Wonderful Women Of The World
Posted by Michelle Moquin on October 4th, 2014
Good afternoon!
I know…I know…a very late evening last night, hence a very late post this afternoon. :)
I decided recently that I wanted to have better relationships in my life, especially the one with myself, so I have been working with a relationship coach, an amazing woman. The work is illuminating, challenging, and highly emotional and revealing. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I am grateful for the work and for becoming more aware of my relationship patterns, how we assume things or make things up about people when we really don’t know, how our world view can differ from others, listening skills, self talk and limitations, recognizing worthiness and success, defining our values, vulnerability and connection with others and self, etc.
It was one of the most wonderful things I could have ever done for myself, and my relationships. I am excited for the possibilities and for what I am creating in all of my relationships.
Like most things that I commit to doing, I go in big – this coaching was no different. Success, and the meaning of, was something I have been looking at on a deeper level. What does “Success” mean to me and to others? During this coaching process I found myself consciously relating and connecting with people in a more vulnerable way…and asking the question, “What is success to you?”
Most people did not say that “success” was all about the money. Yes, that was part of it. Answers ranged from people wanting to make money to have more freedom to do what they wanted to do, to being self -sufficient, and in addition on a more personal level, “success” meant doing work they loved and were passionate about, having great relationships with others, others seeing them in a positive light, being able to give back – wanting to have a positive impact on others through work, with their community…the world.
I found this write on Zainab Salbi, the founder of Women for Women International. She talks honestly about “success,” walking the talk, and how you can take baby steps for activism. I resonated with her words. I thought you would enjoy it as well.
From Refinary29.
This Inspiring Woman Redefines Success
What would you say to someone who feels like they can’t be an activist because they might not have the resources or they might not be that selfless? What are the baby steps?
“The advice I have for anybody is to live your truth! If you’re attached to the categorization of ‘activist’ or ‘success,’ then you’re attached to the categorization. I never trust anybody whose goal in life is to be rich and famous. That may sound extreme, but I would never want anything to do with this person because being rich and famous is a byproduct. You’re going about it in the wrong way. Your goal should be to live your truth. Your goal should be to do something that’s meaningful for you. Your goal should be doing something that fills your heart and makes you feel good. So, if you want to help another person, I don’t believe you need to sacrifice all of your life for it. Do something in your community — something in your life. Activism doesn’t have to be grandiose.”
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the women you work with, across the world?
“Is it Gandhi who said ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’? Yeah. Well, it took me a long time, but I do believe that. I started my journey thinking this was all about advocating for and helping these other women. So, it was always about them. I, on the other hand, was not really there. It was like I was hiding. But, they are the ones who helped me realize that I have to own my story in order to really be worthy of staying and working with them. Helping them is patronizing, but meeting them is respectful. If you come to me and need help, there are two different ways of addressing it: I can save you, which is patronizing. Or, I can associate with you and acknowledge you, and it becomes a mutual experience.”
It’s the opposite of being a missionary.
“Totally! Totally. I realized that I can’t preach about women speaking up, breaking their silence, and being independent if I don’t do it myself. But, they were the ones who helped me do that. It’s the poorest women, the most marginalized, the most illiterate who helped me live in truth to myself.”
What was it about your relationship with these women that allowed you to evolve like that?
“They were much more honest about it than I was. They were much more insightful. I think all of us hide because we give so much attention to our appearances. When you’re in utter poverty and utter vulnerability, your masks gets thrown off. You don’t care. I realized I couldn’t be in service to others if I don’t claim who I am. I’ve learned to be very transparent about things. If my heart is broken, I say my heart is broken. If I am happy, I say I am happy. When I break my silence, I might open another window for perhaps another woman, you know? Then, she breaks her silence and it becomes a ‘we’ story. When we realize this violence, this discrimination, this prejudice goes beyond any one woman, it becomes a collective story. Thus, it takes a collective action to break it.”
*****
Readers: How do you define Success? – What does it mean to you to be successful? Blog me.
Peace & Love.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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October 4th, 2014 at 3:47 pm
Interesting post and information …
and finding myself in the same place after ending a long relationship (though I didn’t seek a specialist myself bc I’m trained in this, mistake? I don’t know, I do know how to walk through this and I have a mentor who has helped me understand my aversion to revealing certain things and to reframe it to serve me).
… however, through my own work with other people dealing with their relationship issues and beliefs and patterns has helped me tremendously, as much as them actually …
so I also realized that in educating and teaching others in sessions what I teach that during session I’m actually a student of as well. Very much so …
I just received a call this am from a man I know wanting to come in bc he’s entering a blended family situation, he asked ‘is this weird? Does anyone else have these fears?’ It was vulnerability at it’s finest and I assured him that it is universal and he can stand proud that he brought his inner awareness to his lips and my ears and I look forward to colaborating with him.
… This work, it’s been enlightening and almost everyone (no, everyone) has some issue or another with intimacy and/or passion and/or expressing authenticity within any of that.
Sorting out this stuff is the very best thing you can do for yourself bc it all starts with you and you must be the change in every way, vulnerability can be a difficult thing. I first noticed people can be very vulnerable with me when I was a hairstylist bc that is an intimate act. I won’t elaborate bc this is getting long already …
Cheers to vulnerability (rhymes with fears but don’t let that hold you back) it truly is the only way to change up your somewhat patterned energetic imprint (what people read
/feel of and ‘about’ you as soon as you meet).
& professionally … the minute you meet people where they are rather than ‘helping them’ is a life changing one esp for peeps in the helping professions (I’m sure this stuff will assist you with clients as well, it changes you so it has to affect that).
I do my very best to just listen and walk through their beliefs (& why, where started, etc) HOPEing we can collectively reframe their past in a way that serves their future so they can feel more like what they had or have in mind (without perpetuating projected fantasy outcomes based on outdated beliefs) … Awesomeness …
& I do appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in broaching this topic, Mischa
This is a topic in can Spend hours on with a group of therapists and Hypnos and I do with a hot topics group meeting, more fun and interesting than you can imagine.
Luv, Zen Lill
October 4th, 2014 at 3:50 pm
& her words are so right on. -ZL
October 4th, 2014 at 3:55 pm
And success for me is feeling good as much as I can…
Feeling your inner power to be more open and vulnerable to whatever you call into your life energetically and you can bring in what you want with creating powerful thoughts (self talk) … Money is energy too … And it’s a byproduct of your most dominating state – too ethereal?
Sorry … ZL
October 5th, 2014 at 9:13 am
btw, I’ve studied more books on the topic of human behavior, from a-z medically and metaphysically and I am going to recommend a regular read for you all … bc well … read it and you tell me: Confessions of a Sociopath.
I’m actually using it as groundwork with my followers and clients, it’s just chock full of important to know bc we all know someone with all of the traits. Their ability to be authentic is extremely limited so beware …
(* and it’s been my observation that males with mother issues tend to have a gradation in a few of these traits, much higher than the man with a nice relationship with his first female primary caretaker)
I tend to attract these types, so I was investigating my own energy pattern on that (why me? lol) when the title caught my eye … check it out bc it goes way deeper than I can mention here.
I hosted my first webinar for a large audience on NLP recently, I share replays free.
Luv, Zen Lill