When Asked For Forgiveness, Do You Forgive?
Posted by Michelle Moquin on September 3rd, 2011
Good morning!
This is a nod to you Zen Lill….
I Cheated on You… Will You Marry Me?
Every time I got cheated on, I was promised stronger commitment to make up for it. The first time, a reluctant boyfriend begged to move in, the second time a boyfriend got down on his knees and proposed, the third time a boyfriend signed us up for some very pricey counseling. All three times were effective tactics because I stuck around longer, though never making the mistake of marrying any of the clowns.
Recently, it was announced that Adam Giambrone is about to marry Sarah McQuarrie, his live-in girlfriend of more than five years. For those who don’t know, Giambrone is Toronto’s would-be mayoral candidate who had to resign because it was revealed he had an on-going affair with a 19-year-old girl (who, resolutely, disclosed transcripts of their passionate texting and messaging). Furthermore, Giambrone revealed publicly that there were multiple affairs going on in his life. Then he resigned from his candidature.
An attractive journalist friend confessed to being hit on by Giambrone at a media event; said he had a boyish, single-dude vibe about him. She was intrigued, especially since he seemed so sincere. If you read the incriminating texts, you’ll see how Giambrone comes across as someone who really is sincere and, is, additionally, tragically committed to a woman in pearls who photographs well. If you’re a 19-year-old you will buy this, but you don’t have to be 19 — you can be a middle-aged desperado and a tied-down man’s lies will sound like the sweetest nectar to your ears. This is because you believe in love and because (some) men are good at manipulating this belief.
In any case, here we are now, 18 or so months later, Giambrone asking to marry his woman in pearls, despite, at one point, swearing up and down he would not do that (in one text to his 19-year-old lover). If you were a cynical person you could say Giambrone is marrying his political beard. But if you go by what Joe Pantalone, a former deputy mayor of Toronto and a friend of Giambrone, says, you’ll be happy to know that “the couple is deeply in love.”
I believe in love. And I also believe in men having fire lit up under their asses after dalliances, suddenly panicking and making the gravest of life decisions to save the said asses. I’m sure Giambrone is planning to run for the office again so his marriage to McQuarrie may be politically motivated after all, but I’m also quite sure that he’d finally realized what a gem he had at home all along while chasing skirt elsewhere. Or maybe he just realized that he didn’t like to be alone and she was the only one who understood him (yikes).
Either way, bad boys don’t let go so easily. They are all about prodigious-son returns — at least my own experience shows it. And women are forever forgiving, posing with pearls and pearly smiles beside their bad boys. Is McQuarrie’s “Yes” a case of low self-esteem blues? Possibly. But then, hello Hilary Clinton!
And I can tell you that my own self-esteem has nothing to do with forgiving my bad boys in the past. I mean, even if I wanted to get rid of them there was no way to do it — the amount of declarations, poetry, gifts and begging was astonishing, weakening every defense I had… And then there were always the big guns (marriage, moving in, therapy) that would finally make me capitulate completely and give it another go. As I said, I believe in love and love means forgiveness, even though, for me, cheating was supposedly a deal breaker. At the same time, I can always lower my standards (not my self-esteem as I don’t draw it from my relationships, thankfully), especially when it comes to love.
Plus, with the opposite sex, I’m just naturally weak. How could I not be? Biologically, I’m programmed to respond to pursuit. And what is begging and pleading and promises if not a form of pursuit? You get worn down and you capitulate. Sometimes you end up with a very heavy rock on your finger that blinds you so effectively that you can’t see past it. I don’t know for sure what made McQuarrie stay but I’m guessing it was biology and belief in love. Because what is “will you marry me?” if not the biggest declaration of love in our screwed up Western world?
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Readers: So…what do you think of this write? Can you relate? Do you agree with what the author is saying? After reading much about relationships here, and learning, especially from the man’s point of view (that’s a big nod to your write about two years ago Robert), I don’t agree with all that she is saying.
First of all, I don’t think “will you marry me?” is the biggest declaration of love for many men. No…he’s getting married not because he’s “deeply in love”, but because he got busted, realized what he has, and he wants to solidify the deal before someone else does. He wants to own that piece of meat, lock, stock and barrel.
In my opinion, Giambrone is not going to stop cheating. He may try to convince himself that he won’t cheat, and he’ll definitely convince her. But even after vows are exchanged, he’ll continue to go out and taste some “strange” stuff now and then, knowing McQuarrie will be available any time he wants it.
Once a cheater, most always a cheater. As Greg said on my blog, “I am a prisoner of my hormones and my habits.” Most men will do it if the opportunity arises. The ones that don’t are too afraid they’ll get busted. But if they knew they wouldn’t, most men would jump on the opportunity…literally.
But what about her cheating on him? It seems most men wouldn’t stand for it, even if they are doing it themselves. Also quoted from Greg: “NO, I would not like it if she was fucking around. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. If I found out she was sneaking around, I’d activate our prenup and kick her to the curb.”
Gwen’s comment is a great example. Gwen: What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander, but unfortunately the consequences differ. I can’t believe your own family was not supportive. That says a lot. And one thing it says, is that it is forgivable for a man to cheat, but it isn’t for a woman.
Lastly, the author states, “…I can always lower my standards…especially when it comes to love.” Why would any woman lower their standards when it comes to love? When divorce is so high, and you’re making one of the biggest commitments in you life, that is the time to raise them.
That’s enough for me. Thoughts? Stories you want to share - Blog me. Something off topic? Doesn’t matter – blog me. The forum is now open.
Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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September 3rd, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Hi Misch. Thanks for the nod : )
I think she’s a bit off base – at least for me, I wouldn’t go to such great lengths to save things, some people never know what they have till it’s gone. Doesn’t marriage seem a bit passe’ for women to crave(?), though I do know those who haven’t done it crave the experience (where’s that ‘total recall’ center when you need just a vicarious experience) and think it’s the only way to have the kid experience as well, hmmm, it doesn’t guarantee anything in that parenting regard either, sorry to bust your bubble.
I think everyone believes in love but men think of it a bit differently bc of the ability to detach emotion from the quick sexual dalliance, women can do this also but as fas as I’ve seen someone always gets involved and things end badly. Some men are always players and some men are always being hit on by women and either way, they’re ok with it, but like Greg – most would not be ok with their woman catching the strange just for the heck of it, no way. Why do you think women become good liars if they want to test the waters, bc they had better, that’s why. ’nuff said, it still is not a goose/gander world…and unfortunately very few people only want to sex with that one person for the duration. Would love to hear from those types…they are rare indeed.
Luv, Zen Lill
September 3rd, 2011 at 3:06 pm
This is for all of you who listen to the white boy tell you what you need to become successful.
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Steve Jobs, the “CEO of the Decade” according to tech bloggosphere, stepped down last week after revolutionizing the entire communications business.
But today, he would never have been hired…even by Apple’s standards.
He didn’t graduate college. In this market, he wouldn’t even get an interview for a lower management position in his field.
Even then, if by some freak of nature he got his foot in the door, most companies would have fired him within months.
A complaint made by the Macintosh project founder Jef Raskin in the 1980s cites Jobs work habits:
He always misses appointments.
He acts without thinking and with bad judgment.
He interrupts but doesn’t listen.
He does not keep promises or meet commitments.
The list goes on. Who would keep this guy? Apple didn’t. Jobs was forced out of Apple in 1985.
When the computer maker was nearly bankrupt, and Jobs was brought back in 1997, he wasn’t even on the short list for his old job.
What did Steve Jobs have that no business school can teach you?
Jobs was “a force of nature”. He had a vision, drive and he didn’t care what the consumers wanted… he told them what they wanted.
We suspect Apple will suffer greatly once again without his enormous influence. Apple, of course, has already made its shareholders fortunes.
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My advice is for those of you out there regardless of color or race, sex, or whatever, just go for it.
Robert
September 3rd, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I am watching the US Open women’s third round Azarenka versus Serena Williams. It is very interesting how the camera shows the women.
They freely pan down the top of Serena’s dress while putting a block on any view of the breast of the white player.
It is no accident since the same is done on the lower parts of the two players. The camera freely pans up the skirt of Serena williams to include several replays making sure the viewers get a good look at the exposed body parts of Serena.
While being extra careful not to show the expanse I tuned in to see of the beautiful white girl.
Now I am a white male. I tune in to see the body parts of the white ladies. So I am disappointed at this bit of racism.
Danny
September 3rd, 2011 at 4:28 pm
SWEAT YOUR WAY PAST CRAVINGS
Let’s not kid ourselves — the use of marijuana to get high is increasing, not decreasing (data shows it)… and this is not just a teenage problem.
That’s the bad news, but I have good news to share, too, which is that there’s another kind of high that not only feels great but that is now proven to help people kick the pot habit — and it’s actually safe.
Before we get into this news, however, let me share some statistics that I think you may find surprising.
According to a survey done by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (part of the Department of Health and Human Services), the number of Americans age 55 to 59 who smoke marijuana tripled between 2002 and 2008 — from 1.6% of all Americans in that age group to 5.1%.
There’s no reason to think that adults older and younger than this aren’t using pot, too.
While some people believe that recreational use of marijuana is harmless, nothing could be further from the truth.
Pot is not the innocuous substance that we thought it was in our teens. In fact, marijuana smoke contains more carcinogenic hydrocarbons — 50% to 70% more — than cigarette smoke.
And then there’s the burnout factor — it’s known that long-term use can impair motivation. In adolescents, marijuana is associated with increased likelihood of developing psychosis.
And, if all that isn’t off-putting enough, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, heart rate can escalate by 20% to 100% in the period shortly after smoking marijuana, an effect that can last up to three hours, dramatically raising some users’ risk for heart attack by nearly 500% in the first hour after smoking.
RUNNING AWAY FROM THE PROBLEM
Now that I’ve got your attention, let me share the surprisingly simple solution — exercise. New research from Vanderbilt University has found that a program of regular exercise is enormously beneficial in helping heavy marijuana users to smoke less. It’s a small study, but the results are compelling.
The research: Twelve marijuana-addicted people (they smoked an average of 5.9 joints per day) who weren’t interested in quitting and who did not have any noted health problems or addictions other than to marijuana (although some smoked cigarettes) agreed to participate in a two-week regimen of five-times-a-week exercise.
The previously sedentary participants ran on a treadmill for a half-hour five days a week at a pace that increased their heart rates between 60% and 70% (relatively strenuous, but not an all-out sprint).
The researchers found that the workout routine not only reduced the participants’ self-reported desire to smoke (measured by having them rank their cravings when they looked at pictures related to pot-smoking, such as images of marijuana…
pictures of people smoking it… and photos of bongs, pipes and other paraphernalia, but it also cut their actual use in half, to 2.8 joints per day on average!
And, when the study ended and the participants were no longer required to exercise, their marijuana use began to increase all over again.
WORKS FOR OTHER ADDICTIONS, TOO
Keep in mind that the only change these heavy marijuana users made in their lives during this study was that they started exercising.
So to me, the beneficial results seem almost magical. And according to Peter R. Martin, MD, director of the Vanderbilt Addiction Center, where the study was done, there is reason to suspect that this finding would also hold true for other addictions, for instance to cigarettes, alcohol, overeating and gambling.
“All addictions have a common basis,” Dr. Martin said, describing an addiction as basically “a natural drive that has gone awry. Exercise seems to be a way to bring the balance back.”
Not only that, but abstaining (or at least cutting back) along with adding exercise to your life can help undo the damage that destructive habits have wrought… adding yet another reason to replace your harmful habits with this highly beneficial one.
What the long-term effect of exercising would be for a heavy pot user, we don’t yet know… would the desire to smoke reassert itself eventually even with continued exercise?
I hope that research will answer that question, too — in the meantime, we now know about an easy, powerful tool that can help right away. There’s no reason not to try it.
Source(s):
Peter R. Martin, MD, professor of psychiatry and pharmacology, director, division of addiction psychiatry, Addiction Psychiatry Interdisciplinary Research Training Program and Vanderbilt Addiction Center, Vanderbilt University Medical Center, Nashville.
September 3rd, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Michelle. I kind of see Gwen’s point. As long as she continues to get hers when she wants it from whom she wants.
I agree with Zen Lill on the where part. I can understand why she did it at home before, but she has gotten that revenge so now I am certain that she will conduct her business elsewhere.
Gwen, you are my role model. If I ever catch my hubby of 3 years. I will keep him if I still like the dick and the ambience he brings with it. But I will start to look around without my present day commitment to honor my marriage vows.
Brenda
September 3rd, 2011 at 8:56 pm
This speaks for itself, but for the picture here’s the link.
http://www.kuam.com/story/15388306/2011/09/03/siera-robertson-crowned-miss-guam-world-2011
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Guam – After a 15-year hiatus, a new Miss Guam World was presented last night at the Hyatt Regency Guam, when Siera Robertson was crowned the 2011 Miss Guam World! Robertson was also named the winner in the Best in Evening Gown competition. The 2011 Miss Guam World competition thanks all those that attended.
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Hafa adai
Anna
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Michelle,
I’m latino and the men are bastards. They use that macho bullshit to get away with screwing around while insisting that if we do it we are sluts to be beaten.
I shot my asshole of a man when he tried to beat me for doing what I have caught him doing so many times I lost count.
I would have let him live but I knew society would have locked me up and left my three kids with him. So I shot the bastard three more times. Then I called my girls and we put the a-hole in the car and left him on the street.
The cops figured he was shot by a rival gang. So they just forgot about it.
My family would have been on his side. What the fuck is this world about?
Jovina
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Zen Lill
I only want sex with my tender mrs., we have been lovers for 4 years. I had plenty of lovers before I became committed to what we have.
Since I made that commitment 4years and 5 months ago I have yet to cheat on her. I get hit on all the time. But I want the heat she brings to my loins and heart.
I don’t think I am that much of an odd ball, because it really hasn’t been an effort to say no to other women.
Ym
September 4th, 2011 at 12:04 am
Ym, I could get off on you. Where are the guys like you? I have plenty of experience with the lowlifes.
This is a situation that only women can free women from. We have to stop taking their bullshit. That means we have to support each other. That means when we are on juries we have to refuse to convict women who kill or maim these lowlifes.
Trish
September 4th, 2011 at 12:19 am
Robert, I got this from “Human Events.” This shows that either the rank and file has no memory or they live in perpetual denial.
I mean here the leaders are talking about men who live their life as “such moral” men with happy families while having homosexual affairs on the side.
But they are accusing the “liberals” of what the media has caught them doing big time.
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246
No. 246 of 365
Diss a liberal movie:
Deconstruct the subtext of Brokeback Mountain as an example of liberal fascism, as noted by Jonah Goldberg: “Two perfect male specimens are at home only in the pastoral wild, away from the bourgeois conventions of modern life.
At home in nature, they are finally free to give themselves over to their instinctual desires. But they cannot live in the hills, indulging their instincts. So they spend the rest of their lives trapped in soul-crippling traditional marriages, their only joy their annual ‘fishing trips,’ where they try to re-create the ecstasy of their authentic encounter…” Yep.
Hermann Goering and Joseph Goebbels would definitely have given this Nazi soft-porn masterpiece a double thumbs up.
===============
Who are the idiots that make up this rank and file? How do they continue to eat up this pack of lies?
Lincoln
September 4th, 2011 at 9:08 am
From a seventh Grader: His essay on “Why I love Spring.”
—————–
I LOVE SPRING
I love spring. I really do. Ilove spring because when spring comes my parents start having their cocktail parties outside on the terrase instead of inside. All the people come and I climb up in the tree and hide and watch them drink their cocktails. Then they all go and my parents go out to bade them goodby. Then I come down and quick drink what is left in the glasses. Then I climb back up the tree and sit thre looking around. It makes me feel so good. I love spring.
September 4th, 2011 at 9:10 am
The whites in america are so narcissistic. I am visiting from Georgia. All you hear is this and that about something to do with 9/11. I mean its been 10 years and they show ever country how inept they are by being incapable of building new structures on the site.
Raakel
September 4th, 2011 at 9:12 am
Howie:
I loved your post on “aliens do exist”. It was so inspiring that I copied it and sent it to all 1853 of our UFO membership. Many already gobble up every thing you write on the blog.
But this is critical because it gives us insight into how you became interested in aliens. I hope that one day we will meet. I know that our membership would be thrilled to meet you personally.
Sitting with you and having a conversation with you would be so enlightening. If you ever feel at ease enough to want to give a lecture to our membership we will do all in our power to make you welcome.
C. Tyler
September 4th, 2011 at 9:13 am
Michelle, I spend a lot of time composing what I want to post to your blog and when I hit comment. It just freezes. I have to wait more than half an hour for it to post.
September 4th, 2011 at 9:20 am
Raakel, when you want to see how truly narcissistic whites in America are all you have to do is to look how their news medias have given so much power to the tiny group of racists wanting their country back from the black president.
All the attention they give the Tea Party makes it seem to be bigger than it really is. When in reality is made up of a small bunch of serious racist white idiots.
The only reason the Tea Party has been given so much press is because it is mostly All white and anti the black man in the White House. The Tea Party is a very small part of the Republican Party. It is even a small part of that one third of the country, the truly psychotic racists.
It is another all about “us” thing going on in america. The Us as in Just-Us justice.
September 4th, 2011 at 9:26 am
If anyone is considering trying “Skinny Cow” let me till you that it is all artificial and mostly synthetics.
You might as well eat a corn on the cob it is so much artificial corn.
Bertha
September 4th, 2011 at 11:16 am
Robert, you called it dead on the money when you said that the republican party is about making that coin.
Check this site out where they are helping Goldworth Financial hawk gold to the marks.
Human_Events@email.humanevents.com
It’s almost shameful how far they will go to make a buck.
Ed
September 4th, 2011 at 11:29 am
Thanks Howie for clearing up the Ghost or alien story.