Elliot Lavine Curates, ‘I Wake Up Dreaming’: The Haunted World of The B Film Noir @ The Roxie
Posted by Michelle Moquin on May 14th, 2009
Remember my dear friend Elliot? I know…I know….it has been awhile since he has left a comment on my blog. No big deal, although I do miss his commentary…But…today…today it’s all about “E”…and I want brag a little bit about him.
Are you familiar wiith the Roxie Theater in San Francisco? If you aren’t, you haven’t been hanging in the hip places – EVERYONE knows of the Roxie; it is a San Francisco icon. We all know that Elliot is our fave local film buff, but I bet you didn’t know that many years ago…well not that many :)….Elliot was the program director for the Roxie. Yep, from 1990-2003, Elliot transformed the venue into a destination for hardcore film noir fans. And guess what? Hee’sss baacckk!
Now don’t get too excited - he’s only back for two weeks but this is a two-week stint you don’t want to miss. Yes, Elliot is back to guest curate “I Wake Up Dreaming: The Haunted World of the B Film Noir.”:
“The program of 28 obscure, bona fide film noir that Lavine affectionately describes as “cheap, lowdown and tawdry,” coincides with the underground publication of his book of the same name.”
Elliot lavine – Revisiting The Old Haunts by Sura Wood - SF 360
Yes, Elliot is not only the writer and director of two critically acclaimed short noir films, BLIND ALLEY (1981) and THE TWISTED CORRIDOR (1982), but he now he’s got a book to boot, ”I Wake Up Dreaming: The Haunted World of the B Film Noir.” Elliot has been working on his book for quite some time, assembling and manipulating images and blurbs from his found collection of hundreds of TV Guides from the 1950s and early 60s.
A number of years ago I began gathering and collecting hundreds of TV Guides from the 1950s and early 60s and found that the cumulative effect of these blurbs was kind of astonishing, a veritable compendium of doom. So I isolated all the listings for noir films and noir TV shows like Johnny Staccato and Racket Squad, as well as horror and science fiction films, cutting and pasting them together to create one endless night of darkness and doom. I found the effect to be staggering: it represented everything that I had personally come to know and appreciate about film noir, so I decided to assemble it into a book. I think it’s something that hardcore noir fans will find interesting.
Elliot lavine – Revisiting The Old Haunts by Sura Wood - SF 360
Well I am no hardcore noir fan but I can proudly say that I am a priviledged owner of one of his first working editions. A personal autograph would be the icing on the cake (hint hint, wink wink “E” :) And for you? Why not take home Elliot’s new book as a delightful and very entertaining addition to your book collection – many of the films in the series are featured in his book; a must for any film lover.
If you are film noir fan, and even if you aren’t, you don’t want to miss this two-week event at the Roxie. Films like THE DEVIL THUMBS A RIDE, THE GUILTY, CANON CITY, ALLOTMENT WIVES, THE LAST CROOKED MILE, THE BURGLAR and HOLLOW TRIUMPH will thrill audiences with their gritty, low-down and mesmerizing nastiness. Peaked your interest? I thought so. Isn’t it cool?
If you’re anywhere near the San Francisco Bay Area, you won’t want to miss this incredible series of films! Check out the Roxie May 15-28, with a pre-opening bash tonight, May 14. Elliot’s book will also be available to purchase at the Roxie, or you can buy it on-line.
You can bet we’ll be there tonight to celebrate with Elliot and Tracey. But the question is….will we see you? I hope so.
~~~~~~~~
Hey Zen Lill: I find it interesting that you might think I have obsessions. That is such a strong word and I’m not sure I’d want to be obsessed with anything. TBS, I am grateful that I do not have any. Now Passions, habits that I love, (and some I want to rid of :)…that is a much different story – yes those, I definitely have :)
Hi Al: I read what you wrote and I need some time…more than I have right now, to address you. I’ll catch you tomorrow.
Have a beautiful day everyone!
Gratefully your blog host,
michelle
Aka BABE: Your Bad Ass Bitch Editor
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May 14th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Ske:
I said that you would still have your adventure. As to when it will occur that is not within my authority to communicate.
On the issue of you “going off on Michelle” on the blog. Michelle has told us often that her blog is for personal expression of an individual’s opinion. I see it as Michelle providing a venue for an individual to vent(giving free expression to a strong emotion).
Therefore when you felt a strong emotional tug to vent, you did and Michelle provided a venue for you to do it on. Did it not occur to you that you were responding to the same situation Michelle had provided to those who you feel caused you to vent in the first place.
Dialogue is what should occur when two or more entities have an issue in which there is one or more points of contention. Dialogue provides a means or opportunity for the entities to express those point(s) of contention in a environment free of physical violence.
It does not prevent those whose strong emotional expression comes with threats of physical violence. Most civilizations try to tone down such threats of physical violence by making those that the one threatened could view as possible illegal. Most societies feel that this is necessary to prevent the chilling of dialogue in a free from of expression.
In short Michelle allowed a venting that you took issue with so you vented on Michelle. Perhaps you should examine why you felt that you should vent at the vehicle provider(Michelle) rather than entertain a dialogue with those whose opinions you took issue with.
You stated “The isssue I had was that she (as commander of the Girlz)had condoned the treatment they have given me…”
“Condened” here could be confused with Michelle not taking sides and allowing free expression by all who wish to comment on her blog. Was Michelle condoning your opinion of the Girlz’s opinion or of how you felt about her. Or was Michelle only providing a space on her blog for you to express your opinion(s). Those who disagreed with your comments could and may have felt that Michelle was condoning the “treatment” you were giving them.
It would seem that you wanted to censor the person(s) right to voice an opinion that caused in you a strong emotional reaction. It is that urge to censor what another feel is objectionable that prompted the founders of your US Constitution to make FREE SPEACH the corner stone of your Constitution.
Therefore your argument is not with Michelle, it is with her exercising her belief that free speech should be extended to any who wishes to express themselves on her blog. Of course, even free speech has it limitations. Perhaps you could frame your argument focusing on what you believe those limitations should be.
On the issue of Zen Lill, Madaline, and the other females “condemning” you. Since that comes under your US Constitutional protection of free speech, I will leave that argument to you Americans to hash out.
Your statement that “I was practically her only commentator” has so many human emotional assumptions that we up here are still debating. Here I will entertain only a few.
1. Why do humans feel that there should always be a quid pro quo in some manner?
i.e because you provided a need now she owes you something. Ergo you should be provided more deference because you were there for her when no one else was. Are you aware that the -deference- you are asking Michelle to provide you is for her to compromise her belief that free speech should be provided to all who comment on her blog?
Now the issue for us aliens becomes if he is aware of what he is asking her to do for what he feels he has done for her, are we to assume that for some humans quid pro quo has no limits. If not, what are the limits. Yes, you have provided a rich environment for debate among us aliens.
2.Your feeling that you are “no longer welcome” seems to spring from the fact that Michelle allowed others to express opinions that you took strong emotional differences with. Again you are demanding that Michelle censor or you will not feel welcome. The debate upstairs with the aliens rages.
Your assumption that because Michelle allows an opinion contrary to yours to be opined that is her philosophy is illogical since the fact that Michelle is allowing you to express that that is her philosophy would by that logic imply that her philosophy is that that is not her philosophy. The debate upstairs with the aliens rages.
What exactly is Michelle’s philosophy ? We should be able to ascertain that by carefully perusing and examining Michelle’s comments. However, does her personal opinion really matter as along as she gives everyone an equal opportunity to express, vent their personal opinions also. I think not.
The logical conclusion should be that whether or not you beat that wife, girlfriend, or female acquaintance, Michelle will allow you to voice your opinion(s) on her blog because she does not believe in censor.
I can not speak for Michelle, Zen Lill, or any other entity that has or will express an opinion on this blog but I can opine that it is my belief that both Michelle and Zen Lill have hearts that are too big to harbor lasting angst over any “derogatory” statements you may have made towards them.
If as you say you respect women, then give these two women the benefit of the doubt. Accept their statements that they hold no animosity towards you.
My personal opinions of you will not impact the decision that has already been made between you and those who will be leading you towards your new adventure.
Adam
May 14th, 2009 at 9:07 am
No, BABE, you ‘read’ my write incorrectly, I meant funny as in hahaha that you have no obsessions, I believe you, and I feel the same way about me btw, passionate about things/issues/mostly living a low stress life while being a full participant in thing/issues (tough one cometimes), yes, but obsessed, no. The word obsessed implies an odd relationship to the obsessee (whether a person, habit, what have you…) in that the obsession takes over your life. I don’t have any of that.
Al or ahem, I mean Ske, I cannot speak for Mischa but I will speak for myself, I miss you here although I think often you misconstrue Mischa’s points (accidentally, you personalize and internalize the words). It’s not hatred of men, she’s married to a great one and he’s also a white boy and I do not know nor care to know his penis size. Bottomline (my opinion): real men – as you claim to be – can stay, all others that oppress women/OTW’s purposefully can leave anytime. I would prefer that they just disappear into thin air rather than a violent death, that’s just me. Al, try to turn the tables for a moment, it isn’t you she’s speaking to directly but if it were young boys being poisoned or burned with acid you can bet your ass men around the world including you would be very verbal and violent towards the perpetrators (women, I know this is a stretch, we’d never do that), and unrelentless in their ‘quest for justice,’ and punishment of said women, no??
Adam, thank you. So, I have one more question now, how is it that some people, like me, attended Catholic church along with the family and at four years old I started questioning the myth, why didn’t I buy in just like my sisters/parents/friends? I know others who felt this way, usually in their teens, but at 4 or 14 to hear the answer ‘you must have faith’ to deeper q’s just didn’t cut it…(sorry, no offense to the religious out there, I am always gobsmacked at your devotion, it seems simpler and more clear cut). Ok and I’ll throw this q in also, do you know if Anonz is alive and well…he was a few weeks ago…just curious…
Ok, caio for now, Luv, Zen Lill
May 14th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Watching white america at work is always perplexing. What a sane person would think is logical never occurs to them. I.E. On the questions of: 1. did the bush administration use torture?; 2. did the bush administration pick lawyers to give them legal opinions that would legalize torture? 3. when did the groups that the bush administration ordered to use torture inform Congress that they were using those techniques?
Simple questions that if answered truthfully would satisfy the american people’s wish and right to know what their government did in their name.
Now bring in the white boy logic. The result is discussion on anything but the answers to those simple questions. I.E.
1. Did the bush administration use torture?
FACT – the bush administration has admitted to water boarding prisoners.
FACT – Water boarding is defined by both International Law and US Law as
torture.
FACT – Water boarding has been litigated against those who practiced it in the
past and they were convicted. The punishment they received ranged from
years of confinement to the death penalty. The U.S. government con-
victed and executed a Japanese soldier for water boarding an American
soldier.
1A. The simple answer is the question of water boarding being legally torture has been settled. It is torture. Since the bush administration has admitted to water boarding, it follows that the bush administration committed torture.
Since torture is a crime under International Law and under U.S. Law, why aren’t the perpetrators bush, cheney, etc being arrested and given their day in court like any other accused criminal?
The reason, white justice, or as the just-us-justice they practice. The white boy has a different justice system for himself than he does others. Ask yourself why the other two questions even matter? Would you be asking those other two questions if the crime was bank robbery, murder, assault, or even torture of a white boy by an OTW?
We already have the answer to that question. It can be gleamed by observing the day to day criminal court proceeding that occur in ever municipality all over the United States of America and its territories every day.
The answer is NO. We bring the accused criminal into court and give him or her an opportunity to defend the charge before a jury of his or her peers with the assumption that he or she is innocent until proven guilty.
I am convinced that the reason the white boy continues to act the way he does is because white women are so easily conned. Why aren’t the largest voting bloc calling these lying sack-of-shit white boys to answer for their bullshit by voting them out of office? As I said in the beginning of this diatribe watching white american at work is always perplexing.
Robert
May 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Zen Lill
The answer to question about why you at 4 stopped believing in the adult santa myth is as simple as why some children at 4 stop believing in the child santa myth.
Cognition is a result of genes, mutation, and environmental stimuli. The combination that gave you the critical incite to arrive at a logical question why to the myth is a scientific question that some alien research group either has the answer or is working on it. I could look it up, but will it be more than a chemical formula.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Zen Lill
The controls of my answer were wrenched from me so I will finish now. I could look it up, but will it be more than a chemical formula expressing mathematical probabilities. If so it will be meaningless to both you and me.
As for anonz my check shows him in the employ of the Obama administration. It seems that he has abandoned his efforts to avenge Nia temporarily to serve his nation under the orders of the President of the United States of America.
I hesitate to give more information as it may impact his intentions to reveal his true identity in the future.
Adam
May 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Robert, I so agree with you. My father is always finding something wrong with President Obama. It is obvious to the rest of the family that he is just a bigot.
Take the credit card debate. President Obama is taking the issue of the crooked banks to the american people. He is putting pressure on white men in the Congress to act for the people.
No other white President, republican or demoncrat cared. They made excuses to the us and allowed the credit card companies to continue to gouge the american people.
It took a a black President to stand today before the american people and defy the credit card companies by demanding that the Congress pass a credit card bill that will give us some rights and stop the abuse.
To you white americans like my father who disagree with President Obama simply because of the color of his skin. Think about what your bigotry is leading you to by observing what it has gotten you.
By voting only for white men for your last 43 Presidents, you got to where you are now. That would be a nation bankrupt because of unregulated greed. White presidents have aligned themselves with business over the customer in every instance. Hence, banks, credit card institutions, stock markets, corporations, companies, and business that confronted the consumer went unregulated. The result was you got what you have today. A total screwing of the american consumer, employee, and child.
Deny it, obfuscate it, if you wish, but 43 white Presidents brought us to this state. Every change to the better you get for the net 4 years will be done by a black man. hate him if you must, but acknowledge the fact.
Brittany
May 14th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Adam, thank you…I don’t really need any further info re: Anonz, just an answer to the alive and well question and you answered it. Thanks for the Santa answer as well.
Al, Adam is correct, women with big hearts, for whatever it’s worth the past is forgotten/over – I say: let yourself back in anytime.
- ZL
May 14th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Adam: thank you for your long letter concerning my problems I have had in remaining a regular on Michelle’s blog. Much of it is over my head ergo the quid pro sonny bono stuff. What can I tell you I was raised and educated in Florida where these things simply were not taught. I am however much smarter than I appear to be and have managed to teach myself electronics and quite a few othter trades. I do know a welcoming back when I here one and I do know the languauge of the heart and an seldom fooled in this aspect. If I am welcome back Michelle, and it is your desision as it is your blog that things will be buusiness as usuall, then consider Al back on line. Sometimes it is difficult to read people’s hearts without the body language, the tone, context, etc. I do know that a lot of effort by Adam was made, and made clear that this is where I should be spending my spare time I haven’t been the same since Madeline had threatened to squeeze my head until my eyeballs popped out. We will see about that my dear Maddy. I can see that this has been a concerted effort and can see that I was not dicarded by anyone other than myself.
Al
May 14th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Al, you missed a little of Adam’s point. He was saying that Madaline was NOT threatening to squeeze YOUR eyeballs out. Leave the paranoia out of your mind and you will find that whatever you say will be accepted as long as you accept whatever comment comes your way as a result of whatever you say.
Crazy I know. But no one on this blog has ever threaten anyone for any opinion they may have expressed. That is why I love the blog. It is heated but civil.
Michelle runs a very civil blog that offers all equal opportunity to as Adam said Vent.
So vent Al. I for one am very entertained by your expressions. You are someone I would love to have lunch with. If only I lived in Florida.
Helena
May 14th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
NATURAL MOOD ELEVATORS
Ads for antidepressants make it seem as though the most logical solution for a case of the blues is to seek a prescription. Pharmaceutical drugs may be helpful — even necessary — for people with severe depression, but for others, there are natural solutions that may work even better, with less risk of adverse side effects. Dietary supplements and lifestyle changes can be used to naturally lift your spirits.
NATURE CAN HEAL
“I think that a lot of our modern-day fatigue and depression has to do with the fact that we’re totally separated from nature,” said Eric Yarnell, ND, assistant professor of botanical medicine at Bastyr University and author of Clinical Botanical Medicine. “People don’t eat well, they watch huge amounts of television and don’t spend much time relating to people or the outdoors.” He believes that eating plenty of whole, unprocessed foods and getting regular exercise are the first steps to take in attempting to boost your mood and energy level. “Also, I tell people to turn off their televisions,” he said, noting that replacing TV with even 15 minutes of daily outdoor activity and sunlight will help, as will getting enough sleep.
According to Jonny Bowden, CNS, author of The Most Effective Natural Cures on Earth, many foods that are commonly thought to give us energy actually don’t. “Foods that are processed and contain lots of sugar or white flour raise blood sugar temporarily, which feels good, but then set us up for a crash of energy and mood,” he said. “Foods higher in protein (like grass-fed beef, chicken or fish) and higher in healthy fats (like nuts) will raise and sustain energy better.”
But it is, as always, a matter of balance. Daily Health News contributing medical editor Andrew L. Rubman, ND, points out that an extreme low-carb diet can actually kick off fatigue: “Often, if people go overboard on an Atkins-esque high-protein regimen, they end up feeling lethargic, which in turn affects mood.”
SUPPLEMENTS THAT HELP
Eating whole foods with little or no added sugar, exercising (even a bit) and getting some moderate sun exposure are all highly effective ways to beat the blues and lift the spirits. Some people, however, still feel like there are times when they need a more controllable lift — and for them, Dr. Yarnell says there are natural supplements that really do help. Research supports three, in particular — St. John’s wort (Hypericum perforatum), goldenroot (Rhodiola rosea) and eleuthero (Eleutherococcus senticosus).
St. John’s wort
A meta-analysis published in the British Medical Journal in 1996 reviewed 23 trials on St. John’s wort involving more than 1,700 patients, with researchers reporting it was more effective than a placebo at treating mild to moderately severe cases of depression. “The evidence is very strong that St. John’s wort is an effective natural antidepressant for people whose depression is mild,” said Mark Blumenthal, founder and executive director of the nonprofit American Botanical Council. This distinction is an important one, he notes — you might recall that the reputation of St. John’s wort was sullied by a 2001 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, calling it ineffective. Blumenthal explained that this particular study had examined a group of patients that included those who’d already been unresponsive to treatment with a conventional antidepressant drug, so their depression was quite severe.
The two caveats for people interested in using St. John’s wort to elevate their mood are as follows: Those with severe depression should seek medical advice to ensure proper treatment and monitoring. Also, cautions Blumenthal, “St. John’s wort interacts with a whole suite of conventional pharmaceutical drugs so you must check with your health care provider about any possible interactions before taking it.” Your prescriber will quite likely recommend preparations standardized to contain 0.3% hypericin, a naturally occurring compound in St. John’s wort to which manufacturers standardize their extracts for quality control purposes. And, if you are scheduled to have elective surgery, make sure you discontinue this supplement ahead of time.
Rhodiola rosea/Goldenroot
In Europe, Rhodiola rosea or R. rosea, the best known and most studied of different species of Rhodiola (also called goldenroot), has a long history of being used to treat chronic fatigue, especially in Sweden and Russia. One interesting study tested the effect of 170 mg of R. rosea root extract on 56 physicians who were on stressful night-call duty. R. rosea brought about a statistically significant reduction in general fatigue for the first two weeks — but the positive effect seemed to fade by six weeks, suggesting it might be a good short-term solution that is helpful for acute stressful conditions but not for chronic stress. An experienced naturopath can provide advice on what’s the best dosage in your case.
As for depression, last year a clinical trial found that R. rosea can also work as an antidepressant and mood elevator. In this Swedish study, R. rosea extract was found to not only help reduce symptoms of depression in patients with mild to moderate depression, but also to enhance their cognitive and sexual function, as well as mental and physical performance under stress.
Eleuthero
There is some debate about eleuthero, also known as Siberian ginseng (although it is no longer marketed under that name in the US). Blumenthal is not enthusiastic about eleuthero, calling it “not great” for fatigue, but Dr. Yarnell believes it’s effective, doesn’t have significant adverse effects and works “to balance people’s systems.” One clinical study evaluated 96 adults who had complained of fatigue for at least six months. They were given four capsules per day of eleuthero. While some reported their fatigue lessened considerably, the results were not statistically significant… though two sub-groups in the population — those with longstanding fatigue and those with less severe fatigue — experienced some effect from the treatment after two months.
ASK YOUR DOCTOR…
It probably goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. Natural supplements aren’t necessarily risk-free and so it is vitally important to seek supervision by a physician experienced in their use, advice that rings as true when we’re talking about moods as with physical ailments. You may find these products can be very beneficial and produce less adverse effects than pharmaceutical products… but use them responsibly.
Source(s): ?
Mark Blumenthal is the founder and executive director of the American Botanical Council and editor of the publication HerbalGram.
Eric Yarnell, ND, is assistant professor of botanical medicine at Bastyr University and is in private practice. He is author of Clinical Botanical Medicine (Mary Ann Liebert).
May 14th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Hafa adai
It looks like the swine flu may have made it to Guam
___________________________________________________
2 People With Flu Like Symptoms Being Tested For Possible Swine Flu
Written by Kevin Kerrigan
Wednesday, 13 May 2009 19:29
Guam
Guam – Early Wednesday evening Guam Public Health officials announced that two people with flu like symptoms have voluntarily agreed to remain at their homes while they await test results to determine whether they are infected by the swine flu virus.
The cases were reported to Guam Public Health by the Department of Defense.
Public Health Incident Command Center PIO Mary Loualhati confirmed the authenticity of this report for PNC News.
The announcement was made in an email sent to the media at 6:26 pm Wednesday evening, it followed a 4 pm news conference at which the two cases were not revlealed. Loualhati said they were not prepared to discuss the cases at that time.
However at that news conference officials did warn about false text messages and phone calls alleging that there were already 2 swine flu cases on island.
According to the evening news release from Public Health:
“Currently, the Department of Public Health and Social Services (DPHSS) is working with the Department of Defense (DoD) in monitoring two (2) individuals with flu-like symptoms with recent travel history from an affected area.
These cases were reported to DPHSS officials today by DoD, as called for in protocols established in Guam’s Pandemic Influenza Plan. At this time, officials are awaiting further test results from the Navy lab in San Diego. Results are expected within 72 hours.
Of the two (2) cases, one (1) individual did receive anti-viral medication as called for by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) guidance. Both individuals received recommendation for voluntary at-home isolation until symptoms resolve or until test results come back negative.
DPHSS, DoD and Guam Homeland Security and the Office of Civil Defense will continue to collaborate and will closely monitor these individuals.
For further information, please call the Information Hotline at 735-H1N1 (4161).
_______________________________________________________________________
Peter
May 14th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Hello Adam, This is Howie. I have not been commenting on the blog for quite a while for several reasons. One reason is I am not interested in many of the topics presented by Michelle. The second is I would like to speak to a member of the Tao and you have been scarce lately. I poke my nose in occasionally to see what is going on. I hope to find some of the Tao to write to and I see that you are available at the moment. I would like to ask you several questions and read your advice.
As you know my health problems are a major issue in my life. I recently found out I was Type 1 Diabetic and had a 5 day Hospital stay to stabilize my blood glucose levels. Now I must check my blood several times daily, avoid starches and sugars and eat several small meals daily to keep from going into hypoglycemia. Sometimes I do not eat properly or enough and my glucose levels become very low and I feel fatigued and need some orange juice to bring up my levels.
I suffer from constant Chronic Pain due to being hit by an automobile several years ago and destroying my spine in all three sections. C,T and L. I am also Legally Blind from a condition called keraticonus in which my Corneas are not round, but slightly cone-like. The only remedy is a double Cornea Transplant which I have been putting off and probably will never have this surgery. The odds of me seeing well are not great and complete blindness is a possibility.
Because of this I cannot get a Drivers license or drive a car ever again. This has changed my life so much because I have lost my mobility and every simple chore is a major undertaking.
I am depressed because of these disorders and I also have Grand Mal Epileptic Seizures and must take Dilantin daily to prevent a seizure from coming.
I suffer from a congenital Heart Arrhythmia named Wolf-Parkinson-White and have a leaky Mitrol Valve. I have had a Radio Frequency Ablation on the nerves causing my Arrhythmia, but it was not successful.
I have advanced Liver Disease and will wind up with either Liver Cancer or Cirrhosis. I have tried the one and only cure which is called Interferon and you can tell by the name it does interfere with one’s life. It is a form of Chemotherapy which lasted for a year and had a multitude of side affects, including Chronic Fatigue, Fever, Shivering, loss of hair and teeth and feeling awful the entire course of the treatment. I had to cut back my work hours to part-time and then stop completely. Now I am Permanently Disabled.
I have gone through so much in my short 51 years that I feel 100 years old. I do not wish to continue living this way. I have considered Suicide, but I do not believe I would be allowed to die by a certain Character you are aware of. My latest prognosis is Markers in my blood for Cancer. I had a Colonoscopy and there was no Cancer there. Now they want to check my Prostate, do Biopsies on my Pancreas and Liver to see if they can find any Cancer.
My main question to you is very simple even though I have written you a thesis of my Medical Conditions. My question is am I still invited as I believe I was in the past? I would like to know to make the proper decisions concerning my Life — whether I want to continue going on in this “Wracked” manner, or taking the easy way out.
I am not seeking attention. I really want to know if I have a reason to continue living in agony. Will things change for me concerning wearing a new Suit or am I doomed to continue this path.
I am very serious and your reply can have a strong influence on my life. Can you answer me and hopefully I will have a reason to want to go on living — something to look forward to. I would like an honest reply please Thank you,
HOWIE