Women: Please read
Posted by Michelle Moquin on January 8th, 2009
Good Morning. This is for all my women readers out there. I got this from one of my sources this morning and I thought it was well worth posting. Some of these tips I have heard before but many are new and in my mind very valuable for women to not only read but become aware of…make second nature, should they find themselves in an undesirable situation.
NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH NEWS
Sergeant Podesta January 2009.
Some of you have already received this information, but it never hurts to repeat it even if we save one person from becoming a victim. This was forwarded to me by Senior Lead Officer Maria Gray, and it has a lot of good tips.
The below information was forwarded to me from a friend who wanted to disseminate this survival information to as many women and children as possible. I told her I would assist her in this goal. Please file these tips away in your mind so that in the event you are subjected to an attack, you will have a prepared and successful response (rapists hope that you will freeze up in fear). Forward these tips to all the women in your life.
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing.. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.
3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.
4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5: 00a.m. and 8:30a.m.
5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. The number two: office parking lots/garages.. Number three: public restrooms.
6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands
Keys are NOT a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it?, or make general small talk: ‘I can’t believe it is so cold out here,’ ‘We’re in for a bad winter.’ Now you’ve seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.
11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
13) If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands – the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it – it hurts.
14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he’s out of there.
15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!
You may feel a little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans : If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you….chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4 Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage.
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked ‘for help’ into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her’Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.’
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, ‘We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.’ He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.
Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby — This should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America’s Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Please do not respond to this email, replies are not monitored
Important Telephone Numbers | EMERGENCY CALL 911
CITY-WIDE DIRECTORY 311 | NON EMERGENCY 1-877-ASKLAPD
for additional Crime Prevention information, Log on: www.lapdonline.org
Support the LA Police Foundation: www.lapolicefoundation.org
*************
Madaline: Zen Lill is wishing for you to heal Anonz. I don’t think I am going against my word by asking you to help heal him. Put him back together as quickly as possible. Take care of the others injured except remove from their minds, (not Anonz’s) that they ever entered the danger zone in the first place. You have your orders 21MRB.
Anonz: I gave you my word and in keeping my word, you are not being protected. However my thought is you would prefer to confront your goal and be in the best shape possible to carry out your goal. Therefore I saw no harm in honoring ZL’s request in making sure that you heal quickly so that you can do just that.
Peace & Love….you know what to do :)
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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January 8th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Hi Misch, all good advice above, I hope women direct other women here or cut and paste and e-mail it, some of it is common sense but, you know, not everyone has that : )
Mischa and Maddie, thank you. If Anonz wants to be Po’d at me for that wish, he can do that, I’ll take the heat ; )
Caio! Zen Lill
January 9th, 2009 at 3:05 am
Got Guilt? How to Get Over It
Joan Borysenko, PhD
Claritas Institute for Interspiritual Inquiry
Quick: Think of three things you’re feeling guilty about right now. For many women, the only hard part is limiting the list to just three. Guilt can be productive or paralyzing, justified or undeserved, healthy or unhealthy. The difference lies in the cause of the guilt feelings — and what you do about them.
Healthy guilt is a moral compass. It alerts us when we are unkind or irresponsible… and prods us when we neglect something important.
Unhealthy guilt shows up when we blame ourselves for issues outside our control… feel responsible for other people’s emotions… have trouble setting boundaries… or feel overly concerned about inconveniencing others. The sense that we have to be everything to everybody affects many women. It is an exaggeration of our natural nurturing urge.
Research from the University of California, Los Angeles, reveals that, for women, tending to others is a stress reducer. Nurturing triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin that, in addition to promoting the bond between mothers and babies, produces a sense of peace and well-being.
Women often are so preoccupied with taking care of others that self-care suffers. We feel selfish when we turn attention to ourselves.
GOOD-FOR-YOU GUILT
To distinguish healthy guilt from unhealthy guilt, step back from your automatic reaction and analyze your role in a specific situation.
Example: Your sister is upset with you. If your knee-jerk response is, “It must be my fault — I’m a bad sister,” that’s unhealthy guilt. But if you have said, “Sorry, Sis, I’m too busy to talk right now,” the last five times she phoned, your detachment may indeed be contributing to the problem. In that case, corrective action is called for. Working through healthy guilt requires a series of steps…
Admit to yourself that you’ve done wrong. Guilt is such a powerful and unpleasant emotion that we are tempted to rationalize our behavior. Example: At work, you took credit for a colleague’s idea. You try to justify it by telling yourself, “I put more work into this project than my coworker did.”
When we excuse our bad behavior, we avoid taking responsibility. An “it’s not my fault” attitude makes any positive change unlikely.
Confide in someone. Research suggests that keeping secrets is highly stressful and can result in stress-related disorders, such as headaches, back pain and digestive complaints. By telling someone you trust about the issue, you can start to convert immobilizing shame into constructive action. Important: Choose a confidante who won’t feel burdened by the information — for instance, a member of the clergy, a therapist or a friend who is not acquainted with the other people involved.
Ask yourself why. When we wrong another person, it is often because a deep need is not being acknowledged or met. By coming to a conscious understanding of your motives, you will be less likely to repeat the action. Example: Although your job performance is acceptable, you can’t shake the feeling that you are in over your head. Once you have identified the unmet need — in this case, for a confidence boost — you can seek appropriate ways of fulfilling it, such as finding a mentor or taking a class to build your professional skills.
Make amends. Apologizing to the person you wronged is a good start, but you also must take action to correct or contain the damage — if doing so will not cause additional harm. Example: Coming clean with your colleague and boss about having taken undue credit is appropriate. Confessing a long-ago affair to your husband is not — because even if baring your soul would make you feel better, it could cause him needless pain.
If you can’t make amends directly to the person you hurt, perform a service — such as volunteering at a soup kitchen or battered women’s shelter — and privately dedicate it to the person you wronged.
Acknowledge what you’ve learned. Whether or not the person you harmed forgives you, forgive yourself. Respect what you’ve become as a result of the experience — a more considerate and self-aware woman.
GIVE UNHEALTHY GUILT THE BOOT
When an overactive guilty conscience prevents us from setting appropriate boundaries, we can’t do a good job of taking care of ourselves or others. We need to practice saying no. Setting limits is easier when we identify not just what we need to say no to, but also the deep personal needs to which we are saying yes.
Example: Your friend’s birthday party is this weekend. She lives two hours away, and you are utterly exhausted — but the thought of skipping the gala fills you with guilt. Identify two vital needs — to let your friend know how much she means to you… and to take care of your own well-being. Now you can speak to your friend clearly and kindly, saying, “I love you and want to celebrate your special day, but I’m so depleted that I’m not sure I could get to the party in one piece. Let’s talk about how we can celebrate together later in the month.”
If unhealthy guilt is a habitual response, learn to counter that habit through repeated self-reflection. Set aside 10 minutes every night to ask yourself two questions…
Were there times today when I needed to nurture myself — but didn’t do it? Example: “I needed to use a restroom during the drive to my in-laws’ house, but I waited because my husband didn’t want to stop.”
When was I harsh with myself? Example: “I called myself a stupid klutz when I burned the cookies for the charity bake sale.”
Write down the answers, then review the situations in which you neglected your needs. Think of an alternative response for each one and mentally rehearse it to use next time. For instance, practice saying, “Please respect my need to feel comfortable,” or “It was kind of me to donate cookies to charity, even if they were crispy.”
The idea is not to catch yourself “failing” at self-care, but rather to become aware of the subtle ways that guilt creeps into your life. Asking and answering these questions with compassion for yourself helps to banish unhealthy guilt — for good.
Women’s Health interviewed Joan Borysenko, PhD, a licensed psychologist and an internationally known speaker and consultant on women’s health, spirituality and integrative medicine. She is cofounder of the Claritas Institute for Interspiritual Inquiry, and director of Mind-Body Health Sciences, Inc., both in Boulder, Colorado. Formerly, she was director of the mind-body clinical programs at two Harvard teaching hospitals. Dr. Borysenko is a member of the Bottom Line/Women’s Health advisory board. Her 12 books include Guilt Is the Teacher, Love Is the Lesson (Warner)… Inner Peace for Busy Women (Hay House)… and Saying Yes to Change (Hay House). http://www.joanborysenko.com
January 9th, 2009 at 4:16 am
Michelle
Thanks from all the women of Schulbert’s A & Assoc for your article on rape.
New York loves you.
Janice