Designer Vaginas
Posted by Michelle Moquin on January 13th, 2013
Good morning!
Okay, one of best things about this article are the many names the author has for the “vagina”. I was in stitches – That’s the upside.
The other side is the sickening truth that there are actually people that make a living by promoting that our vaginas, are not prefect as they are and need a little “lift and tuck” here and there to be more “attractive” to men.
Here’s the write:
My Vagina Needs Plastic Surgery?
According to plastic surgeons all over the world, my vagina is an unholy mess and needs to be fixed with plastic surgery. I had no idea! I always thought a warm, gooey hole to put a penis in was sufficient — but au contraire. Forget the fact that my clam sandwich was burly enough for a human head to slide out of it, because the real purpose of the kitten between your legs is form, not function.
You are probably wondering, “Wait, what is wrong with her fur burger?” Probably everything! And there is a whole industry built around making you feel like your pleasure pocket is yucky and that you should fix it. I understand that this cosmetic procedure is in fact a business, and in order to obtain clients, they must first make women feel insecure about their goodies. But according to this study examining the content and implications of online ads for female genital cosmetic surgery, the quality of information is inadequate, and there is only minimum scientific information of outcomes or risks presented. The message of these designer vagina makers is that if you want to satisfy your man, you better take a knife to your labia, even if that means risking a “botched” vagina, a visual that will haunt me until the end of time.
There is an array of different marketing strategies to target potential customers. For one, if you have birthed a baby, you are reminded that your poontang is a chaotic disaster zone. Whoever is having sex with you is lost in your floppy, flabby vag. And according to gynocosmetics.com, it is common for your torn-up lady parts to be ” a source of disharmony and resentment” between you and that stellar man who now disdains your fun pocket because you pushed his baby out of it. Don’t even think about doing kegels, either, because nothing can fix the damage your child has inflicted. The only thing that will help is stitches, and lots of them.
Even if you haven’t spurted a spawn from your vulva, it may still be all jacked up, lips flapping everywhere, hanging like beef curtains. How dare you? Your beaver is not supposed to resemble a flower with soft petals. The Regency Clinic warns this may be “embarrassing,” or may “put off your partner.” Georgia O’Keeffe was an idiot! Your fish taco is supposed to be smooth and devoid of all pleats. Haven’t you ever seen Barbie’s crotch? It is just skin and space. Your genitals are supposed to be like that. Duh! These same medical professionals at Regency also caution that your shriveled wrinkly front bottom can look old and “your partner can see evidence of aging.” Fix that quick! It looks so old down there.
In some cultures it is important to be a virgin when you get married, so you can also get your hymen repaired to make sure you bleed all over the place when he enters you. Boy, if there is anything I would like to relive, it’s losing my virginity. But with hymenoplasty, you can slut it up as much as you like, and then lie to your new husband about your past. This may not be a great recipe for intimacy, trust, or accepting someone for who they are, but it’s better than sleeping only with one man for your entire life. If you live in an oppressive patriarchal hypocritical regime, then this seems like a pretty good option.
So there it is, ladies! There are plenty of options for how to be more sexually appealing to your man. And, as we know, the more we focus on how attractive we are, the happier we will be. Caring about stupid stuff like your mind and personality is silly when you can pay a plastic surgeon to first make you feel bad about yourself, and then give you porn star tits and the cooch of a 12-year-old alien — void of any hair or folds. I find so much comfort and meaning in this, don’t you?
It was inevitable that the culture of plastic surgery would migrate further south, past the face and breasts and stomach stapling. There are countless rationales for why people subject themselves to this type of work, and many feel improving their looks will have a positive effect on their self-confidence. And perhaps this is true. But the hitch with this justification is that eventually, every body will get old and deteriorate. At some point, you have to find value beyond vanity, and denying the inescapable seems futile.
Unless you have a severe deformity, plastic surgery is motivated by fear. The fear of one’s own mortality. To look like you are aging will only remind you that you are in fact dying. Contemplating impermanence in a real way would drastically change not only our culture of consumerism, but also our relationship to beauty standards. If we allowed ourselves to think about death we might actually try to appreciate life rather than worry about our looks and spending $10 billion a year on surgeries promising to make us look young forever.
Getting plastic surgery on your pink velvet sausage wallet may seem like a good idea to some, but let me tell you why it is ridiculous. Men are not that picky when it comes to aesthetics. Have you ever seen a guy’s house that he decorated himself, without a “woman’s touch?” There usually isn’t any attention paid to details as long as he has a place to come home to. So you see, ladies, your man is not seriously judging the beauty of your vertical smile — as long as you let him inside it.
*******
Readers: Whether men are paying attention to the details or not, I’m with O’Keeffe, vaginas are beautiful blossoming flowers that come in all shapes and sizes. Why would one want to look like Barbie’s vajayjay or anyone else’s vagina? I love the way my petals flutter and from my experiences so do the men I’ve been with. Why would any woman want to alter her love altar strictly for “looks”? The answer to that question goes without asking. But I’m asking – blog me.
Peace and Love…
Lastly, greed over a great story is surfacing from my “loyal”(?) readers. With all this back and forth about who owns what, that appears on my blog, let me reiterate that all material posted on my blog becomes the sole property of my blog. If you want to reserve any proprietary rights don’t post it to my blog. I will prominently display this caveat on my blog from now on to remind those who may have forgotten this notice.
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: We all know what this means by now :)
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January 13th, 2013 at 11:40 am
Hi Michelle,
We live in a sociey whih has experienced a growth spurt since world II. Peoole felt they must KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES — Those who were afluent had to have a new car every two years, a bigger and better home, and every item which Capitalism made us feel we all MUST HAVE in order to be part of the IN CROUD.
If one did not improve and consume better and more expensive goods and services, they were not scially accepted — at least among the Middle and upper casses.
Everyone showed off thier worth by consuming. Then the nose job became popular and every teen-ager,
Mother, and even Grandma had to have one.
Then the age of the BOOB JOB arrived and we are still living in it. It is diffiult to find a woman with nice boobs who hasn’t had one. Women are going through great pain and expense to have the perfect set of boobs.
Now it is the era of the V. Women are examining their vaginas and thinking they will scare off eligible men because they must enhance their not so perfect vaginas.
If people were not so easily manipulated by the media and adertising, we would all be more content with the way we were born and with what God gave us.
Not every part of us requires tweeking. Be happy with what you have — including the V.
HOWIE
January 13th, 2013 at 11:45 am
Sorry for all of the typos. I am still in the hospital and must use a touch screen computer which I have not adjusted to yet.
Iam embarrased by all my typos.
HOWIE
January 13th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
WOW!!!!!!! Love it when you open up Howie.
January 13th, 2013 at 3:54 pm
I just want to see some samples. Show me the vaginas.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Gosh, Michelle you make me blush sometimes. But you are so right. I love my vagina and I wouldn’t change a hair on it.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:02 pm
As if women didn’t have enough to deal with. We have to figure out what’s going on with our bodies and all of its changes during puberty, only to discover it will change once again during pregnancy. Then, just when you think you’ve got it under control, it changes yet again after the baby–or babies–are born. And let’s not get into menopause.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:06 pm
I know my vag is new and improved even AFTER having a baby. I know this because my mom was in the delivery room with me. I was busy getting stitched up (all natural tear but OWOWOOW!!) and my doctor looked straight at my vag, than back up at my mom, and asked mom “What do you think?”
My mother, without missing a beat, leaned over my stirruped lady parts and said “Give her a couple more stitches.”
That was the story of my free vag rejuvenation. Thanks mom!
January 13th, 2013 at 4:06 pm
I can’t imagine having labiaplasty. That being said, I have a very small friend who had a bunch of very large babies in very natural childbirth, and she has mentioned, at the very least, a bladder tack.
And I can say my grandmother had vaginal surgery, but I will spare everyone her commentary on exactly WHY she did… because it will stick with me FOREVER. Ha!
January 13th, 2013 at 4:07 pm
Interesting how some people are horrified about the idea of labiaplasty, but have no problem circumcising their infant sons because it “looks better.”
January 13th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
Bravo Howie! You have hit the nail on the head.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:27 pm
Brad Says:
January 13th, 2013 at 2:33 pm
Alycedale, I have often thought that you were not all there. Does your hatred for white people go so deep that you can actually envision killing people because of the color of their skins?
Brad
==================================
I don’t envision killing people because of the color of their skins. I do envision killing animals because they behave as such while pretending to be human.
At any given time a third of your race is without conscious as humans understand it. That third of your race has been responsible for some of the most hideous cruelty visited by one human upon another in the history of this earth. i.e the murder of 12 million American Indians, the incarceration in concentration camps of the rest.
The murder and enslavement of about 15 million blacks. That is just what your race is guilty of in the US. Another third of your race acts like it never happened or that they don’t understand why OTWs would wish that third harm. That makes two thirds of your race non human or on the way to it.
You pick the which of those two thirds you belong in. I will keep my automatics loaded in the mean time.
The final one third of you race are like the rest of us humans with imperfections. I wish them no harm. And since they are white also, it would mean I do not envision killing anyone because of the color of their skin.
Lewis: You too can pick which one of the first two thirds of your race you belong to. And wouldn’t you feel justified in seeing harm come to the truly evil before they can exercise that evil upon you?
But what would you know of evil except perhaps of that which fox informs you of.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:28 pm
Mattie, I hope my mom is that awesome in the delivery room. That is probably the funniest delivery story I have heard. Thanks for the chuckle.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:29 pm
Whoa. Yeeeouch. Mattie, you were awake!! I can’t imagine the pain of getting lidocaine down there. They turned my epidural off before they were done with stitches, and I felt at least the last 10 or so.
They offered the lidocaine and I turned it down because I knew how bad it would sting. Yeow. I admit that after seein the elephant ears that I had down there right after birth made me consider getting it fixed.
But they’d have to knock my ass out! And mine went back to close to before thank goodness!
January 13th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
How many people are going to see you “down there?” And WHY? As far as I’m concerned if a man gets that far he had better count himself lucky and not become a critic or his ass is never going to put his dick into me.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
Forget this I will just V-dazzle it. hahahaha C’mon now I don’t even have my ears pierced NO way any one is going down south to do construction on my Hoo-Ha.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:34 pm
I agree with you Michelle. I am so horrified. WOMEN, LEAVE YOUR BODIES ALONE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
January 13th, 2013 at 4:35 pm
Well, I guess if I didn’t like the appearance of mine I’d do it. Mine looks fine though. I wouldn’t mine a rejuvination. I don’t feel I need one right now but I’ve only had one kid and who knows what this next will do to me! lol.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:35 pm
WTF? What is wrong with people? And some people have waaaaaay too much money. Instead of vaginal plastic surgery give some of that disposable income away!
Which sounds totally preachy…but I can’t just imagine spending money to improve my vaginal looks. *I* can’t see the damn thing…and DH doesn’t really *look*, it’s more about touch. I just don’t get it.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:36 pm
When I went through puberty one side grew significantly larger than the other. I have been self conscious about it my whole life… I would have this surgery to feel better about myself, not because I really feel so terrible now…
January 13th, 2013 at 4:37 pm
There have been times I would have liked to be more “tucked in” but really, I would never go as far as cosmetic surgery.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:38 pm
I know this is a little different, but I recently had a voluntary perineoplasty. Basically I had an episiotomy but still tore at a level 3 degree. My daughter was quite a big girl, 1 ounce away from 10lbs!
The stitching was either not done right, or didnt heal right. Regardless I had excess skin that was not in the proper place as it was before childbirth. This affected the look, irritation with wiping, and more frequent infections.
Just wanted to share that in case anyone else has had a similar experience. This was not considered plastic surgery, but still has made a world of difference with my self esteem.
January 13th, 2013 at 4:48 pm
Just thought someone would like to know this.
===============================
On Thursday afternoon, CNN showed footage of Vice President Joe Biden meeting with gun rights groups and talking to reporters about his ongoing efforts to curb gun violence in the United States. Biden said that he would present his recommendations to the president on Tuesday.
But before Biden could finish his presentation, CNN cut into his remarks to report on another school shooting. This morning, “at least two people were shot at Taft High School” in California at 9:00AM and the shooter has reportedly been taken into custody. Watch it (the Breaking News is broadcast after a commercial break):
During the meeting, Biden floated the idea of implementing “universal background checks, not just closing the gun show loophole” and limiting the availability of high capacity magazines. “The last area is the whole subject of the ability of any federal agency to do research on gun violence,” he said.
The United States has experienced at least 33 school shootings since Columbine.
UPDATE
NY Daily News reports that an “active shooter,” is still presumed in the building.
UPDATE
A Sheriff’s spokesman says 1 student was shot.
UPDATE
Sam Stein tweets: Taft High School does have a uniform deputy sheriff monitoring campus “before, during and after school.”
UPDATE
A local NBC affiliate reports that a teacher and a student had been injured and are currently receiving treatment in hospital. The student’s injuries are not thought to be life-threatening.
UPDATE
The shooting allegedly took place in a science classroom. The suspect is another student and the weapon has been recovered.
=============================
When will the violence prone members of my race get a clue? Maybe I should direct that to Brad or Lewis?
January 13th, 2013 at 5:05 pm
Alycedale, I am white but I agree with you. My parents, and relatives threatened to disown me if I married a chinese american 48 years ago.
I foolishly cowered to their threats. We met again 18 years later. We both have had children and we both were divorced. I was back in love with him as soon as I saw him fat tummy and all.
He said that he never stopped loving me but could not bring himself to call because he had become over weight and he saw that I had remained the same.
I thanked him for his generosity and kissed him. We have not separated since. This February we will celebrate our Thirtieth Wedding Anniversary.
Sometimes members of my race can be so insensitive to OTWs. I can understand why some like Alycedale could become bitter. I would like to suggest that if any of that anger causes your life to be less that it could be it isn’t worth it.
Patricia
January 13th, 2013 at 5:20 pm
Alycedale, this Englishman says keep your edge:
==============================
* Late BBC star suspected of 214 crimes including rape
* Savile given knighthood by Queen Elizabeth and Pope
* Abuse started in 1955 and continued until 2009
* Police looking into “informal network” of abusers (Recasts, adds details, quotes throughout)
By Michael Holden
LONDON, Jan 11 (Reuters) – The late British TV presenter Jimmy Savile, honoured by both the queen and the pope, sexually assaulted hundreds of people, mainly children, at BBC premises and hospitals over six decades of unparalleled abuse, a police-led report said on Friday.
Savile, one of Britain’s biggest TV stars in the 1970s and 1980s, abused youngsters at 13 hospitals where he did voluntary work as a porter and fundraiser, and even at a hospice treating terminally ill patients.
The youngest victim was an 8-year-old boy, and the last of the 214 offences of which he is suspected took place just two years before his death in 2011 at the age of 84.
“He groomed a nation,” said Commander Peter Spindler, who led the police investigation and said the scale of his crimes were without precedence.
A one-time professional wrestler, Savile became famous as a pioneering DJ in the 1960s before becoming a regular fixture on TV hosting prime-time pop and children’s shows until the 1990s.
He also ran about 200 marathons for charity, raising tens of millions of pounds (dollars) for hospitals, leading some to give him keys to rooms where victims now allege they were abused.
While many colleagues and viewers thought the cigar-chomping Savile was weird, with his long blonde hair, penchant for garish outfits and flashy jewellery, he was considered a “national treasure”, honoured not just by the queen but also by the late Pope John Paul II who made him a papal knight in 1990.
However, Friday’s report said he took advantage of his fame to commit predatory offences across Britain, including 34 rapes or serious sexual assaults. Of his alledged victims, 73 percent were under 18 and 82 percent were female. The oldest was 47.
In all, 450 people have given information about him and detectives said more victims were likely to come forward. However, the report, issued jointly by London police and the NSPCC children’s charity, said some would never feel able to break their silence.
“He hid in plain sight, behind a veil of eccentricity double-bluffing those who challenged him, from vulnerable children right up to and including a prime minister of the time,” said Peter Watt from the NSPCC.
He said Savile had “cunningly” built his life’s work around getting access to children to abuse.
============================
Being white makes it easy to fool others. We are just not suspected of things other races have to be careful not to labeled as .
January 13th, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Mischa, I had a friend just tell me last week about a ‘phenomena’ called ‘pussy plumping’ (i.e. several surgeries and/or collagen?!) She told me and my response (after I stopped laughing realizing she was serious) was/is the same as it was for the bung-holio bleaching, nonono, my area has flower power and besides, if a man is all up in it, I’m going to say they’re just pleased as hell to have access and willing to think of it as you do.
As Howie mentioned, it’s the new ‘job’ and unless any ‘job’ is bc YOU want it to feel good about yourself (I’m not here to judge your choices on this or anything else) then don’t be fooled by advertisers, they’re all just trying to earn a living and sell whatever they can.
Mary, forgive me for mentioning, I believe (Mischa, help here? No access to archives) my other selves are in a suspended state above the Climax until such a time as they are needed. GirlZ are always on call and may need a stand in ; )
Alycedale, things might’ve changed dramatically but back when I was in that restaurant game, we never claimed cash tips only those on credit cards so much went under the tax radar, an owner’s margins in that industry is highest in the liquor category so unless they’ve got a jammin’ nightlife going on in addition to food, they’re not raking in what you think they might be.
Alycedale, I’m going to agree with both Pamela and Morgan, stay on your edge though if your vibrational energy is knocking you off your personal game when you write here and live out there =exact wording here= ‘Sometimes members of my race can be so insensitive to OTWs. I can understand why some like Alycedale could become bitter. I would like to suggest that if any of that anger causes your life to be less that it could be it isn’t worth it.’
(bc some of what you write cannot feel good TO YOU at all to write and I know it does not feel good for those you’re reporting about, talking about just YOU and how YOU feel while writing at the mo though), you always intrigue me…though I don’t find violence to be an answer I could live with for the 1/3 of whites you speak of, I wouldn’t mind them having a well placed threat, a good one, one that rocks their world enough to change their rotten ways…
Luv, Zen Lill
January 13th, 2013 at 10:35 pm
I agree with you Zen Lill. I’ll be Alycedale can see the logic of you and Morgan. I know that I wouldn’t want to go through life with that kind of mental baggage.
I am just so sorry a member of my race is responsible.
January 13th, 2013 at 11:56 pm
Could Your GERD Actually Be Something Else?
Go ahead and file this news under “life-changing.”
Studies show that roughly 50% to 60% of patients with symptoms of gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), which is a type of chronic heartburn, may not be finding much (or any) relief from even the strongest prescription-strength acid-reducing drugs.
Why?
Because they’re suffering from another condition instead! And if they find this out, they can finally get some relief!
But file this news under “dangerous” as well, because the strongest prescription heartburn drugs aren’t just failing to help these people—they also have serious side effects, such as an increased risk for bone fractures and bacterial infections.
If you believe that you have GERD or know someone who does, it’s critical to make sure that there hasn’t been a misdiagnosis.…
NOT THAT KIND OF NERD
The folks that I’m speaking of above have a related disorder known as non-erosive reflux disease (NERD).
Most but not all of these patients are female, and most but not all are younger and thinner than typical GERD sufferers.
They experience the same severe feeling of heartburn as people with GERD but find little to no help from acid-suppressors…and unlike GERD sufferers, most people with NERD don’t show any evidence of acid erosion on the esophagus when it’s examined with an endoscope.
I learned all this from a recent chat with Prateek Sharma, MD, a professor of medicine at The University of Kansas School of Medicine in Kansas City.
He knows of at least one thing that these people must do.
FIRST, GET YOUR REAL DIAGNOSIS
What causes NERD? Several possible explanations are typically investigated, Dr. Sharma said. Some patients may be experiencing non-acid reflux.
Others may have what’s called a hypersensitive esophagus, which feels distress even when exposed to small amounts of acid. High stress levels and certain dietary habits (indulging in “trigger” foods such as peppermint, chocolate, peppers, alcohol and caffeine) also can be to blame.
If your GERD isn’t responding well (or at all) to acid-suppressing drugs, ask your doctor if what you really have might be NERD.
(It’s important to get an actual diagnosis so you can rule out other potential causes of symptoms, such as a stomach ulcer.)
Just be aware that confirming a NERD diagnosis isn’t a walk in the park. The two main tools are a pH test and an impedance test.
Both require a small tube with special monitoring electrodes to be passed through the nose and into the esophagus for a 24-hour period to record whether there is acid exposure or liquid movement from the stomach into the esophagus.
Plus, Dr. Sharma told me that not all gastroenterologists have access to the equipment that’s necessary to perform the tests, so you may need a referral to a particular doctor or medical center.
You can find gastroenterologists in your area by using the physician locator tool on the site of the American College of Gastroenterology here.
Then look them up online (some doctors who treat NERD call themselves “upper GI specialists” or cite NERD as a specialty on their sites) and/or call to ask each whether he or she tests for NERD.
TREAT IT AND BEAT IT
Doctors are at loose ends over how to effectively treat NERD, Dr. Sharma acknowledged. Options include avoiding certain foods (such as the ones mentioned earlier)…quitting smoking…avoiding alcohol…losing weight if you are overweight…eating smaller meals… wearing looser clothes…not lying down for three hours after a meal…and raising the head of your bed.
To hear what a naturopathic doctor had to say about NERD, I called Daily Health News regular contributor Andrew Rubman, ND, founder of the Southbury Clinic for Traditional Medicines in Southbury, Connecticut.
He has a different theory on what may cause and what may help treat the condition. “In my patients, I have found the main cause of NERD to be insufficient production of hydrochloric acid in the stomach during digestion.
When there isn’t enough of this acid, you don’t sterilize what you’re eating and it leads to an overgrowth of ‘bad’ bacteria.
This can create inflammation, which induces the stomach to produce extra hydrochloric acid in between meals—when there’s no food in it,” he said.
So if you suffer from NERD symptoms, Dr. Rubman suggests asking a naturopathic doctor about taking a digestive enzyme called Duozyme, as well as a supplement that includes bismuth citrate.
These will help increase acid production during meals and decrease it in between them.
But Dr. Sharma was firm about one thing—whether you’ve gotten a NERD diagnosis or not, if GERD drugs aren’t working, don’t continue taking them.
This is the most important message of all, because, as mentioned earlier, the strongest heartburn drugs (proton pump inhibitors) have been shown to heighten the odds of bone fractures and bacterial infections, as well as reducing the absorption of certain nutrients such as magnesium, calcium and vitamin B-12.
So if they’re not providing you with any (or enough) relief, tell your doctor, because they’re probably not worth the risk.
Source: Prateek Sharma, MD, gastroenterologist, and professor of medicine, The University of Kansas School of Medicine, Kansas City.
January 14th, 2013 at 6:48 am
Hi Zen Lill,
Bung-hole bleaching and bikini waxing are [remember this phrase] — UNISEX — meaning both men and women can have the procedure done. It can unite your family . . . Bring the kids along for piercings while they wait for your bung-hole bleaching and bond with each other.
Humans are unlike other primates. We are more concerned with our appearance than what is inside our hearts and minds. If we are not content with our appearance we get depressed and have a low self-image of ourselves which can manifest itself in many negative ways.
Perhaps homo sapiens would act differently if we were content with our bodies . . . maybe life would be more fulfilling. Be happy with your bodies, they are where we reside.
HOWIE
January 14th, 2013 at 8:55 am
Agreed, Howie, I would also add that it is our job to feel good so positive dominant thoughts predict that enjoymenr lts important to leave out the ‘I don’t want’ and be clear on what you DO want. – ZL
Ps luv the family fun description, a good chuckle thrre