Mr. Soprano Goes To The Theater
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 16th, 2012
Good morning!
I usually reserve most saturdays for Wonderful Women of The World, but sometimes not and I just post what comes across my plate that I find interesting, inspiring, funny, whatever. This morning this write caught my eye:
Don’t Bring Your iPad to Once the Musical
The marquee out front said that this was the show with the most Tony nominations. Inside, the place was buzzing. There was a pub onstage full of musicians playing Irish folk ditties; people were finding their seats, drinking pints out of plastic thermoses; ice and drinks were spilled in the aisles. It was exciting. I’d never seen the film the show is based on, but I knew people, smart people, who had seen the show three times.
We — it wasn’t Nana; she’s still stuck in London, though she would have adored this play, because she’s a big music lover — slowly squeezed by a couple of elderly ladies, and then a lady even the elderly ladies would have called elderly, and plopped into our seats as the last pre-show song was winding down. Then things got a little confusing. Because there was no formal announcement about turning off cell phones like usual, it was difficult to tell when the pre-show ended and the play started. I could hear the ushers telling people to shut off their electronic devices, but it sounded like a faint plea. It showed me how the normal announcements serve the additional function of signaling the start of the show, like “fasten your seatbelts” on an airplane. An elderly musician kicked up a solo on stage and the audience started to quiet, but the lights still weren’t lowered, which, I assume, is why the middle-aged man to my right didn’t turn off his iPad. I guess he thought he was at a real concert, because he raised his large screen and started taking pictures of the performers. I was sitting at his side and the light from his screen was distracting, but I’m sure it was flat-out disruptive for the people behind him.
Sure enough, someone complained, but all I could hear was my neighbor say — think Tony Soprano gruff — “Yeah, I’ll turn it off in a minute.” That wasn’t fast enough for whoever was behind us. I heard, “No, now,” and then I guess he touched Mr. Soprano, because Tony went berserk.
“Don’t you fucking touch me. I will destroy you. I will kill you. You touch me again, I will kill you.” The play was in full swing even though the lights weren’t down, and most people, including my guest, were unaware of the fight about to break out. I looked back at the offending toucher — he was a mild-mannered Joe whose theater experience was about to be ruined. Tony Soprano was acting like a jackass at a baseball game fighting over a fly ball, except here he was surrounded by gray-hairs and tourists. He kept on going.
“You touch me again, you’ll walk home with a bloody stump, know what I’m sayin’?” Mild Joe smartly didn’t answer because Tony’s temperature was going through the roof. Then Tony stood up and turned back to threaten the guy, but his wife yanked him back down, as if she’d done it a thousand times before. What were they going to do, duke it out in the theater? I thought about calling security, but then I realized they probably don’t have security because no one fights at the fucking theater.
Finally the lights darkened and Tony Soprano tried to cool down. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for his wife’s hand and get rejected. He drank from his thermos and took up too much of our shared armrest. I huddled closer to my guest and tried to lose myself in the show. Like I said, I’d never seen the film, but after the play, I ordered a pizza and watched it. It’s funny to think that the play production probably cost ten times as much as the film, which was famously made for a penny and shot on video. Normally we think that Hollywood takes the humble material from the theater and blows it up into a spectacle, but here it was the opposite. Songs that in the movie were performed in intimate spaces like a music shop or a quiet street at night are now numbers performed for a whole theater. The purposely simple love story is well served by the limited number of sets on stage, and the music elevates the material so that it gets at something essential and euphoric about being creative and in love. It’s funny, but somehow the Irish can get away with material that would seem sappy if anyone else did it. The accents and location make any subject seem alternately deep, funny, and beautiful.
There is a moment in the first act of the play where a woman suggests killing a rival for another man’s girlfriend. The moment is played for laughs, but I could feel it land on my neighbor. We were laughing at the obvious absurdity of a comment he had just said in earnest. Later, the goofy comic-relief character, a bald man with a beard who pretends to know karate, threatens the protagonist, and again it is played for laughs. Tony Soprano didn’t move a muscle, which told me he knew how silly he had been. Finally, after five or six of the fluid melodies had lulled the audience into a pleasant and attuned calm, I saw Tony Soprano reach for his wife’s hand one more time. He made a gesture that said, “What, I know I fucked up, can I please hold your hand?” And yes, she grudgingly took it. The love story had brought them back together.
At intermission I wasn’t sure if he was going to confront mild-mannered Joe, but he stayed in his seat and pointedly didn’t look around. The bar on stage became a real bar and patrons could buy refreshments. Tony Soprano took out his iPad and logged onto Facebook. Thank God he put it away for Act Two.
******
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June 16th, 2012 at 10:05 am
Zen Lill, I liked everything you said to the “a-hole,” except when you came back with the apology. That is what got the women legislators disrespect from their colleagues.
If a woman isn’t willing to go toe to toe with a man verbally, she will get walked over. Apologizing to an asshole like that simply encourages him to believe we are the weaker sex.
Debby
June 16th, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Finally…a Detox Diet That’s Tasty
These antioxidants cleanse your body without jeopardizing your health.
To flush toxins out of the body, “detoxification” enthusiasts recommend following extreme dietary restrictions for a few days to several weeks and/or using colon-cleansing products, including laxatives, teas, powders, capsules and/or enemas.
What you need to know: While many detox methods can help some people drop a few unwanted pounds (likely due to a loss of “water weight”) or leave them feeling psychologically refreshed, the risks include dehydration, electrolyte imbalances and damage to the colon lining.
In a review of 20 studies on colon cleansing published in the last decade, researchers found that products sold for this use often cause cramping, nausea, vomiting and even kidney failure.
Good news: You don’t need to take extreme, potentially dangerous measures to “detoxify” yourself and give yourself more energy. There is a better, safer way.
THE POWER OF ANTIOXIDANTS
Organs such as the liver and kidneys are well designed to filter toxins. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give your body a detoxing boost every month or so.
A short-term nutritional cleanse that emphasizes antioxidants is the best way to give yourself a fresh start if you’ve been eating poorly and/or not taking good care of yourself by getting regular exercise and adequate sleep.*
The four-day cleanse described in this article is based on the Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC) scale, developed by the USDA to measure how well a food protects against free radicals that contribute to heart disease, cancer and other chronic health problems.
The cleansing regimen contains 50,000 ORAC points per day (significantly higher than the points contained in the typical American adult’s diet) and roughly 1,200 calories—enough calories for most people to eat during a cleansing regimen so that the body’s metabolism does not slow.
Important finding:
Research from the Agricultural Research Service demonstrates that eating a high-ORAC diet increases the antioxidant power of human blood 10% to 25%, strengthening memory, helping prevent cancer and heart disease and aiding in weight loss.
The cleanse is high in fiber and has enough protein to keep you feeling satisfied. Rather than severely restricting food, which can leave some people feeling weak and dizzy, this cleanse includes three meals a day plus two snacks.
It also includes omega-3–rich foods such as eggs, fish and pecans…a Granny Smith apple (higher in antioxidants than most other apples) and cinnamon to help stabilize blood sugar…and other fruits, vegetables and spices (such as oregano and basil) that have the highest possible antioxidant levels.
FOUR-DAY CLEANSE
What to eat for four days…
Breakfast…
Scrambled eggs (1 whole omega-3–fortified egg plus three egg whites) with 1 teaspoon dried basil
1 8-ounce cup green tea
1 8-ounce glass water with 1 ounce lemon juice
Mid-morning snack…
Sliced Granny Smith apple sprinkled with 1 teaspoon cinnamon
Lunch…
Spinach (cooked or raw) seasoned with flavored vinegar, such as fig, raspberry or orange
3 to 4 ounces fresh or canned salmon with 1 teaspoon dried spices, such as oregano
8 pecan halves
1 8-ounce glass of water with 1 ounce lemon juice
Mid-afternoon snack…
Steamed artichoke or ½ cup artichoke hearts in water
1 8-ounce cup green tea
Dinner…
Large salad—mix romaine lettuce (which is high in antioxidants and widely available) with carrots, tomatoes and red bell peppers…dress with 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil and lemon juice to taste
Steamed asparagus
3 to 4 ounces any lean protein, such as chicken, shrimp or cod (grilled, baked or broiled), seasoned with 1 teaspoon oregano
1 8-ounce glass of water with 1 ounce lemon juice
1 cup blueberries (fresh or frozen)
In addition to the water and antioxidant-rich green tea included in the cleanse, drink five more glasses of water daily to keep your energy and metabolism up and ensure that you don’t mistake thirst for hunger. Also, for best results, get around eight hours of sleep per night, exercise for 45 minutes daily and stretch for five minutes in the morning and evening.
*The nutritional cleanse described in this article is designed primarily for healthy adults. It should not be followed by people with diabetes. Consult your doctor before trying the cleanse.
Source: Keri Glassman, RD, a New York City–based registered dietitian who is president and founder of http://www.NutritiousLifeMeals.com.
She is the author of The 02 Diet and Slim Calm Sexy Diet (both from Rodale).
June 16th, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Debby, point taken, I tend to lean towards being ‘nice’ and using kindness no matter what and that was no different for me, it’s time to stop when it comes to A-holes though bc they are always unapologetic, aren’t they? Thanks for setting the ZL straight, I appreciate it.
June 16th, 2012 at 3:27 pm
http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/19/men-who-e-maintain-women-the-art-of-texting-whats-up/
if you’re being ‘eMaintained’ =after= a hook up, you technically signed up for side salad duty, don’t be confused by this behavior, it’s clear. If you like this kind of thing, I’m not judging, just pointing out things I always think are obvious…
- ZL
June 16th, 2012 at 6:30 pm
You fill me up so completely sometimes. I can go through long days and nights when not a second goes by that I am not thinking of you in some way. All my senses register themselves as some reflection of a memory of you.
I want to see your face, feel your hands in mine. I want to feel your beautiful body, feel you against me. Long periods of separation like this makes me feel that I will never be with you again. it’s as if you have left me and I can’t get you back.
It makes me feel like one of the damned, cursed. I don’t know why I am writing this. I don’t know if I will actually post it. I write it and then delete it. Right now it feels so real. I feel I’ve lost you and I can’t get you back.
I don’t know why this is coming over me. Maybe it just bad luck. Maybe it just too long without you.
June 16th, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Zen Lill,;
I read that article. While it had some merits, it was basic bullshit. Women are so dumb as to be “e-maintained” or otherwise. In today’s times women who are worth the effort a relationship requires will make the contact on their on. They will only wait so long on a male that attempts to pull that bullshit.
It is one of the reaches of male ego to think he can “maintain” a woman by calling, texting or emailing a woman from time to time. I have several relationships with men and women that I have exhibited that same behavior. But it never occurred to me that i was attempting to “maintain” anyone.
I was just expressing my feelings and reacting according to the dictates of my surroundings. Any of those acquaintances could reach out to me whenever they felt like it. If a woman or man expected more from the person on the other end of that communication life line is free to initiate the contact and lead the conversation in the direction that would tell him or her what their chances were for the type of relationship they were interested in.
How presumptuous for this asshole to believe that men are so much more evolved than women that they can “calm” them down. If anything, it is the woman that does the calming.
“We’ve always conditioned men to maintain women,” gag me with the proverbial spoon. Who’s that “we?” And will someone tell me who it is that is doing this conditioning. If its another male that is an oxymoron if I have ever heard one. And if someone is assuming that it is a woman, then why would she tell a man to do that to her?
OH please, “you are literally ruining the greatest scam of the century,” first this guy gives men the brilliance of being able to “maintain” a woman, then he gives himself the accolade of being the one male who informs women of they’re being “maintained.”
Notice how this nice man has no problem comparing women to dogs. “It’s like walking a dog, as soon as you do it, they just calm down,”
Many women and men would love to have a connection that bears no more responsibility than responding to an email, phone call or text. And if it turns into something both parties want, then something will happen. If if is merely the wish of only one of the parties, then it won’t.
Robert, RT
June 16th, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Lolzzzz love ur response, cannot stop laughing…