Chew The Fat Friday
Posted by Michelle Moquin on July 10th, 2009
Sabina: When I read your comment, I thought ‘What is she talking about?’ Then I googled and found that you were not kidding. China Spring Airlines doesn’t have enough planes to meet their demand in flights so they’re taking out the seat and putting in stools. Ya know like commuter buses, only they’ll have stools and you’ll be strapped in.
“For a lower price, passengers should be able to get on a plane like catching a bus, with no seat, no luggage consignment, no food, no water, but very convenient.”
I can tell you right now, this is not my kind of travel.
Anonymous: I read your comment and starting laughing at how ridiculous the police story was. I had no idea who you were talking about so once again this morning I used the power of the net. Now I know, and by the way, I think your take on it is much more plausible. What a sad and horrible outcome.
Brittany, Toni, Lauren: You are welcome. It doesn’t surprise me that many women can relate. It is in our nature or maybe our comfort zone too, to be mini marriages. This regret of not exercising my rights does not way heavy on me. I really enjoyed my monogamy. It’s easy to say I wish I had done something different but I can’t miss the learning that I never had, so I move on. The recognition of it and being able to articulate it and understand it is enough for me right now. I know there are many more life lessons that will reveal themselves. There always are :)
Johanne: I feel honored that printed out my article for your girls. I think of what my reaction would’ve been at their ages, and the effect, an article like that would’ve had on me. What would I do differently then? How would my life be different now? Thank you for trusting that I would be a positive influence in their lives.
Paula: All I can say is I’m laughing and honored that my article got some air time.
Barbara: I don’t know about your daughters situation but it seems you can see something in her marriage that she hasn’t or is not willing to see . Whatever insight this article may bring to her, I am hopeful she will make the right decision for herself.
Vicky: Nothing against therapy; I think it has it’s place in the world. I certainly have had my share of it. But your story is a common one; the 11 years part. I am happy that my write obviously cut through the crap and got to the meat of it for you.
Susan: What a thoughtful son. Thank you.
Lenny: Please tell me you’re joking.
Nancy: Thanks for sharing your story. It would not surprise me if you are correct.
Rona: I’m not sure that I can say that I am happy that I have inspired women to get divorced. I say that very lightly as I know that I don’t have that kind of influence. I will say that I have no doubt that it is something that has probably been on your mind and my write has inspired you to look at things differently and possibly take the next step. I wish you well.
TAO: Happy to see your written words.
Afsaneh, Batul, Fakhri: Tell me….Madaline, our ‘genie in a bottle’…Does she have her usual CFM attire, with her DFWM ( don’t fuck with me) attitude?
Oh, peeps I still have more to say but time is not expanding to meet my needs this morning. I tried to get up earlier but after yesterday’s early rise, this girl needed her beauty sleep. And now I must dress and dash.
Se ya tomorrow…
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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July 10th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Smart Vitamin Buying…
Simeon Margolis, MD, PhD
To get the most health benefit at the lowest cost from multivitamin supplements…
Avoid buying “mega-dose” supplements. They provide far more than 100% of the recommended daily allowance (RDA) for vitamins, antioxidants and minerals. Such doses provide no benefit and might prove harmful.
Buy a basic multi-supplement. It should provide 100% of the RDA for a large number of vitamins and minerals — a “seniors’ formula” containing an extra amount of vitamin B12 and lesser amount of iron is fine.
Shop by price. Generic and store brands are just as good as higher-priced name brands, and tablets are as good as capsules.
Look for “USP” on the label. This indicates that the product meets United States Pharmacopeia quality standards.
Avoid vitamin combinations that contain herbs, enzymes and hormones. The benefit of these is unproven and they could be harmful.
Don’t pay more for unneeded features. Examples: All natural… timed release… stress formula… starch free… chelated (to promote absorption). They add no value.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:43 am
I found this Michelle. Maybe it will enlightened some men.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How to Be a Good Boyfriend
Just like being good at your job requires training and effort, so does being a good boyfriend. Don’t expect it to come naturally. Every relationship is different, and there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach, so this article will focus on principles that most people would agree are good relationship-builders.
Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn’t suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment. Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It’s not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you’ll both be better off.
Don’t brush them off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they’re being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren’t mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you’re cranky just because they wouldn’t let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say “I’m feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?” (Don’t forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
Communicate. Do not talk their ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, they are made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you’re talking to them. If you ask them a question, ask them because you really want to know. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it’s listening. Make sure you’re actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells them that they can tell you anything. Make them feel safe.
Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it’s within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive–a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are nice gestures.
Mix things up. Go to a new restaurant, try a new nightclub or go to a new part of town. Even if you both end up hating it, it’s an experience you can share and that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Creating memories together. Surprise them by doing something offbeat–think less maudlin and more personal. This includes anything from racing them to your walking destination, dancing without music, or even bringing them a tub of LEGO and encouraging their immediate use. You two should grow to be comfortable with each other, and do things together without self-consciousness. Ideally, they should never feel stupid around you for wanting or doing a particular thing. Step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, in order to get things going, you need to be the one to step out of the comfort zone.
Compliment them sincerely. Find something particular and compliment them on it, but mean it. Don’t just say, “You look nice”. Say “That really makes your eyes flash”, “Your hair cut really suits the shape of your face” or “That makes me want to kiss your neck” …and then kiss their neck! The more specific you are, the more unique and appreciative the compliment.
Let your partner be. Just because she is your significant other, doesn’t mean she is yours, implying any kind of ownership. You can’t keep this person all to yourself. You might get jealous if they talk to someone else, but if you trust them and are good to them, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. If their actions do make you feel uncomfortable, sit down and talk, again using nonviolent communication. Same goes for how they dress and look. They may not always feel like spending an hour plucking, tweezing, clipping this, applying that. Make sure they know they can relax and be themselves with you. Don’t make them feel like they always have to look like a celestial being. If they’re letting themselves go, so to speak, bring it up in a gentle and helpful way, like “What ever happened to your red lipstick? You have gorgeous lips, and I love it when you highlight them once in a while. It looks amazing.”
Take care of yourself. Don’t be needy or dependent. Nothing scares someone away faster than someone they constantly need to remind to do laundry, take a shower, or get to work on time. Be hygienic and neat, set goals, and work hard. You can’t be a good boyfriend if you’re not a good person.
Be your self, don’t try to be somebody you’re not because at the end of the day, if they love you they will love you for who you are.
[edit] Tips
Keep in mind: the road will be difficult. As in any healthy relationship, you will have your share of conflicts, some tiny, some big. Remember to be true to yourself, and try to abandon any significant selfishness. A relationship is a matter of team work.
Treat them like you normally do around your friends or else they will feel like you’re embarrassed to date her.
If she doesn’t want to talk about something right away then just drop the subject. She will tell you when she is ready.
[edit] Warnings
If your partner sees you doing something that can be easily misinterpreted in a bad way, don’t say “this isn’t what you think” or “this isn’t what it looks like”. Hold her hand (they will pull away) then look them in the eye and tell them you love them, and that they are the only one for you, and it really wasn’t what it looked like, then explain.
Never cheat. It remains perfectly understandable that you’ll have wandering eyes, but realize where your heart is and stick to that. One time will be enough to convince someone to dump you.
Never hold their family’s actions against them. No one can help what their family does or says. You can share with them that it bothers you what someone might have done or said but leave it alone after that.
Never tell them about something you almost did for them and then ended up not doing for whatever reason. Like saying ‘I thought about getting you this gift, but changed my mind’ or ‘I was going to take the day off work to spend it with you and then decided it was a bad idea’. They will not think you were thoughtful, they will think you decided they weren’t worth it. This is worse than an oblivious boyfriend, because it shows you know how to be romantic and what to do, but don’t find them valuable enough. These thoughts are definitely best kept to yourself.
Don’t embarrass them. Most people get embarrassed if you talk about undergarments and things like that. Remember, those sorts of things may be attractive to you, but to them they may be something they don’t want to talk about. On the same idea, never tell a funny story about them without her consent, especially if they try to stop you, DO NOT CONTINUE. This will hurt their feelings, as it shows impressing your friends and making them laugh is more important to you than them not having to feel stupid.
Don’t be too clingy. She wants her personal space just as much as you do. If she wants to hang out with her friends, or do something other than hanging out with you, let her.
==================================
:Laura
July 10th, 2009 at 9:05 am
The blog “Tagged” has been guilty of stealing 60 million identities. You probably have received an email from them claiming that someone is sending you a picture or something and asking you to fill out personal information to receive it.
The government is investigating the crooks.
Mary
July 10th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Michelle. we the women of Iran are carrying this battle to this regime.
Please let Madaline know that we will continue to try to get our men to stand for total equality for women.
Aghigh
July 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
This is a very important NOTE!
How Global Warming Threatens Your Health
Georges C. Benjamin, MD
American Public Health Association
he World Health Organization estimates that 150,000 deaths annually, mostly in Africa and Asia, are caused by climate change — primarily related to increases in the planet’s surface temperature (commonly known as global warming). The death toll is expected to double in the next 20 to 30 years.
Latest development: Health implications are also starting to be felt in the US.
LUNG DISEASES
Higher temperatures cause an increase in ground-level ozone, a gas that irritates the airways and increases the risk for asthma and other lung diseases — and exacerbates symptoms in those who already have any pulmonary disorder.
What to do: If you or a family member has a pulmonary condition or you’re healthy but planning to spend a good deal of time outdoors, check the daily ozone forecast. It’s available online at EnviroFlash (www.enviroflash.info), a program sponsored by the Environmental Protection Agency.
HAY FEVER AND MOLD
The increase in the atmospheric gas carbon dioxide (CO2) can stimulate pollen-producing plants to release more pollen, which exacerbates symptoms in people with hay fever as well as asthma. Rising temperatures and CO2 levels also increase the growth of molds, which attach to pollutants in the atmosphere and more readily enter the lungs.
What to do: If you or a family member has allergies or asthma, check daily pollen reports. The National Allergy Bureau (www.aaaai.org/nab) provides daily pollen and mold counts for many US states. Limit your time outdoors on “high pollen” days.
HEATSTROKE
We’re seeing more heat waves nationally. In areas that once had just a few hot days a year, now there might be stretches of four, five or six days of temperatures that are 10 degrees or more above average high temperatures for a region. Heat can be deadly, particularly for the elderly.
Older adults don’t sweat as much, so they’re less able to dissipate heat. Result: Their body temperature can rise to dangerous levels — and stay there.
People with impaired mobility or those taking diuretics (which promote the excretion of fluids) have a very high risk for heat-related conditions, such as heatstroke (a potentially deadly condition that causes raised body temperature and loss of consciousness). People who are overheated often feel weak, making them less able to get up for a drink of water. The combination of low fluid intake and decreased sweating is extremely dangerous.
What to do: Anyone at risk for overheating (as previously described) should have access to an air conditioner or, at a minimum, a fan. If mobility is an issue, fill a pitcher of cool water and keep it nearby. If you have difficulty getting around, consider buying an alert bracelet so you can summon help in an emergency. Even if you’re in good health, drink two to four glasses of cool water per hour in extreme heat or while physically active.
MOSQUITO-BORNE DISEASES
Worldwide, 350 million to 500 million people get malaria (an infectious disease that causes high fever and chills) every year, and more than 1 million die from it.
Malaria and other mosquito-borne diseases haven’t been a significant threat in the US since the early 1950s, following a successful eradication program using drainage, removal of mosquito breeding sites and pesticides. But that could change with global warming. Warmer temperatures allow mosquito populations to proliferate. According to the most recent CDC data, 1,337 cases of malaria, including eight deaths, were reported in the US in 2002.
Right now, there’s an epidemic of dengue fever (a mosquito-borne infectious disease that causes severe joint pain, headache, fever and rash) in South America. If temperatures continue to rise in the US, an increase in dengue fever (cases have been reported in Hawaii) will almost certainly occur here. A similar increase in West Nile virus (a mosquito-borne illness that causes flu-like symptoms) also could occur in the US.
What to do: To reduce mosquito populations, remove breeding sites. After it rains, look for places where water accumulates — for example, in flowerpots — and dump it out as soon as possible. Cover barbecue grills and other outdoor water “traps.” Maintain rain gutters so that there is no standing water. Mosquitoes are attracted to as little as one teaspoon of standing water, and their eggs typically hatch within 48 hours.
Also helpful: Keep fish in backyard ponds. Many species, including mosquitofish and bitterlings, eat mosquito larvae. If you live in a warm, damp area where mosquitoes proliferate, wear long sleeves and pants whenever possible, and/or use a repellent, such as one containing DEET or picaridin. Or stay indoors during the early morning and at dusk, when mosquitoes are most active.
WATERBORNE INFECTIONS
With global warming, extreme storms and floods are likely to occur more often. These pose obvious risks for those in coastal areas — but inland regions aren’t necessarily safe.
Drowning and/or water damage are obvious concerns. A bigger issue is water quality. Many metropolitan areas have sewage systems that can’t handle severe downpours — water from the sewers can overflow into clean water supplies, causing outbreaks of potentially fatal bacterial infections.
What to do: Following severe downpours or floods, tune in to news channels for up-to-date reports on water quality. If there are concerns about water quality, keep a stockpile of bottled water… boil (for at least one full minute) water used for cooking, cleaning and bathing… and wash your hands often with soap and disinfected water.
Bottom Line/Health interviewed Georges C. Benjamin, MD, an internist who serves as executive director of the American Public Health Association, http://www.apha.org, and professorial lecturer at George Washington University School of Public Health, both in Washington, DC. He is former secretary of the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, and is a leading expert in emergency preparedness.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hi Mischa : )
Laura, good boyfriend stuff above.
Women of Iran, right on! I was in the bank this AM and the news was on – headline: ‘protests in Iran continue – women are out in forces’ I have to say I was and am filled with pride for you. Keep up the protesting, wish I could be there, but you’ve got Madaline and I’m a wuss next to her : ) this girlZ thoughts are with you.
Caio for now, Zen Lill
July 11th, 2009 at 9:00 am
WILL A PROSTATE BIOPSY SPREAD YOUR CANCER?
For American men, prostate cancer is the most common type of cancer, with 200,000 new cases diagnosed last year. The only way to definitively confirm the presence of cancer is by biopsy of the prostate. While it is widely recommended for men who are suspected of having the disease, stories have turned up in the media suggesting that prostate biopsies carry the risk of spreading cancer cells, increasing the likelihood of recurrence. Could the very test that diagnoses prostate cancer cause its spread? I posed this question to J. Stephen Jones, MD, who is the chairman of the department of regional urology at the Cleveland Clinic Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute and author of The Complete Prostate Book.
WHO NEEDS A BIOPSY?
The possibility that a man might have prostate cancer is first identified through early detection tests such as the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test and a digital rectal exam (DRE). If either suggests the possibility of prostate cancer, a prostate biopsy is the next step, says Dr. Jones. In the US, this is most commonly done with an ultrasound probe placed in the rectum and a core needle biopsy. Guided by the probe, the doctor inserts a narrow needle through the rectal wall into the prostate gland. When the needle is pulled out, it removes a sample of tissue. Usually performed under general anesthesia, this process is typically repeated 10 to 12 times or more in order to obtain tissue from different parts of the prostate.
Regarding this frequently asked question about spreading prostate cancer, Dr. Jones maintains that needle biopsy does not pose significant risk. “This is primarily based on old wives’ tales,” he said. “Since metastasis occurs when cells break off and spread through the bloodstream, it makes sense that a needle placed through cancerous tissue might break off some cells. But in fact, this occurs only rarely, with certain types of high-grade cancers such as kidney cancer. Prostate cancer is not one of those types.” Dr. Jones told me that he does not know of a single case reported where this occurred following a transrectal biopsy.
A DIFFERENT BIOPSY THAT SHOULD BE AVOIDED
On the other hand, there is another type of biopsy for prostate cancer called a transperineal biopsy, that in a very few instances, has been associated with cases of spreading cancer, Dr. Jones acknowledged, noting that this is rare. “The only data that has ever shown that a prostate biopsy may pose a risk are associated with transperineal biopsies, in which tissue is collected by a thin needle that is inserted through the skin between the scrotum and rectum and into the prostate,” explained Dr. Jones. This procedure is more common in Italy, where there have been occasional reports of needle tracking cancer spread. Some doctors believe this type of biopsy provides better information on the location of the cancer than the transrectal approach, but this is controversial, Dr. Jones said. While the transperineal approach remains very uncommon in this country, Dr. Jones said this procedure may be seeing a small resurgence in the US based on this potential benefit.
In contrast, transrectal biopsies are considered generally quite safe and effective for diagnosing prostate cancer, with few associated risks, and even those occurring in only about 1% of patients. The most common associated problems include blood in the rectum or urine that lasts for a few days or blood in the semen for a few weeks. More significant risks include heavy bleeding in urine/stool, urinary retention and infection.
A prostate biopsy should be performed by a urologist, not a family practitioner or internist. Also, suggested Dr. Jones, be sure to ask your urologist about the number of core samples to be taken. He said research indicates the importance of sampling at least eight to 10 cores. “Less than that, one has a significant chance of missing cancer, and it may mean, frankly, that the doctor hasn’t kept up with the latest understanding of biopsy procedures,” he said.
Dr. Jones states that all forms of prostate biopsy are highly accurate, especially if the results are positive. If biopsy results are negative, however, there is a one-in-four risk that a small tumor may have been missed, he notes. So men must continue to be on alert and should be checked regularly.
Source(s): ??J. Stephen Jones, MD, is chairman of the department of regional urology at the Cleveland Clinic Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute, and is associate professor of surgery (urology) at Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine at Case Western Reserve University. He is author of The Complete Prostate Book (Prometheus) and Overcoming Impotence (Prometheus).