Sex With Your Ex?
Posted by Michelle Moquin on December 29th, 2012
Good morning!
Since the topic is on sex why not just continue the convo. We’ve discussed sex at the work place, the female orgasm…now how about sex with your ex. Are you doing it? Here’s the write:
Sex With An Ex: Why We Do It — And 6 Ways To Stop
We’ve probably all been warned against it. It’s confusing. It could reopen old wounds. It’s probably not going anywhere. It might not even be that good.
Why then is it sometimes so tempting to sleep with your ex?
According to a recent study conducted by the now famous (notorious?) sugar daddy dating site SeekingArrangement.com, 43 percent of women admit to regularly sleeping with an ex while searching for someone new, the Daily Mail reported.
Female participants reported several reasons for seeking sex with a former partner, according to a Seeking Arrangements press release. Explanations included:
1. “Missed physical intimacy.”
2. “Wanted to re-start the relationship.”
3. “Things went too far after too much to drink.”
5. “Bumped into each other on a night out and ‘it seemed like a good idea.”
None of these reasons is all that surprising. For some of us, they’re deeply familiar, indicating that self-awareness isn’t necessarily a deterrent. When the urge to sleep with your ex comes, and it probably will, you need to be ready. Here are six ways to distract yourself from doing something that probably won’t make you happier in the long run.
1. You’ve almost certainly heard Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” Download it and play it on repeat to remember how exhausting going back to your ex — and Taylor Swift songs — can be.
2. Look at pictures of Ryan Gosling and read Cory Booker’s Twitter feedand you’ll remember that there are definitely people out there who are better than your ex.
3. Do your nails. Don’t curse us yet — this isn’t “Don’t be sad, Lady — there’s happiness in cosmetics!” This is calculated. It renders your hands incapable of texting your ex for at least an hour if you’re drying for an effective amount of time. The fact that you’ll feel a little more, well, polished as a result isn’t bad either.
4. Go out dancing with your friends. You’ll have a blast and release a ton of endorphins in the process, reminding yourself that you are perfectly capable of feeling giddy and alive without what’s-his-or-her-face.
5. Write a list of the reasons you broke up. Trust us — there’ll be something in there that not only shuts down your desire for a post-breakup romp but makes you feel lucky you got out when you did.
6. If all else fails, take your mother’s advice and sleep on it. One of the hardest parts of a breakup is getting through the nights alone. Knowing that you’re most vulnerable in the evening, do whatever it takes to make it to the a.m. before contacting your ex. Then decide in the clear light of day — when you’re interacting with coworkers, friends and other people who enrich your life — whether you really want to get back in bed with a person one or both of you decided wasn’t the right fit. Is the sex really worth it?
*******
Readers: In case you’re wondering about me, the answer is “no.” What about you? Care to share?
Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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December 29th, 2012 at 11:54 am
HI Misch, great topic. I wouldn’t now though I have done that in my past…always walking away humming ‘sex with my took me to the chiropractor’ just to keep a sense of humor about it. If it doesn’t make me feel good I don’t do it as a general rule, for anything/everything. & I’m off to work on stuff. Luv, Zen Lill
December 29th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
I had sex with my ex it was as bad as it was before he was my ex.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:37 pm
Nice topic Michelle, My ex knows better than to try to fuck with me. Actually I came in to warn my fellow beach goers to be on the alert.
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If you’re heading to the beach this weekend, the Guam Environmental Protection Agency in partnership with biologists from the Guam Department of Agriculture advise beachgoers to be on the lookout for Pacific Man O’ Wars on all beaches as there have been sightings in Guam waters during the past 24 hours.
If stung by one of these floating blue bubbles with tentacles as long as six feet, rinse the area with large amounts of water – not vinegar – and try to remove as many tentacles as possible using a stick, a credit card or other flat object. If sting is severe or an allergic reaction occurs, seek medical attention immediately.
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Hafa Adai
Anna
December 29th, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Before you partake in the old and comfortable to relieve those urges put some thought into the possible outcome. Getting an itch scratched is one thing, getting it scratched by your ex can be tricky and open yourself up for trouble.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:42 pm
You might be over your ex but not the sex. Just because your relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t still get off. After all, you know each other’s bodies better than anyone else, you know how to get each other off and most importantly, it’s just so damn easy. Like ordering take-out.
No pretense, no fuss, no whining and dining. In between relationships, sex with an ex can be the perfect way to keep your libido happy and occupied. But the last thing you need is for things to get messy. If you’re not over her, it will never work.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I suppose the reason for the breakup is important. I was married way too long to a controlling and verbally abusive man. I felt like garbage and un deserving of anything positive. I finally left him after he left me and our children financially bankrupt and created a child with another married woman.
He seemed shocked that I initiated divorce and seemed to hint that I’d want to resume a physical relationship that had ended several years ago. His new ex-wife has since moved on and I had to dodge his phone calls. I figure I am not as ugly and hateful as he liked to say I was but I doubt I’d ever be capable of any relationship much less degrading myself by being near him.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:46 pm
My soon to be ex and I sat down and talked about this. neither of us is ready to move on as far as dating and starting new relationships, however, we still want to have sex so we have layed down some ground rules we must both abide by and so I think this is completely acceptable.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:47 pm
If you decide to have sex with your ex it is important to be honest with yourself and your ex. Discuss your expectations, make sure you are both on the same page and that no one is being hoodwinked by the new intimate relationship.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:48 pm
My ex and I have been apart for three years. We are still very good friends but have moved on to dateing others but we get together at least once a week because the sex is fantastic for both of us
I have never had a man satisfy me as much especially oraly it is goose bumps and toe turning sex, too bad his work is his priority in his life.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:50 pm
This article is not terribly coherent. Obviously the ones who do not want things to end will be happier if they can still (make) believe they are still in it. One sees that continually.
Unfortunately, that category includes narcissists, borderline personality disorder cases, and other manipulators. I got re-involved with a former girlfriend who was hanging on, until she wound up getting married, and our respectful friendship lasted.
Another girlfriend, a live-in for several years, kicked me out mostly over a couple of misunderstandings and the usual frustrations. But we got involved again through maintaining our original interests in common, and did get married finally.
But after a few years it blew up again, as by that time I had had it. For young adults who are still maturing into who they are, all bets are off, but for the most part I think it is a mistake to remain intimately involved in a situation you have left.
There is a reason it broke up. If you know what it is and still go back, you are being foolish, and if you don’t know, you are neck deep in that river in Egypt.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:54 pm
My own Opinion as a 25 year old woman, That having sex with an ex is not a bad thing” it does happend because their still some fire left after a break up! If you catch my drift” and it really can be very exciting! and extremely wrong at the same time so we think” lol some couples haven’t moved on and when they do see each other is like a 1st time again, that’s what increases their desires to have sex again!
and another reason why is that couples get used to one another and that remains on forever. you will always know what they like and don’t like so is much easier for anyone.
“Now thats by putting the ugly aside when they do have the break up in mind, and the reasons why? their was a break up in the first place they become hesistant and don’t feel the need to go any futher which that leads into a heart-brake after a heart-brake!
that cannot be controled because if both parties are having sex with each other meanwhile you have one that has fallen out of love, and the other that basically is still in love, thats a big misleading problem. because it wont go anywhere, besides just a sex partner.
so thats where sex with an ex is wrong, theirs still mix-feelings” theirs so many kinds of wrong, like they have met someone new while still having sex with me. is a taugh scenario.
that is not easy to just overcome and thats an issue we do think we have overcome while the break up but we havent’ so couples should know in their hearts when to move on! when to open up the door for a new possibilitie to love.
now, their is the bad the good and the ugly of having sex with an ex because neither one of you know exactly what can happend! Having Sex with an Ex’ has helped couples re-rinkled their love once again and they have gotten back together and have been better.
like as myself for example, I have gotten married to my ex, after leaving him and then having sex with him while the break up and being on and off i guess some couples just realize that what they actually needed was space, and change.
and reasons to why staying together and working threw it is better then just leaving. Now me and my husband, are expecting a baby girl. were truly happy, weve been so excited and grateful at the same time.
i will not lie and say our marriage has been perfect because we still have our disagreements but what couple does not go threw stuff.sometimes a break up isnt a break up after all is actually a test to see how strong is your love. thank you for reading my comment god bless!!
December 29th, 2012 at 10:55 pm
I’m a proud supporter of s/ex [ sex w/ your ex ].
Once you’ve already been through the ringer with someone, they know your flaws and hang ups, you know theirs, it’s easier to be intimate without feeling self-conscious and shy. You can just be yourself, they can be themselves, and the sex is better off because it’s less inhibited.
Plus, you know what you’re getting. I would rather sleep with an ex and know what I’m in for than bring a new guy home and risk him having inadequate equipment or poor technique.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:58 pm
This is exactly part of the problem that our society is facing. Now we’re to afraid to be alone with ourselves in-between relationships.Maybe it’s actually more simple than that, we want our cake and eat it too. We have to set up sex with an ex until we find a new partner to have sex with or a relationship. How pathetic! I’m astounded at exactly how much we in the west now worship sex.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:05 pm
My Ex calls, texts, is all of a sudden very interested in my sex life, I was preoccupied with my father most of last year since he was very ill and died in November.
I am a divorced, mother. So are most of my friends. They are insecure, and have hateful relationships with their ex husbands. Some are very bitter about what happened during their marriage. Infidelity was my issue. I was highly upset when we broke up.
I wouldn’t fuck him with an infected pussy.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:06 pm
Don’t do it unless you just think it’s ok to use each other. Both parties will end up getting hurt. In my case (I was the jilter), wanting to be only with me sure didn’t stop him from sleeping with someone else.
It was a great day when she called to let me know the truth about that liar…I was free at last!!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:11 pm
A question for women. I’m gay. I broke up with my x-girlfriend last year. She fucked some guy and got pregnant. We had an abortion. I walked away and did not speak for about 4 months.
She tried to call, cry and confessed she kissed a guy in one drunken night from work, was completely faithful, we were meant to be together and so on. I couldn’t do it. But I moved to the suburbs, and eventually we had sex.
She had had a fling with the same co-worker who got her pregnant and told me it was over. Lie. I couldnt get myself to commit again, so we had on-off sex for next several months, bi-monthly.
She called in january saying we were soulmates etc, she’d want a kid with me etc. I said no. she told me she hooked up with a guy in a bar, went on a long trip came back, she confessed the guy from work,married fellow, was still going on.
She says that if I come back to her she will swear off men.
What should I do ?
December 29th, 2012 at 11:14 pm
If a woman out there is thinking of having sex with her ex, my advice is don’t do it. I just, finally, let go of a relationship. First I broke op, he didn’t want to. Then he broke up, I didn’t want to. He would call me and ask me to come back and talk.
I always did. It always led to sex. I would call him and we would talk, it always lead to the sex. I couldn’t let go and neither would he. But it wasn’t good for either of us. How can you down-shift?
How can you turn off all the emotions? You can’t. If you can, then the emotions weren’t real to begin with.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:15 pm
Michelle, are you thinking of having sex with Doug, as for me having sex with my ex You are kidding right!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:16 pm
Ex Sex is bad!!!! Did it for 6 months after we broke up.. I was the Dumpee!!! Never ever again.. We couldn’t move on at all. Finally said goodbye and thats it!!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:17 pm
I would not have sex with my ex. I have been there it did not work out. He does not want to get a job and be a man; and help himself. I was tied of doing everything all these years, like a fool.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:17 pm
Either it is over or it isn’t; grow-up, make a decision, and stick to it. To do otherwise is emotionally self-destructive, dangerous, and immature.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Sore but good topic Michelle. I love you blog. It is so poignant. I just got dumped after a year together. We have been living together for the past two months since our breakup.
It has been very difficult for me. I tried to rekindle our relationship to no avail. Now I am just trying to get sex. I have to see her in the mornings when she takes a shower. She walks around nude.
She apparently has feelings/eyes for someone else and she says she wants to remain celibate for him and she doesn’t want to give me false hope. After two months I have come to terms with our situation but I get horny at times and it would be convenient to have sex.
On a good note, she should be moving out in a couple weeks, I can’t take this anymore!!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:29 pm
I had this situation with my ex. I was the dumpee, and she kept me on a piece of string telling me to come round to her and make love with her and then tell me to leave in the morning.
Bear in mind I’d been with her for three years. She’d make me feel worthless. She used to think it was highly amusing when her gay uncle would send me perverted texts> so I ended up fucking two of her brothers. Well, one I fucked and the married one said he wasn’t gay so I had to let him fuck me.
She would watch and comment on our performance between movie takes. She refused to give me the tapes, I got so angry that I just up and left. She’d call and say she wanted sex. I swear if you had sex with this woman you would be hooked for life. She could do things to your ass while you fucked her that would send you into utter bliss.
But I finally got tired of her humiliating me by forcing me to blow her friends after we had sex. She refused to admit that her gay uncle was a sadistic sexual freak. I mean the guy would fist fuck her up the ass while I was fucking him or have her shove light bulbs up his ass while he was blowing me. I was terrified that one would break in his ass and we would end up on the News.
I finally met someone else and have now been married for 6 years.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:30 pm
The way I look at it, if there’s no strings attached, so be it. I had with my X-Girlfriend a few times and then we went our ways. We kept in touch once in a blue moon and that ways. As for my X-Wife whom I recently Divorced due to lack of interest in sex after 8 years being Married, now she’s Home sick and feeling emotional because she has no one to take her frustration out on. Me, I wouldn’t think of have sex with my X-wife in a million years.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:32 pm
I just started sleeping with my ex. It was a BAD breakup 2 months ago after a perfect 4 month relationship and the emotions are running high. The blame game is still being played from her side and admittedly a little from my side as well.
I’ll treat this as an experiment and keep everyone posted. If there are any variables some of you would like tested just let me know and I’ll add it to the experiment. I am dead sure this is going to hurt but I am a scientific mind and way too eager for answers.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:35 pm
The ultimate should I or shouldn’t I question… To be honest, I do it, I’m doing it right now!! I feel bad because I dont know if we will ever get back together, we’ve broken up more than 5 times in the last 4yrs and somehow we still hook up, and I keep braking it up so on so on.,..
Now its cool ’cause if he finds someone else I will be hurt.. alot! If I tell him I found someone else I dont know how he’s gonna react or how I’m gonna know whether that new relationship would work out and if it doesnt then you still have somethin to fall back on right??
Naw, that sounds awful, this reader/writer just had a brakethrough folks! Its a no win situation… Someone is gonna get hurt, whether it’s me, or him or the next guy/girl that falls for us then finds out about us…
I think I will put a stop to the ex-sex starting today. Or should I say tomorrow, because we had an intimite moment earlier (it was a sober one, which really is something new for us). Great Topic though!!!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:36 pm
The only reason I could see why a person would want to revisit an ex would be to remind yourself why you closed that door in the first place.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:40 pm
MIchelle, are you thinking of having sex with your ex? Too intimate a question? Not on your blog. Sex with ex? A friend of mine told me that having sex with your ex is like going back to finishing a sandwich you made a week ago. Something that you ate a part of and then left it in the kitchen where someone else found it and took a bite and left the rest.
So, sex with your ex is a bad idea, however you slice it… So, I firmly decided, if I ever feel lonely I’d better have some fun sexploration with sex toys, sexy boys or flip the switch and get me a hot girl, if my finger gets tired.
Agatha
December 29th, 2012 at 11:41 pm
It’s okay if its a recent ex and you haven’t had any romances since then. But if you have had quite a few, oh boy. They’re called an “ex“ for a reason; you had some rationale for breaking up.
If you want to do it, just because you’re all hot and bothered… Seriously, move on and find something else to do. Sex with your ex is just living in the past.
-
December 29th, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Theres nothing wrong in having sex with your ex. It becomes wrong when you expect something from it. Sex is sex, not making love, but having fun. It’s comfotable with someone you know that much.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:46 pm
I have had sex with my ex. Lots of times in the last three year’s.
We know its only ex-sex, but we enjoy it so much we can’t stop..
He does have a new person in his life, that he spins most of his time with her but he tells me it’s only for right now not for ever, she isn’t the one that makes him crazy enough to stay with just one woman.
So do I understand its only the sex that works for us. But we love great food & dancing an going on short trips together as just ex’s. I will always love him forever but not as a forever love.. We are the best friends an ex could have.
We talk about our other dates, how good & bad they are for us. So, yes, it’s ok to have ex-sex as much as you can have, with fun & happiness.
Brenda
December 29th, 2012 at 11:48 pm
Sex with an ex can be great for what it is. It can be a relief after a date when tactically you did not want sex with them right away. The big problem is getting out and playing the field. If you are not then it holds you back from establishing new friends. For many who are also going through a financial pinch ex sex is a godsend. However,one must get those rusty skills working and seek out new partners and “date”/sex around getting your skills back. The timid or shy or isolated have a harder road to walk. Finding lovers can be difficult and getting a good apartment challenging.
December 29th, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Cut him off cold he’ll be glad you did? Extremely broad general (and thus useless) advice. My ex and I just had sex and you know what, tomorrow is another day. I have no idea what will ultimately happen between us, but we do still love each other and we find each other irresistible.
I also believe people have sex for the wrong reasons. We did because we know we enjoy it with each other. There are no hopes of “getting back together” attached to the activity.
We have a blast together, and you know even friendship with an ex should be seen as extra in top of all the good in life, and if you both want each other, go for it, just realize its not the beginning, or a do-over. It’s just wonderful meaningful fun and leave it at that!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:50 pm
Kam, chill the fuck out. Jesus. No one is ever going to want to fuck you again if you don’t shut the hell up.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:17 am
Have you noticed it is mostly the men here who advocate having sex with your ex. Of course because that is probably the reason you broke up in the first place, their proclivity for infidelity.
You had better believe they are lying to whoever they are with when they are away having sex with you. And sister if they will attempt to have sex with you sans a rubber, they did it with others when they were with you and will continue because they don’t care who they infect as long as they can get convenient sex.
It’s just a release to men. Women form bonds and relationships with sex. “Casual” sex to a woman should be an Oxymoron because it only benefits men. Women “share” their organs and body when they have sex. Men just feel they are getting fucked.
You may be thinking you are having sex with your ex. The ex is just thinking he is “getting an easy piece of ass.” You are nothing more than another object to stick his dick in for pleasure. The fact that you are his ex is a mere formality, easily forgotten after he has left.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:18 am
My advice is treat an ex like you would any other bitch. When you’re done doing the deed and you’ve cleaned up, get the hell out. “
December 30th, 2012 at 12:20 am
So zen Lill could you say that again in english.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:23 am
Indeed Michelle, the question is, Are You doing it with your ex? Or is it just now crossing your mind? I can’t imagine your ex turning down that fine body.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:24 am
Ditto Paul. If I were her ex, I’d get a special ring for that Bootie Call.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:30 am
Speaking of Bootie’s, I’ve been to a party of two where you have not been adversed to strutting your stuff. Why not show your fans the back end of that incredible body. I for one know that many of the guys get off on those legs as they shoot up to those extraordinary set of cheeks that form your marvelous ass.
Just asking.
December 30th, 2012 at 12:31 am
Boys, getting a little off topic are we?
December 30th, 2012 at 9:28 am
All this talk about fine ass reminds me of you babe. I hope we will be getting together soon. I would love to lay my little head between those warm fine cheeks of yours.
Baby your patience has paid off. I graduated with honors and I have 9 job offers. We’re talking upper six figures to start. I have several head hunters who think I can go higher. Think divorce babe. We can do this.
I am not asking you to make a decision until I have proved myself. But give me a year in the job place and then if I show you the green, you already know you have my love. Then think DIVORCE.
Love
Ym
Love ya babe
December 30th, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Owen, sorry…long ago I lived with someone for 3 years, we were young, he began to like coke, became paranoid about a man who was after me who would visit me at work, I couldn’t stop that and it made him crazy, paranoid and jealous, like I said, we were young…then I wanted to move out west, and ahhhh yuck, we just made a mess of everything – one thing we did have though, was crazy amazing lovemaking sessions and so we did do that probably against better judgement, we still had mega-feelings for each other.
…and he looked at me once after an ex LM session, held his lower back and started singing sex with my ex took me to the chiropractor, lol, he had the body of Adonis and was as sweet as the day was long, we were just young and foolish…I live in CA now and he still lives in CT, he also has a daughter named Lily with his first wife and I will always wish him the best. Hope that explains it some.
I don’t usually look back once I’ve made a decision to leave bc I never make any life changing decision in haste to begin with…I don’t have any opinion or judgement on anyone else for doing it though, whatever rocks your boat.
- ZL