Flap Your Lips Friday
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 21st, 2013
Good morning.
I realize that I post many stories about the abuse and atrocities that girls and women go through. Why? Because even though it is prevalent here and around the world, I am still shocked by it all, and posting what I can gives a voice to these women. I don’t think I will ever get over it or used to it – thankfully. I don’t want to. I HOPE that no one turns a blind eye when it is so widespread.
Because if it becomes the norm, and more people start to say, “Oh it is just the way men are,” (Yes, some people already say this about men!) less will be done to stop it, and the more women will be abused and blamed for whatever reason…she shouldn’t have teased the boy…she shouldn’t have dressed like that…she shouldn’t have gone to the party alone…whatever. All excuses. And excuses that gives men permission to do it again, and again, and again. And all the while blaming the woman, when it is the man or the boy who is the perpetrator, and should be blamed.
I just get so sick of it. But not sick enough to not blog about it anymore. It is on my mind more than I would like it to be and more than I would like to admit. But I am a lucky one and so many others are not. So I feel the need to support my sisters in whatever means I know how.
I know because of the way I am, people, and even some readers here, say I am a “man hater.” Those words mean nothing to me. They have no effect on me whatsoever. Bring it on. If I or other women are such “man haters”, ( I will speak for myself) it is not because they are men – it is only because of the things men do. I find it baffling that men (and even women) even dare say to me that I am a “man hater,” when it is the men on this planet that are the haters. I mean, I am not the one doing harm. Women are not the ones showing hatred. Men are the ones that do the abusing, killing, and enslaving of women on this planet, world wide. I am only reporting it, and I am accused of hating? If anyone hates, it is the men hating the women. Why else would they be so destructive and abusive. It certainly isn’t because they love us to death. No pun intended.
And when I hear that women, stupid women, walk lockstep behind their man, taking on his thoughts and beliefs, even bending over to be spanked(!), I just get livid. And as I stated yesterday, I lose faith in womenkind. And I don’t want to. I want to believe that women will change because I have little faith that men will. They don’t need to. Many like the way it is. They don’t have anything to fear.
But we women, we have so much to fear when it comes to the men in our lives and their propensity to perpetrate sick behavior. Which is why we still need mothers and fathers to raise our young boys to respect girls and women. We can’t give up on that. And we also need our young sisters to support their sisters, by encouraging them to do so, and providing inspiring examples…so that they will grow up to be women who support women. Or women are just not going to survive.
This brings me to today’s write. Sadly, here is a perfect example of a young girl who was raped and her community is re-victimizing her by harassing her, and not supporting her, in a time where she really needs sisterly love and support.
Indiana Town Shames Rape Victim, Speculates About Her ‘Promiscuous Behavior’
Several high-profile cases of sexual assault have shown the consequences of rape culture: From Rehtaeh Parsons’ suicide to the Steubenville rape trial, these girls were re-victimized by the harassment and public shaming that followed the sexual assault.
Now, a 14-year-old in Elwood, Indiana who is eight months pregnant faces ongoing harassment simply because her neighborhood sees her as a very young pregnant girl. But a reporter at the Indianapolis Star writes that her town does not know the full story of the 17-year-old boy who physically overpowered her after she told him “no.” On Tuesday, he faces sentencing for three counts of child molestation.
At the same time the girl has encountered vicious public shaming from her community, she and her mother Kristy Green have spoken out because they worry her assailant will walk free in juvenile court:
“I can’t walk out the door without someone calling me a whore or slut,” the girl said. “I used to have a lot of friends, or people I thought were my friends, but as soon as this happened I just isolated myself.”
The repeated vandalism incidents at the family’s home — including the words “whore” and “slut” scrawled on the garage doors — were reported to police. But Green said no charges were filed because there were no witnesses to the acts.Her daughter also has been the target of mean-spirited rumors and speculation that her pregnancy is the result of promiscuous behavior.
This ordeal is all too common for victims of sexual assault — a reality that affects not just U.S. teens in school, but also pervades military and sports culture. The Chicago Tribune Editorial Board recently noted that “it’s still news when a rape victim stands in front of the cameras to state what ought to be obvious, which is that she has nothing to be ashamed of.”
But the people in Elwood — lacking the details of the rape due to privacy in the juvenile court system — reverted to alienating the teen for her pregnancy because they assumed she must have been “promiscuous.” That’s true for many teen moms across the country, who are often on the receiving end of this stigma precisely at the time they most need support. Public awareness campaigns attempting to prevent teen pregnancy often put inordinate focus on “slut-shaming” abstinence over comprehensive sexual health resources.
******
Readers: What a rude awakening for any young girl, first to have to endure rape, and then go through rejection from girls she thought were her friends.
I have said enough this morning. Anything more to add here? It’s Friday…Blog me.
Mike, TM: I had heard nothing about this story until I googled it. And then I still didn’t find much out there, except for this write from 3 weeks ago. Todashev was interrogated in his home and was denied having a lawyer represent him. He was also accused of caring a knife and attacking an agent, which is difficult to do when he wasn’t in possession of one. Now the kid is dead, and reportedly murdered by the FBI. I’m curious to see what more will be revealed and what will come from this.
Social Butterfly: Nice to hear from you. Yeah, I bet that added day is an adjustment. Happy to hear life is good though. Thanks for posting the write on Ms. Deen. I have been hearing all about it on several stations. And the big question seems to be, “What does Oprah think of her now?” I love Oprah but her opinion on this matter is no better than anyone else’s, although she does have influence. Deen made racist remarks. It will be interesting to see what transpires.
Got to run – Enjoy the Summer Solstice! Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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June 21st, 2013 at 1:50 pm
There was a video about sexism and sexual harassment posted on Facebook by Upworthy.com. One commenter was talking about being a six year old girl in line at a movie snack store to get snacks on her way to the movies.
She said that a man groped her, and she told her mom. Her mom swiftly took her home: no snacks, no movie. She said she quickly learned how women can be punished for the invasive acts of others. I thought of this article when I read that woman’s comments. It’s very sad that people are punished for the treachery of others.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:33 pm
I think some group dedicated to civil rights might be justified in helping this family install a security system that would identify those who deface their property.
It is obvious this young woman is far more adult than most of the adults in that silly town. Not that her story isn’t played out everywhere in the country on a daily basis. Sadly, our Victorian beginnings have never been completely flushed out of the country’s system. Judge not is a teaching that seems to be overlooked just about everywhere.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:34 pm
So much for the idyllic movie image of small town America.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:35 pm
Another tragic case in the light..with hundreds or thousands others in the dark. “Small town America” isn’t even telling it all if you include the military. When will this perverted thinking in screwed minds end?!
And with perfect timing here comes Congressman Franks and House Republicans declaring “Rate of pregnancies from rape is ‘very low”…voting to restrict women’s rights again. ..
June 21st, 2013 at 2:38 pm
Seems that nothing has changed since I was a young lad growing up in a ‘very small ‘ Texas town….
You cannot currently send a star to Kit because you have done so within the last day.
As for the toads in Congress…It’s all about let’n the clock run out so the Republicans can go on another paid vacation..with benifits, without having done anything other than ‘obstruct’ the needs of the nation and the will of the people….and waste more tax payers dollars during their few ‘job’ related days a year.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:39 pm
It’s small town INDIANA.. when I graduated 8th grade in Illinois there were 3 pregnant girls in my class – people May have wondered about that, but Nobody I know of called names or dared harass them.
I don’t know if they were promiscuous, it wasn’t MY business! I do know girls who were, but even they weren’t called names by me or my friends – I was friends with a few too.. and my parents knew about them & didn’t try to prevent friendship just because the girls were “that way”..
I know girls who had abortions because they were under-age & some who gave babies up for adoption, either way back then the parents made the arrangements. But NO Where did I see vandalism & the hate talk that seems to be SO pervasive in RepubliCON states!
June 21st, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Finally! Food Network is dropping Paula Deen. Her contract expires end of the month.
Now I can watched Chopped again :)
/SB
June 21st, 2013 at 2:43 pm
The graphic is so genuine and apt. The young man’s face and three words say it all. Heartbreaking that any humans completely waste their time on earth being so heartless and stupid.
“If you want to be safe, walk in the middle of the street. I’m not joking. You’ve been told to look both ways before crossing the street, and the sidewalk is your friend, right? Wrong.
I’ve spent years walking sidewalks at night. I’ve looked around me when it was dark, when there were men following me, creeping out of alleyways, attempting to goad me into speaking to them and shouting obscenities at me when I wouldn’t, and I suddenly realised that the only place left to go was the middle of street.
But why would I risk it? Because the odds are in my favour. In the States, someone is killed in a car accident on average every 12.5 minutes, while someone is raped on average every 2.5 minutes.
Even when factoring in that, one, I am generously including ALL car-related accidents and not just those involving accidents, and two, that the vast majorities of rapes still go unreported […] And, thus, this is now the way I live my life: out in the open, in the middle of everything, because the middle of the street is actually the safest place to walk.” ― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
“Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs.
Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.” ― Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women
June 21st, 2013 at 2:44 pm
Unfortunately, in idyllic small tow America, football is the most important thing. I am guessing the boy is a sports player,
June 21st, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Perhaps someone should break it to Todd Franks that, even assuming he is correct, which I don’t, “very low” is not good enough. “None” would be about right.
Nancy M, the story indicates they managed to get a conviction – you don’t “face sentencing” unless you are convicted. I am not familiar with Indiana law but I am betting that three counts of child molestation can get a person put away for a long time. It will be interesting to see what does happen.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:46 pm
disgusting how people always blame the victim, wonder if it’s a hatred for women since the victim is almost always female in these cases.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:47 pm
It’s really, really awful that this sort of thing still happens.
What century are we in again? The 21st! Gee, you’d think it was the Middle Ages.
People in small towns and probably bigger towns can really be mean and ignorant.
I agree with the guy in the pic; rape culture needs to stop.
Why are boys allowed to be promiscuous, sleazy, abusive in fact, while girls who are raped and abused
are harassed and talked about nastily?
June 21st, 2013 at 2:48 pm
So what if the people in the town “lack the details” of what happened?
It’s none of their business.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:48 pm
America is a rape culture. It’s not just women shamed by rape. How about the 13 year old boy sodomized by others on his wrestling team? His family was harassed so badly they had to move. The victims always seem to pay the price. America is sick! What’s the cure?
http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/13-year-old-sodomized-wrestling-teammates
/SB
June 21st, 2013 at 2:49 pm
Can’t argue with stupid…or closed minds. Oops, somewhat redundant.
Jackasses!
June 21st, 2013 at 2:52 pm
/SB you didn’t need to put that in. Taking pussy for a girl is one thing, jamming dick to a man, that’s just sick.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:54 pm
Let us just say,for the sake of argument,(even though many times,it is not true),but let us just say the sake of argument that she is the biggest slut in the world,she is promiscuous,she is-whatever.That still does not excuse rape.Or any other abuse.Ever.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:56 pm
George Jr. you are just sick. It is males like you that make life hell for women.
June 21st, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Who let you out of your cage Geroge, Jr.?
June 21st, 2013 at 2:57 pm
When will this crap end??
June 21st, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Social Butterfly, as long as you say “Bless their heart” it’s all good in the South. Ok, I live in the South and I see this kind of racism all the time.
They make racist remarks then follow it up with “I’m not racist ya know, I really like (insert any Black or Hispanic comedian’s name) and he’s Black/Mexican ya know.” Yea right, as long as they don’t live on your block…
And I hate Deen’s cooking AND her overblown southern accent… Kind of like Honey Boo Boo (or whatever that little redneck butter ball’s name is) all grown up…
June 21st, 2013 at 3:37 pm
Social Butterfly, between Mike Huckabee to the northwest, Paula Deen and Rick Scott to the east, Tennessee to the north, and Mississippi to the west, my beloved but deeply flawed Alabama looks positively progressive and tolerant.
June 21st, 2013 at 3:54 pm
New way that thieves are breaking into your car in record TIME
This is very troubling what lengths people will go to steal
>> what doesn’t
>> belong to them !
>>
>> Beware folks. This is news you can use.
>>
>> THIS HAS BEEN CHECKED ON SNOPES
>>
>> My oldest son came over yesterday- he had to go to Canada
>> for work last
>> week.
>> One of the other engineer’s traveling to Canada with
>> him, but in his own
>> car had something happen…that I need to share.
>>
>> While traveling he stopped at the roadside park, similar
>> to what we have
>> here with bathrooms, vending machines etc.
>>
>> He came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later and
>> found someone had
>> gotten into his car, and stolen his cell phone, laptop
>> computer, gps
>> navigator briefcase…..you name it.
>>
>> They called the police and since there were no signs of
>> his car being broke
>> into- the police told him that there is a device that
>> robbers are using now
>> to clone your security code when you lock your doors on
>> your car using your
>> key-chain locking device..
>>
>> They set a distance away and watch for their next victim.
>>
>> Since they know you are going inside of the store,
>> restaurant, or bathroom
>> and have a few minutes to steal and run.
>>
>> The police office said…to be sure to manually lock your
>> car door-by
>> hitting the lock button inside the car, that way if there
>> is someone
>> setting in a parking lot watching for their next victim it
>> will not be
>> you.
>>
>> When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting…it
>> does not send
>> the security code, but if you walk away and use the door
>> lock on your key
>> chain- it sends the code thru the airwaves where it can be
>> stolen.
>>
>>
>> I just wanted to let you know about this…it is something
>> totally new to
>> us…and this is real…it just happened this past
>> Thursday June 19th to
>> his co-worker…
>>
>> So be aware of this and please pass this note on.
>>
>> Keep safe everyone!
>>
June 21st, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Michelle, this is a device used to detect when someone hides their laptop in their cars.
——————–
Laptop owners may need to start worrying about leaving a laptop in a vehicle.
According to Malaysia’s New Straits Times, thieves have been using some type of mysterious gadget to break into cars and steal laptops. In the district of Petaling Jaya, over 255 laptops have been stolen from parked cars so far this year. And police say the majority of these laptops were hidden from sight at the time.
The police haven’t been able to find any of the supposed “mystery devices” yet, and are advising people to carry laptops with them rather than leave them in their cars.
Speculation is that the thieves’ gadget may be using WiFi and/or Bluetooth to detect the presence of the laptops in the vehicles.
Sounds like a case for CSI, doesn’t it?
June 21st, 2013 at 4:04 pm
Michelle here is the link about the mystery box being used to break into cars.
http://www.kvoa.com/news/car-thieves-use-mystery-gadget-to-hack-in/
…But Kyung lah reports nobody — not even the car manufacturers — knows how it works.
In Long Beach, California, a man walks up to a car and using a small box, opens it.
Right next to him is another man, also using a box, opens that car.
The problem — they’re thieves. No keys. Now they’ve swiped all valuables from the cars….
June 21st, 2013 at 4:37 pm
Um… I do read the comments in the articles I post….try to have an original thought, eh?
Happy Friday all.
/SB