Anonz’s business yachts and traveling the Ari pleasure route along the southern Greek Isles.
I let the girls venture out with escort between 1 and 4. They are too grown at times. I remember when they wouldn’t venture more that 2 feet from me. Now I have to have their escorts drag them back home.
It’s such a pleasure watching them grow into young ladies right before my eyes that I look over the small peeves they put me through from time to time.
Evelyn is so anxious for you to come. She thinks Harris is crazy because he wants to be with her all the time. I think it is sweet.
He is such a gentleman and tries so hard to please her. My daughter can be a real bitch sometimes.
My girls adore her and mimic her every gesture. It drives me crazy. I too am looking forward to your visit.
We are trying to work out the accommodations. We will be going to a party with the prince William and his fiancee later this week.
Harris hopes to discuss with their security some lines we can use during your visit. Once it gets out you are here, we know that it will be a mess.
Evelyn is being uncooperative as usual. She doesn’t want to wait until she has the twins. Twins? Can you believe it?
My girls are beside themselves with excitement! They bought so many christmas toys for them we have no room for anything else in the 3 storage bins.
I know that Evelyn will be an excellent mother. She has shown such patience and love for her little sisters and they have responded with total loyalty to her. Sometimes I am envious of the relationship she has formed with them.
I will stop now but as you can see when you come there will be no end to the subjects that we can discuss. I am certain that the girls will also adore you.
We will have no problem if you wish to come in time for the royal wedding. You will have an invitation. Please don’t discuss it on the blog.
I will talk with you about this. I am hopping that Anonz will help me setup your arrival. He has proposed that you be shuttled on one of his private jets and brought in to your final destination aboard one of his company’s yachts.
That way no one will be the wiser to your arrival for at least a few days, perhaps even longer if you remain on the compound.
He has a delightful area of Greek, Turk and Italian private islands that belong to his compound. Most of these islands used to be the private sex hangouts of the super rich and Europe’s royalty back in Ari’s day. All sorts of kinky sex went on I am told.
I can’t wait to show you the place where the Duchess of York seduced and tamed the King of England. She was so good that abdication was a mere formality when it came to a choice between her skills and the office of King of England so I am told.
You don’t want to miss out on some of the juicy stuff hidden in Anonz’s files on some of the islands in his compound.
I am dying to share what i’ve discovered. I am also dying to see if you are as much my look alike as I am told. I can certainly see the resemblance in your pictures. But I want to see you in person.
Happy New Year.
I am taking the girls on a short excursion before they return to school in 2 weeks. I thank Anonz for providing everything and making this a memorable experience for the girls.
I know you will like the big lug. He is not as scary as he comes off on your blog.
Love
Ruth
December 31st, 2010 at 5:11 pm
So Robert if you hate whites so much, Why don’t you take your black ass back to Africa.
Lance
December 31st, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Very original, Lance.
January 1st, 2011 at 7:42 am
Happy New Year Michelle.
It has been a pleasure being a part of your blog for all of 2010. I am looking forward to your comments, articles and keen insight for selecting those topics.
Hafa adai
Peter
January 1st, 2011 at 8:22 am
Guam – The first American born child of 2011 is Peter Gabriel Narciso who came into the world at 12:00:18 am Saturday morning at Guam Memorial Hospital [GMH].
GMH Spokesman Connor Murphy reports that Dr. Tom Shieh was on hand for the delivery which occurred 18 seconds into the New Year. The baby boy and his mother Cathy Narciso are doing fine.
Hafa Adai and Here’s wishing the best for the planet earth in the year 2011.
Anna
January 1st, 2011 at 8:46 am
Robert, you may be assailed by members of my race because you are black but you have spoken nothing but the truth about our reign over this country albeit with a lot of racial venom of your own.
Case on point is the Citizens United vs FEC Supreme Court Decision. As you astutely pointed out the Right used a misleading title “Citizens United” because the only citizens here were the very rich and the multi national corporations.
And you were on point again when you said that 5 of the Justices were “bought and paid for” by those two groups. Hence, it is a no brainer to see why that same 5 voted to give the very rich and multi-international corporations unbridled political influence to systematically and profoundly weaken our democracy.
I am certain History will mark 2010 as the year of the beginning of the CORPORATIST PEROID. This dark(“white” for Robert) period of our history will be remembered as the Roberts’ Court legacy.
He will be remembered for leading one of the most corrupt and destructive Court periods in America’s history.
Prepare yourself he has much more in store for us in the year 2011.
Leo
January 1st, 2011 at 8:52 am
Eat Out for Less
Mary Hunt
Debt-Proof Living
To save money when dining out, book a reservation in advance online through DinnerBroker.com or OpenTable.com.
You will get discounts and points that can be turned in for cash — exact amounts depend on the restaurant and time of reservation.
Also, clip coupons from Sunday newspapers, mailbox coupon packs and free penny-saving publications. Restaurants often offer discounts this way.
The Entertainment Book (about $30*) offers a wide variety of restaurant discounts — using just two or three discounts pays for the book (888-231-7283, http://www.entertainment.com).
If you like a specific restaurant, sign up for its reward program — you will get special deals by E-mail. Watch for promotions, such as Kids Eat Free or Early-Bird Specials.
*Price subject to change.
Personal interviewed Mary Hunt, editor, Debt-Proof Living, Box 2135, Paramount, California 90723, http://www.debtproofliving.com.
January 1st, 2011 at 9:42 am
Just so you know Doug. I’m writing a screen play along those lines also.
January 1st, 2011 at 11:12 am
Michelle,
I’d like a little more Zen lill and a lot more Aliens. My book has great potential but my sponsors want a bit more. I am not copying just getting ideas. The reromys are probably just stealing.
Sex alines, and religion it’s a winning plot for the reader or the movie buff.
We all have our imaginations. It appears the ones who post on that subject to your blog have an edge to theirs.
One I like.
Burt
January 1st, 2011 at 11:14 am
I am a bottom and I love it. What is the problem with bottoms being happy being bottoms?
I’m a girlie girl and very proud of it.
Gwen
January 1st, 2011 at 11:18 am
Michelle:
Would Doug mind if you have an affair with a woman? I mean what’s the fund of coming to France sans lui if you can’t have some real fun?
voyez-vous en France
Xena
January 1st, 2011 at 11:20 am
Michelle; Tops, bottoms, whatever If you are game, i’m your Huckleberry.
January 1st, 2011 at 11:48 am
[...] Lan: I think gratitude towards Suzanne is in order. She certainly inspired the interest. And I learned something new too. So thanks Suzanne. [...]