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27Mar2011
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27Mar2011
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27Mar2011
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Archive for the 'Love, Sex & Relationships' Category
We’ve all been there. You meet someone new and they seem amazing. But after a few months or even years of dating, they change. For some people, these changes are minor. For example, you find out they don’t really like romantic comedies, or they’re not the biggest fan of your sister. But for some people, these changes are major. They become impossible to ignore. You start to think that maybe they were like that all along, and you just didn’t see the red flags. Or maybe you’re convinced you’ve been doing something wrong, and this is your punishment. The thing is, when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, it’s hard to picture the person you’re with hurting you.
While every relationship can hit a rough patch, some situations are just too critical to ignore. Here are six serious instances in which you should end your relationship.
1. You’re being cheated on, repeatedly.
I understand that if someone cheats on you one time, it’s possible to get through it. In some cases, couples even come out stronger after facing infidelity. Having said that, if you have selflessly forgiven your significant other for their indiscretion and it happens again, it’s time to get out!
2. You’re being verbally or emotionally abused.
This can be kind of a grey area, because it’s not always easy to identify when it’s happening. Keep in mind, just because you’re not bruised and bleeding, doesn’t mean you aren’t being abused. For instance, verbal abuse involves (but is not limited to) being called stupid, worthless or a loser. Name-calling, racial slurs or being called the C-word are also forms of verbal abuse. Having once been in an abusive relationship myself, I can understand it’s not always easy to recognize. It becomes a vicious loop of hearing something degrading, and then asking yourself what you did to cause this behavior. In some cases I was even told, “If you weren’t being such a stupid b*tch, I wouldn’t have to call you one.”
If this is happening to you, get out.
3. They don’t care if they make you cry.
If someone can honestly sit there after hurting you and not care at all if you’re crying, this may be very indicative of how much they care about you (or don’t).
4. You have to change who you are to be with them.
We all compromise — seeing a band we don’t like here, going to a restaurant we could do without there — but make sure you aren’t changing to the point where you don’t recognize the person you’re becoming. The person you’re with should like you for who you are, not who they are molding you to become.
5. Your affection is being misconstrued for neediness.
Everyone gets emotional every now and then. Even the best of us have our days when stress gets to be a bit too much. But your emotions shouldn’t be seen as weakness. It’s impossible to keep it cool every second of every day, and in all honestly, you shouldn’t have to. Don’t get caught in a power struggle of “who can act like they don’t care the longest.” Love is not about finding someone with whom you can have to upper hand; it’s about being honest about your needs with someone and knowing they will be there for you.
6. You’re afraid of them.
Whether you’re being hit, spat on, pushed or even screamed at, being with someone who scares you is not something you have to endure. Most importantly, don’t ever blame yourself for some else’s abusive behavior.
*B’*B’*Y*E*
Readers: Are there any missing here? Blog me.
Anna of Guam: Hey there - how are you? I HOPE the shake didn’t shake anyone up too bad. Hafa adai.
Anonymous: The power of women. Yeh, it’s inspiring when you witness it. This is one of my fave songs. Loved seeing Maxwell sing it too, although Kate Bush singing it bring me to tears. Too bad the audio wasn’t so great but I still felt it and loved it.
peace & love.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog.If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
If you love my blog and my writes, please make a donation via PayPal, credit card, or e-check, please click the “Donate” button below. (Please only donations from those readers within the United States. – International readers please see my “Donate” page)
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I realize that I post many stories about the abuse and atrocities that girls and women go through. Why? Because even though it is prevalent here and around the world, I am still shocked by it all, and posting what I can gives a voice to these women. I don’t think I will ever get over it or used to it – thankfully. I don’t want to. I HOPE that no one turns a blind eye when it is so widespread.
Because if it becomes the norm, and more people start to say, “Oh it is just the way men are,” (Yes, some people already say this about men!) less will be done to stop it, and the more women will be abused and blamed for whatever reason…she shouldn’t have teased the boy…she shouldn’t have dressed like that…she shouldn’t have gone to the party alone…whatever. All excuses. And excuses that gives men permission to do it again, and again, and again. And all the while blaming the woman, when it is the man or the boy who is the perpetrator, and should be blamed.
I just get so sick of it. But not sick enough to not blog about it anymore. It is on my mind more than I would like it to be and more than I would like to admit. But I am a lucky one and so many others are not. So I feel the need to support my sisters in whatever means I know how.
I know because of the way I am, people, and even some readers here, say I am a “man hater.” Those words mean nothing to me. They have no effect on me whatsoever. Bring it on. If I or other women are such “man haters”, ( I will speak for myself) it is not because they are men – it is only because of the things men do. I find it baffling that men (and even women) even dare say to me that I am a “man hater,” when it is the men on this planet that are the haters. I mean, I am not the one doing harm. Women are not the ones showing hatred. Men are the ones that do the abusing, killing, and enslaving of women on this planet, world wide. I am only reporting it, and I am accused of hating? If anyone hates, it is the men hating the women. Why else would they be so destructive and abusive. It certainly isn’t because they love us to death. No pun intended.
And when I hear that women, stupid women, walk lockstep behind their man, taking on his thoughts and beliefs, even bending over to be spanked(!), I just get livid. And as I stated yesterday, I lose faith in womenkind. And I don’t want to. I want to believe that women will change because I have little faith that men will. They don’t need to. Many like the way it is. They don’t have anything to fear.
But we women, we have so much to fear when it comes to the men in our lives and their propensity to perpetrate sick behavior. Which is why we still need mothers and fathers to raise our young boys to respect girls and women. We can’t give up on that. And we also need our young sisters to support their sisters, by encouraging them to do so, and providing inspiring examples…so that they will grow up to be women who support women. Or women are just not going to survive.
This brings me to today’s write. Sadly, here is a perfect example of a young girl who was raped and her community is re-victimizing her by harassing her, and not supporting her, in a time where she really needs sisterly love and support.
Several high-profile cases of sexual assault have shown the consequences of rape culture: From Rehtaeh Parsons’ suicide to the Steubenville rape trial, these girls were re-victimized by the harassment and public shaming that followed the sexual assault.
Now, a 14-year-old in Elwood, Indiana who is eight months pregnant faces ongoing harassment simply because her neighborhood sees her as a very young pregnant girl. But a reporter at the Indianapolis Star writes that her town does not know the full story of the 17-year-old boy who physically overpowered her after she told him “no.” On Tuesday, he faces sentencing for three counts of child molestation.
At the same time the girl has encountered vicious public shaming from her community, she and her mother Kristy Green have spoken out because they worry her assailant will walk free in juvenile court:
“I can’t walk out the door without someone calling me a whore or slut,” the girl said. “I used to have a lot of friends, or people I thought were my friends, but as soon as this happened I just isolated myself.”
The repeated vandalism incidents at the family’s home — including the words “whore” and “slut” scrawled on the garage doors — were reported to police. But Green said no charges were filed because there were no witnesses to the acts.
Her daughter also has been the target of mean-spirited rumors and speculation that her pregnancy is the result of promiscuous behavior.
This ordeal is all too common for victims of sexual assault — a reality that affects not just U.S. teens in school, but also pervades military and sports culture. The Chicago Tribune Editorial Board recently noted that “it’s still news when a rape victim stands in front of the cameras to state what ought to be obvious, which is that she has nothing to be ashamed of.”
But the people in Elwood — lacking the details of the rape due to privacy in the juvenile court system — reverted to alienating the teen for her pregnancy because they assumed she must have been “promiscuous.” That’s true for many teen moms across the country, who are often on the receiving end of this stigma precisely at the time they most need support. Public awareness campaigns attempting to prevent teen pregnancy often put inordinate focus on “slut-shaming” abstinence over comprehensive sexual health resources.
******
Readers: What a rude awakening for any young girl, first to have to endure rape, and then go through rejection from girls she thought were her friends.
I have said enough this morning. Anything more to add here? It’s Friday…Blog me.
Mike, TM: I had heard nothing about this story until I googled it. And then I still didn’t find much out there, except for this write from 3 weeks ago. Todashev was interrogated in his home and was denied having a lawyer represent him. He was also accused of caring a knife and attacking an agent, which is difficult to do when he wasn’t in possession of one. Now the kid is dead, and reportedly murdered by the FBI. I’m curious to see what more will be revealed and what will come from this.
Social Butterfly: Nice to hear from you. Yeah, I bet that added day is an adjustment. Happy to hear life is good though. Thanks for posting the write on Ms. Deen. I have been hearing all about it on several stations. And the big question seems to be, “What does Oprah think of her now?” I love Oprah but her opinion on this matter is no better than anyone else’s, although she does have influence. Deen made racist remarks. It will be interesting to see what transpires.
Got to run – Enjoy the Summer Solstice! Peace out.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog.If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
If you love my blog and my writes, please make a donation via PayPal, credit card, or e-check, please click the “Donate” button below. (Please only donations from those readers within the United States. – International readers please see my “Donate” page)
Or if you would like to send a check via snail mail, please make checks payable to “Michelle Moquin”, and send to:
Michelle Moquin PO Box 29235 San Francisco, Ca. 94129
Yes, I’ve been watching the news and hearing all about this waste-of-a-time-far-reaching-anti-abortion-bill that the repubs are so focused on when it has been said that it will no way pass the Senate and Obama will veto it. Do we women need to be concerned? I don’t think so but one never knows. The politics are pretty crazy lately.
There are so many important things to be concerned about – legislation that needs their time…jobs…immigration…and as usual the sick repubs just can’t seem to keep their business out of our vaginas, with so much time spent trying limit our rights and freedoms. These are same repubs that claim to defend the constitution, yet they want to take away our constitutional right to choose.
And did you hear what Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) said on Monday? He stated that abortion should be banned as early as 15 weeks after conception because he has witnessed male fetuses masturbate at that stage.
OMG, if you didn’t think that men (s0me, not all) only cared about themselves and their sexual needs and self-preservation, this is a perfect example for you to take notice and go “hmmm.” If it wasn’t a crazy and true statement made by someone that represents a part of our country – Texas (ahh..that makes sense)…someone who was voted in by the people (of Texas), it would be funny.
Let’s not forget this when the mid-term elections roll around again in 2014. If Burgess is up for re-election, vote the man out, with all of the rest who are trying to take away our rights and freedoms.
I’m not going to give them any more time this morning – I’ve given it enough.
Let’s focus on something important…something that deserves time. How about “immigration?” I think this is the latest from ThinkProgress. If not, please enlighten me.
Immigration reform including a pathway to earned citizenship moved one step closer to reality today as the Senate voted overwhelmingly, 84-15, to began debating and amending the bipartisan bill that passed the Judiciary Committee last month. Unsurprisingly, all of today’s no votes came from Republicans, including those leading the opposition to the bill: Sens. Jeff Sessions (AL), Mike Lee (UT), and Ted Cruz (TX).
While many of those who voted to take up the bill today are expected to oppose it in the end, today’s vote is the latest sign of strong momentum. By contrast, the vote to take up the 2007 immigration reform effort, which ultimately failed, was a much narrower 64-35.
Good news also came from the other side of the Capitol today, with Speaker Boehner (R-OH) predicting that the bill will become law before the end of the year. In another positive sign, Boehner also refused to rule out passing a bill through the House with mostly Democratic votes.
The only unfortunate news on the immigration front today came from Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), who appears to want to have it both ways once again. Rubio was reportedly asking his Republican colleagues to refrain from coming out in support of the bill so he could use the appearance of a lack support among Republicans as an excuse to drag the bill to the right. Discouraging fellow senators from supporting one’s own legislation is a relatively unheard of move.
A new poll out today shows that 81 percent of Latinos polled reject the notion of the “border-security first” approach that Rubio is inching toward. That includes 76 percent of Latinos who have voted for a GOP candidate in the past. Instead, Latinos want to see the pathway to citizenship and border security implemented concurrently, just as it is in the Gang of 8 bill Rubio himself helped author.
*****
Yw: I HOPE you and Ym will get together soon, if you haven’t already.
Zen Lill: Thanks for your comment. In my opinion, killing is never simple, even in theory. Just to be clear, I am not condoning murdering one’s husband for no reason. Nor do I agree to make it “look” very self defense to condone murder. I won’t go down that path of thinking. I am not saying you are either. However yes, I agree with you, about killing him. If you are protecting yourself and you do get the opportunity to shoot him before he tries to kill you, make sure you kill him, with one shot or many if necessary.
Readers: If I was not clear, let me get clear now. If you are being physically abused, or even threatened to the point where you fear your life, and the hairs on the back of your neck get raised, most likely your life is in dire danger. Listen to your gut. Make sure that you protect yourself, and if necessary kill the man before he kills you. By not having a gun and leveling the playing field, you could be endangering your life, and your children’s lives. In my opinion the best way to protect your children is to keep them away from the abuser/perpetrator. If you’re dead, you can’t exactly do that.
Madeline: I used to go the movies all of the time. I can’t even remember the last movie I went to. I have no idea what is even out there. Your comment filled with conviction leads me to believe you are correct. And if so, we need more women writers. Speaking of…
Wendy: With your experience in the film industry, I think you have a new career in film writing waiting for you. Go for it.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog.If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
If you love my blog and my writes, please make a donation via PayPal, credit card, or e-check, please click the “Donate” button below. (Please only donations from those readers within the United States. – International readers please see my “Donate” page)
Or if you would like to send a check via snail mail, please make checks payable to “Michelle Moquin”, and send to:
Michelle Moquin PO Box 29235 San Francisco, Ca. 94129
First of all, my apologies to all the fathers out there for not wishing you a happy father’s day yesterday. My father is out of the country so of course I didn’t celebrate him yesterday. The day began to slipped by like any other Sunday, until I got a call from my cousin who flew up from LA to be with his father, my fave uncle, inviting me to meet them for a walk in the Redwoods. Aha! Yes, it is Father’s Day! It was delightful. I HOPE those of you that celebrated with your father had a delightful day as well!
Once again the victim, a woman, is blamed for something a man has done. Here’s the write from ThinkProgress:
California teacher Carie Charlesworth was fired for the “crime” of being a victim of domestic violence, according to letters obtained by NBC San Diego.
The firing was prompted by Charlesworth’s abusive ex-husband Martin Charlesworth, who invaded the Holy Trinity School parking lot after a weekend where Carie had called the police on him three times, sending the school into lockdown.
Martin was sent to prison, but Carie herself was also punished. On April 11th, the school sent a letter to her informing her of her dismissal. The grounds? Her husband was dangerous:
We know from the most recent incident involving you and Mrs. Wright (the principal) while you were still physically at Holy Trinity School, that the temporary restraining order in effect were not a deterrent to him. Although we understand he is current incarcerated, we have no way of knowing how long or short a time he will actually serve and we understand from court files that he may be released as early as next fall. In the interest of the safety of the students, faculty and parents at Holy Trinity School, we simply cannot allow you to return to work there, or, unfortunately, at any other school in the Diocese.
Charlesworth cited the decision as an example of the pervasive stigma domestic violence victims face on top of the abuse itself. “That’s why women of domestic violence don’t come forward,” she told NBC. “They’re afraid of the way people are going to see them, view them, perceive them, treat them.”
Though a recent federal study of gendered violence found that over a third of American women experience intimate partner violence over the course of their lives, the fear Charlesworth describes deters reporting of these crimes with depressing frequency. According to one survey of the relevant data, “because of the stigma associated with intimate partner violence, the fact that it is an illegal activity, and the very real fear of potential retribution from a violent partner, respondents perpetrating or being victimized are less likely to answer questions about intimate partner violence than those who are not.” What goes for answering survey questions goes double for reporting a crime.
Victims can even face legal consequences for calling the police. If a victim generates enough nuisance citations (as defined by the local nuisance ordinance), calling in the ostensibly-protective authorities will often lead to the victim’s eviction. A study of one such ordinance in Milwaukee found that roughly a third of nuisance citations were responses to domestic violence incidents, and the most common landlord remedy was to evict the battered woman.
Charlesworth is planning to challenge her dismissal in court, but the school appears to have the upper legal hand as a consequence of a broadly worded religious exemption.
*******
Readers: Because of the man, the woman potentially loses all around. The woman has been abused. She divorces him and gets a retraining order to protect herself. She is the victim. And yet, she loses her job because her ex-husband won’t stop harassing her, even though he is now in jail. Will she ever be rid of this man and live a happy normal life with her children, without her ex-husband affecting her life in some way, when her ex is out?
He has ruined her life. Her 4 children are affected by his bad behavior. His actions have gotten her fired from her job, and she has no idea how she is going to care for her children. Who knows what else may happen when he gets out of jail soon and seeks her out again.
Why isn’t more being done to the man to protect the woman? Obviously a restraining order isn’t enough, and doesn’t really work. We have enough evidence that shows that men don’t pay any attention to restraining orders. There obviously needs to be laws put into place that makes it more difficult for men – like he needs to be dropped off to live two states away - something.
How it is now is not working. The man should be inconvenienced. A mother and her children, the victims, should not be the ones who suffer from any more pain or inconvenience to their lives from his abusive actions. The mother and children should be able to live a normal life without fear.
This man is like a disease that has no cure. And she, the victim gets blamed and she and her children suffer the consequences. In my opinion, she would have been better of if she had killed him in self-defense when he was abusing her. Listen to Robert, RT – Get a gun ladies, and level the playing field or you may suffer at the hands of your ex for many years to come, if you even make it away from him alive.
Sound harsh or extreme? What can I say, I read too many horrific stories where the ending is too tragic.
Thoughts? Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog.If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
If you love my blog and my writes, please make a donation via PayPal, credit card, or e-check, please click the “Donate” button below. (Please only donations from those readers within the United States. – International readers please see my “Donate” page)
Or if you would like to send a check via snail mail, please make checks payable to “Michelle Moquin”, and send to:
Michelle Moquin PO Box 29235 San Francisco, Ca. 94129
As many of us know, and if you don’t, you should know by now because it is being reported and I have personally blogged about it, women are being raped in the military. Last year, there were 26,000 assaults in the Military. That is a HUGE problem. The men that were put in positions to support our women in the military have turned from “protector” to perpetrator.”
It is time for the girls to step up and do what should’ve been done a long time ago – and they are doing just that. HUGE kudos go to Senator Claire McCaskill, (Thankfully she beat deadbeat Todd Akin), and other Senators who are making sure that our military girls are being seen and heard and justice is being done.
WASHINGTON — Senator Claire McCaskill wandered down the dais at the Senate Armed Services Committee’s first hearing of the year and noticed a startling tableau: women to the left, women to the right.
Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a veteran Republican member of one of the Senate’s most testosterone-driven panels, was now flanked by them on both sides, including by two Republican colleagues, Senator Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire and Senator Deb Fischer of Nebraska.
“You’re toast, Graham,” cracked Ms. McCaskill, a Missouri Democrat.
Ms. McCaskill’s joke reflected the seven women now on the Armed Services Committee, a high, and the role that a record 20 female senators are playing on powerful committees. Of the four most prestigious Senate panels — Appropriations, Armed Services, Finance and Foreign Relations — women now hold 18 spots, an increase of nearly 65 percent over the last decade.
But nowhere is the presence of so many women more pronounced than on the Senate Armed Services Committee, where the women on the 26-member panel have forced the long-simmering issue of sexual assault in the military to the forefront on Capitol Hill. Lawmakers have tried to pursue the sexual assault problem for years, with little impact. But now a slew of attention-grabbing bills — most written by women — are intended to end what senior military officials say is a crisis and President Obama has called a disgrace.
“When I raised the issue of rape in the military seven years ago, there was dead silence,” said Senator Bill Nelson, a Florida Democrat and member of the committee. “Clearly they are changing things around here.”
At a widely watched committee hearing last month, Senator Kirsten E. Gillibrand, Democrat of New York, narrowed her eyes with disdain as Michael B. Donley, the secretary of the Air Force, expressed regret about recent assault cases. She thenexcoriated him and Gen. Mark A. Welsh III, the chief of staff of the Air Force, when they suggested that they were making progress on the problem.
“I do not think you should pat yourself on the back,” Ms. Gillibrand admonished them. Sexual assault, she said, is “undermining the credibility of the greatest military force in the world.” She has since introduced legislation that would give military prosecutors rather than commanders the power to decide which sexual assault cases to try. Her goal is to increase the number of people who report sex crimes without fear of retaliation.
The sexual assault issue has caught the attention of the women on the committee in part because some have law enforcement backgrounds. Ms. McCaskill is a former prosecutor who handled sex crimes and homicides, and Ms. Ayotte was the head of the homicide division in the New Hampshire attorney general’s office.
“When I saw how the military was dealing with this problem, I realized how out of step they were with the criminal justice system,” Ms. McCaskill said. Although the sexual assault issue had been brought before the committee over the years, she said, “the main people asking questions during the hearings are women. That has never really happened on this committee before.”
The women do not dominate the panel on more traditional military issues — the defense budget, the future of the Army, weapons procurement and nuclear policy, to name a few. In those cases, Senator Carl Levin, a Michigan Democrat who is the chairman of the committee, and Senator John McCain, the highest-profile Republican member, have the most powerful voices. Other forceful members include Mr. Graham and Senator Jack Reed, a Rhode Island Democrat.
The men lead on those issues in large part because of their longevity on the committee or because they have the kind of military experience not historically open to women. Mr. Levin has served on the committee for more than three decades, Mr. McCain is a former Navy pilot, Mr. Reed is a former Army Ranger, and Mr. Graham is in the Air Force Reserves.
Ms. Gillibrand said there was a similar male-female pattern when she served on the House Armed Services Committee. “The men asked all the questions about ships, hardware, that sort of thing,” she said. “We asked why divorce and suicide rates were so high.”
But Senator Jeanne Shaheen, Democrat of New Hampshire, said she saw that dynamic changing. “Women have started to challenge many of the assumptions in the department,” she said, referring to the Pentagon. For example, Ms. McCaskill, a former Missouri state auditor, has repeatedly questioned waste in defense contracting and has made war profiteering one of her signature issues.
Like many of the men, a number of the women are on the committee because of the military bases or shipbuilding concerns in their states, including Senator Kay Hagan, Democrat of North Carolina; Senator Mazie K. Hirono, Democrat of Hawaii; Ms. Gillibrand; Ms. Ayotte; and Ms. Shaheen.
If there is one thing that unifies the women on the committee — five Democrats and two Republicans — it is support for a robust American military.
“These are post-9/11 moms who care about foreign policy because they want our nation to be safe,” said Mr. Graham, who has traveled extensively in Pakistan and Israel with Ms. Gillibrand on trips related to antiterrorism efforts. “They want to make sure our military families are doing well because that means they are ready for the fight.”
The history of women on the Senate Armed Services Committee mirrors women’s general rise in the Senate — slow and plodding — and their history within the military.
The first woman on the committee was Senator Margaret Chase Smith, a Maine Republican who served in both the House and the Senate in the mid-20th century. Ms. Smith, who crusaded during her House career for sexual equality in the military, continued that path when she joined the Senate committee in 1953.
“Women in the military today owe a debt to her getting veterans’ benefits, when the male senators on the committee never gave it a thought,” said Betty Koed, the associate Senate historian.
Women have been in the armed forces since they were nurses, cooks and the occasional saboteur in the American Revolution, but it was not until World War II that large numbers served. Their numbers grew significantly after 1973, when the end of the draft created a need for more women. The huge deployment of troops in the 1991 Persian Gulf war validated the integration of women and emboldened them to seek previously restricted jobs, like flying attack planes.
In the wars of the past 12 years, when more than 280,000 women deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, women served in combat in all but name. Reflecting the change, the number of women on the Armed Services Committee began to creep up. In 2001, women made up 10 percent of the committee, compared with nearly 30 percent today.
Women on the committee have included former Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison of Texas, a Republican who focused on military family issues, and Senator Susan Collins, a Maine Republican and an early voice on the sexual assault issue, although she was largely dismissed at the time by military brass.
In 2001, Hillary Rodham Clinton, then the new junior senator from New York, sought a seat on the Armed Services Committee rather than the Foreign Relations Committee in part to establish her national security credentials. She traveled frequently to Iraq and Afghanistan and built such strong relationships with top generals that she was mentioned — after her 2008 presidential campaign and while still serving as secretary of state — as a possible successor to Robert M. Gates as defense secretary. Her tenure on the committee became a model of how female senators could be as influential on the panel as the men.
Military families remain a priority of many women on the committee, who have focused in particular on legislation to ease debt and financial concerns. “I think women on this committee bring the perspective of family life back home, getting bills paid, that sort of thing,” Ms. Hagan said.
The women have also added a dimension to Congressional delegation trips overseas. In meetings in the Middle East and parts of South Asia, female senators are often the only women present. Mr. McCain, Ms. Ayotte said, makes an effort to let them speak first to establish their equality in the delegation.
“When we travel to Afghanistan and the Middle East and there are women senators there,” Ms. Ayotte said, “it really sends a strong message to the world that this is what we stand for. This is what we have.”
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Readers: I am not able to post the video from this article, which is worth a watch. Click here to view. Also perusing the net, I came across this recent video of McCaskill giving the military brass a piece of her mind. You go girl!
And if that isn’t enough, here’s a write about McCaskill, that I couldn’t resist posting as well, and you’ll see why.
If there was any doubt about how focused Sen. Claire McCaskill is on changing the way the military handles sexual-assault cases, take a look at Air Force Lt. Gen. Susan J. Helms’ résumé. The Obama administration nominated Helms to be promoted to the position of vice commander of the Air Force’s Space Command. But in April, McCaskill put a temporary hold on Helms’ nomination citing a sexual-assault case Helms ruled on. This week, McCaskill made her hold on the nomination permanent.
The Washington Post reports that last year, Helms granted clemency to an Air Force captain at Vandenberg Air Force Base in California who had been convicted of sexual assault. Helms didn’t attend the captain’s trial and ignored the advice of her legal adviser in granting clemency. She never publicly explained her decision. McCaskill and Helms had a meeting last month. Looks like their chat didn’t go so well for Helms.
In a statement released Thursday, McCaskill said Helms’ career should be lauded. (Helms was the first female member of the military to go to space.) But then the senator lowered the boom: “With her action, Lt. Gen. Helms sent a damaging message to survivors of sexual assault. They can take the difficult and painful step of reporting the crime, they can endure the agony involved in being subjected to intense questioning often aimed at putting the blame on them, and they can experience a momentary sense of justice in knowing that they were believed when their attacker is convicted and sentenced, only to have that justice ripped away with the stroke of a pen.”
The Post reports that Helms wrote a memo for her personal files that said she found the defendant more credible than the victim.
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This girl is on a roll. I can’t wait to see what more she’s got planned to stop military abuse.
Blog me.
Kentucky: I had never heard about Estelle Griswold. That would’ve been a good write for “Wonderful Women Of The World.” Thanks for sharing.
TGIF: There is a part of me that thinks that is too cool for chocolate, and another side of me that is feeling pretty prudish over the idea. Possibly because of the added commentary: “Luckily, no one has thought about putting crisped rice in the center.” That is a visual I could live without. What could possibly come after that? I think that is about as far as you can go with chocolate.
Speaking of edible body parts, I’ve always said that raspberries look like little Lucy’s vagina. Too cute. Is that TMI? Well…blame it on TGIF – you got me started.
Blog me.
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog.If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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