Men, Women, Divorce, Marriage, Sex: You’re Getting Way More Than Just ‘My Two’
Posted by Michelle Moquin on July 9th, 2009
Good morning.
First of all, thanks to Zen Lill for bringing forth such interesting subjects about relationships. And thanks to ZL, Robert and the readers who have commented on the subject, adding such excitement to the blog banter these past two days.
The topic has inspired my write this morning. And it has hit me on so many different levels as I compare what has been expressed to what I have experienced in my own life, and those around me. I don’t know anything about the percentages discussed. As I said, I can only go by my own experiences, my family life, and what I hear from my girlfriends, their husbands, and the men in my life.
However, as far as divorces are concerned, I have to agree with Robert, that it is the men who initiate divorce more than women. I don’t personally have too many friends that have gone through the divorce process, but I can tell you that I have witnessed the divorce of many of my parents’ friends, as I grew up, and it has been predominately the men who have done the walking, and most of the time they have a younger woman attached to their arm. Regardless of the years that the wife has given up to raise his children and support his career. He finally makes it with her support, and all of a sudden he is king of the household gathering his harem on the side. Once again, I am not referring to all men, but many have chosen this route.
I also agree that men want to be taken care of. I grew up with my father not participating in my younger years hardly at all. He was too busy livng out his artistic career, and playing tennis with his buddies. My mother did everything in the house and cared for him in every way. He refused to ever clean the house, help with the dishes, or do anything domestic. And when after many years they finally divorced, my father barely knew how to cook anything but pasta. His mother did everything for him when he was growing up and my mother took over that roll when they got married. Sound good to me – “Hell, I want a wife too.” But unless I go lesbo, that just isn’t going to happen.
Women need to get a clue and stop perpetuating this cycle that does us no good. As Madaline says, “Woman up.”
On a side note, and I may have blogged this before, but it is worth repeating: It reminds me of a time about 10 years ago. A male friend of mine was trying to encourage me to have children explaining to me how my priorities would change when I did. I retorted, “I like my life. I don’t want my priorities to change. Did yours change? No. You’re still mountain biking every weekend with the guys”. I sat and watched him take another sip of a beer, smiling away, while his wife sat in the corner breast feeding their three-month old, with their other two-year old pulling at her leg.
So back to divorce. When a woman gets to the point in her life where she doesn’t want to do everything anymore, when she’s tired of being the maid or the mommy to full grown men….after she has been doing it her whole life, yeah…I can understand why the man would get a bit pissy from her change that is affecting his life…why he might want a divorce. He’s use to being taken care of, and when all of a sudden he finds that he has to do some things for himself, the mind begins to think, and the little head takes over…. “I think I’ll find myself another woman who will take care of me. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.” He usually ends up with a younger woman until she wakes up, and then he’s off deep in the hunt again. So, it is no surprise that many older women are living at the poverty level, while the man continues to hunt ‘n peck.
Like Robert says, there isn’t too much a man will put up with when they’re used to getting it good and knowing that there will always be someone else who will give them what they want, should the good go south at home. Women, on the other hand will put up with tons of crap before they decide to leave. I don’t know any men that are absolutely miserable in their marriage but I know quite a few women who are. And yet the remain married, in spite of the fact that they have caught their husbands with their pants down, lying and cheating, and hitting on some of their closest friends. And yet nothing is said. This is in a group that has known each other for years and the money is free flowing….as well as the pasted on public smiles that all is grand – “We’re rich aren’t we? We should be happy.” I no longer hang with this group much – Doug and I were always the outsiders, yet I can’t tell you how many conversations I had where they expressed their unhappiness and how they envied our relationship….how they would give up the riches just to have their husbands pay a little attention to them. Sad, but even sadder that the women put up with it…that they are choosing to stay, when they don’t have to.
So maybe these men aren’t asking for divorces, but why would they? They flirt openly, they cheat, they blatantly lie, and their wives still remain loyal. They have a for sure thing at home and whatever they want on the side. They are having their cake and eating it too. If I were them, I wouldn’t get divorced either.
As far as men (90%) not wanting to get married. ZL, that seems way high to me. I know quite a few women who have turned men down for marriage two and three times, and I’m not talking from the same man. And I definitely think that the more financially independent a woman is these days, the more she is opting out of marriage. Women aren’t feeling the need nor do they feel they have to especially when she knows she doesn’t have to rely on him financially.
And in my own experiences with relationships, although I have not had more than one man drop down-to-his-knee proposing marriage, the men that I have had, intimate relationships with, were the ones that initiated the subject of marriage, not me. In my last relationship, pre-marriage to Doug, he practically begged me to marry him when I decided to finally end it for good. When I finally fucked someone other than him, he went berserk. Knowing him as well as I did, I thought he would be okay with it, but he wasn’t – oops – bad move. I didn’t get it then, but years later I finally did. He was no longer in control. He no longer owned this thing between my legs. So Robert, you’re right. Men can fuck around, but the minute they know someone else is in their stuff, and they’re not the one in control, they can’t take it.
Even in regards to Doug, and I’m sure he won’t mind me posting this, he initiated marriage. I had no idea he was going to propose. And I kept putting the marriage date off, once I said ‘yes’. I wasn’t ready, and quite frankly, I wanted him to get his life together. ( Those weren’t exactly the words I used, but I am being kind here, and he knows it :)
But Robert, what really struck a cord for me most out of your enlightening post was your part about women only having one relationship at a time: mini marriages. It wasn’t an ‘Aha!” moment for me. I have known since I got older that I limited my choices when I was younger. That I did not exercise my rights to choose like I could have. The ‘Aha!” moment for me was how you articulated the benefit of dating more than one man at a time, that I was serious about. I knew that I was missing something from my lack of choices when I was younger, I just didn’t know what it was nor could I put it into words or take it to the level that you have.
So that being said, you are so correct. That was me. That was my life. I have been in mini marriages ever since I learned how to spread these thighs, and commit myself to one. I remember thinking that when I finally got married it was no different than what I had been doing in every past relationship. I eased into it very naturally. But why wouldn’t I when I had been in mini marriages from day one?
In every mini marriage, loyal I was. I prided myself on being a one man woman. I liked being loyal. No one said I had to be but I liked it. I had plenty of chances to fool around but I chose not to. I liked the fact that a man demanded ownership over this, but I was foolish to think that meant that he would be loyal too. That is why, on the one hand, I am big on men keeping their little secrets to themselves. Unrealistic as it may be, for some to think that their man is loyal to only her…but then Ignorance can be blissful. Yet on the other hand, competition can spark up the bedroom.
But my biggest regret in relationships was that I didn’t date. And that was of no blame to my family. My mother always said that I was too young to be so serious with one boy. But I didn’t listen. I made commitments and when I no longer wanted to be in the relationship, I was the one who did the breaking up. I was never dumped. And there was always another one waiting in the wings.
I, unfortunately did not have the good advice to date more than one boy or even more than one man, at the same time, for that matter. But who knows if I would’ve listened anyhow. I loved having one boyfriend, and relished the thought that he only needed and desired me. Young, immature thoughts.
It wasn’t until I got much older that I wished that I had played the field a lot more. I can’t stress enough how I never made the choice…how I NEVER chose the person I wanted to date, or be in a relationship with. I was ALWAYS the chosen one.
Yes, there were some in between men that were very short lived, and sex was the draw there; nothing more. I knew that they were not relationship material for me, therefore I was never serious about them. But once again, they initiated the choosing of me. I still never chose them. The only choice I made was to not continue to the next level.
When I have spoken to my girlfriends about my past relationships, I have always said that if I could do it over, I would be the one to choose who I wanted to date. I would be the one who would go out for the hunt, so to speak. I have never felt that I took advantage of my opportunities to choose. Men in my life chose me. They always have. I would date them for awhile, not seeing anyone else of course, and then I would make a commitment if I wanted to go to the next level. My whole relationship life I was into mini marriages….one after the other, after the other, after the other. I was never without a boyfriend, therefore I could never make that comparison…I was never serious about two men at the same time. I could never say, ‘Show me why I should be with you instead of the other guy I’m dating? Show me why I should make a commitment to you instead of him?” ‘What do you have to offer me that is better than so ‘n so?”
I always gave myself to one man, one at a time. My choice of men were narrowed down to the ones who chose me. It is as simple as that. And all that being said, I conclude that I not only limited my options by only dating men that chose me, as I never did the choosing, but that I missed a growth opportunity by never dating two men that I was having more than casual sex with, at the same time.
Do I regret that I didn’t exercise my rights to choose? Yes. Do I regret the choice that I made in marrying Doug? No, not at all. He is a good man. My lack of not exercising my right to choose has nothing to do with him. Would I have still chosen Doug? Who knows how my choices would’ve affected my life, but I have no regret that I did. I have learned tremendously in my marriage, and I am grateful for the lessons.
Women have rights in this country, that many women in this world don’t. Read Anjali and Heba’s comments if you haven’t. My regret is that I didn’t exercise those rights…my right to choose, so that I could have learned and grown from the experience.
I feel I’m starting to be redundant, so I will end it here. I think you get my point.
Ok, I thought I was done. I wrote this last night. But like you Zen Lill and Anna, the topic was heavy on my mind and I woke up with thoughts of marriage infiltrating my sleep. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so although it is 4:18 am, I decided to get up and let the words flow from my mind to the computer, before they were lost. These are my thoughts:
Women romanticize marriage. Look at weddings. Weddings are designed for women, not men. The wedding is the big send off from the mini marriage into full marriage. Otherwise not much else changes. As I said, I noticed this when I got married. Maybe some women are disappointed, but they shouldn’t be. Getting married doesn’t change the relationship, it just seals whatever deal you made, consciously or unconsciously. Or, at least it gives you hope that the deal you made will be honored.
So, let’s take the romance out of marriage and break it down.
Women want a relationship so of course women want to get married. Marriage is designed for women to make the woman think that her man will honor his vows. And in some marriages the man will honor his vows. Not all men dishonor their vows and become unfaithful. But if a man is going to cheat in a mini marriage where he has told his woman, ‘Baby you’re the only one. I’m not seeing anyone else’, a piece of paper , and a big wedding where he takes his vows, is most likely not going to stop him from cheating in marriage.
If she is under the impression that he has been faithful their entire married life and discovers his infidelities, that is one thing. But a woman’s biggest mistake if she knows her man is cheating in a mini marriage, is thinking that he won’t in full marriage. Either of those happening is when disappointment can set in and the dream of marriage can be shattered. Everything else about a man should be no surprise to the woman. ( At least not outside of the norm – we’re not talking about pedophiles or serial killers here. ) A woman knows exactly what she is getting in to when she marries her man and there is no excuse to think that now he is married he is going to change.
Men want to stake their claim, so of course men want to get married too. Marriage is designed for men to take their meat off the market. For them, knowing how women desire relationships….knowing that women will be loyal in mini marriages, the wedding, the big send off into marriage, is just added insurance that they own their woman and she will remain loyal. And in most marriages it does. However, not all women are faithful. And as much as men want to dip into something different every now and then, it is not okay for their piece of meat to do the same. If a man has steak every night, every once in awhile he’s gonna want some beans. He may want to nibble on the beans once in awhile, and the beans may not mean that much to him, but make no mistake, he considers the steak his, lock, stock and barrel.
I conclude that most people don’t change. So my logic tells me that what you see in a mini marriage is most likely what you’re going to get in full marriage. Make an intelligent decision from the choices that you have, and as Robert pointed out, a way to do that is by honing your dating skills.
I’m almost done. I just have to say a few words to say in regards to the comment of women suppressing their natural sexual desires. This is really a question, and relates to Robert’s running list of the actions men take to prevent women from acting on their sexual needs.
If it was truly the case (women suppressing their natural sexual desires), why would men withhold something from women that they would naturally withhold from themselves?
Ok, I’m done.
Thanks again Zen Lill for bringing up such a charged topic. And thanks you Robert for confirming some of what I already knew, but couldn’t articulate or truly understand until I read your write. Obviously it struck a cord and I had much to say. Thanks for letting and getting out the word from a males point of view. Obviously your honesty has been much appreciated by the women readers. I hope that many single women will heed your advice.
Deepti, Fatima, Mehtarlam: My pleasure. I learned something too. :)
Readers: Comments? Anything to add? Blog me.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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July 9th, 2009 at 9:19 am
TASTY, GUILT-FREE TREATS… ALL NEW THIS SUMMER
I love everything about summer foods — including snacks and desserts. For what is definitely my favorite story of the year thus far, I recruited some family and friends, including nutritionist and author Jonny Bowden, to try out cool new snacks and sweets that taste indulgent but are actually guilt-free. The goal was to find summertime treats that are light, healthy and relatively low in calories, but still tasty.
Popchips. (Available at Whole Foods Market, Target and CVS. Cost: $1.29 single serving… $2.99 for three-ounce bag.) The Popchips folks know that in the snack-food world, fried equals bad and baked equals tasteless. They came up with a great solution — potato chips that are cooked using heat and pressure. According to Bowden, these have “lots to recommend them.” They have zero trans-fats for most flavors, are available in reasonable 100-calorie single-serve portions — and they’re delicious too. “They taste exactly like potato chips only lighter, with no greasy feel or aftertaste,” said one tester, who liked the barbeque flavor best. Popchips are also available in other flavors, including sea salt and vinegar (“slightly tangy”) and parmesan garlic. (www.popchips.com).
Bambinis Ice Cream Sandwiches. (Available at Whole Foods Market and Wild Oats. Suggested retail: $5.99.) This mini ice-cream sandwich just might be the breakout hit of the summer. It’s made of goat’s milk and tastes like a lighter version of the classic Good Humor ice cream sandwiches… but better (to my adult palate, at least). The chocolate cookies on the outside are rich, soft and light as a feather — and the inside goat’s milk ice cream is divine. Bowden noted that these are terrific for people who have problems digesting dairy foods, since goat’s milk is low in lactose and less antigenic than cow’s milk… and healthier overall, since it is free of the growth hormones found in most commercial cow’s milk. One Bambinis ice cream sandwich is 90 calories. The company, LaLoo’s, also markets a line of goat’s milk ice cream in a variety of unique flavors, including Strawberry Darling, Rumplemint, Deep Chocolate and frozen yogurts such as Cajeta de Leche. (www.laloos.com).
AppleBoost Energy Snack Tubes. (Available online at http://www.appleboost.com.) These handy tubes contain nothing but healthy organic applesauce, fortified with a special patented powdered apple peel that intensifies the apple taste while adding yet more nutrients, since the antioxidants and phytochemicals in apples are concentrated in the apple peel. To enjoy an AppleBoost, you tear off the end of the tube, squeeze and consume… but we discovered that they’re even more delicious frozen — like an apple-flavored popsicle, and so much better for kids than those cheap, nutritionally empty, frozen sugar ices, says Bowden. “Apples are a nutritional powerhouse, containing vitamin C and many phytochemicals — like quercetin — with antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties,” he added. Other flavors are available too and all are low in calories.
Tempt (Hemp Milk Frozen Dessert). (Available at Whole Foods Market and other natural food stores.) I’ve written previously about hemp as a health food (see Daily Health News, December 20, 2007) and as noted, its nutritional value rises far above its somewhat tainted reputation. Nutritionists sing the praises of all foods made from this plant. “Hemp seed is a rich source of essential fatty acids,” says Bowden, “and the oil has a very beneficial ratio of omega-3s to omega-6s. You won’t find benefits like these in any other ice cream!” However my taste-testers delivered a mixed verdict — some loved it, but not all. Hemp milk frozen dessert is not as sweet as what most people are used to. Our panel especially liked the Coffee Biscotti (which tastes like light coffee mixed with bits of chocolate) and the Vanilla Bean (creamy and not too sweet), with one tester describing the taste as similar to Tofutti, though she said she liked this product better. It’s made by Living Harvest Foods. (www.livingharvest.com).
Raw Agave Gelato (Organic Nectars Non-Dairy gelato). (Available at Whole Foods Market and independent health food stores. Cost: $7.50 to $8.50 a pint.) Not only is this one my personal favorite, but the product has also earned multiple awards from the National Association for the Specialty Food Trade. Though it is quite expensive, I think it is a lovely dinner-party dessert. It is a non-dairy gelato, sold in pints (four servings). Organic Nectars gelato is made from raw organic cashews, which have fiber and minerals. Raw Agave Gelato is sweetened with agave syrup and is free of soy, eggs, gluten and trans-fats. They come in a variety of flavors. We tried pistachio and chocolate-hazelnut and both were very, very delicious. It’s made by Organic Nectars in upstate New York. (www.organicnectars.com).
With treats like these, it’s sure to be a sweet summer!
Source(s):
Jonny Bowden, CNS, is the popular “Weight Loss Coach” on iVillage.com and a frequent Daily Health News contributor. His free mini-course “7 Super Foods That Could Change Your Life” is available at http://www.feelyourpower.com. He’s also author of the best-selling Living the Low Carb Life and, most recently, The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Michelle
This is just crazy. I live in Europe and here we are being offered “standing only” flights. I’m serious. Standing Only! We are already being charged for seat preference. Now the bastards want to jam in people standing in the aisles
What’s next riding on the wings.
Sabina
July 9th, 2009 at 10:42 am
The story about McNair is that he was shot while he was sitting up, asleep, on his couch.
Chief of police in Nashville Ronal Serpas said that McNair was shot once in the right temple and then twice in the chest and then once in the left temple by Sahel Kazemi.
Kazemi was 19 about six months ago when she met McNair. She was waitressing at the time. We are supposed to believe that a twenty year old woman waited until McNair went to sleep to kill him.
She calmly shot him in the right temple first. Understand what that means Up close she shot him in the right temple. Visualize what the body would look like.
The bullet would have blown his brains all over the place. Now we are supposed to believe that she calmly stood over this bloody sight and pumped two bullets into his chest.
So now she is looking a scene with brains splatter everywhere from the gun shot to his head. Bones, organs, and more blood splattered everywhere from not one but two gunshot to his chest. And she still wasn’t through.
So now this twenty year old woman decides to put a bullet into the left side of his head whatever is left of it anyway. After all this carnage we are supposed to believe she calmly sat next to his body so that after she shot herself in the head she would fall into his arms.
Okay we can agree that Nashville is full of shit for brains hicks on their police force. But this takes ignorance to a new level.
Here’s what really happened. Four men and a woman entered McNair’s suit to punish him for his affair with Kazemi. They interrupted them making love on the couch.
They pulled guns and forced them to put their clothes on. They told him they were there because they were angry with him for embarrassing their people by taking advantage of a woman of their race.
They had a calm conversation with him pointing out their dissatisfaction with his behavior. Although one of the assailants continued to hold a gun to his head while the others were talking to him, he was assured that if he listened to their complaints and stopped seeing Kazemi they would not harm him.
While they were talking to him the guy holding the gun to his head calmly blew his brains out. Then each of the other three took turns shooting him. Once each in the chest and the final one on the other side of his head.
The sat Kazemi down and told her that she was an extreme embarrassment to her family and her people, but that she would be allowed to go free if she kept her mouth shut.
The assailant who had placed his shot into McNair’s left temple handed the gun to the woman. She walked away while the men were explaining to Kazemi what she needed to do to atone for her sins.
She approached Kazemi while she was being distracted by the men and calmly shot her in the head. They left the building and called to tell someone to check the apartment.
The cops were first going to try to pend it on the wife of McNair’s family. But the nature of the scene said that the violence was directed towards McNair, but none to Kazemi.
It was apparent that she was shot as an afterthought because she was a witness or because she violated some taboo of her culture. No anger was directed towards McNair either. Rather each member there was making a point.
You decide who you believe.
Then they turned to the terrified
July 9th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Michelle, WOW!
You have told my story. I am crying as I write this. Thank you so very much.
Brittany
July 9th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Gosh Michelle. That is my story. What can I say. I could never put my experience into words. You have.
Toni
July 9th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I cried as I read you story. My sister called me and she was crying as she said that you were telling the story of her life with men. I told her that I felt the same way. She asked me to write in and thank you.
Thank you
Lauren
July 9th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I printed your article and handed a copy to each of my 3 girls. They are 14, 16 and 18. My 16 year old said she was afraid to tell me she was having sex, but she wanted to tell me.
Thank you Michelle
Johanne
July 9th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Michelle
Our office is practically at a stand still. The female lawyers have been heard screaming at the male one. Your column was printed and posted on the liquid board.
The men want it down. The women are arguing that the men have put up personal stuff and the women lawyers are entitled to put this up.
We word processors are rooting for the women.
Paula
July 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Michelle
I called my 37 year old daughter and told her to read this and get that damn divorce.
Barbara
July 9th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I’ve spent 11 years in therapy. You have told me more about myself in 20 minutes than I’ve gotten in all those 11 years.
I have cried my last tear over that creep.
I am going to start honing my dating skills. My daughters tried to tell me that I needed to exercise my options, you have brought it home.
Vicky
July 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
My son called me and told me to read your blog. This is my first time but it won’t be my last.
Women everywhere should read what you wrote today.
Susan
July 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am
So there is no need for affirmative action. We are just getting along. Then what is this about.
In Phialdelpha a Day Care Center rented the swimming pool to allow it black and latino kids to swim.
The all white members were angry because they said that the complexion of the pool was changed. So the club president kicked out the OTWs.
So what’s up with this? We can have a black President but OTWs still can mix with whites if it upsets them. Oh.
Lenny
July 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Thanks Michelle
You put it so simply that i could relate instantly. Yes, I spent most of my sexual life experience in mini marriages. I bet if a survey was taken, a huge percentage who did and got married are now experiencing what I am a divorce.
I didn’t expect any more from the full one than I had from the mini, All I got different was the wedding and the paper. He didn’t honor them any more that he did the sanctity of our mini marriage which actually lasted longer that the full one.
Nancy
July 9th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Michelle
I too was asked to be married before I was ready. I turned down two guys both of which I had been in mini marriages with for three and four years respectively.
I wanted to finish medical school first. I did and ended up with a much older doctor I met during my internship.
Again I was chosen. It hasn’t ended in a divorce, but after reading this it will.
Rona
July 9th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
The upper portion of the US will be extremely hot this winter. We see the re deployment of the Emperor’s ships. This will produce a corridor of Sun flares that will warm the earth’s air way above normal because of the pollution the sun’s effects will be very pronounced.
Gleia
July 9th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Madaline has been helping as she promised. We are now not afraid to try again. If the men will just promise to give the women equal rights. Madaline will help us turn out this government.
Afsaneh
July 9th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Madaline is back.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Madaline is our Genie. She is all powerful. She is out of the bottle and she will kick assl
Fakhri
July 9th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Madaline went to Vanak square she said that we would burn the place down if police tried to hurt us. They left.
I wish I could convince my male companions to support our desire for equality. Then Madaline would help us overthrow this evil regime.
IIham
July 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
There will be a lot of sightings of UFO because the Emperor’s new adjustment to the web on Sunday has caused some of his craft to lose their cloaking devices ability to adjust to its frequency.
Gleia
July 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Michelle
I at a lost for words. Your story is mine except I divorced my husband after I discovered he had an affair while he was off at work in another town.
Karen
July 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Is it possible that we may get the Next Top Model from Guam?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guam Beauties Attend Casting Call For ‘America’s Next Top Model’
By Jac Perry??The staff of The CW-4 Guam were busy late this afternoon ushering in hopeful young ladies to register for the casting call to be Guam’s selection for America’s Next Top Model.??More than 15 women between the ages of 18 and 27 were present this afternoon filling out registration forms, submitting photographs and preparing for the auditioning portion of the event.??Rick and Ronnie of Hit Radio 100 hosted a live remote broadcast from the event to enhance the excitement.??This evening, contestants will take a stride down a runway and be given a brief interview by The CW-4 Guam marketing team. The CW-4 Guam will create a video voting reel from the audition footage and air it on Channel 4?from July 11 – 14.??Throughout the broadcast period, Docomo Pacific subscribers can text their votes for their favorite entries to 4444. The top 3 finalists will be determined by votes collected through text messages.??The final 3 will then be judged by a panel and a winner will be selected to fly off to see the casting producers of America’s Next Top Model.??The winner will receive travel accommodations including air fare and hotel and a guaranteed interview in the USA with an official ANTM Casting Director.??All contestants will have a chance to win a Blackberry Bold with service courtesy of Docomo Pacific.??Prizes for 2nd- and 3rd-place winners include guaranteed video submissions to ANTM casting director, JP Superstore Gift Certificate and a CW4 Prize pack.
=============================
Hafa adai
Anna
July 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Is this one of the sighting that you were referring to?
http://www.wptv.com/content/news/topstories/story/UFO-sighting-Boca-Raton/qpCoN5VF1EikXsSKw5yLpQ.cspx
Floyd
July 9th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
My husband likes to barbecue. I found this. It may help others.
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At this time of the year with outdoor cooking, many people are inadvertently giving themselves food poisoning, cancer, heart disease, and more. So, I thought I’d devote this e-mail to safe summer grilling—so you can make yourself healthier with each meal you cook.
How to Avoid Putting Cancer on The Grill
The thought of charcoal takes me back to being a first year resident, and my roommate Brendan. Brendan’s brother-in-law Jake died when he was only 29 from GI cancer. One of the last conversations I had with that fellow still haunts me. On rounds one morning, I visited Jake in his hospital room. The poor guy’s GI tract was so badly damaged that he could barely eat anymore. Yet, he remarked, “You know what I miss most? A good, charcoal charred steak!”
Now, I shudder when I think of how many crispy meats I’ve enjoyed that have been cooked over a charcoal grill. But not anymore! In memory of Jake, I’ve made it my business to be very savvy outdoor griller, and you should be too.
Charcoal grilling releases carcinogenic agents—called PAH’s (polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons) and HCA’s (heterocyclic amines)—as fat drips off the meat and onto charcoal. The longer the cook time, the more HCA’s are released by the fat in “muscle meats” whether they are broiled or pan-fried. The National Cancer Institute has identified 17 different HCA’s that we may be getting from pork, fish and foul (not just grilled meats) that increase our risk for colorectal and breast cancers.
Your best option is to use a propane-fueled gas grill. Unlike charcoal that “burns dirty,” releasing sooty particles that produce natural hydrocarbons, gas grills burn clean. Plus, you don’t have to worry about dangerous carcinogenic agents like you would with charcoal grilling.
Keeping Unwanted Bacteria Out of Your Food
Next, you want to make sure you’re practicing safe food handling. Because outdoor barbecue grilling involves dry heat, many of us like to marinate food ahead of time to tenderize and flavor it. I’m a big marinade fan, but I always keep meats refrigerated during the marinating process. If I want additional sauce, I set a portion of the marinade aside. Or, if I decide to flavor the sauce with some of the meat juices, I make to sure to boil it first for at least one minute.
In addition to marinating your meat safely, you want to make sure it’s cooked thoroughly. I like my meat on the medium rare side, to preserve the nutritious enzymes they contain. But I make sure it’s heated up properly to avoid unwanted bacteria. I cook vegetables the same way—using simple healthy seasonings like garlic and olive oil.
It’s also important to never serve your food on the same plate you used when you brought it out to the grill. The raw juices are full of bacteria. Keep your meat hot; the side of the grill rack is perfect for that. And, of course, scrub up that rack after each grilling so it’s clean for next time!
The Best Meats for Your Heart
Some of the best heart-healthy choices are beef, bison, and lamb. Instead of buying fatty hamburger meat, I have the butcher grind up free range, top round steak into burger meat for me. Some places sell a good lean ground round, but avoid the fat when making your selection. And, look for 90-95% lean on the label. Before grilling that steak or lamb, I trim all the visible fat away.
Kabobs are fun and flavor-packed. Mix beef, buffalo, or lamb speared with the veggies I recommend for grilling: asparagus, onions, tomatoes, and zucchini. I also enjoy fish on the grill. My favorites are wild Alaskan salmon, Atlantic halibut or haddock. (Larger fish, such as tuna, sword, and shark, can be laden with mercury).
As far as poultry goes, I don’t grill chicken anymore. Chicken skin has way too much of the muscle fat that releases HCA’s in the burning process. And who doesn’t like their barbecue chicken crispy and a little burned?
Vegetables May Not Be as Healthy as They Seem
I rarely grill corn anymore as much as we love it. So much of our corn is GMO (genetically modified), that it’s not safe to eat. My wife loves to hit the local farm stands, some of which are eco-friendly, non-GMO growers. Still, I’m wary that they may mix in GMO corn from other suppliers, especially at the peak of the season.
So, here’s how I check the corn coming through my kitchen door. If the rows are perfectly straight and the kernels bright yellow and evenly sized, I figure that ear— and probably that batch—is just too good to be true! I’m looking for what’s “natural,” and to me that means some uneven kernel distribution, maybe a few bald spots, and a softer, more natural color. Even a stray worm is a good sign that the corn is natural.
With any food you put on the grill, go organic as much as possible. The fresher your foods are, the better!
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Hope it helps keep someone from getting sick.
Sandy
July 9th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Obama seems to continue to be one intelligent black man against a Congress of idiotic white men.
That is the opinion of this one 63 year old white woman. But you read the article and judge for yourself.
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Ending production of the F-22 fighter jet should be common sense. The plane’s a Cold War relic built to win dogfights with the Soviet Union.1 But despite never having flown in combat, we’ve already bought 187 F-22s at a cost of more than $351 million each.2
These planes don’t make us any safer, but companies like Boeing and Lockheed make a fortune building them. And so far those same corporations have spent enough on lobbyists and campaign donations to scare Congress into keeping the weapons contracts alive, even in this recession.3
President Obama is FINALLY standing up to the weapons builders and calling for an end to the F-22.4 So far, Congress has been too scared to follow suit – but we’ve just learned that there will be an amendment to the Defense Authorization bill that could end the F-22 program for good.
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For the cost of one F-22 we could rebuild and renew 60 American schools serving more than 36,000 kids.
Lois
July 9th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Ok, This is laughable…
I was chatting with a friend I’ve known since childhood earlier today, I mentioned this ZL/Robert discussion and the elements of this article, and wow – she totally related to only mini-marriages. I told her about my ‘years of living dangerously’ (my reference to multiple partners over that 3 year span back when) – the phone went quiet – then she spoke – uh-huh – and she said, oh God – never mind what she said, but damn, apparently ‘sex with the ex’ and ‘wing men’ count? I never added them in as men I was ‘dating’ why would I? Holy shit – Robert, do they count?!
I discounted them, but she insisted that – no – they count. She also informed me that my ‘rep’ was ‘protected’ by my very first (and longest running, 20+ years) wingman, he’s a huge Italian guy – in all ways – and so, well, I was held in ‘esteem’ around HS, that’s news to me : ) how nice. I bagged Tony at 14, he was 20 (and the ex bf of my sister’s best friend, they both threatened me to drop it/stop it when they found out, they got the bird and a smile) and he was extremely popular at my high school during his years there. We were kind to each other and our prospective ‘peeps’ though, if either of us was involved, it was limited to make out sessions only. Is THAT considered cheating???? It was a recreational and seriously flirty friendship to me, him too, I imagine.
Am I a mini-marriage polygamist now?! Wow, NO wonder why a marriage and now a mini-marriage is appealing now, I’m too f’in old to be doing that shit now : ) methinks these men were done also, but ya never know…I used to tell C to pack his condoms when he was off on a trip to Asia, he’d get pissed but hey, I’m not born yesterday and shit happens, I don’t want any unwanted diseases bc a man decided to dip out of pleasure, DSB or bc he was peeeing and saw it hanging there doing nothing, it’s my ‘trust but verify’ personality : )
Tao, thanks for the info, will keep my eye on the sky : )
Luv, Zen Lill
July 9th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I want to thank you Michelle for taking Zen Lill ‘s and Robert’s topic and making it a modern day parable.
My life can be explained in fits and starts of your story. Men have always had the power to do the choosing in my life. I am happily married. But it was just the luck of the draw.
My sons say I am much more organized than their dad. They say it was my mothering that got them though college and Grad schoo.
Their farther is an engineer. But he comes home and plays with his computer tools until dinner time. Then he plays golf with Tiger Woods or races stock cars with one of those stars.
I come home from work as a real estate broker and cook, clean and corollate for the family.
Thank you for offering me some meaningful insight into my dilemma.
Cindy
July 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I found this on a blog. It tells an interesting story about the CIA. Being that the new chief of those murders has admitted to the Congress that the CIA has mislead them on occasion. I thought it would be an appropriate entry. So Here it is.
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Michael Parenti on Media controlling what you see and hear:
Monopoly Media Manipulation
May 2001
http://www.michaelparenti.org/MonopolyMedia.html
The media downplay stories of momentous magnitude. In 1965 the Indonesian military ” advised, equipped, trained, and financed by the U.S. military and the CIA ” overthrew President Achmed Sukarno and eradicated the Indonesian Communist Party and its allies, killing half a million people (some estimates are as high as a million) in what was the greatest act of political mass murder since the Nazi Holocaust. The generals also destroyed hundreds of clinics, libraries, schools, and community centers that had been established by the Communists. Here was a sensational story if ever there was one, but it took three months before it received passing mention in Time magazine and yet another month before it was reported in the New York Times (April 5, 1966), accompanied by an editorial that actually praised the Indonesian military for “rightly playing its part with utmost caution.”
Over the course of forty years, the CIA involved itself with drug traffickers in Italy, France, Corsica, Indochina, Afghanistan, and Central and South America. Much of this activity was the object of extended congressional investigation ” by Senator Church’s committee and Congressman Pike”s committee in the 1970s, and Senator Kerry’s committee in the late 1980s. But the corporate capitalist media seem not to have heard about it.
Attack and Destroy the Target…
July 9th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Poor Obama has so many Bush messes to clean up. Two wars. Recession. Unemployment. Touchy allies (because of lies about WMDs). Poor infrastructure. Educational decline. Energy dependence. No health care. Etc.
I pray for him every night.
Agnus
July 9th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
MPORTANT UPDATE… PROTECTION YOU DON’T GET FROM A FLU SHOT
The promotional campaigns make it seem as though the flu shot is a one-shot solution to staying healthy all winter, providing protection from flu and pneumonia. New research shows that may not be so. While older people are still encouraged to get their annual flu shot, debate is roiling around a recent study of more than 3,500 seniors with the finding that a flu shot did not protect against the risk of developing pneumonia.
BENEFITS OVER-STATED, UNDER-DELIVERED
Each year’s flu shot consists of a unique recipe formulated of epidemiologists’ best guess of which viruses will be most prevalent in the upcoming season. It may or may not contain the virus strains you end up getting exposed to or sick from. The usual advice is to get the shot — it won’t make matters worse, and might at least keep you from getting as sick.
In a case-control study at the Group Health Center for Health Studies in Seattle, researchers examined the effectiveness of the flu vaccine in seniors aged 65 to 94 years during the 2000, 2001 and 2002 flu seasons. They compared the medical records of 1,173 participants treated for community-acquired pneumonia with 2,346 age- and sex-matched people who did not get pneumonia. Both groups had intact immune systems and, as it turned out, similar rates of vaccination. It seems the vaccine did not prevent pneumonia, according to senior investigator Lisa Jackson, MD, MPH. “If the vaccine reduced the risk of pneumonia, persons who did not get pneumonia would have a higher vaccination rate than those who did,” she said.
Researchers took into account factors such as smoking history, lung or heart disease, and frailty and found no evidence of reduced risk of pneumonia among those who received flu shots. “We believe that the benefits of flu vaccine have been overestimated in previous studies,” Dr. Jackson told me. She said this may be because frail seniors are less likely to get the vaccine, while those who get annual vaccinations may be healthier from the outset. Findings were published in the August 2, 2008, issue of The Lancet. “Our theory is that factors that act as barriers to vaccination, such as difficulty walking or difficulty in conducting daily activities, make it less likely a person will get the vaccine in a given year.”
TAKE STEPS TO PROTECT YOURSELF
Dr. Jackson told me that future research should emphasize the need for more development and testing of new vaccines for elderly persons. One option might be simply increasing the dose (the amount of influenza viral protein in the vaccine), since vaccines with higher doses lead to a greater immune response in older people. Though this may be more effective, it is important to note that the side effects that sometimes accompany vaccination may present their own challenges.
In the meantime, follow these tips to ward off the flu this season…
Discuss with your doctor whether you should get an annual flu shot.
Wash hands frequently with soap and water. Antibacterial soap is not necessary and can be counterproductive.
Avoid close contact with people who have the flu.
Routinely clean and disinfect household surfaces.
As we always say, taking good care of yourself so your immune system is strong is very important. Follow a proper diet and get regular exercise and adequate sleep.
Take preventive immune-boosting supplements chosen for your particular health concerns. Flu season generally stretches from as early as October through as late as May.
At the first sign of symptoms, such as fatigue, headache or a sore throat, discuss with your doctor whether you should take natural immune-boosting anti-viral supplements such as Echinacea, elderberry and/or zinc lozenges, or reduce symptoms with Oscillococcinum. (Read more about natural virus killers in the March 17, 2008, issue of Daily Health News.)
Source(s):
Lisa Jackson, MD, MPH, senior investigator, Group Health Center for Health Studies, Seattle, Washington.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I rushed home to read your article. My brother called me and read parts he liked over the phone. He says you are one frank bitch.
That’s his was of saying that he is very fond of you. He keeps blown up pictures of you from your blog at my house. He doesn’t want to make the wife jealous.
She knows that I am gay so she thinks I have the hots for you. Maybe I do. Don’t you think it is about time you added a new hot photo to your blog.
Yolanda
July 10th, 2009 at 6:58 am
Misch, you are one frank bitch and that’s a compliment : ) I just got more honest here yesterday, I actually never shared the ‘multiple partners’ info with anyone, most of my friends are very monogamous and I always thought it’d make me look different in their eyes, now after this I see sisters have made themselves suffer while being chosen for just the one mini-M at a time. I’m glad for my own outlook, I think, hmmm, maybe I’m a Swede from the 70′s : )
I also just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the above links, about media and UFO sightings, and Sandy for the BBQ info, I rarely do that anymore but I liked the food handling part, sometimes people forget that stuff : )
Catch your writes today, later on – been rising early lately : ) Zen Lill
July 10th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Mainlanders you can also vote for the Guam “Next Top Model” of your choice. Included in this article are the names of of the candidates and how to vote for the girl of your choice. If you are interested in the pictures, the link is also included. I can’t publish pictures here.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Cast Your Votes For Guam’s Delegate To America’s Next Top Model
?By Jac Perry??GUAM – The CW-4 Guam’s exclusive America’s Next Top Model event was a huge success last night, as 30 of Guam’s very own women entered to win a chance to audition for the top television reality series. One of these lucky girls has the opportunity to be cast and appear before supermodel producer Tyra Banks.
??A whir of excitement filled the Agana Shopping Center for The CW-4 Guam’s exclusive network promotion: Guam’s Casting Call for America’s Next Top Model. More than a hundred people crowded the center court to watch the models walk the runway and answer interview questions.??
A panel of judges sat at the end of the runway judging each model under several categories including poise, walk and interview response.??
From July 11 – 14 Docomo Pacific subscribers can text to 4444 and enter the designated number to select the model of their choice. Last chance to vote is July 14, 2009 at 5 p.m.??
Each model’s number of votes will be combined with the total points granted by the judges at last night’s casting call. The three participants with the highest number of points will be announced on July 15.
??Keep informed through The CW-4 Guam (channel 4), http://www.guamnewsfactor.com and Hit Radio 100 for more details.
Each model and her corresponding number are listed below.??
1. DEANNA KIRKWOOD
?2. AMBER FLORES RITTER?
3. DOLORES BLAS
?4. DAWN PERRYMAN
?5. TORILYNN TAITANO DOTTS?
6. HAANI M. QUINATA?
7. ALETA M. BORJA?
8. KRYSTAL M. STEVENSON?
9. JAMAE ANN B. SABANGAN
10. STACEY SCOTT?
11. MEGAN HIATT?
12. JENNIFER M. TORRES?
13. LESLIE MAFNAS?
14. TIARA LIZAMA?
15. KAREN DABU?
16. ASHLEY ZIMMERMAN?
17. SHIRLEY C. CHU?
18. DANIELLE CONCEPCION?
19. DEARHEART GILLIAM
?20. JAIMEE CORPUZ?
21. ROMALYN VANDERLOOP?
22. CRYSTAL CARTER
?23. ANNA McCOY?
24. SHANNON ZIMMERMAN?
25. SLOANE PUNG?
26. MARIA TOLENTINO
?27. MARIA SWICK
?28. MARIANA FISCHER?
29. KATE KIKUCHI
?30. CHRISTINE AGUSTIN
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July 10th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Hafa adai
Guam is now preventing ships from docking that have crew exposed to the swine flu.
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Flu cases force 3 ships to skip Guam visit
By Gidget Fuentes – Staff writer
Posted : Friday Jul 10, 2009 11:34:40 EDT
SAN DIEGO — Three Navy ships had to remain off the coast of Guam this week after reports of crew members were suspected of having swine flu.
The ships — amphibious assault ship Boxer, dock landing ship Comstock and guided missile cruiser Lake Champlain — instead were resupplied off the coast of the Southwest Pacific island after some crew members had flu-like symptoms, Lt. Jodie Cornell, a Navy public affairs officer with Naval Forces-Marianas, told the Pacific Daily News.
Cornell told the newspaper that Navy officials decided to keep the ships away from port as a “precautionary measure” after service members aboard the ships, which include Marines with the Camp Pendleton, Calif.-based 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit, came down with flu-like symptoms. The affected service members were treated with Tamiflu and were quarantined aboard their ships.
Navy officials haven’t said whether any of the flu cases had yet been identified or confirmed as swine flu, which is caused by the H1N1 virus. That determination will take some time.
“We have no way to confirm H1N1 on the ship,” said Lt. Cate Wallace, a U.S. 7th Fleet spokeswoman in Yokosuka, Japan. “If a sailor exhibits flu-like symptoms, the same protocol is going to be followed,” including prescribed rest and isolation, she said. “Even if we can’t confirm it [as swine flu], we are going to err on the side of caution.”
The ships returned to sea and are expected to continue on the final leg of the planned deployments following operations in the 7th and 5th fleet regions that included operations in the Persian Gulf.
The flu cases Thursday prompted the top Marine commander aboard Boxer to cancel the unit’s planned tiger cruise that’s traditionally offered for relatives to ride the amphibious ships from Hawaii to San Diego.
In a letter to families published on the 13th MEU’s blog, Col. David W. Coffman, the 13th MEU commander, said that some Marines and sailors aboard Boxer and Comstock came down with “a mild influenza virus” and had to be quarantined. “The specific strain of flu in unknown, but it is contagious and generally characterized as ‘influenza-like illness,’ ” Coffman wrote. The affected Marines and sailors were being treated “and every precaution is being taken to keep unaffected personnel in continued good health.”
Coffman wrote that he decided to cancel the MEU’s Tiger Cruise as a precaution, noting, “the safety and health of our Marines and their families is our primary concern.”
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Peter
Guys, I went to the “Next Top Model” trials. Kate, Jaimee, Tiara, Haani and Maria set new standards for my boner meter.