Too Old To Drive?
Posted by Michelle Moquin on June 1st, 2009
I know we’ve talked about parents aging and how to deal with the sensitive subjects such as ‘money’. But what about parents and their fears of losing their independence because they are questioning their ability to drive well? Another very sensitive subject.
I go through this with my mother every time she needs to take her driving test. She is a great driver but she does not test well, as taking tests makes her nervous. No matter what I say or help her to prepare, it is the way she is. Her worry is that she will not pass her driving test and her license will be taken away, hence her independence.
My mother is very independent and very social. Not being able to drive would be in her mind, the worst thing that could happen to her besides losing her good health. It has her worried so much that in the past we have roll played her test driving route, in hopes that she will relax enough to pass. She did pass her driving test as I knew she would, but at her age the test is every year, and every year she worries about it.
But what about the person who shouldn’t be driving in the first place? We’ve all read stories about an old person veering off the road and onto the sidewalk, running people down by mistake because of their lack of vision or quick reflexes.
Here’s an article that I read, and I found would be helpful, if perhaps you have a parent that might need to give up the car keys.
UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED… IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE TOO OLD TO DRIVE?
My 84-year-old neighbor still works daily in her garden but she recently decided not to drive anymore. It was a tough decision, she said, since she values her independence but no longer trusts her reflexes and vision. She told me she plans to live a long while and wants to be sure she doesn’t have to carry guilt for causing an accident that might hurt someone else.
Not everyone is so rational, I learned from Elizabeth Dugan, PhD, a researcher and associate professor at the University of Massachusetts Boston and author of The Driving Dillemma, who explained that giving up your car keys is emotionally loaded. “It’s important to realize that driving means more than getting from point A to point B. It is autonomy and independence.” If someone in your life needs to move to the passenger seat or you’re wondering whether it’s time for you to consider doing so yourself, it’s important to address the topic openly and honestly. You need to objectively evaluate abilities and deficiencies, and if evidence shows it’s time to stop driving, to come up with a plan for maintaining safety, independence and dignity, Dr. Dugan said.
GETTING AN ASSESSMENT
A logical first step is a consultation with a health care provider, such as the family physician… to assess the individual’s abilities. Specific areas to review include:
- Cognitive skills. Tests of an older driver’s functioning can help determine driving fitness, which is even more critical if dementia is an issue. While some experts believe people with early dementia can drive safely, studies show that drivers with dementia are at greater risk for accidents — one recent one, from the University of Iowa, assessed the cognitive, visual, motor and on-the-road skills of 40 drivers with early Alzheimer’s disease and 115 drivers without any neurological diseases. People with AD had 27% more driving errors, leading researchers to conclude that performance on vision, cognition and motor skill tests is important in determining whether a patient with Alzheimer’s disease can safely drive.
- Vision. The state of Florida now has mandatory vision screening for drivers 80 years of age and older. A study recently published in the Archives of Ophthalmology, by researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, suggests that this program brought about a 17% lower death from traffic crashes in this age group. Vision should be checked by an ophthalmologist or optometrist every one to two years if 65 or over, or two to four years for those 40 to 64, even if your state doesn’t mandate it.
- Motor skills. Motor function, range of motion and motor strength should be evaluated.
- Medications. The doctor will review regular medications to see if any might interfere with the ability to drive safely.
A formalized multidisciplinary assessment is the gold standard for determining driving fitness, according to Dr. Dugan. These are programs in which a geriatrician or geriatric nurse practitioner assesses physical function… a social worker assesses driving history and driving needs… a geriatric neurologist or neuropsychologist provides a cognitive workup… and an occupational therapist takes the person for a road test and/or helps find adaptive products. Clinics providing these assessments are usually associated with medical schools or rehab centers. To find a clinic in your area, log onto the Web site of The Association for Driver Rehabilitation Specialists, aded.net, or driver-ed.org and click on membership directory. While such an assessment is usually expensive and not covered by Medicare, it may turn out to be money well spent.
SAFER DRIVING TIPS FOR SENIORS
Even if an assessment concludes that it’s safe to drive, it may be wise to maintain or improve driving fitness with these steps:
- Stay physically fit. Yale University researchers found that physical conditioning helps maintain older adults’ driving performance, decreasing errors by more than a third.
- Take a refresher course for older drivers. The AARP, for example, offers a driver safety education class for drivers 50 and over. Go to aarp.org/families/drver safetly/.
- Use low-tech modifications (for instance, larger convex side- and rear-view mirrors) to compensate for reduced flexibility and other physical challenges.
- Have your vision checked at least every two years. Also, keep the windshield of the car clean.
Don’t minimize concerns about safe driving — if you or a family member is worried about it, chances are there is good reason. A heart-to-heart conversation emphasizing your concerns about safety while also expressing respect for your loved one’s feelings is an act of love, for your family and others in the community.
Source(s):
Elizabeth Dugan, PhD, researcher and associate professor of gerontology and medicine at University of Massachusetts Boston. She is author of The driving Dilemma (HarperCollins).
Readers: Interesting huh? All I can add is please be very gentle with your parents. Not being able to drive is a huge change in one’s life. I mean think about it if you had to give up the keys. Driving is almost like breathing. We take it for granted that we will always be able to do it easily and effortlessly.
The experiences that I have been having with my mother in this area have been very trying on her and I have had to be very gentle and patient in my approach knowing how difficult this is for her. Make sure that you are available to your parents when you see how the effects of aging affects their lives. Remember how understanding and patient they were with you when you were growing up.
Klaatu: Thanks for the Kludos!
Here’s a little love peeps (smack!)…I’m signing off…
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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June 1st, 2009 at 10:58 am
Michelle
Thank you for your article. i have two parents who should not be driving, one is 84, the other is 86. I have emailed your article to them. Hopefully they will see the light, but if they don’t, I will take the next step.
I peep in on your blog from time to time because you usually have something poignant to say. I have never written in before because I was too lazy. But this time it was just too personal.
Thanks again for your support.
Carol
June 1st, 2009 at 11:02 am
I couldn’t get in yesterday. All I kept getting was this:
Safari can’t open the page “http://blog.michellemoquin.com/wp-comments-post.php” because the server unexpectedly dropped the connection, which sometimes occurs when the server is busy. You might be able to open the page later.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:14 am
Norra, I agree with you. The white firefighters case is one on point. They are in the position they are in because of affirmative action by a all white government to give ALL the firefighter jobs to white men.
Now they don’t want the law to use the same principal to right the injustice those OTWs had to suffer. A government that extracted taxes from those OTWs and use them to enact and enforce those discriminatory laws . No affirmative action they scream. Againg I agree with you. VERY white of them.
The group who benefited most from past government Affirmative action by the state and federal government american white men are the ones whining the loudest at any attempt of those same governments trying to give back a little of what was taken away from the to the OTWs.
Gena
June 1st, 2009 at 11:24 am
Have you noticed that no republican congressional representative will call on those republicans who have called sotomayor a racist to stop. These are the same people who insisted that obama should have left his church when his church’s preacher said something offended white people.
That preacher had very little if any influence on people other than those who attended his church. Gingrich and limbaugh have huge audiences and a wide influence on many americans yet, whites are not clamoring to have them ostrazized as they did reverend White.
How long will we OTWs continue to put up with their double standards?
Ruth
June 1st, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dr. Diane Derzis who heads the New World Health Clinic and who does abortions like Dr. George Tiller will now become the next target of the pro life fanatics.
They along with the rest of the pro life hypocrites are no different from the other terrorist who use religion to force people to do what they have decided God says or die.
The rhetoric that the average pro lifer espouses is the talking point given to him or her by those who wish to arouse them to hanger and hate. Once they are emotionally aroused they are willing to give more to the cause.
No one asks where the donations go. As long as the rhetoric and pictures of fetuses drive their followers into a frenzy, the donations will continue to give good money paying jobs to the leaders.
Most of the leaders are white men. Men who use god to tell women how they should use their bodies.
Heather
June 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am
Gena, I so agree. I am a white woman who wants to bring up the elephant in the room, the fact that the white man still after 200 plus years still has total control of every branch of government except the office of President.
Which brings anyone who will admit the presence of the elephant to have to ask; Why is the most privileged group of people (white men) in the United States of America always crying foul, or woe is me?
Just another example of the most priviledged group in America saying only our feeling count. Fuck you OTWs or white women and the feelings you rode in on.
My mother put up with their crying that they are the besieged minority. But us new generation of white women are tired of it and we are going to put a stop to it.
Beverly
June 1st, 2009 at 11:57 am
Thank you Michelle.
I took off work today to force my father who is 79 to get checked by his doctor to see if he should continue driving. I am scared to death when he gets behind the wheel.
He is a threat to himself and others because he can’t move well enough to react to sudden traffic conditions.
You have motivated me to take decisive action.
Sandy
June 1st, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I am a russian immigrant who wants to ask the question why are the white women anchors, correspondents, reporters, pundits and women supporters who came to the rescue of Sara Palin are so absent when white men are vilifying Sonia Sotomayor?
Nadia
June 1st, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Beverly and Heather you are calling it as it is. White men like Terry Randall use inflammatory rhetoric to incite others to do bad things in the name of god.
He could care less about the life of a baby or the woman who is pregnant, he is in it for the money. Like some republicans he is profiting from the religious fervor of those who would force others to worship as they do.
As you have said some of those people behave as the islamic terrorist and their supporters. They even have websites that post the pictures of doctors who do abortions with a count down until they are dead.
Now that they have gotten Dr. George Tiller killed, they have taken down his picture.
He had been likened to Hitler, called a mass murder, and now they are saying that he “reaped what he had sown.”
I don’t know how they are any different that the terrorist our country is fighting every day. For sure if you are a doctor offering choice to women in their time of need, you feel they are terrorists.
Terrorist who are given encouragement and support by pro lifers to do what many of them do not have the balls to do. Kill to force their will upon others who believe differently.
Barbara
June 1st, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this article.
My husband insists upon being the driver when go some place together. He is 81 I am 63. He drives 40 MPH on the freeway because he can handle driving any faster.
I am secretly turning him into the DMV in our town. I want them to come out and take his license before he kills himself or someone else.
Viola
June 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm
My question is why did Obama have to say that if Sotomayor could say it over she would word it differently?
It is easy to say their is no discrimination when you are not an OTW. I dare any of you to brown yourself and take your chances with the police in your town and the treatment you will get from your unknowning fellow whites.
When white cops murder or rough up OTWs, it gets a brief mention from the news media. Let a white boy appear to get discriminated against it is aired non stop on every news outlet for months.
Every station wants to examine it. White males are being discriminated against. White males who are 95 of the 100 Senators, 90% of the House of Representatives; and until this election(thank God) every one of the Presidents of the United States of America.
Yet, we are being told white men are in danger of being discriminated against. Huh?
Oh, but for that elephant in the room Beverly referred to we could be forced to buy the bulls**t.
Dorothy
June 1st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Barbara, Randall Terry is the founder of Operation Rescue. He is dedicated to the pro life movement. Evil people like you do reap what you have sown.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I look at it as justifiable homicide.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Now the media is asking if the Obama’s night out in New York should be paid by the taxpayers.
Now ask yourself if this question was ever posed by the media to any of the other 43 white men who were President?
This is just another example of the double standard whites will except when their race discriminates against OTWs.
The willingness of the white race to tolerate bigotry, racism, discrimination, double standards, and the exploiting of an imagined slight or incident that implies that a white male has had his rights diminished in favor of an OTW is what fuels the fanatics to go further with their hatreds and violence.
Helena
June 1st, 2009 at 4:09 pm
RUBMAN’S DIGESTION CONNECTION: EAT RIGHT TO SLEEP TIGHT
There’s nothing like a bad case of indigestion to mess with a good night’s sleep. But, surprisingly this is just one digestive factor that can keep you from sleeping well and feeling rested. What and how you eat impacts the absorption of critical nutrients and the flow of food through your digestive system. Sleep gives the body an opportunity to relax or reset multiple systems, including metabolism and hormonal balances that directly and indirectly affect how long and deeply you sleep. Eat well and your body is at peace. Eat poorly and it’s agitated. To learn more about the important link between digestion and sleep — and how we can best capitalize on it — I spoke to our own digestion guru, Andrew L. Rubman, ND.
DR. RUBMAN’S SECRETS TO A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP
Well-nourished people sleep more soundly, observes Dr. Rubman. To get your full night’s rest, Dr. Rubman has advice you should follow, plus suggestions on what you should avoid. His secrets to a good night’s sleep…
• Get enough fiber. Doing so makes it less likely you’ll awaken with stomach cramps, and also helps with removal of wastes expelled by the liver. He recommends a diet comprised of at least half unprocessed foods. Adequate fiber — in foods such as steamed veggies, ripe fruits, whole grain bread, brown rice and oats — is essential to efficient digestion, staving off problems such as constipation, irritability and sleeplessness. Fiber also stimulates the growth of healthy flora in the gut… moves food efficiently through the digestive system, and binds and transports bile acids and cholesterol from the body. Because Americans consume about half the fiber they should, Dr. Rubman frequently prescribes the fiber supplement Glucomannan for his patients to take 30 minutes before lunch and dinner and again before bedtime with a large glass of water. Other helpful hints: Consume three square meals a day… chew food thoroughly… and limit beverages with meals to guarantee adequate stomach acid for digestion.
• Avoid hard-to-digest foods. Excessive red meat, alcohol, white bread, fast foods, fatty or fried items and sugary snacks and desserts require the stomach and liver to work overtime. Overwhelming the system interferes not only with digestion but also with sleep.
• Monitor your B vitamin levels, including B-6 and B-12. In order for the body to effectively convert dietary tryptophan — from foods such as turkey and other animal protein, dairy, eggs and fish — into serotonin, which Dr. Rubman calls the “good night moon” hormone, the body requires a sufficient supply of vitamin B-6. Note: Remember that vitamins used for medicinal reasons require medical oversight.
• Calcium and magnesium are critical to relaxation. In addition to building strong bones, these vital nutrients relax the muscles of the digestive tract and decrease digestive irritability. Dr. Rubman often prescribes the calcium supplement Butyrex (from T.E. Neesby in Fresno, California) for his patients. It contains calcium, magnesium and butyric acid, a fatty acid found in butter and milk. Butyrex is calcium and magnesium in its most easily absorbed form. Also beneficial: A warm, milky “nightcap.” Dr. Rubman’s favorite is herbal tea with honey and a touch of heavy cream. If, like many people, you have trouble digesting cow’s milk, consider goat’s and sheep’s milk, which are good alternatives.
• Don’t eat too close to bedtime. On average, the stomach takes between two and four hours to empty its contents after eating. A full stomach works best in an upright position, with the digestive system functioning like a top-loading washing machine, Dr. Rubman explains. If you turn a fully loaded machine on its side, it will leak — so, too, with your stomach. This is one of the reasons why many people get gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) — when stomach contents back up into the esophagus, causing symptoms such as heartburn — after eating too close to bedtime. Dr. Rubman stresses that proper dietary habits, not antacids, are the best way to beat reflux and heartburn. (See Daily Health News, April 11, 2006, for more on the dangers of antacids.)
• Be careful about eating spicy foods that stimulate GI activity. These include dishes made with ingredients such as curry, cumin, cardamom and hot peppers. Though these contain important nutrients, you’ll do best to eat them many hours before retiring for the night. If you’ve ever eaten Indian or Chinese take-out and had it “repeat” on you, you’re familiar with this phenomenon. Satisfy your yen for spicy foods at lunch, not dinner.
BETTER DIGESTION = BETTER HEALTH OVERALL
These simple strategies will not only help you get a good night’s sleep, notes Dr. Rubman, they’ll help your digestion overall, which will also make you feel and function better. If you continue to suffer from indigestion and/or sleep disturbances despite taking appropriate measures, be sure to consult your health care professional.
Source(s): ??Andrew L. Rubman, ND, director, Southbury Clinic for Traditional Medicines, Southbury, Connecticut.?
June 1st, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!
June 1st, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Just a reminder to those who may have forgotten.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do you have a passport? You’ll need one starting today
Jason Cochran
Jun 1st 2009 at 4:00PMText SizeAAA
Filed under: Budgets, Travel
No whining! The deadline was supposed to come in 2006, and then Congress pushed it back. But today, the party’s over. If U.S. citizens want to set foot outside this country, they now need some kind of passport. That includes cruise ports, Mexico, and Canada, places for which a driver’s license used to do.
Just in time for summer travel, you can add the following price to the price of your vacation: $85 to $100 for first-time passport holders. Factor that into your budget. Fortunately, you only have to pay it once every decade, because that’s how long a passport lasts.
The State Department also issues so-called “passport cards,” which are the size of credit cards and cost $35 to $45. Those can only be used for land or sea crossings, such as on cruises or on drives into Canada or Mexico, and they won’t work if you take a plane, even to those two countries.
A precious few overseas locations, such as Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and Guam, will still welcome you on a driver’s license or similar low-level I.D., but even those places will make you have one if you stop anywhere else on your trip there or back.
Even if you don’t intend to go anywhere international in the foreseeable future, it’s always smart to have a passport waiting in a drawer somewhere in the house. As the Mother of federal I.D.s, a passport can be a silver bullet for times in your life when you need to apply for something. When it comes to identifying yourself and cutting the red tape, it’s hard to do better than a passport.
Some cruises won’t require a passport as long as you begin and end in the same American port, but even for those, identification rules just got more stringent: If all you have is a driver’s license, you’ll need a second form of I.D., such as a birth certificate. Just get a passport and forget about it, I say. It’s sure to work.
If you waited until this long to get your passport or passport card despite my ample early warning, expect to face a wait of a few weeks while yours is processed by the government. There’s bound to be a sudden logjam of applications now that owning one is no longer an option, and if you need it done with an instant turnaround, you’ll have to pony up another $60 to work that magic.
Or you could stay home forever, of course, but as an American with the right to travel, why should you?
————————————-
Hafa adai
Anna
June 1st, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Look I’m in the USA by choice and I love the vibrant, energetic atmoshpere compared to “old Europe”.
However at times the USA does seem to act like a petulant teenager. This insane over-the-top critisism of judge Sotomayor is a perfect example. I think a country is best run by a good government and a responsible opposition; the GOP is very far from that. There are legitimate questions that could be asked and would be good to have answered but instead of this the right wing neocons are having a racist field day. This is extremely sad for American politics, even if you are a liberal (like me).
I have to contrast this with my native England. Not that the UK always gets it right – far from it – but the way the current MP expenses scandal is being handled is a perfect example of how an opposition should work. The Conservatives have come up with some constructive suggestions for reform – and have been invited to talks by the Labour government.
The result of this constructive opposition with genuine ideas – looks like the Conservatis will win the next election by a land slide. GOP and neocons look, learn and take notes please! Unfortunately they are so “America is better than anywhere else in the world” that they cannot learn from outside of these shores!
June 1st, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Hafa adai
A moment in Guam history:
___________________________
s May 16, 1855 — 154 years ago — The arrival of Governor Lt. Col. Felipe Maria de la Corte y Ruano Calderon. De La Corte served as governor of the Marianas for 11 years. The following was part of his description of Guam and the Chamorros: ” … Guam has passed from the stage of a savage island to that of a colony belonging to the nation, at that time (17th century) the most powerful in the world. Circumstances … diminished greatly the original population, which, little by little, has since been diluted by foreign blood and renewed by frequent immigration (chiefly Mexicans, Filipinos and Spaniards) until in 1854 it had increased to 9,065 souls. The smallpox epidemic of 1856 wiped out more than half of the inhabitants, leaving at the end of that year in these islands little more than 4,000 souls.”
_________________________________
Peter
June 1st, 2009 at 8:22 pm
i like this comment. it is how i heard & interpreted judge sotomayor’s statement too: mikekev58 I’m a Fan of mikekev58 permalink Once again, I think that “I would hope” suggests the judge is setting a standard and not describing superiority. To have had experience beyond the circle of your little (or big) world and to have reflected on and gained insight from that experience is what wisdom is all about. A given white man who’s never come into close contact with a variety of people and hasn’t had a blend of success and failure would, I expect, be rather flat in his approach to the law and see things as black and white. On the other hand, Sotomayor is not saying Latina women in and of themselves necessarily will make better decisions; only those who have gained wisdom from a richness of experience. One must assume that there are Latinas who do not have Sotomayor’s richness of experience, assurely as some upper class whites have no idea what it’s like for lower class whites to live paycheck to paycheck. In the end, the standard for sound judgement is wisdom, and that wisdom can’t be gained by living a golden life or privilege which never knows adversity.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I say shame on everyone for even paying attention to Gingrich and Limbaugh. Why on earth let them frame the debate? Sotomayor is no more racist than my dearly departed [caucasian] mother who at 90 said, “We are never going to get anywhere in this world as long as a bunch of old white men run the government.” Which is pretty close to what Sotomayor was saying.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:25 pm
The hew and cry that litigiously started with “Bakke” is now accelerating amongst thw white male conservative elites. They are starting to recognize that within their lifetimes (for some of them) this country will become a majority of “Brown” from a population standpoint. The white male elite will still hold the majority of power for a while but only for a short while. I wonder if the existing laws of affirmative action will then apply to the white minority. Or better yet, maybe we will not need affirmative action laws and regulations, becasue by then we will have learned to respect one another as human beings.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Here is Justice Scalia in the majority of 2002 telling everyone in one of his judicial decisions from the US Supreme Court that he and any judge can and do make policy decisions.
……………………………………………………………………
noted leftist jurist Antonin Scalia, who, in the majority opinion of 2002 case Republican Party of Minnesota v. White, wrote:
This complete separation of the judiciary from the enterprise of “representative government” might have some truth in those countries where judges neither make law themselves nor set aside the laws enacted by the legislature. It is not a true picture of the American system. Not only do state-court judges possess the power to “make” common law, but they have the immense power to shape the States’ constitutions as well. See, e.g., Baker v. State, 170 Vt. 194, 744 A. 2d 864 (1999). Which is precisely why the election of state judges became popular.
In footnote 12, Scalia elaborated (emphasis added):
…………………………………………………….
Robert
June 1st, 2009 at 9:44 pm
In footnote 12, Scalia elaborated (emphasis added):
Although Justice [John Paul] Stevens at times appears to agree with Justice [Ruth Bader] Ginsburg’s premise that the judiciary is completely separated from the enterprise of representative government, post, at 3 (“[E]very good judge is fully aware of the distinction between the law and a personal point of view”), he eventually appears to concede that the separation does not hold true for many judges who sit on courts of last resort, post, at 3 (“If he is not a judge on the highest court in the State, he has an obligation to follow the precedent of that court, not his personal views or public opinion polls”); post, at 3, n. 2. Even if the policy making capacity of judges were limited to courts of last resort, that would only prove that the announce clause fails strict scrutiny. “[I]f announcing one’s views in the context of a campaign for the State Supreme Court might be” protected speech, post, at 3, n. 2, then-even if announcing one’s views in the context of a campaign for a lower court were not protected speech, ibid.-the announce clause would not be narrowly tailored, since it applies to high- and low-court candidates alike. In fact, however, the judges of inferior courts often “make law,” since the precedent of the highest court does not cover every situation, and not every case is reviewed. Justice Stevens has repeatedly expressed the view that a settled course of lower court opinions binds the highest court. See, e.g., Reves v. Ernst & Young, 494 U.S. 56, 74 (1990) (concurring opinion); McNally v. United States, 483 U.S. 350, 376–377 (1987) (dissenting opinion).
Robert
June 1st, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Additionally, Sotomayor’s critics are up in arms over the fact that she has admitted that her ethnic background has an affect on her decision making process. Who does she think she is? Well, as it turns out, she probably thinks she’s being very similar to Justice Sam Alito:
ALITO: Senator, I tried to in my opening statement, I tried to provide a little picture of who I am as a human being and how my background and my experiences have shaped me and brought me to this point. … And that’s why I went into that in my opening statement. Because when a case comes before me involving, let’s say, someone who is an immigrant — and we get an awful lot of immigration cases and naturalization cases — I can’t help but think of my own ancestors, because it wasn’t that long ago when they were in that position. [...]
And that goes down the line. When I get a case about discrimination, I have to think about people in my own family who suffered discrimination because of their ethnic background or because of religion or because of gender. And I do take that into account.
Robert
June 1st, 2009 at 9:47 pm
“ever since President Barack Obama cited it as a focus of his, … , the whole notion of “empathy” has been treated as an alien thing that threatens the sanctity of court decisions.”
It doesn’t matter what he said. If he had said he wanted someone who drank Coke instead of Pepsi we would be doomed to a socialist-racist-feminist-atheist-coke-drinking court.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:48 pm
On the surface, hypocrites like Rove, Limbaugh, Gingrich, Beck, et. al. give lip service about the “education crisis” and then denigrate the hard-won achievements of a brilliant, dedicated woman. How facilely they lie! They question her intelligence! At base, they know a woman from a group their fan base loves to disdain, has far surpassed them intellectually. They are vile in their envy. The real racism is just what they are doing: They project their biased mode of thinking onto the object of their jealousy. It makes them feel good to call themselves the victims of imagined wrongs while inflicting cruel judgments on someone who has accomplished more than they have. Not coincidentally, it makes them money for their hate-filled shows and books.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Your blog will not take my comments. So I’ll just say check out this sick blog that lauds the murder of Dr. George Tiller.
Raymond
June 1st, 2009 at 10:06 pm
It will not take the link. It is army of god dot com.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am
How You and Your Partner Can Be Wonderfully Happy Again
Susan Page, MDiv
Time after time, books about relationships tell us to communicate better with our spouses or partners. In my experience as a couples workshop leader and counselor, however, I’ve seen that talking often fails to solve relationship problems and may even make things worse.
What does work: Taking a completely different, action-oriented approach — something I call spiritual partnership.
BECOME A SPIRITUAL PARTNER
Spiritual partnership is a relationship that is guided by the universal principles of connection, authenticity and love…
Connection. Anything that moves you away from isolation and separation moves you toward connection.
Authenticity. We all have layers of behaviors that hide our true selves. Authenticity is anything that moves you toward who you really are.
Love. We all have fears that stop us. By getting past our fears, we let love move freely through our lives.
Talking doesn’t accomplish these things. Action does. What to do: Ask yourself, repeatedly throughout the day, “If I were to behave in accord with my highest spiritual values right now, what would I do?”
When you decide to become a spiritual partner, the focus is no longer on your relationship’s problems or on “fixing” your partner, it’s on your own actions, which, in turn, will also make an impact on your relationship.
TAKE LOVING ACTIONS
To be a spiritual partner and improve your relationship, you need to take loving actions. A loving action is…
Motivated by a desire for spiritual growth, not for personal gain or “scoring points.”
Unilateral. You take it on your own, not because someone wants you to or forces you to.
Disciplined. It’s an act of will, not just a response to your emotions.
Experimental. You’re willing to try a new behavior or action even though you don’t know what the result will be.
What happens when you take loving actions instead of just talking? Your focal point shifts from your partner and your relationship to your own spiritual path. Instead of trying to change your partner, you work to become a more spiritually developed person who can accept and honor your partner for who he/she is as an individual.
GOODWILL
When I interviewed happy couples for my book (The Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, Dell), I discovered one outstanding thing they all have in common — a spirit of goodwill. Goodwill is an overall feeling of generosity toward your partner. It’s the attitude, “I am on your side. I am your ally, not your adversary.”
Having a spirit of goodwill is the first and most important loving action you can take. It will help you focus on the good parts of your relationship and let you make a genuine effort to diminish the amount of time and energy you devote to the things that are bothering you. It’s amazing how many problems in a relationship simply disappear when you bring the characteristics of goodwill — acceptance, thoughtfulness, tolerance, generosity — to them.
OTHER LOVING ACTIONS
By taking other loving actions, you can develop your spirit of goodwill and help it grow stronger…
Give up problem solving. Problems are like goldfish — the more you feed them, the bigger they get. In most cases, it’s an illusion to think that you “work on,” or solve, a relationship problem. So-called problem solving will simply make you focus on the problem and not on what you love about the other person or what’s good in your relationship.
Experiment: Make a pact with yourself that for a few days you won’t focus on or do anything to try to solve a relationship problem you are having. In fact, don’t even think of it as a “problem” — think of it as a fact of life, because this lets you learn how to accept it and adapt and live with it.
Act “as if.” You can feel angry inside, and admit this to yourself, but still act as if you’re not angry. You can choose to behave in a loving way. If you deliberately behave in a way that you know is going to create more harmony, more connection and more love, then you’re acting on your spiritual values. It’s not a deception or denial, but a deliberate spiritual choice to behave in a way that might bring more positive results than if you behave in exactly the way you feel. You can’t control your emotions or order your feelings around, but you have a great deal of choice in the way you behave.
Practice restraint. Make an agreement with yourself that for a given period of time — a day, a week — you will not say anything negative, demanding or critical to your partner.
When you refrain from making such a comment, you open the possibility in yourself that you are going to become more accepting, more compassionate and more forgiving of your partner. You’ll probably see the impact of your behavior immediately as the atmosphere around your house becomes much calmer.
Restraint is probably the single most effective loving action.
Balance giving and taking. The old way of looking at the give and take of a relationship is when we disagree about something, “we both have to give 50%” to keep things fair. That doesn’t work very well, because you have no control over what your partner gives. What you do have control over is how much you give and how much you take in a relationship.
If you think you’re giving too much and not taking care of your own needs, you can find ways to help yourself without depending on your partner. If you’re taking too much, find ways to give to your partner. Never again can you say to yourself, This relationship is unbalanced and my partner isn’t giving enough — because you now have the control over that.
Example: You feel that you get stuck with all the housework, and endless discussion about it is getting you nowhere except angry with each other. Accept that talking won’t change the situation — but don’t stop giving. Instead, take one evening a week for yourself. See a movie, have dinner with friends, enjoy a bubble bath. Let the housework wait, and let your partner accept your decision — or not.
Acting on your own. To make a spiritual partnership work, you have to be willing to recognize that some relationship problems are the result of your own issues and that you need to handle those issues on your own. Be open but firm with your partner, making it clear that this is something you need to do for yourself.
Example: If control of money is a source of conflict, suggest a way to handle some of your money independently, perhaps with a separate account.
Practice acceptance and compassion. They are the ultimate goal of what you’re seeking to do with loving actions and spiritual partnership. People change, not in an atmosphere of criticism, complaining or demanding, but in one of love and support.
Once you start viewing your relationship as a spiritual partnership and begin consciously taking loving actions, it’s easy to stay on the new track. Loving actions are so effective that once you see how well they work, you won’t want to go back.
Retirement interviewed Susan Page, MDiv, couples and singles workshop leader since 1980, based in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 am
Funny how I can get some things in and not others. Why god articles and not articles about how those who profess to believe in god and advocate killing in his name?
The army of god, operation rescue, all have names that imply some force will be exercised in the name of god. The force though claiming to be for god is actually to force others to believe as the advocator of the group.
Does this sound like the Al Qaeda group? How you answer says a lot about your own fanaticism. A yes, probably implies that you are fair minded enough to see that claiming you are doing something for a god doesn’t make it right or the perpetrator holy.
Saying no, would imply that you see your god better than someone else’s. And that you believe that you can do our god’s bidding on earth for him. And that what you do in the name of that god is holy.
To me there is no difference form you doing something on earth to gain the favor of god than Al Qaeda members doing something on earth to gain the favor of god
The only difference is the name of the god and what that god wants his followers believe he wants of them.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:58 am
Hi Michelle, Here is a link that may give some of your readers a good laugh.
http://www.popeater.com/movies/article/bruno-and-eminem-mtv-movie-awards/505321?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl1|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popeater.com%2Fmovies%2Farticle%2Fbruno-and-eminem-mtv-movie-awards%2F505321
As far a driving goes, I haven’t driven a car this millenium.
Just can’t afford to, I don’t even ride in others vehicles much, as I don’t have many friends who can afford automobiles either. So I, for one, have learned to get along with other means of trnsportation.
It really can be a bitch, as this city is not set up well with public transportation, and not driving is certainly a major obstacle to feeling the freedom that mobility gives to one.
I never dreamed I would be without wheels. I would never have imagined the impact this could have on my life.
I was so dependant on owning a car.
Good post.
Bye for now.
Al