Flap Your Lips Friday
Posted by Michelle Moquin on February 17th, 2012
Good afternoon!
So sorry. I posted this a few hours ago, and it looked like it was posted.
How often do I say that? My bad…but I had something pressing that needed to get out at the last minute and I wasn’t aware of it until this moring. Ah…I need an assistant writer sometimes. Ya know like most of the big blogs. But nope…it is just lil ‘ol me. :)
So I am quickly perusing the net to find something interesting to post since hey…it is way late and most of you are probably thinking, “Michelle, wha’at’s up? Where’s the write?”
So I found this article that peaked my interest.
Single Women: More Of Us Than Ever Are Living Single. Here’s Why.
And I thought, “Hmm…I wonder what she thinks the reason is”. I read it quickly…very quickly, and I am not one who “gets everything” clearly when I just zip through it – zill it – so to speak. So… I cannot be totally responsible for my comments. I am going to be an irresponsible writer for once – well sort of (Okay so maybe I have been irresponsible before), but now I’m telling you.
And what I can say from zipping and zilling through it, is that I don’t agree with much of what the author writes, if what I got from reading is the gist of her write. Confused yet? And to top it off I can’t even debate it, as I have no time to tell you why. But you do. You have all the time in the world to give me your opinion. And perhaps one day I’ll share with you mine, if you haven’t already guessed it.
So here it is:
Flying solo is in — in a serious way. A New York Times Q&A with Eric Kilnenberg, NYU sociology professor and author of the new book “Going Solo,” leads with the facts:
In 1950, 22 percent of American adults were single. Now that number is almost 50 percent. One in seven adults lives alone. Half of all Manhattan residences are one-person dwellings.
Kilnenberg has done his research. He spent a decade studying the phenomenon while working on his book, and he has all kinds of good explanations for those numbers. There’s less stigma than there once was around being single. People crave privacy and personal space — tough to preserve when you’re sharing a bathroom.
In another piece published several weeks ago, Kilnenberg wrote:
Living alone comports with modern values. It promotes freedom, personal control and self-realization — all prized aspects of contemporary life.
And Kilnenberg’s not the only one digging in. Melanie Kurtin enumerated what keeps her from committing here and Dominique Browning did so here, while Kate Bolick’s much-discussed piece inThe Atlantic, “All the Single Ladies,” began with a simple confession:
In 2001, when I was 28, I broke up with my boyfriend. Allan and I had been together for three years, and there was no good reason to end things. He was (and remains) an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.
And this, I think, really gets at the truth behind our reluctance to commit: to borrow — and tweak — a phrase from a long-ago presidential campaign, It’s too many choices, stupid!
When we’re told that we can have it all, that everything is on the table, why would we ever commit to anything? Even if we know we love the thing to which we’re committing, we can’t help but wonder about all the things we didn’t choose.
And I’m not just talking about relationships.
Too many options applies to commitment of the romantic sort, sure, but also to jobs and where we should live and what kind of life we should have. Passion or paycheck? Security or freedom? Long hair or short? High heels or hiking boots?
Deciding, by definition, means “to kill.” Choosing one thing means you’re killing the possibility of having the other. And when we’re raised on the idea that anything’s possible — and every option is available — we see choosing anything as settling. And, of course, it is — it’s settling for something less than everything.
When you decide to take one path, there’s a risk of missing out on something — something we often imagine to be glorious, the proverbial greener grass — waiting for us at the end of another. As Hannah, a woman we profiled in Undecided, put it:
The grass is always greener. Like, do I want to move to San Francisco? Colorado? South America? Will life be any better in any of those places? Probably not. But it might be, so there’s that risk that I’m taking by not moving.
This mindset is so prevalent, some worry we have an entire generation of commitmentphobes on our hands. Psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett is trying to get the in-between stage — the years when we try different jobs/relationships/cities/hairstyles on for size — designated as a distinct life stage, one he calls Emerging Adulthood. People don’t spent their entire career with one company anymore — the very idea sounds Flinstonian. Nor do they generally marry their high school sweethearts. To paraphrase Hannah, There’s that risk we’re taking by not checking out what else is out there. We have the whole world to explore first!
For women in particular, it’s excruciating. Because, in addition to that message — that we can do anything! — we were fed another, often from the women just a generation or two older than us, who weren’t afforded the same opportunity: that we’re so lucky that we can do anything. And combined, they leave many of us shouldering a load of responsibility.
From a post I wrote some time ago,
This bounty of opportunity is so new that we were sent off to conquer it with no tools — just an admonishment that we’d best make the most of it.
We know we’re blessed to have all of these options. We get it. And so is it any wonder we want a shot at each and every one of them?
But therein lies the rub.
We want to travel, but can’t take off whenever we feel like it if we’re also going to get our business off the ground — and featured on Oprah. We want a family, but that’d mean that packing up and moving to Cairo or New Orleans on a whim is pretty much off the table. We want to be there for our daughter’s every milestone, yet we also want to model what a successful career woman looks like. We want torrid affairs and hot sex, but where would that leave our husbands? We want financial security and a latte on our way to the office every morning, but sit in our ergonomically correct chairs daydreaming about trekking through Cambodia with nothing but our camera and mosquito net. We want to artists but have gotten rather used to the roofs over our heads. We want to be ourselves, fully and completely, but would like to fit in at cocktail parties, too. (And when on earth are we going to find the time to write our novels??)
We want to do it all, to try it all before we buy! And that, I believe, is what’s at the root of the cold feet. Choices are hard. Damn hard. And every one of them entails a trade-off. The work is in accepting that — and in finding out who you are right down at your core, and figuring which of those trade-offs you can live with.
*******
It’s Friday…you know what to do. Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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February 17th, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Congratulations Michelle:
If you were being blocked which I beieve, I am happy to see you managed to post.
I bet you went through some genuuine stress over the blog today. I was concerned as well.
Now that everything is back to normal, Flap Your Lips everyone. I will try too.
HOWIE
February 17th, 2012 at 7:20 pm
UFO Explodes And Crashes In South Carolina.
Early Monday morning was very disturbing to many upstate South Carolina residents who witnessed an unidentified object streaking through the sky, exploding and apparently crashing.
Upstate residents near Greenville reported a very bright light accompanied by an explosion shortly before 2:00 AM, while others felt tremors from the nearby crash of the object.
According to Fox Carolina — whose own security cameras caught the streaking object on video — many callers reported seeing the sky event all across the region. One resident, Cindie Stubbs of Fountain Inn, told Fox, “I saw this big, bright light that made the sand almost sparkle. It was so bright, it scared me.”
As sky cameras captured the object heading to Earth, the Spartanburg 911 call center received more than 30 calls from people who saw it and were concerned about the loud boom sound it made.
Scientists say it was probably a type of meteor. “It sounds like a typical bolide,” said Charles St. Lucas, of the astronomy department at the Roper Mountain Science Center in Greenville, S.C. — Sounds like misinformation to me.
A bolide is a meteor that comes in, heats up and this one broke apart into three or four pieces, and glowed a bright blue-white,” St. Lucas told Fox Carolina. St. Lucas also noted that “this was kind of a rogue object (A Rougue Object?) — no way to predict it?
Bright meteors falling to Earth are common occurrences. At the beginning of February, a blazing light streaked across Texas, caught on a police car dashboard camera. In that case, the Federal Aviation Administration determined it was a fireball from space.
So far, no word has emerged from Monday’s South Carolina close encounter whether anyone has found the exact location where the supposed bolide meteor hit the ground. I wonder why that is?
It is probably safe to say that the media has tuirned this object into an IFO — Identified Flying Object. I doubt it, but I, myself, almost believed the News Media at first
HOWIE
February 17th, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I almost gave up on you Michelle. But I like the write. I am single by choice. Men are too much work.
I like coming home doing things for me, not looking after some lazy man.
February 17th, 2012 at 7:24 pm
Howie, my lips would flap a whole lot more if you were in Hamburg with me.
February 17th, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Restoring Opportunity for All Americans, Fighting for Homeowners, Investing in America
February 17, 2012
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Restoring Opportunity for All Americans
This week, House Republicans put forth a highway transportation bill that kills 550,000 American jobs, undermines public safety, cuts highway investments in 45 states, and bankrupts the Highway Trust Fund by $78 billion. Their bill ends all dedicated funding for public transit – endangering BART and Muni – and would end dedicated funding for bikes, pedestrian walkways and Safe Routes to Schools programs for San Francisco children. Instead of working to address the number one priority of the American people – job creation – the GOP has pushed legislation which destroys jobs, weakens our infrastructure and undermines our economy.
On Monday, President Obama put forth a budget that lays out an innovative blueprint for restoring opportunity for all Americans and for constructing an economy that is built to last. The President’s plan reinforces the building blocks of American prosperity: ensuring our students and our workers have the skills and education to succeed in the future; investing in innovation and strengthening small businesses; supporting manufacturers and creating the clean energy jobs of tomorrow; and rebuilding our roads, bridges, broadband lines, and rail lines.
Democrats are ready to work with the President to create jobs, preserve the Medicare guarantee, and get our fiscal house in order. The House and the Senate have sent the President legislation to extend the payroll tax cut, extend unemployment benefits for millions of Americans, and ensure seniors on Medicare can keep their doctor. A final compromise was reached only after Republicans succumbed to unrelenting pressure from President Obama, Congressional Democrats and the American people—and Democrats successfully blocked GOP attempts to cut Medicare benefits and jeopardize Americans’ access to health care. Democrats are dedicated to reigniting the American dream and building ladders of opportunity for all who work hard, take responsibility, and play by the rules – and we have work to do.
Fighting for Homeowners
Recently, the County of San Francisco’s Assessor-Recorder Phil Ting commissioned a report, assessing compliance with applicable foreclosure laws by certain entities in the mortgage industry operating in San Francisco. The report, based on a review of a random sample of mortgage loans that entered into foreclosure between January 2009 and October 2011, found that 99 percent of the San Francisco mortgages reviewed showed irregularities in the foreclosure process, and 84 percent showed potential violations of California foreclosure laws.
Today, I sent a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder urging him to direct the Justice Department’s Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force to examine whether any violations of Federal law occurred in the processing of foreclosures in San Francisco. The severity of the report’s conclusions warrant a thorough review at the Federal level.
I commend the Obama Administration and the state Attorneys General in achieving a multi-state mortgage settlement, including the helpful protections for borrowers secured by California Attorney General Kamala Harris. I am hopeful that preserving the ability of the states and the Federal government to continue to pursue actions not covered by the terms of the settlement will ensure that homeowners who experienced losses unfairly, particularly where abusive practices were the cause, will be able to seek a remedy.
Investing in America
Today, we mark the two-year anniversary of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. Passed by Democratic majorities and signed into law by President Obama, at its peak this historic legislation has created or saved more than 3 million jobs, invested in America’s crumbling infrastructure, and lowered taxes for 95% of American workers. This bold measure invests in science and innovation, energy, health care, and education — all with strict accountability and fiscal responsibility. To find out more about how the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act has helped the city of San Francisco, please visit my website.
Protecting our Environment
On Thursday, Secretary Hillary Clinton announced a new State Department joint initiative with the United Nations Environment Program (UNEP). Through the Initiative to Cut Short-Term Climate Pollutants, the Obama Administration will partner internationally to reduce emissions of short-lived pollutants. It is a necessary step that will help raise the profile of this issue and hopefully spur other nations, including other developing nations, to action.
I have long said that the United States must be a leader in addressing global climate change. In addition to today’s action, we must enact longer-term strategies to address carbon emissions. The leadership of the Obama Administration on behalf of our environment is good for our economy, good for our citizens, and good for the planet. I look forward to working with the Administration to continue to take strong action on behalf of our clean energy future.
Please feel free to forward this information to your family and friends. To learn more about these efforts, to express your views, or to sign up for email updates, please visit my website. I am also on Twitter at http://twitter.com/NancyPelosi.
Sincerely,
Member of Congress
February 17th, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Ursla:
I think My lips would do some flapping as well if I were in Hamburg right now :)
HOWIE
February 17th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Howie, I went out to see the crash and was pushed away by guys in plain clothes who said they were from Homeland Security.
February 17th, 2012 at 9:05 pm
Howie, the girls of Romania could use some of that sweet talk from our resident alien expert.