Sex and The Ex Politex
Posted by michellemoquin on September 25th, 2008
When the seriousness of politics starts to invade my life and I internalize it, its time for a sex break. And I don’t mean the act, although that certainly is a release but not what I am about to talk about this morning.
I was talking to a girlfriend the other day who had just thrown her ex-boyfriend from many years ago a 60th birthday party. How sweet I thought. She went on to say that she is friends with most of her ex’s…that their ‘break-ups’ never lead to animosity and that over the years they even became close friends. Hmm…’not me’, I thought. I don’t speak to any of my ex’s anymore, not one.
Okay, well maybe one or two, if you count pre-sex boyfriends from 2nd and 7th grade. Every so often if I run into one of them, we’ll have chat and then not speak for another 10 years. I don’t exactly call that a relationship. Oh but I did get a phone call from a high school beau about 6 months ago. We talked like no time had come between us but in reality it had been at least 10 years and it’ll probably be another 10 till we talk again. It’s not that the relationships ended badly, we just moved on.
And the ones that I did keep in touch with…well…after they got into a serious relationship that turned into marriage, poof!…they disappeared out of my life. Which brings me to my topic for today, ‘Sex and The Ex Politex’.
There were several men in my life that I dated and in my later years and after we decided to ‘just be friends’, all was great until they got into another relationship and the ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife to be’ started attaching that ball and chain, and unfortunately they obliged. Yuck. Our relationships slowly dwindled. Why? Well some of these men were stupid enough to tell their girlfriends/wife-to be’s that they had slept with me.
Now let me just preface that I really don’t think it is that stupid for a man to tell his significant other of past women that he has slept with, and especially women that he still has a friendly relationship with. But….and this is a big BUT, if you’re significant other is the jealous type and you feel her reeling you in and preventing you from engaging in your women friendships, then don’t tell her that you slept with me. Big mistake.
However, if you think logically like I do, the question arises: Why would a woman feel threatened by women who have already slept with her man? I just don’t get it. I mean the mystery is gone. He’s seen her naked and he’s had sex with her. The relationship didn’t work out for whatever reason otherwise they would still be together. The fact that they aren’t says something. To me she would be no threat.
But for some reason women aren’t logical when it comes to sex and the ex. They visualize their man having sex with their ex and they become obsessed with thought. Is she better? Is she prettier than me? Does she give better head? :) All ego based questions that really mean nothing but the mind will make them into something huge. The mind will make sex, the act, bigger than anything, even the relationship. Not good. Therefore the woman throws on the ol ball and chain, limits access to his women friends to little or none, and feels that her relationship is protected from the past. Ah, okay.
Oh but what about the future? In my mind, if you’re going to feel threatened be threatened by the women out there he hasn’t slept with. They are more of a threat to your relationship than the ones he has slept with. The curiosity, the mystery is still there. Hmmm….Well that would mean most of the women in the world. Oh…a woman doesn’t want to go down that road. That is just too much to think about. I guess it’s a lot easier to become obsessed with the past than to worry about the future. Although some women become obsessed about both. Oooh not good.
Me? No thanks. I choose neither. Obsessing in useless and ego based thoughts of the past or worry of the future is a waste of time. I prefer the act…now that is worth indulging in.
Readers: Any sex politex you want to share? Blog me.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle ?
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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September 25th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Michelle, my pet, I thought I was your first!! ;-)
I have kept in touch with only a few of my past relations over the years, and the advent of email helped this. But, the world stopped turning once I met you. I was blinded and now I see!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
My Sweet Miss
Mr. Buffett is a sure fire scoundrel he is getting real assets for pennies on the dollar. He invested $850 million of his money and the rest of people who regularly invest $500,000 per year to be part of his investment club. It is their money that he is using to fund this venture.
As modest as he likes to come off. He is stung that Gates has surpassed him as the wealthiest man. He is on a mission to get the title back. With this acquisition he should make it in a big way in a year or two.
As for me, I would like to get out but I’m afraid that it isn’t that simple. But for you I will tell you how simply this crisis can be solved.
The government just has to pay to remove the ARMs that have been added to the mortgages of the people in the US and give everyone a fixed mortgage. Over night the paper covering those worthless mortgages will be tradable commodities again.
Mr. Buffett will be pissed of course because he will not make nearly as much as he knows that he will make if the bail out occurs with him holding all those notes.
Most mortgage holders in the US could pay their mortgages if they had not been artificially, deceptively and in most cases illegally raised beyond the capacity of the buyer to afford to make the note.
The real object was to separate the mortgagee from his investment. It was never intended for the buyer to eventually own the property he took out the mortgage on.
It was a scam.
There is no crisis in the market. Buyers are looking for deals. Basically give-aways. If the government paid off the excessive mortgage add ons. 95% of the mortgage paper would be good. It would cost about $50 billion. But then, the scam artists wouldn’t make the killing they are looking for.
The Congress knows this but the republicans balk at socialism to main street even when it was wall street that scammed their victims into accepting the crooked mortgages.
The spiel is that it was an attempt to allow everyone to own a home that got us into this debacle. Truth: any loan can be structured to allow anyone to buy a million dollar home. Sounds bizarre, but it is a function of time, payment, equity expectation, and profit realization(on the front and back end). One doesn’t have to buy the entire mortgage. It is not the mortgage that is bad. What is bad is the usury and predatory interest that has been added to the unsuspecting buyer’s mortgage.
Remove these impediments and the mortgagee can pay his note. But the scammers don’t want that so it won’t happen. The appearance of crisis will be maintained by the heads of the banks meeting in their private clubs and agreeing not to loan each other money for a while.
The pundits are being shrill as they declare the sky is falling to the American people. This allows the congress to capitulate to the white house to the initial tune of $700 billion.
Why am I being asked to sacrifice my share of this wonderful scam. No one else will give up their share. Sheep are bred to be sheared. Let’s not mess with mother nature.
They have a candidate that is trying to help them. They can’t get behind him. Our candidate promises them that they will get to enforce their religious and personal beliefs on the rest of America and possible the world. This seems to be more important than giving equity to the rest of America at their perceived loss of the social, political, and financial advantage this government has given them because of the color of their skin. It is as simple as that.
It works for me. I’m taking my cut. But I will not be doing it with a smile. The only time a smile breaks out on my face is when I hear that the American people are being told that the markets and our economy will collapse as we know it if we aren’t given $700 billion dollars.
Stay tuned for more scams if our man McCain gets in. It looks like a surer bet the closer we get to the vote. If anyone ever wonders whether the republican would do anything to keep control of the white house, just observe how members of the republican come out and assure the voters that Palin is qualified to be President if McCain bites the dust.
There behavior behaves close to treason. They are deliberately exposing the USA to its enemies by setting up a potential disaster should McCain suffer a mishap. The people themselves are not without shame in this play. Many republican voters know that Palin is incompetent to be vice president much less President, yet they will vote for the ticket. How can you expect me to feel any sympathy for these self centered assholes. I’m going to be laughing all the way to the bank.
Your devoted Sweet Pea
Anonz
September 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Michelle
I have to make a comment on a comment you make today. I quote: “I really don’t think it is that stupid for a man to tell his significant other of past women that he has slept with, and especially women that he still has a friendly relationship with.”
It is more than just stupid, it is inane. What purpose would be served by it other than revealing something extremely personal about a woman that she may prefer to have not known. I feel that she is entitled to feel that when she shared her body with someone, she did not expect it to become public knowledge.
Any man who reveals the identity of a sexual partner without the consent of that partner is an asshole. He has some self assurance issues that require his boasting of his sexual conquests to help him feel better about himself.
There are times when a man is compelled to reveal his sexual activity without the consent of the other party, but this is extremely rare. A woman should know that when a man reveals the name of a sexual partner, it is full of ulterior motives. Some reveal the psychological pathology of the man, others reveal the hidden disdain the man has for women.
I know that we who meet in secret to control the world, as we would like it to be, would never tolerate a man in our midst who was inclined to be so at ease with revealing his sexual accomplishments. We know that it reveals a missing crucial element necessary to inspire trust in loyalty and intellectual ability.
Michelle the question should be asking yourself is why would a person who wasn’t there with you and the man you slept with, when neither of you owed allegiance to another, need to know about something that private?
What could possibly be the man’s reason for revealing your name other than to meet some deficiency in his psyche. The fact that you could still feel that it is okay to continue to be “friends” with such a cad says that you have accepted the male driven philosophy that a woman’s body and her feelings are inferior to a man’s perceived needs.
I wouldn’t dare to give you advice, but you might think about the possibility that the woman might be as upset with what it says about a woman who is still willing to keep the company of a man who has revealed such personal information about her as the asshole of man she has discovered she is now involved. She knows for certain that anything they have done in private is up for public knowledge if they were to part.
I am not casting aspersions but you can not blame her for feeling that a woman that would continue to share the company of a man under any circumstances who has felt so free to reveal such intimate details about there past relationships might be inclined to renew such a relationship.
She can be forgiven for thinking that if the wronged woman can accept this insult from her cad, perhaps if the situation presented itself, she would accept something else from him.
I’m also certain that she is uncomfortable with her cad implicitly crowing as his sexual conquests flutter around him in her presence. The fact that this may have been the intention of his revelation all along is certainly not lost on his mate.
So you see it is not as simple as the woman feeling threatened. She just may not like being part of her cad’s mental harem as you smilingly flutter around him. I am certain that he also told her that he told you that he told her about his sexual relationship with you. This brings up whole new potential psychological issues for the woman. It also is akin to the rapist and the serial keeping souvenirs of his perceived dominance of women.
Anonz
September 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hi Mischa,
This is funny bc all of my ‘friendly’ sitch exes dumped me the second I had a kid. No idea what that’s about but there you have it. I wasn’t overly close with any of them but if they called, which they did intermittently, I’d chat.
I always divulged info re: sex on a ‘need to know’ basis, which means ‘no need’ and I could always tell if I was chatting with a woman who’d had sex or wanted to with my man, just an instinct much like gay-dar : )
Anonz, my devoted and precious one, a touchy point with you – and I get your distinctions, but sweet pea, and I’ll use the example on myself, if I’d had a known years-long relationship and the ‘how do you two know each other’ thing came up at a party/whereever and the ‘we were an item’ was the answer (more or less on the wording there), wouldn’t it be assumed by the current man that sex had occurred? Of course. And I would feel no need to elaborate on details. Why would I? Based on that assumption, the current male can react however he’d like to, but there would really be no need for jealousy as it’s in the past. He would get one sentence reassurance/disclaimer if necessary and then it should be put to bed (nice pun).
My opinion: Jealousy gets you exactly what you don’t want. I’m not big into smothery love and it’s just my personal feeling, but – I’m me and I’m very good at being me, if that isn’t enough for a man for whatever the reason, well then go call an ex or a random any woman, and we can both move on, bc either you’re in or you’re out ; ) hahaha…oh my, I do amuse myself : )
I don’t really think or concern myself with: is she prettier (nice face with no chemistry is another nice face or perhaps a good fantasy, no need to share it, we all do that here and there, no?), better in bed/head, etc…wasted friggin’ energy – I’m not sure I’ve run into this situation much though (meeting my exes with current or vice versa).
I’m confident about who I am and what I’m about since pretty early on in life so that whole competitive female thang is just junk to me. So, if another woman – ex or otherwise – is being outrageously flirty in front of me at a party/event, secretly I’d think her an idiot and cut some slack based on that but openly I’d expect him to shut it down out of respect for me. I would do the same, but propositioning men usually corner you without your man in sight, tricky dicks that they are.
And there you have it…Zen and sex…that has a ring to it I rather like : )
Peace and luv – Zen Lill
September 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Anonz,
What are your thoughts on Goldman Sachs reversal on gold short to long position?
September 25th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
…based on your clan of “saviors” for the global assistance of this economic bailout, due to many overseas money coming into the fray, it should devalue the dollar creating quite a position for Gold. This will also have a long term drain on the dominating dollar as the global currency. Although, the Euro is hit just as hard, if not harder in real terms. But this government, as the “rescuers” will make this seem worse in order to create its definitive currency spread for the positions. This would be my guess…
September 25th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Anonz
I L O V E you.
Carla
September 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Anonz
My advice to women is to put your comments on their refrigerator.
Brie
September 25th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Anonz
Are you sure you aren’t a woman. If not now, in a past life you were.
Michelle isn’t he wonderful? I’m 61 years old. I made my husband read every word Anonz said to you out loud. he has been a very successful Psychiatrist and author for 43 years. He has made millions on his self help books. But I haven’t read a word he has said about men who brag about the women they have been with intimately in any book that he has written that resonated the way Anonz’s reply to you did. The man is beautiful!
Anonz you are every woman’s soul mate.
Laura
September 25th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Anonz
Why don’t you suggest that the federal government loan money to the people and businesses directly if the banks refuse to do so. Cut the useless middle men out. In short order, they will be screaming to be let back in.
Chuck
September 25th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Zensational
When you make a point. it is done in such a delicious way that I have to exhale deeply before the swoon removes all my objectivity.
I am who I am so I confess that I believe that a woman telling on a man is not as serious as a man telling on a woman. It springs from my belief that a woman can not rape a man. It is not a function of strength to rape a man. The simple biological truth is that the man must have a sexual interest in a woman to get an erection.
A woman can be forced to have sex against her will, not so a man. Neither physical force nor chemical inducements can force a man to have intercourse with a woman if he does not have the prerequisite hard on induced by desire. Hence the the seduction ploy used by men to suggest that he was lured against his will.
For me this means that if a woman reveals that she has slept with a man it is an issue that Michelle’s opening comment and your subsequent elaboration successfully covered.
To me it does not cover the same revelation made by men. I personally would not have a relationship with a woman that I knew had not had at least one successful relationship with a man or woman. But I would not reveal to that woman or anyone else any information about any relationship I had been involved in. I will confess that I could be titillated by an excited rendition of one or more of her sexual exploits by her.
Since i was 31, I have never been insecure by anything my date, lover, or sweet thing has done. Sure it took me a long time to mature, but the resulting sense of me was worth it. I feel confident if the woman I am with is confident that she can handle anything because she knows that if it becomes a problem she can’t handle alone, I will do whatever we as a team think is necessary to handle the problem.
Lady Lilly you have the way with the words. So you can critique me anyway you choose. And if you feel that words aren’t enough I will reluctantly succumb to a spanking by your lovely but firm hands.
Anonz
September 25th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Sweet pea, between making you swoon and succumbing to spankings (now that makes the case for either of us being bad on purpose ocassionally, doesn’t it? yeow..) and what with all these women wanting you, babes, I’ve got to tell you, this is hot copy. I’ve always liked it when women liked/loved/wanted a man who clearly was into me, it’s such a turn on.
I’m glad you like my wording, and I enjoyed reading your take, I think you took a different road though, and its a point well taken about man rape, I agree with you there. I also agree with your assessment of the ‘gentlemen’s clause’ men tend to adhere to it (unless they’re an asshole) – there is also a ‘gentlewomen’s clause’ (don’t attempt/actually seduce my man and smile pretending to befriend me/be my friend, me no likee) and I hate to say it but lots of women blatantly disregard it, much to my chagrin, but honorable men shut that bs down in short order so it’s actually a good indicator of a current man’s worth.
I went the lighter road bc I took Mischa’s writing to mean being ‘pals’ with an ex-boyfriend, not a one-nighter or a forced situation but a sitch where a current man/woman would know for obvious reasons that bedding had taken place…years before…
I would discuss (if at all) my lessons/observations learned from prior relationships ONLY if I thought it would be helpful to assist in the making the current one better/the best, no need to mention names. It’s all no matter with me anyway, I won’t be running any b’day parties for an ex, I’d whip up a memorable one for you though : ) you can even put your exes on the guest list, I’m not easily threatened.
As I mentioned and you have to understand that I am very intuitive, I would absolutely know whether you mentioned it or not whether you slept with someone you introduced me to, it’s uncanny but it’s happened before on several/many ocassions. I observe nuance very well.
I do like (very much) that you are an honorable man in this regard, hmmmm, and many others : ) I have no problem telling you my personal list of your redeeming qualities, look forward to seeing you smile at me when I do. – No need to talk about when (again) we’re both busy in the short term anyway. I also know your a man like any other and perfection in humans, male or female is ridiculous to expect (um, yeah, that’s actually a disclaimer for me, hahaha, so not perfect)
You haven’t been reading my blog lately but I am running your rants there – and gave you a big compliment that prompted a pal to call me. I said in the entry that I couldn’t decide who’s rants I like better yours or mine, hahaha, I have what she calls a ‘healthy self-love’ and that may be her therapist-speak for ‘big fat ego’ hahaha
http://www.lilliandevin.com/ ‘The stock market is up, down and all the way around’
Have to go – and I got out of jury duty, so glad, it was a child molestation case, I used the ‘cops aren’t heroes’ line you gave me, sweet pea, they didn’t seem to buy it so I went low, can’t even write what I said to get out of it, so bad, the judge took me to ‘sidebar’ (chambers) to discuss it, I probably deserved a spanking…
Your Zenzational Lady Lilly
September 25th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
oh yes, babe, one more thing, I stated that ARM suggestion last Sunday to a Repub and he scoffed at my ‘simple’ solution. Thanks for filling me in on Buffett also.
Pleasant dreams, Zen
September 26th, 2008 at 12:34 am
PROBIOTIC DRINK HELPS PREVENT DIARRHEA FROM ANTIBIOTICS
A persistent and alarming problem among elderly hospital patients is diarrhea — which is sometimes even life-threatening. A frequent cause, ironically, is the antibiotic used to address either the original illness or an infection that develops during the hospital stay, to which elderly patients are even more vulnerable than others. It is a frustrating situation for everyone involved.
A recent study conducted at Imperial College in London investigated probiotic drinks as a way to help resolve the problem, in much the same way some non-hospital patients eat yogurt when on antibiotics. (Note: This should be high-quality yogurt with live cultures.) The study randomized 135 hospitalized elderly patients on antibiotics into two groups. Twice a day during the course of treatment and for one week after finishing the antibiotics, one group was given a dairy drink containing three types of probiotics — Lactobacillus casei, L. bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophilus — while the other had a dairy drink with no probiotics. The probiotic drink used in the study was Actimel, sold in US supermarkets as DanActive from Danone, which partially funded the study.
The result: Risk of diarrhea relating to antibiotics was reduced by 21.6%.
WHICH PROBIOTIC FOR WHOM?
Probiotic use appears to be a no-brainer, but the picture is more complicated than it may seem. Lead author Mary Hickson, PhD, RD, a research dietician and honorary senior lecturer of investigative science at the Imperial College in London, told me the issue of using probiotics as standard hospital protocol is still open. The reason is, dose and timing cannot be as carefully controlled in a hospital setting as in a highly monitored research study. Probiotics may actually turn out to be even more useful than this research indicates, since some high-risk patients had to be excluded. Also, since the treatment did not prevent all diarrhea, it may be that different patients respond to probiotic bacteria differently. In other words, what is effective in certain situations for some individuals does not work all the time. Indeed, another strain of bacteria might work even better at preventing antibiotic-caused diarrhea than the ones in the drink used, and only further research will reveal the answer.
In this study there were no adverse events for patients, which has been true of previous published trials using probiotics — though some questions remain relative to people with weak immune systems. In a very few cases, probiotic bacteria may have caused an infection in such patients, says Dr. Hickson, though it remains inconclusive. According to the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM), the safety of probiotics has not been thoroughly studied so research should continue, especially in the elderly, children and anyone with a compromised immune system.
Next steps for the medical community? Dr. Hickson says that another study is now in order to see if using probiotics as a standard measure for post-antibiotic treatment causes diarrhea rates to fall in a broader hospital population. Next step for individuals? Based on years of work with probiotics, Daily Health News contributing editor Andrew L. Rubman, ND, points out that since each of us is unique, results may vary. While probiotic products will probably not be harmful, the same solution won’t work for everyone. Consider working with a physician knowledgeable in this area.
Source(s): ??Mary Hickson, PhD, RD, honorary senior lecturer of investigative science at the Imperial College in London.
September 26th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Zen lill
Of course a man would scuff at you simple solution. Most men are intimidated by a woman who knows more or as much as they do about anything. Second most republicans do no shit about what a “free market” or “deregulated market” means. If they did, they wouldn’t be so easily scammed.
They like to think that they understand what is happening in the world of “high finance.” The one thing that this debacle should tell everyone is that no one understands what is happening in the world of “high finance” except those of us who regularly fleece those that purport to know.
P.S
We will get our hands on that trillion dollars, and it will be a trillion. Oh and by-the-way. McCain met with the repubs in the House and persuaded them to change the game to include his talking points for the debate. His advisers gave him some financial inputs to match Obama’s so that he could claim understanding of the fiscal needs of this country.
“Country first,” yeah, right
Anonz
September 26th, 2008 at 12:39 am
OOps, Sorry, Sweetness, that first paragraph should have read
Of course a man would scuff at you simple solution. Most men are intimidated by a woman who knows more or as much as they do about anything. Second most republicans do not know shit about what a “free market” or “deregulated market” means. If they did, they wouldn’t be so easily scammed.
The peas are still “sweet” for you, I hope
Sweet Pea